My life as a Copycat Nin
by Kaworu Naha ga bisa
Summary: Some poor schmuck got sucked into Naruto world as Hatake Kakashi. He decided to screw the plot with everything he had. Meet the friendlier, but crazier copy-nin!
1. Chapter 1

Man, look what I found.

Just yesterday I aced my test, thinking about continuation for my fanfictions, took a nap, and boom! I woke up, found myself changed into this hunky, white-haired ninja with sharingan.

That's right. I became Kakashi.

Is it caused by my recent binge of reading Naruto fanfics? Or it's because my dream was all about teaching genin Neji for why fate often ended up as bullshit?

Either way, this was confusing, because it would be my third time of self-inserting myself in anime. Except, this time was for real. I didn't wrote myself into a super depraved, bisexual Ayanami clone, or a slow but strong detective in a rivalry with Edogawa Conan and countless other criminals, including OC Yakuza members. I truly woke up into Hatake Kakashi, with full control of his body. For an example, I just crushed an apple with my elbow in one strike.

Now that wouldn't be problematic, except my memory part's still very fuzzy. I still didn't know what I have to do today for once, or even what year it was. All I knew is that I'm an adult now, so I couldn't save Rin, Uchiha clan, and many other things. Oh, wait. My memories just rushed into my head. Ha! I will know when it was soon! And soon after I know when I landed into Kakashi's body, I'll save everything bad that will happen in Narutoverse, maybe even resurrected Rin as the hottest kunoichi and wed her to spit at that wanker Obito! MWUAHAHAHAHA!

Oh my god.

I'M LATE TO MEET MY CUTE LITTLE GENINS!

-narto-

"HA! YOU FELL FOR IT! YOU FELL FOR IT!"

"I...I'm sorry, Sensei, I already warned Naruto but..."

The lateness, the eraser that fell into my head.

Yeah, baby. I went for the canon...for now.

"My first impression with you three would be...I'm impressed by whoever had the balls to pull this trick on me."

Hahaha. Sasuke and Sakura went wide eyed while Naruto went woohoo, mouthed his excitement over my appreciation toward his super duper bravery. Ha! I stunned Sasuke, the prodigy boy who mostly only used 'hn' as his communication method! In less than a minute too! What a record!

Of course, this's my chance to threw the eraser on the knucklehead blonde, knocked him to the ground with a bump on his head.

"First ninja training from me: Don't let your guard down, and use anything you have to take your opponent down."

"Hn. You went late in purpose to see what we would do in anxiety. While you waited to meet us, you decided to make some lesson in Ninja arts; be unpredictable. Since our chance to hurt you practically nil, being genins who just out of their school, even without you monitored us, any prank that could be thrown at you- if any of us really ballsy enough to do it, or stupid in Naruto case- would be harmless. Have read our file, and knowing how Naruto commanded little respect, you knew the best way to deal with us, which's by fell and appreciated Naruto's prank. As expected from a Jounin Ninja."

"Actually, I just forgot that it's the graduation day. lol." The conscious members of my team were not amused. Sakura would be screaming had we're already more familiar, and Sasuke only rolled his eyes even with me made his essay moot. "Anyway, we're going to look for fresh air before we continue our meeting. Get some lunch in the way. Meet me on the roof, in 20 minutes. Oh, and I'll take Naruto with me first. My responsibility for knocked him out." I instructed them before I shunshin out with Naruto on my shoulder.

-naruto-

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Naruto yelled at me, still rubbed his swollen head.

"Now now, Naruto. That was my first lesson for my cute little genins."

"HOW ON EARTH THROWING AN ERASER THAT HARD TO MY HEAD COULD BE A LESSON?!"

Holy hell. Naruto was really loud. If there's a justification for why many villagers hated his guts so much without mentioning Kurama, this would be the main reason: He's super hyper, and loud. "Ah, I forgot that I'm dealing with the dobe here."

"HEY!"

"Anyway Naruto, I have two lessons for you. I will spell it out for you. First, I'm late and fell on your trap to knock three of you off your feet, and took the chance to literally knock you off. That's the ninja lesson to you, be unpredictable. And you, the prankster of the Ninja academy, has some good footing with all your pranks, although they still need some...refinement."

"What? Are you saying that I actually need to improve my pranking, not to abandon it? Aww, and here I just took my pledge to stop pranking all the time since I just became a Ninja!" The blonde whined at the revelation. He must felt that his pledge now rendered useless.

"Well you don't need to keep pranking people with childish traps for attention, just use and improve it as one of the way to stay unpredictable. Unpredictability came from many way. For example, I like being late because I could do so many things with my free time. I could finish my book, visiting my friends, alive and un-alive, and even monitored people, like Hokage himself and my future cute little genins." I explained how my lateness worked out to my reputation as a super elite Ninja.

"Woah...So, can I be late like you too?"

Oh, look what I could make here. A super loud and late Genin! Follower of mine to boot! Unfortunately, I don't think I wanted it, even though the idea of Lee declared Naruto as his number one rival would be amusing. "No, Naruto. It won't be natural to you. You're loud and full of energy, while I'm relaxed and often like to be alone, so it won't work. Maybe later when you've matured, but not now."

"Aww..."

"But I think I know how you could pull something like that. I take it that you know the demon fox, right?"

"Right..." The usually hyper kid became solemn for a while. The demon's definitely his newest sore point.

"It's a curse that happened to be awesome." I raised my hand to stop Naruto to voiced his disagreement. While justified, we don't have enough time to list his miseries in his 12 years of living this crappy world. "Jinchuuriki have some of the biggest energy reserves, which means that you have insanely great chakra, stamina, and partial regeneration. This means you have some potential to do some of these things; you could fight everyone bull-headed without regard to potential injuries so you can find their weakness, or you can wore them out, or even use some devastating jutsu that a normal genin or even chuunin cannot pulled off. Imagine, your enemies thinking that they're just fighting some lackluster genin, and boom! You defeated them with some big jutsu that no one could have learned at your age, or even have half the chakra that necessary to pull it off. And when you do get overwhelmed, the Kyuubi would helped you out of necessities since your death meant he would become disoriented for at least decades before he remanifested back. In short, the chance for you to really lose, while still there, is quiet slim. Although I'd prefer if you never ever need to call for its help. Or befriended it, if possible, somehow." I explained what I see as objective benefits for being a demon container.

"Woah! And here I thought having demon in my stomach's really bad for nothing."

"You can find silver lining everywhere, Naruto. Now, for the second lesson, which's only for you and should never be repeated to anyone except whoever I ordered you to. Do you understand?"

"Hai, sensei!"

"Now...do you remember me?"

For the second time, Naruto fell unconscious, and once again I had to took responsibility for it.

I pulled a mask behind the mask act...except in reverse. And the outer mask was my ANBU mask.

-naruto-

"Uh, what happened to the dead last?"

"Kakashi-sensei's the coolest guy in the universe! MUUUUUAH!"

"ACK! Boy love! Forbidden boy love! MY INNOCENT EYES!"

Okay, here's the situation.

The top guy in the class was confused (and might be horrified), the smartest Kunoichi thought she seen some live-action reenactment of a scene from Yaoi manga, and the dead last couldn't stop kissing my cheek like a kid who snuggled to their loving older brother or parents.

Actually, I never saw a kid who snuggled to their parents this much, so scratch that. Naruto's definitely being too affectionate for 97% of population.

"Naruto, enough!"

"But I still haven't show enough of my appreciation to my protector, my aniki!" Naruto puffed his cheek.

"What? Naruto actually has a brother?" Sakura asked, obviously shocked. Meanwhile, Sasuke had a neutral expression despite the possible revelation that Naruto's actually not alone like him. Good, that means he hadn't gone off yet. While the hatred thing still stuck in his head, obviously it hadn't taken over yet. Man, what the hell was Itachi thinking, mindfucked his brother twice to make him strong enough to face Orochimaru and Obito.

"Brother-like figure who protected him from far away and just revealed that fact now, more like it." I winked to Naruto to shut him off in the soft way. "We'll talk about this later. Anyway, here we're going to introduce ourselves. Who want to go first?"

"How about you first, Sensei?"

"Yeah! I want to know my aniki better!"

"Hn. You go first, sensei." Damn, outvoted.

"Okay. My name's Hatake Kakashi, I'm 27 years old, I became a ninja when I'm just five years old. Already Jounin when I'm around your age."

"Woah..."

"And I like to help people, read romance novels," Sakura squealed slightly at the information, not knowing what KIND of romance novels that I preferred. "as well as my competition with Maito Gai. My dislikes are people who're worse than trash, and my competition with Green Beast, Gai."

"WHAT? How could you like and dislike Maito Gai at the same time?!" As expected, it was Naruto who lashed out at the contradicting information.

"While Maito Gai's one of my few best friends, he also often too loud for my comfort. Now how about you first, pinky? Oh, reading and competing with Gai also happened to be my hobby. I don't have any real goals but to live a good life, if that's sufficient enough as a dream."

"Well I'm Haruno Sakura, I like..."She looked into Sasuke, "I dislike," The girl now scowled into Naruto, who now cried like a river at the truth that hurt. "I want...to..." She blushed to the point that she cannot say anything else.

"Hmm...I guess your hobby's fangirling. Nothing wrong with that on your age, but I hope you'll become tough before something bad can happen and ripped your innocence and ideal. Went through that's not pretty. Next, you then, Uchiha!"

"My name's Uchiha Sasuke, I like few things and I dislike many, you may count training as hobby, my dream is to rebuild my clan...and kill a certain man."

"Is no one know that Sasuke came from an almost extinct clan?" Pinky and blondy didn't raise their hand. "I can't tell the details since it's super secret, but...it's a gruesome tale about how a prodigy snapped and killed almost every one of his clan. If there's any other Uchiha clan that still exist out there somehow, it's almost certain that their kekkei genkai are dormant to not warrant any spotlight on them, or hidden well enough for reasons that could be malevolent or good. Sasuke here's not being a vengeful man. He truly there to avenged and restored his clan."

"S...SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura suddenly grabbed the last Uchiha's arm, sobbed and muttered sweet nothing at her crush.

"T...TEME! I ALMOST FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!" The blonde junchiriki followed her, only in even more exaggerated manner.

"I...I...I don't need your pity! Get off!" Sasuke tried to peel them off of him, even when his expression warmed up for a second there."

"Aw...does that mean I don't get to have a group hug here?"

"Y...you!" That actually get them off. "How did you get a sharingan?!"

"A gift from a friend who died in a battle. That's all I could say for now." All the three of them only oh'ed at my explanation while I hid my sharingan eye with my headband again. "Sasuke, I know how it feel to lose someone. Too many in fact. And I know how pity make you feel weak. But please, accept them this time. I can tell that Naruto and Sakura really feel sorry for you."

Sasuke only looked at his two teammates awkwardly, probably because he actually felt the warmth from that hug, before he finally said something. "Hn. Thanks. But no more hugging!"

"Aww...my chance to hug the avenger's ruined. Well anyway, how about you, Naruto?"

"Alright! My name's Uzumaki Naruto. I like so many things, but most of all is ramen, especially ramen that are paid by someone, like Jiji and Iruka-sensei! I used to dislike Sasuke, but not anymore, so the only thing I truly hate is the long time of boiling water to make instant ramen, and the three minutes it took to cook ramen! My dream is to become Hokage, or at least someone as cool as Kakashi-sensei, so people will acknowledge my existence!"

"And declared Ichiraku Ramen as village's number one cuisine?" I asked him that strange question.

"WHAT? HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT WOULD BE MY FIRST ORDER AS HOKAGE?!"

"Naruto, you keep talking about ramen. Of course it's obvious as heck." The Uchiha pointed it at him.

"Oh, fine. And my hobbies are...making people fall to my traps, I guess. Training too, maybe."

"Eating ramen too?"

"STOP PICKING AT ME, SENSEI!"

"Okay, so for our first team bonding moment, I'll reveal Naruto's secret that I just found out!" Naruto's eyes widened out before his expression changed into someone with pain in his heart, definitely almost sure that I would reveal the demon inside his belly. "Naruto's happened to be...AN UZUMAKI!"

"Uzumaki?"

"What's that?" Man, their reaction was underwhelming. At least Naruto became curious instead of hurting.

"Uzumaki was a powerful clan from another village. While there are survivors scattered, much like Senju, they're no longer qualify as clan." Sasuke's eyes widened at the mention of another critically endangered clan. "They're renowned for their longevity, unpredictability and high energy, as well as some other traits that might appear or not depended on their genetics, such as red hair and unique Kekkei Genkai. While Naruto lacked some of Uzumaki traits, such as red hair and chain chakra, he still ended up with their very abundance chakra, intelligence beneath stupidity moments, and most of all, their childhood traits."

"Childhood traits?" Naruto asked at me, definitely interested at what I'm going to tell.

"It has effect in the appearance of Uzumaki child, meaning that no matter how attractive, beautiful, or handsome Uzumaki shinobi would be in their adulthood, everyone from the clan shall be doomed to look like a dork until they hit puberty!"

Everyone there face-faulted at the silly trait that I mentioned. A trait that I might just made up from inconclusive evidence based on Naruto and his mother, mind you.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI, WHAT THE HECK?" Ah, the scream of a pink haired banshee. Beautiful.

"Kakashi-sensei, if this's just your way to making fun of me, then I'll tell you that this's not funny!"

"I'm not lying! I know the history of Uzumaki clan, and I also know that one of the heiress, one of the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen in my life, looked like a tomato in her childhood. In fact, I would bet that Naruto will ended up as one of the tallest of his class in his adulthood!" I mentioned Kushina without even mentioned her. Man, imagine what would Naruto said when he actually had the chance to meet her. Something like, you're so beautiful, I cannot believe that you actually used to look like a tomato, maybe?

"THE HELL?" Naruto screamed, still could not believe that he would towered everyone. Seemed like even he couldn't believe that he'll ended up as one of the tallest of his compatriots. However, he then looked at Sasuke in mock horror, obviously wanted to mock something, "Does that mean teme's hair here..."

"For your information, my onix eyes and black hair are the traits. My hair shape's by no mean a clan traits. Oh, and before you say that, don't call me duckbutt." What. His hair's really his sore point?

"Whatever, duckbutt! Oh, and your hair and eyes are booring! I mean, black? Humph! At least my bloodline will make me live longer than you so I can have the last laugh! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"BAKA! Stop picking and mocking Sasuke-kun for no reason! Can't you see that handsomeness is his family trait?!" Ironically, the other exotically colored member of the team disagreed with her fellow exotic human, decked him to the ground for the third time this day. Suddenly, exactly five seconds after he smashed Naruto to the ground, she went red and squealed like a fangirl before passed out from bloody nose. Either she thought about how handsome adult Sasuke would be, or how handsome his families were. Yeah, were.

"Uh, oh. Seems like my team's not functioning well." I deadpanned at the remaining Uchiha.

"Hn. So I'll have to drag them with me. Wonderful." Well at least early Sasuke's not that insanely thirsty for revenge. Wasn't that even he gave Naruto his food first in the test? Man, it's almost like Shippuden Sasuke's a caricature of him. Surely early Sasuke never took his teammates seriously, or even allowed them to follow him, but he actually cared for them.

"Hmm...that reminds me. You three still haven't pass my survival test."

"YOUR TEST?" The two other who passed out suddenly sprung back into reality realm.

"Hey, I thought we already passed! I worked so hard to become a ninja!"

"Indeed, but accepted into a Jounin's team is another thing. If you don't pass, either you'll be send back to the academy for another semester, or by luck you'll be picked by another team that lost one of their member to promotion or other cause, if they take interest in you in the first place. However, the chance of the latter's practically that, just a luck, not to mention that you're going to team up with two unfamiliar genin who could be years older than you to the point that it'll be awkward, so it's better that you pass my secret test, which will be held tomorrow at 10 AM. Oh, and don't eat too much, or you'll throw up! And btw, I've failed every potential teams for me before." Once again, I shunshined out, this time with no one on my shoulder. I could hear Sakura said we're doomed as I left, and Naruto just about to clawed his hair in frustration.

-naruto-

In short, everything went as expected from canon but one thing.

"Uh..."

"My ass...

"Even my butt innocence have been soiled..."

Yeah. I abused my Thousand Years of Death move on them. Naruto, in particular, took it three times, the second one was to punish him for his attempt to steal the food. And the third one just because I like it.

Man, I shouldn't do that on Sakura after I genjutsu'ed her with zombie Sasuke. My fingers were stinky now.

And yes, I held Sasuke down, with my finger on his butt.

"Well, I have an offer." I said to them, all three of them looked into me in instant. "You can take the second test, but if you failed again, I'll write to Hokage that all the three of you are not going to become Shinobi for the rest of your life." All three of them now looked at me in horror.

"Oh, come one! Kakashi-sensei, how can you?!"

"Silence. This's supposed to be a team, and yet all three of you tried to take me alone while ignoring everyone else. Sakura might get a bonus point for thinking about Sasuke when he decided to get his turn on me, but otherwise all of you never showed what it take to work out with the others for a common goal. Honestly with all heartwarming experiences yesterday, I expected all three of you to at least have some familiarity. And yet..." I looked at all of them menacingly, all of them had enough shame to not even looking at me into the eyes. I guess greed defeated common sense and sympathy this time.

"Not even that, but none of you ever saw any deception that I sow, included the meaning behind this test." The sunken head of the three genins now looked at me with curiosity. "This test means that you three will take what it takes to get the three of you pass, despite there're only two bells here. Had you satisfied me in every criteria including teamwork, I will pass even the one who didn't manage to steal the bell. And yet all of you made me even question if we could function as a team."

"So this's all about our function as team?"

"Correct, Sakura. And since none of you figured it out by yourself, I guess I have no choice but to raise the stake, to see how much you learned."

"You three will have an hour to plan whatever it takes to take me down. Yes, we're going to fight for real, the goal now is to incapacitate me at 25% power. I might even use some powerful technique that could kill someone, so I have to talk with Hokage to talk about the acceptable terms in the new test to avoid any significant injuries to any of you. Oh, and whoever feed Naruto, are trash who disobey orders." With that, I left the three to begin their planning. Which would went to nothing anyway, lol.

-naruto-

"This memorial stone...it carved many names that I know, some are very well, some are too good for this earth. This's why all Jounin instructor put this test for their genins, to show them how important teamwork is. It's to avoid any death that could happen to us any time, all because everyone wanted to selfishly saved themselves."

Soon enough the three of them finished their praying for the souls of Konoha that lost in their missions and job.

"Well, now we're team, I'll treat you three to Ichiraku!"

"Hn."

"Yes, sensei!"

"RAMEN! YAY-WHAT THE HELL KAKASHI-SENSEI! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

Yeah, I decided to take Naruto with us instead of leaving him tied to the post for comedic effect.

I carried him with the post instead.

"Sorry, Naruto, but you did disobeyed me, and your punishment need to be carried out by something else. Not to mention that you...almost abandoned your teammates."

"What? I didn't try to betray them?!"

"Indeed, but you tried to steal the food, food that will become their reward for passing the test."

"Serve you right, Naruto! Who on earth thinking about stealing the prize food in the middle of a test! You know how all of us starving because our sensei's so late, right?" Man, what a double jab from Sakura.

"Hn."

"Hey, but Sasuke and Sakura did feed me in spite of your order! Isn't that means they're trash like me too!"

"Dobe, the reason why we passed in the first place's because we decided to become that trash!"

"Whatever, traaash bag!"

"Naruto! Don't dare to call me and Sasuke-kun as trash!"

"Hmm...everybody here admitted that they're trashes. Does that mean I should tie-"

"DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!" Sakura shouted her disagreement at me.

"Maa, maa, don't get too worked up, Sakura. I'm just kidding to all of you, after all." I said as I released Naruto from his confining post. When I looked at him he stared at me like I'm a Grinch who just stole Christmas by buried Santa into Guantanamo Bay.

"Uh, it's just a prank, bro?" I eye-smiled at him, awkwardly.

"Bakakashi! WAAAAAA!"

"Uh..." I couldn't do nothing as Naruto literally cried a river and entered the forest to bawled his eyes out.

"Sensei, shouldn't you chase Naruto? The idiot, he had been strange since yesterday after you scrambled his brain with eraser." Said Sakura, who while sounded tired at the antics around her, actually sounded concerned for Naruto for once. Oh, nice character development btw.

"Oh yeah, sure. Since it will take a while to get Naruto back, our dinner is postponed. You two are dismissed. Meet me in two days, 8 AM. In case I'm late, use the time to do something else, like training or reading."

-naruto-

"WAAA! ANIKI MEANIE!"

"Naruto, I don't even humiliate you that much!"

"WAAAAA!"

"Okay, okay, Naruto. How can I pay you back?"

"R...really? *sniff sniff. You'll do anything?"

"Promise."

"Then...catch this!"

What the?

Naruto threw his head on me?

And the body dispelled into nothing?

Uh oh.

"Get ready for a surprise!"

I avoided the exploding clone head, but the surprisingly abundant smoke still covered my eyes, turned me blind of my surrounding for a second. Damn, how on earth Naruto had knowledge of an action classic enough to make reference of it? He didn't even know anything about chakra for sake!

"KAKASHI-KUN!"

"REVENGE WILL BE MINE!"

Huh? Sasuke and Sakura's voice?

And suddenly, something poked my butt.

"ULTIMATE NINJUTSU! THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!"

"Ouchie."

"Aww, man! You don't fly like I was!"

Of course, I had the dignity to fart on Naruto's face with my highly trained butt (and he missed the hole anyway), who proceeded to rant at his super shameful, tactless pseudo aniki.

Man, I really need to get used to Ninja work. If Naruto really managed to actually got a hit on me with his crazy acts, then how I would survive against even Zabuza?

-naruto-

"Sorry I'm late for this Jounin instructor's test result meeting, but I had to coax my genin to finally let me go."

All of them stared at me, but instead of looking at me like I lied about knowing the answer to anti-matter equation, somehow they had the look that more like people who believed that my crazy excuse's a gospel. Must be the tears from Naruto that soaked by vest. Finally, Kurenai spoke up to suggest something. "Did the students really begged you that much to not fail them?"

"Uh, no?"

"Did they keep asking for another test before you finally had enough and just left them, stranded in a forest, waiting for every animals there to feast on them?"

"Not that too, Hokage-sama. And how low you thought of me, mistaken me for some sort of sadists."

"Did Uchiha Sasuke keep saying about how he's the avenger and you need to pass him because he have no time left until you called some ANBU to send him to a shrink in Suna?"

"The hell, Asuma? No, I actually passed my genin team. For once, they truly have the spirit of comrades that I've been looking for." I eyesmiled at them, expected some congratulations that did not come. Instead, for once, I turned Gai into someone who sounded barely lucid.

"Am I dreaming?" Asuma took the chance to cut Gai's mighty bowlcut with his kunai. He then deadpanned, "Guess not."

"NOOOO! MY YOUTHFUL HAIRCUT!"

"Relax, Gai, your hair's still intact." Said Hokage to calm his taijutsu master down, who reluctantly let the issue go. "Anyway, this call for a celebration, don't you think? Your first team, filled with our prestigious Uchiha, one of the smartest civilian ninja, and Naruto, a boy that I've considered as my own grandson. That would be one hell of a team. How about a shinobi party? You can choose the place, anywhere you want."

"Maa, it's actually a good idea, but please don't do it today. I'm already tired from keeping up with Naruto. That boy went overcharged in energy after we got a meal in Ichiraku and had a talk about how he's not that hated in the village. He forced me to point all the stores that actually don't hate him and would serve him at the right time when there's no customers. And I also pointed half the shinobi that are at least neutral to him as well before I shunshined into his apartment. There, he cried and kept saying thank you and thank you until he fell asleep. As a Nara would say, what a drag."

Everybody there shocked at hearing what I just did. Even Hokage, the man who have seen everything, got shocked by it. "Hmm. I know that there are people who don't bore hatred toward Naruto, but I'm surprised that you actually make a list about it."

"That's very good from you, Kakashi. Many actually don't hate him, but I bet he feels alone from being avoided like a plague by so many people." Ah, so even Kurenai who didn't know anything about Ibiki actually knew about Naruto's predicament. Man, this secret's really poorly hidden. I'm surprised that no one from other village actually tried to kidnap Naruto like what they did with Hinata.

"It's quiet easy when you can detect hostile intent from civilians. And if we went into the wrong store, I could just kick their nuts every time they try to harass him!" I eye-smiled at the now sweat-dropping ninjas, possibly thinking about how much nuts I destroyed in my rage.

"Uh...Kakashi, I was about to commend you for doing that for Naruto like Kurenai did, but now I'm afraid of every lawsuit that would come from you kicking their asses instead."

"Ahaha. I won't blame you, Kakashi. You now have the excuse of protecting your genin to actually threaten civilians and shinobi that maliciously hate Uzumaki's guts."

"Kakashi, please tell us that you're not that stupid to hurt civilians."

"Please, Hokage sama, Kurenai. I don't need to actually hurt them. I just need to stare them with killing intent of Shinobi who about to attempt assassination, and everything I need to communicate's already done! And thank you for seeing it like the way I do, Asuma." I gave him a thumb-up for his appreciation of my approach toward the situation. Not too long however, something manifested in the room.

The hell? A sunset? A genjutsu? And even Kurenai got taken by it too?!

Oh no. I forgot about Gai. Who now did...whatever pose that was.

"AHA! So one of your genin, which happened to be our Jinchuuriki, is a youthful fellow! Such an energetic kid! And what a youthful thing for you to ease the pain of your genin! I pledge, when the time has come, to do the final match to decide who'll win our rivalry, I'll use my most youthful student, Rock Lee, to fight your most youthful student, Uzumaki Naruto, in the most youthful sparing of the universe! So youthful, it will even defeat our spring and sunset of youth! And whoever win the match, will get his face carved in a mountain of his own choice, together with their precious jounin instructor!"

"Hmm? You said something, Gai?"

"GAAAAH! CURSE YOU AND YOUR COOLNESS, HATAKE KAKASHI!"

Well I must say,

It's good to be a shinobi!

-naruto-

Well, that's my first Naruto fanfiction. I got the idea because it looked like it's fun, and in spite of being the largest fanfiction archive, most of the self-inserts were for girls. So...here we are! Kakashi self-insert!

Oh, and it's a fluffy, crackish fluff with aim of doing everything in the fresh way, so prepare things like I hired Wave country citizens to spread good words about Naruto their savior in Konoha, or used Thousand Years of Death on everyone.

Also, expect canon and fanon welding, so for example, Naruto did get hunted by Konoha citizens, but only by people who get wasted who never could get past the ANBU that protected Naruto. Or there's no bloodline massacres in Wave, but there are policies to kill anyone who ended up having bloodline anyway. Some of the fanon, like the aforementioned massacre came with very strong support from the canon anyway.


	2. Bonding

"I hope there's nothing concerning about our daughter, sensei?"

"No no, Sakura's fine." I raised my arm to her parents to ease their concern. Mebuki was getting the breakfast while Kizashi was sitting next to me. Seemed like Sakura's not going to join us, either still sleeping or on diet. "It's just a casual meeting with genin's parents. I already done that with Hokage for both Naruto and Sasuke, after all, so it's just you two that's left."

"Ah, i see."Both now had a concern written all over their faces. Definitely about the pariah. "You know, about this Uzumaki boy...is it truly safe for our daughter to be with him since he's...you know?"

"If this's concerning his status as Jinchuuriki, then don't worry, Naruto's very much fine." I waved my hand to both of them. "Aside from his unusually large chakra that even larger than mine and his whiskers, Naruto's pretty much not influenced by the demon by any means. In fact, he only knew about it like the day when he graduated. Oh, and please, call him Naruto. I'm intending for every party involved to be more than just acquaintance."

"That's good to hear, but is there any possibility that Kyuubi, could influence him subtly? Foxes are known to be cunning after all. And how good his sealing method was?"

"Miss Haruno, i can assure you as his student, that Yondaime sealed him very well. He's a master in sealing art after all. In fact, i'm very sure that he did more than just sealing."

"Is that true? He did more than just locked the monster away?" Both of them now became even more interested with our talk.

"First of all, your concern's have merit. Had the Kyuubi was sealed inside him just like that, it won't be pretty. The original sealing, if i recall correctly from what i've read, went for much longer than just a few minutes. Like, hours long, with many people involved. And it's the one like Suna's One Tail beast. Something like Kyuubi would be much longer, and certainly could do harm to a toddler's body and mind if he intended him to have full control immediately. I don't know if he intended to seal it somewhere else before he realized that even he couldn't pull that off so he decided to use Naruto for the rest of it, or if he really had more intricate plan that i cannot theorize right now, but either way, he ended up sealed the Kyuubi inside Naruto with far more intricate plan."

"So his request for the village to see the Uzumaki as a hero really make sense after all..."

"So that reminds me,"I shifted my lazy gaze, now looked more fierce. Even without leaking killing intents, both of them shivered. "Are you one of the parents who told their children to keep away from Naruto? Because aside from his class, he has no friends from his peer at all. We passed the law to not speak about Naruto's status unless he gave the permission so at least children around his age would befriended him, but instead their parents told them that they should stay away from him with every other reasons they could find. Even if some did not listen to their parents, even if his classmates ended up at least want to talk to him, Naruto ended up feel alone."

Both of them had shocked look on their face, being confronted by me. And now, surprisingly, guilt. "I'm sorry, but we're simply doing what i thought would be the best for Sakura. There had been...so much rumor concerning him that in broad strokes painted him in the bad way. We just thought that he's not good for our children even without the Kyuubi bits, and...kids often don't understand their parents explanations, not to mention the rule, so we just told her to stay out of him."

My expression softened at their confession. "Do not be worry, you two. I'm not confusing malice with ignorance, and i can tell that you two did it for the best of your daughter, although i still expect both of you to make amends to him. In fact, Naruto sort of brought it upon himself, the dislike from his own peers i mean. Someone as hyper and lacking manner as him would draw irk from plenty of people who found him annoying."

"Ahahaha. That's actually quiet true. Sakura often complained in her first year about how Naruto was trying so hard to approach her. We were worried about it initially since she makes it sounded like he harassed her like everyone did in her childhood, but it turned out that he just has some kind of silly crush. We even never telling her to avoid him ever again, especially after seeing the Nara and Akimichi clan heir being okay with him."

"Yeah, the kids in the academy either love him, or hate him." Breakfast served, and i had to mention something about the lack of a bubblegum here. "Sakura won't join us?"

"She's on diet, only drinking special milk every morning. And she woke up earlier before, so she must have drank it and hit the bed again."

"Ah. That reminds me." I took a book that i wanted to give to Sakura to improve her skills, only to earned the scariest glare that civilian could give. Damn, now i knew where Sakura got her temper from.

"Sensei, why on earth are you showing us that filthy book?"

"Is our performance on bed actually can improve Sakura's value in Ninja world? But none of us ever complain about each others. We even do some new positions once in a while and-"

"KIZASHI, TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"

"Oh, i'm sorry." Damn it. I somehow pulled the Icha-Icha. I was lucky that they didn't realize that it's one of the lewdest yet too. "I don't know why i brought the book here with me too. Must be some mistakes. This's the book, or rather, books that i want to give." I gave the book to the middle age woman, who immediately read the cover.

"How to be Kunoichi 101, medic jutsu for beginner and intermediate, and everything you need to know and have to make seals and traps?" Mebuki took even more interest in the books, as she began to flip the pages.

"The greatest compliment about Sakura in her class is that she's so studious, to the point that she now capable of answering questions that at least Chuunin level. Even her other peers like Ino wouldn't be able to answers any of those questions. So i give her these books, both to show her how to become a really good Kunoichi and to teach her jutsu that's really suitable to her hobby of studying." Wait. Why didn't she said that reading's her hobby? Oh wait, Sasuke-kun, of course.

"I...i could barely understand what's inside the book, and i know a bit about advanced physics! Is she really that..."

"Yes, Mebuki-san. Your daughter's a text-book genius."

The woman now looked at me in disbelief. Tears soon overflowed from her prideful eyes. "Oh, she grow up so fast!"

"Argh! My daughter's a nerd!" The fuck's this man...

"Oh shut up, Kizashi! Are you telling me that you're not proud of our beautiful daughter's studious nature?" Mebuki lashed out at her husband that keep embarrassed her family and just ruined one of her best moment as a mother. And that's actually quiet hypocrite from a father who keep telling lame jokes to his daughter every time.

"Well i'm just afraid that she wouldn't have time for anything else, or people would mistaken her for a dork! And what are you doing here, make my daughter's fate to become a true geek is all but locked?"

"Maa, maa, you two. I don't think Sakura looks really dorky in the least bit. I just want to give her more motivation and better direction."

"But she wanted to prove herself, to people like that...Sasuke guy, and maybe some bullies. I think she's tired of being picked up for her forehead since her childhood. Isn't that sufficient enough of motivation? And isn't that she studying is the good way to become Shinobi?"

"Yes, but apparently, her approach to become a Ninja is to become book smart only instead of both book smart and practical." I moved bit of my leg to get blood flowing, as well as to find the way to explain everything to my cotton candy-haired genin. "I hate to say this, but Sakura's aiming and throwing, while very accurate, also happened to be one of the slowest in the academy's top 15 graduates. Even if she's not going to be our powerhouse and direct fighter, her throwing speed could be the decision between safety or injuries and even death of her teammates and clients. Imagine if Sakura knew where the shurikens that targeted someone come from, but couldn't do anything about that as they went too fast for her to pin them down. And considering that her other teammate's Sasuke, who's a source of her crush that also happened to be the best graduate and pretty... ambitious, her saving spots could be stolen by him even if he didn't do it intentionally. This could harm her confidence as a ninja if she couldn't do anything by herself."

Both of them looked at me in something like...awe? Shock? And wait, why's Mebuki-san suddenly snickered? "It's quiet of an irony. We keep worried about the Jinchuuriki, and yet it's her other teammate, the one she has crush on, that actually could harm her in a way."

"Yeah, ironic since he's also part for why she became a Ninja and such a dork-"

"Studious, moron!"

"Eep!"

"Whatever."Mebuki just left the issue alone. Hmm, either it's what happened once Sakura matured, or she really had enough of his bullshit. "But wait. Why's the team composition sounded like some kind of disaster recipe? I mean, a broody kid who may look down at everyone beneath him, a dead last that tend to annoy people without patience, and hate to say this but, a girl who came from civilian world and has almost no one to tell her what shinobi world can be before."

"Maa, it's not that bad."I motioned them to not get agitated from the critical thinking. "Naruto envied Sasuke, so he would strive to be better than him. Sasuke would be the guy that Naruto and Sakura look up to while giving them some taste of reality, and Sakura is the source of book wisdom for them, and has potential to support them more in the future. Meanwhile, Naruto's determination will invigorate either of his teammates whenever they feel down or face such a high obstruction. My only concern would be to make sure their teamwork keep improving instead of getting worse whenever Naruto and Sasuke gets jealous at each other or someone else, and to make sure Sakura would at least stay on high morale to keep going in case something truly bad happened without her can do anything."

"The ambition part could make teamwork very difficult though. Especially since elit shinobi are like 10 times stronger than your average chuunin. And Sakura once told us about Naruto's self-proclaimed rivalry between himself and Sasuke."

"Yeah, my option would to either sheltered them until they're mature enough to rank up and fighting really superior ninjas, or speeding up their jutsu developments while keeping their teamwork cohesive enough. I don't want my team to put themselves on suicidal run just because they found someone around their age that three times stronger than even Sasuke, but i also don't want to make them frustrated because i hold them back. This's one hell of a drag, i tell you."

"I'm sure you can find way, sensei. It's not going to be hard for the son of White Fang to find a solution to every problems."

"Yes, but you know," I looked at Kizashi with half-hearted stare that still scared both of them somehow. "You somehow know much about Konoha Shinobi for an average citizen without any important position."

"Ya ehehe, i...kinda like to read too, you know?"

"So...you're a geek."

"Gah! Don't say that word to me! I just like to read trivial stuffs!"

Yup. Childhood's bad memories. Or teenagehood, instead. Like father like daughter. "Well at least now we know where Sakura got her hobby from. Anyway, Sakura's supposed to read the How to Be Kunoichi first. It'll tell her how to do diet the right way for ninjas, the way that would increase her metabolism and all-around strength. But still, she's not supposed to follow them robotically. She'll talk to me about the merits of them and apply them depending on how she'd like it instead. I'm not going to subject my genins to full soldier life. I have my own experience of sacrificing my childhood for the good of village, and it's not good for my health. It's a miracle that i actually bounced back from every failure i experienced."

"Sakura's so lucky to get a sensei who's so full of wisdom."

"Maa, i'm not that good. See you two soon." I left them just right after my experience of being the receiver of ass-kissing. Then again, maybe they're just that grateful. Who knows?

"Wait."

"Hmm? What is it, Mebuki-san?"

"We feel...guilty about Naruto, to say the least. Is there any way to fix this for him?"

I smiled at both of them after my brain processed what Mebuki just said. Look beneath what's beneath. That's finally what they did. "Just invite him to your house sometime later. In case that you worried about the discrimination for interacting with pariah, don't worry, you don't need to outright calling your support for him. Also, Naruto's reputation will grow up soon. You don't need to worry once there are many shinobi that look at him with respect. That'll be the time when you loudly support him. Also, call me in case you find someone who hate Naruto in malicious way. Like, actually want to kill him or something like that. One of his instructor just tried to kill him, so there might be a chance that someone will actually try to kill him now. Not only it's a heinous crime and outright shat on both Third and Fourth's wish, it will unleash the Kyuubi sooner than later. And considering that it tried to attack us before..."

"It's easily one of the most treasonous act you could ever do. Don't worry, Kakashi-sensei, we will make sure than Naruto's going to be cared from now on."

-naruto-

"When someone say something about student and sensei bonding, i expecting a talk about anything wrong about either of them, although mostly it's the student. I don't imagine that it will involve of said teacher fixing their student house for no reason, including the complex that's used to be where his clan lived."

"It's just a token of gratitude from Hatake clan. There's no student-teacher bonding here." Yeah, i decided to become Uchiha's handyman here, fixing the complex and roads that have been left abandoned without anything done to preserve the buildings. Sasuke himself living in the building that's owned by Uchiha, but not the actual complex. If it's because the elders really thought it's a waste of time to preserve a historical complex, then no wonder they thought killing everyone's the real solution. Morons. Who on earth would be afraid of senile dorayaki sellers developed some mangekyo and managed to annihilate Konoha in revenge? "Although if you want to talk with me about anything, you can just say yes."

"Hn."

"Is that a yes or no? I'm sorry, my Uchiha buddy who gave me the eye happened to be Uchiha in name only. He actually acted more like Naruto if anything."

"It depends on whether you actually have a good topic to discuss."

It's Uchiha. Of course they want it straight. "Well i know one or two thing about Itachi..."

"Tell me." Woah. I got his interest immediately. As expected from the avenger.

"Well it's obviously a great tragedy for everyone, but there's one overlooked details. Just weeks before his betrayal, one of his buddy that happened to be another Uchiha prodigy, Shisui, went missing, probably killed by someone. The hidden details is that they found his body, eyeless. Someone took his eyes from him."

"Itachi said that he's the one who killed him, in the night of massacre. To give him more power. He might have stolen his eyes to give him exactly that power."

"Ah, but you don't know how much wisdom can give me, which make me capable of sensing someone's change. I can feel his sadness, no matter how much he hid them beneath his usual passive act." Not to mention that Itachi's actually one of the friendlier Uchiha despite his distant nature. Did no one really think he acted weird just by going as cold as the usual Uchiha? Hell, even young Sasuke actually knew something weird happened to Itachi! Stupid, stupid my old self. Hell, stupid Yamanaka, Akimichi etc.

"Sadness? How can someone feel sorrow when they just killed someone in cold blood?"

"Maybe Shisui...really committed suicide, to prevent something happened to him? Maybe Itachi had to kill him for some reasons that turned him mad?"

"But i see those eyes of his. They're different than common sharingan. He really became stronger after Shisui's death." Sasuke still argued about the merit of Itachi even had another reason or motive but power.

"And Itachi's behavior contradicted his cold blood killing. Either way it's too soon to conclude anything with what we know, but at least it definitely show that there might be something else beneath his mass killing for the sake of power."

"I couldn't help but inclined to agree..." Sasuke muttered it as he turned around to look at the senbei store. They really killed everyone, even the civilians, damn. Couldn't Itachi told the old store owners something like there are house rent discount somewhere else in Konoha? Wait, Obito and Danzo would realized who just moved out of the compound, and probably decided to kill the old couples. Damn.

"Mind telling me why you don't lash at me for conducting an investigation that should be done years ago?"

"Even if you do that earlier, it's still won't bring everyone back to life. Whether soon or later. Not to mention they did investigation before and couldn't find anything. For that, you have my gratitude. And what could be so harmful to learn anything that happened to someone that i shall slain?"

"Maa, you're actually really insightful." I shuffeled his hair. Surprisingly, Sasuke didn't object.

"P...please, stop." Oh, wait. He still couldn't came to fact that he actually liked being touched.

"You said something about investigation before." This time i asked, "But actually, i never know anything about it. Did they found something unusual?"

"They actually did, but they never found anything but how the mass murders were done."

"So...how did he do it?"

"They found...two kind of weapons strikes. And some...unusual wounds." Sasuke turned around to look at me, he had...doubt? No, more like someone who realized that they missed something absolutely important. "I thought he just used two weapons for various reasons, and the strange wounds came from his jutsu, but now...Do you think there's second killer out there?"

"Maybe yes, maybe not. Although considering how he killed like, fifteen elite ninjas, twenty chuunin and many civilians, without even any visible injury on his body, as you said in your testimony, i inclined that he definitely had some help, even if they're just to kill the common ninjas and villagers." Damn, if Itachi really just a ninja went insane without any help, that shit's really sounded ridiculous.

"Damn it!"The Last Uchiha that gets more and more agitated just punched an utility pole in anger. "There's another traitor(s) out there. And no one even know anything about them!"

"Um, Sasuke-"

"WHAT?"

"Uh, you might want to move out."

But he didn't, too absorbed in rage to even heard the cracking sound of the pole that he just punched. I pushed him out of the way of the falling one ton object, but alas, i still didn't get used enough to do any ninja skills in hesitation, so i ended up putting too much chakra in my body flicker and ended up pushed Sasuke out...and myself to the wall.

"Um Sasuke?"

"Yes?"

"Couldn't you...help me here?"

"You pushed me too hard, so i happened to be stuck in a wall as well." Ah, yes. I should know that from his muffled yes.

"Alright, so we need to wait for my bunshins to help us. Won't be long since they're being tasked to looking for damages here. Anyway, we'll end this self-investigation, so here's my lesson for you as the closer: Don't get too absorbed in hatred, or it will lead you to do stupid things, like this."

"But that man said-"

"Sasuke!"

"Fine, hn."

-naruto-

"So, you find anything unusual?"

"Why don't you just dispel me?"

"Memories don't flow back to me. Experience do."

"Ah, yes. I forgot about the difference between shadow clone and elemental clone."

"Don't worry. I also forgot that clones are more restricted in intelligence since they still need to get controlled by their users, and possibly memories as well. So tell me."

"We find some...skins, almost plant-like. Either it's very unique Kekkei-Genkai, or it's really not human." My clone explained what clues he got from the investigation.

"And some of them are spilled with dried up blood splashes. Almost definitely Uchiha blood." Another clone added another on their plate for food of thought.

"So just like i thought. There's no way Itachi can kill every single Uchiha without getting help somewhere." And it's new too. Everybody knew that Obito helped Itachi in killing everyone, but Zetsu actually helped him as well?

"Mind to tell me why the investigators didn't find it five years ago, though?" Another clone that happened to didn't find anything out of ordinary asked.

"Maybe they've been paid to hide the tracks?"

"Why wouldn't they hide everything then? We somehow still get clues from crime scenes that are five years old."

"There's only one way to do it, and one person who could do it: Someone who stole Shisui's eyes. Whatever its power is, it possibly can make people don't question the reality that they planted or something like that, the ultimate genjutsu. And in scenario that Itachi got the eyes to get power, why would a crazy serial killer like Itachi went into extra efforts to hide how he managed to kill everyone for no reason?"

"Maybe he needs to cover his tracks?"

"Or maybe it's the guys who actually get the eyes that did it." Yeah, i needed to reason to my bunshins. For some reasons they still have the memories like how Kakashi would.

"So it's the other killers that did it. Or the planner."

"Yeah, anyway, it's an interesting finding. You guys are dispelled." With that, they became mud again.

But i knew who would alter the result of the investigation. And frankly, i didn't even know when i could do anything about him without getting too much attention.

Danzo.

-naruto-

"...And then, i tried to approach one of the store that Kakashi-sensei mentioned, and the owner went to gave me a free hat!"

"That's nice of them, Naruto."

"Hu-um. I bet they really feel sorry, dattebayo! In fact, he never hated me, but he had no choice but to throw me when i went there before because he had a very important client at that time. I'll prove to whoever that important client, that Uzumaki Naruto'll become the best ninja! Believe it!"

Uh, what? The original and dubbed catchphrase actually appeared on the same dialogue? Anyway, i was eavesdropping on them, without actually used any hiding object. It's quiet easy when you're an elite shinobi that have a slightly distant persona as well.

"Ah, so nice of Kakashi to tell you that as payback."

"Yeah! Kakashi-sensei said that he feel sorry for couldn't do much for me earlier in my life but to become that nice dog ninja in a mask, so this's his way to pay for his mistakes or something, dattebayo!"

"Not to mention that he had no choice but to failed you as well."

"Huh?"

"I know how hard Sasuke can be, how much you hated his air of superiority, and how much Sakura gets annoyed with you. Teamwork will be really hard for the three of you, not to mention that Kakashi already failed six teams before." Maa, i couldn't live it down, did i? And did you really had to put your hand on his shoulder like a father who want to make his son feel better? "Don't worry, little buddy. You already did mass kage bunshin. You have a good enough portfolio to become a good shinobi. I'm sure another team who lacked a third member would accept you. I'll even promote you to every of those teams if you need my help. In case that you're worried for the others, i don't think Sasuke would need my help, and Sakura could get more experience on the class from myself."

"Um, what are you talking about? Kakashi-sensei really passed us."

"...Really?"

"Ah, it seems that every shinobi i know really thought so badly of me as a potential sensei."

"Kakashi-niisan!" Naruto immediately abandoned his noodles and hugged me.

"Niisan?"

"Ah, it's just a title he gave for gratitude." I gave a brief to Naruto's other surrogate brother. "And honestly, Iruka, you wound me."

"When you failed them six times, it's going to be hard to think how cruel you are. Not to mention that you did everything to scare them, like that 66,7% lies. Do you really think we could get so many shinobi with that kind of failure rates?"

"Actually, that's the rate for elite teachers like me."

"And half our Shinobi aren't meant to be elite killers in the first place. They're just there to help us to capture bandits or secure some construction. Nothing out of B-Class mission at most."

"Point taken." I shrugged from my book. I brought a less lewd book to the stand so Naruto and Iruka wouldn't complain about their shameless brother.

"Hmm, looks like we're going to have quiet of an unusual sight: Two elite jounin at a lowly food stand. Delicious food, but still." Just that, a Jounin with glasses and bandana appeared behind us.

"Hey, Ichiraku Ramen's a gift from god! Don't dare to call it lowly, you closeted-"

Ebisu immediately shut Naruto's mouth with his elbow, and dragged them to the closest bush. Oh, what would i do to experience that harem jutsu...

Soon enough, both of them reappeared on the stand, looked more awkward than ever. I took the chance to mock Ebisu.

"Closeted? Hmm. Are you really batting for the other team, Ebisu? I actually don't mind of it, if you catch my drift."

"Gah, no! I'm just...it's a misunderstanding, right Naruto?"

"Hehe, right! Just misunderstanding!"

Man, what a bad duo of liars.

"Yes, right! Just that. Anyway, Naruto, it's my lucky day, so eh...i'll pay for your ramen, yeah!"

"I already paid for him, Ebisu-san."

"I can have five more bowls!" Naruto cheerfully said as he sat down to the stool, while Ebisu tried his best to retain his dignity as he looked into his soon to be empty wallet.

The next moments were much calmer than chaotic. We talked many topics, most of them about how Ninja worked, but there were moments where we talked about how Naruto have grown. Even Ebisu said that he appreciated him for whatever he said to Konohamaru, since the boy now took his training seriously. And the Jounin with bandana, who's more known as trainer than actual devastating ninja, continued that Naruto, with what he did to Konohamaru, actually reminded him how hard-work's actually about. Needless to say, the dinner was really an enjoyable moment for everyone here.

That is, until Naruto said something that anyone with half of my brain should've know as top-ranked secret that no one should talk so freely.

"So Kakashi-aniki, can you tell me more about my clan?"

-naruto-

Well luckily everything didn't went into a spiraling disaster.

Except for Iruka, who choked on his ramen. Luckily, Ayame and Teuchi, who helped him, didn't hear anything about clan business since they were busy preparing yet another bowls for Naruto. They just happened to have sixth sense of the sound of someone choking since there had been so many incidents thanks to gossipers that regularly visited their stand.

And worse, for Ebisu who also chocked; the guy suffered chakra drain so hard that he became a noodle.

Yeah, that's what you get for tried to do 200 kage bunshin in one try.

So in short, everybody but me thought that Naruto heard some salacious rumor (since the boy's a proven bad liar by any measure, not to mention his good heart, so lying's out of equation), tried to reason with him that was falsehood after they dragged him to a near forest, and even with assurance that the rumor came to me, none of them believed it. In fact, they actually tried to reprimand me for started the rumor! What indignity! So i proposed to Iruka and Ebisu to look at how much kage bunshin Naruto could do without started leaking the evil chakra to prove that yes, Naruto possibly could came from an ancient clan with great abundance of chakra, and no, i didn't went insane.

When Naruto managed to create 500 kage bunshin without breaking a sweat, everybody accepted it...except the Jounin with bandana, who tried to find out if the chakra drainage thing's actually something that taken out of context, like just a warning for non-powerhouse Ninja, and tried to do at least half of the number that Naruto done.

Needless to say, he proved the validity of the text...in the hard way.

"Aww, why's no one else can know about my clan? I mean, they didn't react that bad?" Despite his protestation, the blonde jinchuuriki had enough tact to didn't say it out loud in front of the medics that about to brought Ebisu with them.

"Well first of all, shinobi from other villages may want to do something to you if they found your identity as Jinchuuriki or an Uzumaki clan member, like by eavesdropping or tortured someone who possibly know. Kekkei Genkai from all clan are desired, and the one that's quiet elite like you are feared enough to warrant people to do everything to get benefits from Kekkei Genkai. For example, Kumo ambassador tried to kidnap Hinata once."

"What? Hinata got kidnapped when she's a child because of her weird eyes?" Naruto got surprised at the news that his future wife actually almost got kidnapped by foreign village. Wait, maybe i can do something so there will be some silly love dodecahedron instead, lol.

"Exactly, and even if they didn't manage to do it, bad things still could came up from it. Like there were blood spilled in attempt to retrieve the kidnapped clan member, or worse, the other village actually tried to pull some politics to get more from it."

"Huh? I don't get the latter part? Why should they get compensated for something they inflicted on themselves?"

"The council once filibustered their own proposal, so politics's really dirtier and more manipulative than your imagination could thought, not to mention complicated." Naruto's still confused, not surprising considered his stupidity, but at least he will accept the harsh reality for now. "Either way, it's best for you to not tell anyone else about your heritage until i said so."

"Hai!"

"Now, Naruto, i'll buy your grocery for the next week."

"Yay! Thanks, Kakashi-niisan!"

"We're going to buy a lot of vegetable and fruits with high fiber to build your strength and health better and-"

"NOOOOO!"

Too bad, Naruto. I'll make sure that you'll eat those broccoli and carrots.

-naruto-

Well that's the end of the new chapter. Not much happened, just some sensei-student bonding.

Also, after i read the manga, it's kinda funny on how different Sasuke was before and after the cursed seal and Itachi's attack on his sanity.

Sasuke got beaten by someone superior before=Hn. This's getting more interesting. Hell, even when Naruto said he sucked after wanted to surrender initially, he actually gets energized instead of angry!

Sasuke after=Why did i lost the dick-measuring contest?! I need more strength and haetret! GRAAAH!

And finally, should i skip part that happened like canon, or explain them in my own way? And should i went with canon pairings, alternative pairings, or dodecahedron pairings?


	3. D-Rank and Dinner

"Cheer, for the best bunch of genin in the decade!"

"Two teams full of kids from Konoha clans, and another with the only Uchiha."

Yeah, we decided to do the party now.

I'll tell you what, my real self was only like 5 years younger than Kakashi, and yet, while i've taken some drinks, i never understood the drinking culture. The two drinks i took smelled like perfume than anything else, and the other two felt like cola mixed with some unknown chemical.

So in my wise judgement, i told them that i won't take any drinks that's not for cheering anything.

"Ah, Kakashi. I know you're not much of a drinker, but couldn't you want to take more? It's not everyday we drink with you!" Asuma tried to coax me to drink more. Perhaps because they still wanted to know how on earth i could drink with my mask on.

Silly people. My clan had jutsu for everything not super powerful, drinking and eating with mask on included!

"Sorry everyone, but two hours ago before i went here, i remembered a mission where i took some cheap alcoholic beverages as part of the job. They tasted like shit. Imagine cola and alcohol mixed, but someone added piss and softener on it."

"That sounds nasty." Kurenai said so.

"Indeed. It was to investigate some deaths related to illegal alcoholic drinks. Turned out they sell beer mixed with...things that should've belong somewhere inside clothes and repellent."

"Come on, Kakashi! Are you here just to ruin our party?" Our favorite snake lady, Matarashi Anko just showed up here with some other drinks. She wore her combination of jacket and net vest, but with a maid skirt that accentuated her curves. Hot damn, this's one smokeh woman! Wonder if she at least wore pasties?

"Of course not." I waived at her. Kinda hard to express with my mask here, but that actually helped me to not show me leering at her bending that round ass momentarily. "I'm just telling a story here. Isn't that what we do in party as well?"

"Yeah, but not in the kind of party where booze are part of the entertainment." Ah, good. My old experience finally allowed me to not leering at her anymore, but something else stiffened here, and alas, there was no jutsu for this.

Oh, Asuma actually had a raging one. So i'm excused perhaps.

"Then i have to apologize. Or asking you to give me something that's sweet with no funny taste at least."

"Oh, grab it yourself. I'm just the maid for this one."

"Yes, darling." I walked to the cabinet while the other snickered at me played the henpecked boyfriend or brother. Damn, missed a chance to stare dat ass again.

When i walked back, i saw Anko...flushed?

Well, well. Looks like i could get lucky with her sometimes!

"Jerk." Ah, she said it while smiling! Hoo boy! Jackpot.

"Maa, can't help it."

"Well well, Kakashi." Her friend, Kurenai looked at me. "Looks like someone has changed recently." Gulp. Am i really looked that different? Excuse, excuse. Please, my brain, give me some excuses.

"I'm still my old self. A modest Jounin who keeping some distance, as you'd describe me."

"Yes, but you're actually trying to look...friendly? Not that you weren't before, but you seem more active now."

"Honestly, you guys always so busy yourself. I don't think you really would notice." I tried the glorious tactic that was 'no you', accusing everyone else being ignorant instead while downplaying it so much.

"Ah, so you do changed!"

"Honestly, why do you guys care so much?"

"Because we need to know, if it came from you, or," What the? Anko shivered? "HIS youthfulness." Everyone whispered, like if they were talking about Voldemort.

Everything here looked like some kind of crazy sitcom. The hell? Was Gai's youthfulness really that fearsome? "Guys, if it's Gai youth that changed me, then i would wear spandex since i entered the ANBU. He has been considering me as his 'eternal rival' after all." I mumbled at them while my eyes curved into a smile. "And i think he really deserved my recognition as my eternal rival as well."

"Aha! So my eternal rival has been considering me as his as well!"

What the? Was Gai actually a daredevil of Konoha, only with destroyed chakra coil instead of sight?

"Ah, Gai! You... finally arrived." Well everybody here looked stiff. Even Anko who had been subjected to the creepy snake's experiments.

I guess Gai's energetic self sometimes could be...unwanted.

"Yes! The mighty green beast of Hidden Leaf, have finally to this establishment! And oh what a joy it was, to hear my eternal rival acknowledge me!" The mighty beast took a sip, and turned 180 from the hyper man to a crying grown man, tender and manly tears smeared his cheek and damped his jacket. "Oh, i'm so glad! This's the best day of my life! YOOOOSH!"

Okay, tears spilled together with snots was a disgusting sight. Remind me to never imagine that again.

Asuma nudged me, knowing that he demanded me to fix the situation. Well, i guess i really could be blamed. "Gai, since you won my recognition, shouldn't you...do something to show your happiness?"

"YOSH!" He showed his good guy pose, still with waterfall of tears. "I shall do a new challenge! I will hopping around the village, with one finger, for at least five times! If i can't do that, then i will repaint your house's exterior with every colors until it going back to the original color, in one night!"

Crap. What did i do to deserve this... "Fine Gai. You can do it now."

"Yes, my hip rival!" With that, he went out and began to do his challenge.

"Well that's new. I didn't know that you guys don't want Gai on party."

"Oh, it's not that we don't want him. He's just being super hyper lately. THAT Gai's really infuriating if you hang out with him for more than 10 minutes."

"Make that five."

At least no one asked why i changed anymore.

"You know, i like the more helpful Kakashi."

Or not.

-naruto-

Okay, i couldn't sleep, and it's already three in the morning. And i wouldn't want to meet them so late! Surely i have my tardiness to keep, but the missions would be worse than crap had i appear too late, like Tora kind of crap.

Shit, what should i do to fall asleep soon?

Hmm. How about some training?

Nah. I might get too burned up to the point i actually couldn't sleep at all. Sharingan? Nah, i would went into coma had i went to sleep with my sharingan eye open.

But what if...i would use Kage Bunshin to drain my energy instead?

Hohoho! Delightfully brilliant, Hatake!

And i was proven right. Got your chakra drained by half really made you tired, especially after such a long day.

And the clone did went to training, to create some new jutsu from low rank ones. What a brilliantly foolproof plan. Even if i still couldn't fell asleep, memories overload surely would did it.

So i fell asleep, and waiting for whatever new brilliance that would taken me the next day before.

Besides, what could a clone do in an hour of its existence?

 _Now, for a third-person perspective_

"Sensei's late." Sakura pointed out from her reading spot. It had been 8:35 and their sensei's still not anywhere near their sight.

"Seems like it's going to be a norm here. He was late for like 2 hours in our test if i recall correctly." Said Sasuke as he got a bullseye to the shuriken target.

"No wonder he told us how to fill time whenever he's late. Maybe we'll get lucky and had him late for only like 45 minutes. Yeah, it's really that bad."

"Maybe he's tired from shopping with me...nah! We only there for like 20 minutes!" Naruto who had been punching a bag dummy since it's apparent that their sensei's going to be late added his own thought.

"You shopped with him, Naruto?"

"Yeah, nothing special. He's not the type to haggle, that's all i can say."

"But why? Why did sensei even bothered to shop with you?"

"Well, Sensei used to protect me. He's, uh, an ANBU that's tasked to protect people from Konoha drunkard! It just happened that they attacked me so many times because of my whiskers, or something like that 'ttebayo!" Naruto used the excuse that Kakashi had invented for him in case that people ever questioned many kind of questions about the lonely life that was subjected to him. Besides of the excuse, it worked as half-lie for everybody part as well since Naruto didn't even know why sometimes people with funny breath hunted him. Turned out they're some drunk who really, really hated the fox and want it to die, not knowing or care for the consequences that would put the village in even graver danger after. So in short, they're either uninformed, or just that dumb.

That, and some of them thought that, um, it's actually used to be a female, and they attempted to 'expose' it by screaming Kai and Kai for hours. Some of them went to the good side and became at least Neutral for Naruto.

"Whiskers, huh?"

"Yeah, right! It's so...frustrating to get discriminated." Naruto had a microsecond period of being sad before jumped back to his energetic self that no one caught." I mean, i have whiskers! I'm also a blonde who happened to be tanned! Is that how Konoha treated their most exotic, handsome and-"

"Naruto, i'm going to ignore the fact that you just became a super narcissist because of your whiskers, so don't make it harder for me, dead last."

"Bah! Stuff yourself, teme! Can't blame you to be jealous of the most exotic genin in Konoha! Wahahahaha!"

"Hn." Sasuke dropped the topic since he didn't have the patience to talk with the hyper jinchuuriki. Instead, he went for the another available topic. His fangirl had been not so noisy today after all. No offer to join her in lunch or dinner, no empty praises for him. And most of all, not a single anger directed at Naruto even after his narcissist moment. "You've been awfully quiet now, Sakura."

"Yeah! Uh, no offense Sakura, but i both liked the quieter you, but also missed the old you who would get angry at me for many things."

"Naruto, you make me thinking so much about you lately."

"Really? Does that means we're going to a date soon?!"

"Baka!" Naruto broke the chain of no anger from Sakura with that comment. Luckily for him, he didn't get a hit to the head today. "I didn't meant it like that! You're just being so weird and full of surprises lately! The clan thing, Kakashi-sensei being so close to you thingy, and now the whisker thing..."

"Ehehe, sorry for adding more confusion, but you can't separate Kakashi's relation with me and my... whiskers."

"Now that you mention it, my parents used to tell me to stay away from you too. But why would they get scared by a kid with whiskers?"

"Eh, i don't know myself. Believe it! And did you say that your parents warned you to stay away from me?" Naruto said, now slightly scared and sad that Sakura's parents were just the same like the rest of the village, not to mention that it might explain for why he didn't have a good start with Sakura.

"Yeah, they say you're fine to them now though. Why?"

The demon container did everything he had to not jumping in excitement or cried in joy over having another people acknowledge him. Became a ninja's not just his only way to prove himself, but it's really the best career choice for him! First Iruka-sensei, then Kakashi-niichan, then that Ebisu guy, and now Sakura's parents as well? If this kept up, he'll be a beloved Hokage sooner! "That means my dream just become closer to reality 'ttebayo!"

 **"Dream? I'll shatter those dreams of yours you pathetic children!"**

The blonde Uzumaki felt his stomach churned. What was that? The Kyuubi just got loose, and now threatening everyone? No, no way, not now...

But a strange, very localized collection of electricity showed him that it was something else.

Not that it was any better; he could tell that whatever it was, it hold a strength that was far greater than them.

"Wh...who are you?" Sakura could only squeaked as she tried her best to not lose her mind into the thick atmosphere.

 **"Fools! Didn't you listen? I'm the one who will eat your dream away and turn them into nothing!"**

"Sh...show yourself!" Sasuke ordered, also struggled to maintain his sanity.

 **"MWUAHAHAHAHAHA! Fine, you mortal! I only heed you my attention because i need some good entertainment, after eons of my entrapment!"**

The three of them prepared for whatever ahead of them. Whoever going to appear in front of them's definitely a powerful Shinobi, perhaps even stronger than their sensei. Hell, he hadn't even appear yet, and they already felt such an amazing power from his destination alone!

And when the storm that accompanied whatever thing that invoked their sense of survival finally cleared out of the way, the three of them did such an epic reaction at the appearance of the thing that scared the shit out of them.

They face-faulted.

"SENSEI?!"

-naruto-

"Ah, finally!" I cracked my sore neck to meet the stare of all my genins that looked at me like a deer in headlights that also demanded an explanation. "It actually might be faster to just running on foot. Sorry that i'm late everyone, but i tried to turn myself into a god by using my elemental bloodlines to turn a D-Rank Jutsu into SSS-Rank and-"

"LIAR!"

"Ah, i got caught. Kids today are so cynical. No imagination at all."Everybody rolled their eyes at my statement, which's ridiculous since they actually the one that enjoyed childhood without any war. "But seriously, what you just saw is a modified shunsin that temporarily filtered my appearance and voices, and complemented by my thunder element and killing intents. Granted, there's no way it's going to turn me into superman, but it's definitely one hell of a display, right?"

"I have to admit that it's actually kinda cool, Sensei." Ah, my Sakura. You didn't know that kinda cool's actually a Quality meme for Naruto, right?

"Oh! Oh! But what rank it is sensei? B, C, or even S?"

"Actually, since it took half of my chakra and much slower than the original shunsin, it might be ranked even lower than the original, hahaha." All of them now stared at me like i'm a pile of turd, possibly from embarrassment of being scared by a useless jutsu. Oh, if only they knew i developed it only by my bunshin... "Either way, ready for our first mission?"

"Hn."

"Hai!"

"YEEEAAAAH! Mission mission mission yeah! Mission mission yeah!"

"Naruto, shut up!"

"BONK! AWWW!"

Ah, Sakura-chan. I know that you've been driven to frustration, but couldn't you at least taking it on something else than my little brother's head?

Now that you mention it, how did Naruto spoofed a Nickelodeon shorts that didn't appear until last year, and a video game?

"Aw...that hurts."

"Huh! You should've know that everything have driving me to the wall lately, Naruto. Didn't you listen what i said earlier?"

"Yeah, but whatever! Finally we'll get our mission, yeah! I'm gonna love this mission!"

-naruto-

"I hate this mission!"

"Dobe, stop complaining and do the job!"

"But it's not an epic mission, or even standard! It's more like a chore! How on earth taking cats to vet can be classified as mission?"

"I agree Naruto, but..."Ah, it seemed even Sakura's book-smart brain couldn't find the reason for why these counted as mission. "Kakashi-sensei, i already knew D-rank missions are going to be something small, but to do chores for villagers, really?"

"Well for the starter, we take like 20 cats, not just cat."

"But still, couldn't they just...hired someone else than Ninja?"

"Yeah! All those princess and lords, waiting to be saved by us, and we're stuck delivering kitties to doctor!"

"Just take it for now, Naruto. You know that doing D-rank missions are even more humiliating for elite ninjas that have went for epic missions like me, right?"

"Tch!"

"Yeah, just try to deal with it. Stair to the elite ninjas are, after all, not that smooth." The explanation's still not good enough for all of them. Even Sasuke, who didn't showed his disdain for the mission by anything to express it, looked even more emo than usual. "Look, just try

-naruto-

 _Two weeks later_

"No more chore! We deserve more!"

"D-Rank stunk! We need more funk!"

"We are not tools! Ninjas no fools!"

"We need power, so we can...mow 'em?"

The crowds that have looked at us silly now went full cricket on the lame rhyme that my raven-haired genin just said. Hell, his stalking fangirls also looked at him like he's a super nerd that had to be avoided!

"GYAAAH! You sucks, Sasuke!"

"Shut up, dobe! I don't know how to do those silly rhyme!"

"It's not silly if this's part of our protest against injustice!"

"Hn."

"Is that 'hn' means i agree or i don't agree?!"

"Be quiet, you two. We already caused too much commotions."

Yeah, after two weeks of doing things like painting roof and helping people's harvest, we unanimously decided that we need a great mission for a change.

I didn't care about destroying the plot, and i didn't do it to speedrun their progress, i just want to do something better than labor duties, dammit!

-naruto-

"Absolutely no."

"AAAAARGH!"

"Naruto, can you be quiet for a while?"

"You don't help us at all with your whining here!"

Ah, it was worth the try. Seemed like i couldn't change the canon that much.

"You genins are far too fresh to do C-rank, even with the top academy student here!" Both Sasuke and Naruto got irritated at the statement, obviously for different reasons. "If you want more experience, then take this mission outside the village. At least you three are going to have experience outside of Konoha." Grudgingly, everybody accepted the compensation. Sakura took the mission letter and read the objectives, before she blanched.

"Gyah! I'm doing this protest to avoid the cow manure, not to get another one from the horses!" Finally, now i knew why my pinky joined our protest despite its silliness. Actually, she did it better than Sasuke.

"You're Ninja. Things are going to be much nastier than manure in your future."

"Even if the cows jumped and dumped it at my head?"

Sarutobi-san looked between me and her. After found the lacks of exaggeration and full honesty on our part, he slumped to the desk and muttered something about unregistered cow summoners. Frankly, i don't think i would know about it later. "Just do the job."

"Yes, Hokage-sama!" Unfortunately, the Hokage stopped me before i walked out of the door. Oh, man. He looked a little upset here.

"Now tell me...what possessed you to do a little protest with your student here? I know D-rank sucks, but this's part of your job here as a Jounin teacher."

"Um, i just...trying to spread my youth?"

"DYNAMIC ENTRY! AUTOMATIC YOUTH RECOGNITION JUTSU!" A very energized man in green spandex knocked the door out of its hinge. Holy shit, he actually invented a jutsu to instantly recognize and teleport him whenever somebody said youth? "Did somebody want to spread their youth here?"

Hokage pointed his finger at me. The traitor!

"My...my hip rival wants to spread youth like me?" God, not that repulsive, stomach-churner snot and tears combination again. "Finally, the day has come! My friend, join me and wear this-"

"No, Gai. Even if i want to spread my youth in maximum overdrive, i don't need to do it with your spandex."

Maito Gai slumped and walk out of the door in humiliation, the green spandex's now hanging on his shoulders. Whew, glad that went over fast.

"Now Kakashi..."

"Well to be honest, i'm just trying to be a little silly manchild here." My experience allowed me to not tremble from the intense gaze of the strongest Shinobi in Konoha right now. "Actually, i did this to show them that system can't be taken down and bend to their will just like that. Let's just say that this little...shenanigans provide them experience of failure in their effort, as well as giving them more motivation to do more to become eligible for the better rank jutsu."

"Hmm. Good thinking. I think i can forgive you here. But what other silly thing you have in mind, if i might know?"

"Well i've been thinking about pranking other team, or knowing other teams..."

"Tell your team they can find information about the other team in Konoha for various purpose. I don't think i want another stack of papers for reports about your pranks."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh, and Kakashi?" I looked behind him, noticed him smiling.

"Keep it up, and they'll get that C-Rank Mission in no time."

I smiled back at the wise Hokage before i closed the door.

Weeks, and that creep Danzo's still not on sight.

-naruto-

"Well, that was unsatisfying."

"Failure don't feel good 'ttebayo..."

"That's our lesson today: Don't expect everything in our life to go smoothly, and keep trying! Once we done more mission, i'm sure our protest will be accepted!"

"Fine. As long as we don't try to make more rhymes." I decided to not addressing Sasuke's complains.

"Alright guys, since we failed in our protest, and this mission's for the next day, how about finding information about other team in Konoha?"

"For what, Sensei?"

"Yeah, we already know everyone in our class!" Naruto added what Sakura said.

"Well, sometimes we're going to have a joint mission with them, so it's definitely going to be good for us to know them better so we can work with them better. Also, this will provide us information to know who's the most suitable to work, and practicing together with. Besides, the other top graduations were from clans, so they might hidden their skills on class."

"Okay, sensei!"

"Now, you guys need to find their training grounds first. Don't bother to find them in case they're out for mission, we can look for them later."

"Hai!"

"Now, dismissed."

-naruto-

"Well, how do you guys think?"

"Hmm...team 8 sounds like our best option." Sakura summarized.

"Really? And what's your reasoning would be?"

"Well for starter, their sensei, Kurenai Yuuhi, is your junior, so she won't be as demanding as other sensei, thereby your requests won't be denied unless she has really good reasons that we can't ignore."

"Good thinking, Sakura. And what about the team itself?"

"Unlike Team 10, all of their clan jutsu are offensive oriented. They definitely worth more as sparing partners."

"That's true, Sasuke, but Team 10 are filled with kids from clans for information gathering. They still capable of providing you three surprising challenges."

"Hn. That Nara kid's a dead-last like Naruto as well."

"Well Nara are known for being lazy as hell, but they're actually proven super genius intellectually, so maybe his intelligence's still not honed yet." He looked surprised at the news that Shikamaru's possibly the smartest of the graduates. "But yeah, in that case, they're definitely not ready for sparing with us yet."

"So that set it? We're going to have a sparing with Team 8 soon?"

"Yeah." I noticed something wrong with Naruto. He looked...reluctant. "Is there something you might want to say, Naruto?"

"Well, it's kinda disappointing that i couldn't fight with Team 10 soon. Shika and Chouji are kinda like friends to me, so it's disappointing that i can't get to know them even better. And i'm not familiar with team 8, i mean i don't know Shino that much, Kiba looked down at me somewhat, and Hinata's so gloomy and-"

"Hinata, gloomy? Naruto, are we talking about the same Hinata?"

"Eh, yeah? I mean, she always looked away from me, rarely spoke and kinda avoiding me too. Isn't that like you, teme?"

"Usuratonkachi," Sasuke looked at him like he just couldn't believe that man's really even more idiotic than he thought. "There's a difference between shy and loners. You may think of both of them as weird, but they're not the same. Not to mention that she might avoiding you for different reason..."

"Heh? Hinata might have reason to avoid me other than negative reasons?"

"Naruto," Sakura face-palmed at the idiot's lament in front of her, "Your idiocy know no bounds."

"Naruto, if there's one thing i learnt about woman in the past, is that they can be very unpredictable. Just when you thought you understand one, next day she gone and made a change." I tried to help him by using a popular song from Tom and Jerry. Surprisingly, that cat already became a cartoon here, only beaten by some crazy cat and rabbit family. Hooray for western imports!

"Hey! I can say the same with guys!"

"Ah, false equivalency. Our side's not the same with yours. We're not understandable for women and girls because we can be so stubborn. Girls and women, on the other hand, are not understandable for us because they could be sweet and scary at the same time. Is that right Naruto, Sasuke?"

"Hn. Maybe right. Most of fangirls never change though, always trying to make me going lovey dovey."

"Eh, i don't know myself, although i agree that Sakura-chan can be scary and sweet..."

Sakura pouted at her argument being soundly defeated by the males.

"Now that's settled!" I smiled at the three of them. "There will be no sparing for now. You guys need to know about girls and boys more instead! Can't risk our chance if there's going to be some escort from someone who happened to be bossy and demanding, which ended in failure because any of you screwed up stuffs. So, in a week from now, there will be dinner together, between Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Hinata!"

And as expected, both Naruto and Sakura couldn't know whether to thanked or cursed me for my crazy attempt in messing and maintaining with the original pairings, while Sasuke was...horrified.

"EEEH?"

"Now, now. You guys can't thank or condemn me until the deeds is done. Who know if you'll enjoy it or not, and don't forget that i have the say in your training." Everybody mumbled at my authority. "So anyway, let's settle with some training first before night." I saved myself from some lashing with that word. Training. Yeah, even Sakura got excited by training and good diet after i explained that Sasuke maybe needs to be approached by something different, namely became tough and curvy.

Too bad that she happened to have the fate of being the flatter Kunoichi.

"Are we going to finally see some great jutsu? We already can burrowing, turn into giant shuriken, use chakra to get faster, and physically good enough to chase the best petty thief, but we need something awesome dattebayo!"

"Well before i teach you three some great jutsu, i'm going to show you what kind of high-level battle can be. Can't make you three froze up in the middle of battle, can we?"

Everybody nodded in agreement. After a bit of walking to reach the location, i created a kage bunshin, before we went into a mock battle: Me as the prey, and the kage bunshin as predator, hid between the tree of the forests where we trained. And as final touch, we poured out our capture and kill aura.

Even without any of us using dangerous jutsu to fight, the three of my students trembled tremendously at the assassination aura that me and my clone discharged.

Fight was finished in less than two minutes after i foiled my bunshin's ambush with a dragon water from a pond nearby. I looked like i'm going to be finished in a near pond before i revealed that the pond was my plan all along.

"T...that was awesome!" Despite what he said, my blonde genin's voice was absolutely unlike his usual cheerful self. He almost sounded like a squeaky toy. "Holy..."

"Yeah, that's what you'd expect more or less from average Jounin fights. An elite one like me could take five of normal Jounin at least." "When i fight you all in that test, i only used one-fourth of my power. You still caught me with your skill however, Sasuke."

"S...sensei...how strong are you actually?"

"Hmm...i'm the closest in the village to Kage level myself, but i haven't train as hard as i could recently. In the time of peace, it's better for some jounin to not become too powerful so regular clients and people won't get terrified at us. I'm still close to my peak level however, so i could bounce back to my full fighting self in no time when needed. And just for your information, there are people who can defeat me, and i'm not talking in just one category like being faster, stronger, or have more chakra. I'm talking about people who really can defeat me fair and square; the Sannin trio, people at Kage level, maybe even some S-Rank criminals." I explained the power level of Shinobi in this world.

Everybody there were awestruck at the thought that there were people that could be even more powerful than me. Naruto looked like he's trembled in fear and excitement at the same time, Sakura was in awe and fear before she recomposed herself, and Sasuke looked excited as well before he scowled.

"How about Him?"

Ah, he wanted to know how strong Itachi was. Should i tell him, or not? "Well he's physically weaker than me, but some of his jutsu can defeat me without any buts. In fact, his sharingan are possibly much stronger than me after he managed to evolve it."

Sasuke's eyes darkened at the thought of how much power his brother had.

"Well we just need to become stronger, right?" Our morale booster, Naruto, spoke again, this time his voice became completely convincing. "Despite i have one billion steps before i can become Hokage, i won't give up! I will prove my worth to every Shinobi in this world, even if i have to break myself into pieces, and sewn every parts back! Believe it!"

"Now that's my Naruto!"I ruffled his hair, while Sakura and even Sasuke looked at him in some kind of admiration and disbelief. "I explained all of this to you to give you a picture of Shinobi world and their strength. You two, Naruto and Sasuke, have such a grand goal, but i don't think you two really know what kind of stakes you two have to face. It's better to know what kind of adversity you two have to face so you will wise up before you finally tried to get the power you wanted. And do you know why i make a point about comrade so much?"

"No, actually."

"Because comrades are not only people who can help you when your enemies happened to have something that only your friends can counter, but they also the one that provide you support for many things." My expression strained slightly as i explain more. "Sometimes, power can corrupt. There are many ninjas that gained power at the cost of their goodness, even their sanity. Those kind of power wouldn't worth it, because they ended with many hunting you, you will spend your entire life hiding and hunting. Worse of all, you might never realized how you lived such an unhappy life before it's too only your friends that can prevent it, or pulled you back from the darkness. But in the end, it's all up to you to stay on the good side. And i don't want any of you to become so stubborn in case that unfortunate thing happened."

"Don't worry sensei! Uzumaki Naruto won't give in to the dark side! I give you my word 'ttebayo!"

"Hn. I certainly won't do anything to taint my clan's name."

"I...still don't know what to do in ninja's world, but being bad sounds sucks, so i'll avoid to be bad, shannaro!"

Ah, the joy of being good. Seemed like everybody here that taste really gave you positive feeling.

Wonder if Sasuke would still stay good after the curse seal and Tsukoyomi though?

-naruto-

A week later, on the dinner...

 _"S...Sasuke-kun! Don't ignite the baka even more!"_

 _"N-n-Naruto-kun...Uchiha-san..."_

Well the date went a little better than usual. They just started yelling in their formerly insipid waiting for their order.

The next seven days were spent in tranquility (disregarded the manure war between me and my cute genin.), and i taught them how to climb trees by walking. The basic for why i did it earlier was simple: With better chakra control, they could put more of their chakra into anything, which means that not only their future jutsu would be more potent, but also their physical capacity would went much higher. That would finally allowed me to teach them some of my high grade jutsus.

Unfortunately, progress went slow initially. They could only walk a small tree now, even Sakura despite her already very superior chakra control. Any further and their chakra system ended up cramped them up. I declared that the three of them had to rise their physical capacity first so their chakra wouldn't end up burned them whenever they used them continuously too much. But still, the chakra control exercises cranked up their speed by at least twice. It's just that their body couldn't handle chakra control usage for too long.

But now, after some training with well resting time and nutritious food intake, i'd bet they could handle tree climbing much better. At least they would be able to do those tall trees soon. And finally, maybe Naruto would find out why resting time for every training's necessary (sorry, training from hell trope!).

As for the 'date', it went smooth until Sasuke mocked Naruto's attempt to sell himself as the most exotic ninja in Shinobi business to the waiter. Sakura and Hinata slightly laughed at what they perceived as a joke, while Sasuke perceived it as Naruto just being his idiot self. Honestly i agreed with Sasuke there, but i also could see Naruto did it as a little joke as well.

Either way, the guys who fought there were idiots. Couldn't they see that almost all of them waiters were from Akimichi clan? Had it been any other restaurants, they'd kick them out right now for causing such ruckus!

"Man, the peace should've ended sooner. Now i have to pay these shrimp!"

"Hey, don't call us shrimp!" Said the three kids with googles at the Inuzuka ninja. Yeah, Kiba had been instructed by Kurenai to watch the whole thing with me. Shino had family business to attend, so his contribution was to plant the necessary spying devices for us instead.

As for the kids with googles, Konohamaru gang decided to spy at their mighty idol's first date and invited themselves to the spying club. I had to told them five times to stop their attempt to get Sasuke out so Naruto would be alone with his 'honeys'. For some reasons, the three thought that Naruto's a true ladies man while Sasuke was a poor peasant who got lucky to walk beside their lord and savior, the Boss, the leader.

Man, Konohamaru really had one hell of imaginative mind for a kid.

"Heh. Hinata, you're too good for this world." Kiba sighed as Hinata managed to calmed down the two almost-fighting boys. Oh, we have a little struck love here! Naruto, you have a competition. "Hey, you're that Sarutobi kid, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

Kiba gave a noogie at the unsuspecting boy.

"Gah!"

"Ha! I always want to do it to you, shrimp-AW!"

"Meanie!" Moegi who gave Kiba that push finished it with a combination of Udon's noogie and her own insult.

"Woah! You act a lot like boss! Except he did that in front of grandpa, which means he's more awesome, but you're kinda cool too."

"The idiot? Meh, he sucks. Most of his jutsus are gimped up editions of the original jutsus since he couldn't do it properly. Took him like two years before he even managed a good henge. He gave us laugh with the clown Hokage henge though."

Konohamaru's appreciation for Kiba turned into disgust. And the flaming red cheek showed he's ready to explode. Oh, dear... "Liar! Boss's awesome! "

"You two, calm down..."

"Oh yeah? I have been his classmate for three years, and he totally sucked! Took him an extra chance to finally graduate, and that idiot had failed the graduation exams twice with classes above him, so he should've know the graduation tricks in the first place, and he still failed!" Ah, so that explained why Naruto still passed the exam with people around his age. Gai only became a chuunin in his 18th , but he mastered the 6th gate in two years after, so he became a jounin sooner than Kurenai. But still, he had the bad fortune of graduated as the third oldest genin because we prohibited some acceleration tricks after war. Looks like they added some stipulation yet. But why Sasuke didn't take it if Naruto could?

"If he really sucked that much, then there's no way he can defeat Ebisu-sensei!"

"What? That elite teacher got defeated by him?"

"Yeah! He only went back from hospital to train me 6 days ago, after...15, or 17 days in bed?"

"You two, please..." Man, shit just keep escalating.

"No way! There's no way Naruto's strong enough to defeat him, let alone put him in hospital for so long!"

"And he already did it before too!"

"NO FRIKIN WAY!"

"Hey, who's that?"

I shunsined out with Konohamaru's friends out, leaving the rests to fend off with themselves.

Oh, well. Konohamaru won't get punished badly due to his status, Kiba on the other hand...God bless his soul.

-naruto-

"Well that went rather well, aside from the almost fighting moment."

"I...i enjoyed eating wi-wi-with N-Naruto-kun... and you two." Woah, Sakura and Sasuke were just afterthought!

"Hn. I agree, dobe's surprisingly a good storyteller on table. The werewolf who helped the maligned kid from three drunk pigs. That's quiet original despite the obvious influence."

Oh, Sasuke. That story wasn't a twisted three little pig story. That story came from one of the nastiest plan to annihilate our Jinchuuriki that i foiled. And Naruto... Those three attackers that you referenced weren't just drunks. Those three were some Konoha ninja that truly worse than trash and didn't even care for our rules for you. In fact, we executed them after we found their plotting for your demise by help from other village! Some malicious people, for better or worse, were truly stupid to not thinking about long-term consequences. Good thing they never sent the letter since they even added 'the Kyuubi Brat' in it. Unbelievably stupid.

"I just wish that there's some ramen menu there."

"Naruto, we should be grateful for the free dinner!" The pink-haired girl scolded him at what she perceived as lacks of customary.

"Hey, i enjoyed it! I just wished there was ramen. If there's one, it would be perfect! But alas, beggars can't choose, right?"

"I...it's b-b-beggars can't be cho-choosers..."

"Ah, you're right! Thank you for correcting me, Hinata-chan."

I just about to congratulate the four of them with Kurenai for everything (well three, since Hinata just passed out from being called -chan and got her hair ruffled), when...

"NARUTO! FIGHT ME!"

"Boss! The meanie insulted you-gack! Stupid dog! Get off of me!"

"Konohamaru-kun!"

"You're alive"

Oh, dear. I thought they decided to abandon the mission.

Well, at least the only casualty here was Konohamaru's scarf.

"Eh, what?"

"I've heard that you defeated that Ebisu guy, the Jounin's most trusted bodyguard for Sarutobi compound! Prove it to me, you dead-last!"

"WHAT?"

"N...Naru-Naruto-kun's really that great?" Hinata's head bopped up as she mumbled just after she awoken, before she saw Sasuke and Naruto held her body. Once again, the shock of being supported by her crush and probably, a handsome avenger sent her back to slumber.

"Naruto...have you been hiding your power this whole time?"

"Kakashi?"

I whispered at Kurenai about the whole fiasco between Naruto and Ebisu. Of course, i left their first fight out, to avoid a female's wrath.

"Okay, so let's settle this! Kiba's going to fight Naruto with whatever kind of fight that Naruto won against Ebisu!"

Eh, what?

"Don't worry." Kurenai said to me before she whispered. "My Inuzuka genin really need to get knocked by a peg or some. And besides, Naruto really needed some respect from his peers, right?"

"Ah."

My blonde Jinchuuriki himself mumbled a little before he came up with something, surprisingly sounded humble for now. "Eh, it's not a fight actually, but..."

-naruto-

Well that ended well.

Except for Kiba, who had to be carried to hospital. Stupid mutt tried to do 100 Kage Bunshin after Naruto did 50, and paid the price.

Good thing that Naruto didn't do literal One-thousand Kage Bunshin, or his harem jutsu instead. That could meant the death of Kiba in the former, and him in the latter.

Man, sooner or later, there would be a law that prohibited anyone to have a chakra-measuring contest against Naruto.

Well, at least now everybody know about his very abundance chakra.

"So, uh, is there anything i can do for you, Kurenai-sensei?"

"It's...really nothing, Naruto-kun. It's all Kiba's own doing after all."

"But what about your team?"

"We'll manage, Sakura-chan, although we definitely won't be able to do mission outside of village."

As Kurenai had a little talk with my genin regarding her team's near future with one of the member knocked out for at least a week, i looked around to see...Tazuna the Great Bridge Builder, approaching the Mission Office? So the mission for Wave's going to happen soon.

"I...is that can b-be done, sensei?" Hinata's voice brought me back to reality.

"That...actually can work. Kakashi,"

"Yes?"

"What do you think of Naruto's idea to work together until Kiba gets well?"

What? Tazuna just got here, and we're happened to going to work with Team 8 together?

What the hell is going on here?

"Uh, sure. Why not?" Oh well, what can we lose here.

"Whoa! Boss even gets the older honey!"

"He's really awesome, Konohamaru-kun!"

"Yeah."

 **"YOU NAUGHTY KIDS! WHERE DID YOU LEARN ABOUT 'HONEY' AND HAREM PLOTS?!"** Kurenai showed her version of big head jutsu, courtesy of Tendo Soun or Iruka depended on your world.

"EEEEP!"

"THE OLDER HONEY'S SCARY!"

"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

Yep. I changed too much things.

-naruto-

Yep. Long filler, lol. At least it set up stuffs, right?

So to make it up, i'll give you three choices for me to screw up the plots:

1\. Orochimaru way: I stole every medical and other knowledge from Orochimaru and Kabuto using sharingan, and use it to the best of my goals. Orochimaru and Kabuto will live, but they get humiliated by me in every way, even in parts where i shouldn't appear.

2\. Sharingan-hax way: I stole many Shin-Uchiha clones' sharingans some way before Shippuden part to spam Izanagi and Izanami, and Shisui's eye from Danzo after genjutsu'ed him just when he waking up from his sleep. Also i might awaken Mangekyo earlier around Chuunin exam and Kamui'd mountains everyday just to piss Obito.

3\. Rinnegan-hax way: I convinced Konan to give Konoha Rinnegan after Nagato's death, and planted them on Yamato and Tsunade. Add some other crazy shit as you like to fill the blanks, maybe mixes stuffs from other way as well.

And finally, i'm so happy to see this story got a very good response from all of you! And yes, mr. Blackdrake, i'm planning for Sasuke to not abandon the village, and if he did, at least it's because the cursed seal and Tsukoyomi truly make him insane. And if he did went that way, either:

1\. Sasuke would split into two, with the good part became my super bunshin or Stand-like jutsu, or:

2\. Sasuke regained his sanity once he got stronger used some logic and became Konoha spy somewhere before Shippuden began.

Either way, i hope it'll get updated soon with my other stories. Ciao!


	4. Between Demon Cat and Wave

"Good job everyone! You three already managed it to walk through the half of the tallest tree in Konoha. And i think Sakura maybe would make it once she had enough stamina and body strength to do it!" Oh, i'm so proud of them.

Yup, today was a good day. Before i met the three of my genin, i had a little trip in road of life. Said road happened to brought me to the Onsen for woman. Even though it was still a little early in the morning, i could hear several woman giggled behind the wall. Ah, must be a fate when i managed to met Jiraiya out of all people...

 _"So, Jiraiya-sama..."_

 _"Hmm? What is it, my fellow pervert?"_

 _"I don't mean to be rude here, but...why didn't you try to visit Naruto even once? I know you're the one behind the idea to ban any Jinchuuriki talk regarding Naruto after someone leaked his status, and you did talk to some who are on the fence but...why do you avoid to take responsibility for him?"_

 _The man took a deep breath. For the first time from what i've seen around him, the gallant Jiraiya looked dour. "I'll be honest, Kakashi...i always really discouraged by his look alone. He looked so much like Minato and Kushina. But i still hope that in one day that i could meet him like a Grandfather that i'm supposed to be. But then...i met the Raikage and his brother."_

 _"Raikage's brother? What's his importance in your decision?" Hmm. Interesting. B actually made Jiraiya neglected his grandfather duty?_

 _"He's their Jinchuuriki. Eight tail to be exact. B, unlike Naruto, had a family. A brother that he could depend on. Not to mention that he became Jinchuuriki after he already made some friends. But... none of that matter to the villager. They still see him as the monster that locked away inside him, not the boy who became a hero by become its jailer. In fact, he got it even worse than Naruto could ever be. I heard that there were so many assassination attempts against him, including his own former friends." He looked away for a while from his telescope, "If a Kage and the brother of Jinchuuriki couldn't make the hatred go away despite their relation being known, then what a man who only relation is the naming of that child can do?"_

 _"So you feel that even if you're there for him, he'll still be the pariah."_

 _"Yeah. And you know what happened to my previous people. All of them. Not to mention what would happened if someone knew that i took an interest in someone besides a girl, someone that happened to look like Minato... the least i can do, for both of us, is to avoid further harm to him by stay away until he's strong enough. 'Side, Sarutobi never told me any grievous harm done to the gaki. Had it been otherwise, i might already take him to some other small, unimportant village where he can live peacefully with one of my spy."_

 _"Well," I shifted myself to leaned better so i could take off my leg pouch that had bothered me for a while. "I can understand why you avoid him. I myself need to sort myself out after every important people to me die except Tenzo, but...in case you want Naruto to know that he's your non-biological Grandson, i'll let you know that the boy won't hold any grudge. I already told him that i used to be one of the ANBU that protected him, and he immediately called me nii-san whenever we are alone."_

 _Jiraiya smiled. For the first time, it was a sincere one instead of a leer. "Then in case he still wants to kick my ass, is my regular payment to his apartment can convince him otherwise?"_

 _"I think the case's the same with mine...oh, here comes Anko."_

 _"THAT HOT SNAKE LADY? OOOH DADY LIKE IT!"_

 _What the heck. Her boobs were actually even bigger than it looks like? Shit, she's definitely size E! And where did you get invisible bandage wraps anyway? And yet, instead of lust, she made me..._

 _Oh, god. She's an angel._

 _"Ooh, baby..."_

 _And for some reason, i had the urge to protect her stunning body from anyone else, even if it would make me sound like a...hypocrite._

 _"Jiraiya-san...enjoy her beauty today, 'cause Anko will be mine..."_

Ah, so that's how it felt when the alpha managed to show another alpha that the woman's his only. Sooo proud of myself.

"It's just like you said, sensei! Rest time's really important!"

"That's right, which is why working yourself so hard to the point of exhaustion can be detrimental instead." I dropped the bomb on them.

"Hey, then what's the point of working and training hard that everyone always talking about?!"

"I'm not saying that working hard hardly work. I'm saying that doing hard work in the wrong way can be bad for you. So for example, doing hard training in just one body part everyday won't do any good, maybe you'll atrophied its muscles instead, but doing hard training by changing your focus in body part in every next training will be. In fact, it may helped you to improve stuffs that you're not good enough to be your greatest asset, but can help to make area where you're talented even better."

"Example please, Sensei?"

"For example, is my reserves. I'm very average in chakra reserves, and my sharingan used so much chakra because i'm not an Uchiha, so i getting around it with making myself more resilient in pain with taijutsu training, nullified some of my flaws that could make my ninjutsu's vast repertoire almost worthless. Instead of a merely innovative but weak Chuunin or low Jonin, i became an elite Jounin who's known for knowing one thousands jutsu."

"Hn. So to become better than your potential, you shouldn't train just the part where you're obviously talented, but also parts where you're not as talented but at least can help area where you're talented. I get it."

"So that's why you want me to get much stronger, sensei! What good my control if my physical body's not strong enough, shannaro!"

"Exactly. And who knows, maybe your talents can help you to train your not so talented too! Naruto for example, is obviously untalented now in everything but stamina. But using his insane stamina, he could train much longer than you two, which means that he could become much better sooner than what his current talent expected."

"Eh, i actually get it, but i don't know what to do in my case?" Yeah, obviously the blonde Uzumaki wouldn't get it. He still didn't get it when he came back from training with Jiraiya, and he already matured so much too!

"Should i explain it, or anyone else want to..." No one raised their hand. Okay, pinky and ducky traitors. Explain shit to Naruto's harder potty train toddlers. That guy's really a book idiot. "Okay, Naruto. For you, obviously you have a great amount of chakra and stamina, but to put it lightly, you're more street smart than book smart, and much of what you do are improvisations. So obviously, genjutsu is not going to be your field of expertise. Instead, you need to use it for anything else, like Ninjutsu and Taijutsu, where they're for job that are less subtle. Of course, that means you're not going to be a traditional ninja in sense of stealth. That's the job for your teammates, which's why i teach so many teamwork stuffs to you three. And finally, you have an atrocious control, which would make you an average ninja at best if you couldn't make it at least good enough since some jutsu requires very just amount of chakra in the first place."

"Oh...so, i need to work hard on my control so i can become a great ninjutsu user?" Yeah, we've been forcing to make Naruto trying to think more.

"That's right, and i use this tree exercise because it's the best training for the three of you. It's good for Sakura to make her stronger physically as well as her chakra reserves, for Sasuke it's to expand his stamina and chakra reserves, and for Naruto it's obviously for his control."

"That...sounds more like it's the training where everyone can get improvement from it." Sakura pointed out

"Ah, that reminds me, you promised that you have gifts for us in case that we can make it to the top!"

"Well i think you three have done better than expected, which means that at least i can show you what i'll teach to you three once i consider that you three are good enough to learn the jutsu."

I unleashed a kage bunshin, for my next demonstration.

"First of all, Naruto, you're going to learn this jutsu first." My shadow clone released a rasengan in his hand.

"Whoa, cool."

"It's one of signature jutsu from Minato Namikaze, the Fourth Hokage, and my teacher."

"WHAT? HE'S YOUR TEACHER? NO WONDER YOU'RE SO AWESOME!"

And your father too, Naruto. If you didn't tell Ebisu about your clan i might already tell you, but seems like i had to wait until at least you're smart enough to capable of lying with straight face. Better this than Orochimaru attempted to capture you so he could squeeze the dominant DNA from you imo. "I believe that Naruto's the most suited for this jutsu thanks to his immense chakra and kagebunshin skill. Myself couldn't get it right until three years of training or so, but kagebunshin can help the perfect spiraling chakra to not going off rail. Alas, only Naruto that could pull a Kagebunshin without tiring themselves."

"How about me? It looks like a jutsu that someone with naturally good control like me can do as well." Sakura objected, which...actually make sense.

"Maybe later once your chakra's as big as mine, but Naruto's already almost as big, and his Uzumaki lineage made his chakra recovers much faster than us, which make his kagebunshin much more useful than just spying device. Not to mention that you two might as well will be on another intense training to the point that you two couldn't learn anything else. Like i said, learning rasengan need years of training for even talented people like me, and unless you're able to spare your time for rasengan training, then don't bother to pursue it." Actually, his chakra recovery's caused by the fox, lol. And how did Naruto couldn't get any information from the bunshin until i point it to him? "And once you're strong enough Naruto, i'll have another training for you, so you can make your own original jutsu from the rasengan."

"I'll make you keep that word, sensei!"

"And now, Sasuke."This time, i did the demonstration by myself. The sound of thousands flying bird came out from my hand as "This's my signature jutsu, raikiri. Almost guaranteed to going through anything but the finest defense or something thicker than a thousand years old tree. Once you gained your sharingan, you'll learn this jutsu's first state, chidori. Without sharingan, you may end up fried your body since you couldn't see where you need to put more control on the chakra that just about to going out of your control. From chidori you can go to this, or another shape that possible. As for Naruto and Sakura, i might develop a similar jutsu like this with much more concentrated and lower chakra usage."

"Ah, it's not fair! Sharingan's so useful for many things!"

"Hn. And i can copy every jutsu with it too. Even if rasengan and taijutsu couldn't be copied by hand signs, i still can see how they're done and make my own version from it."

"Not to mention that it came with a really strong genjutsu too! Sasuke-kun's going to be reaaaaaly awesome!" Ah, i see that Sakura already read part about Doujutsu.

Naruto went to the corner of shame, depressed from thinking about how his quest to become the most awesome shit from Konoha's going to be derailed by the sharinghax. "Hey, hey, Naruto. If you learn and make some super duper really awesome jutsu, even the most awesome Uchiha couldn't copy it right away. They need to learn it like everyone else."

"Okay! I'll make some really cool ninjutsu that no one can copy but myself!"

"Like you can do it in the first place."

"Shut up, teme! I'll make you eat those words!"

"Guys, please. We still need to do mission today." Reluctantly, the two rivals backed off. "And finally, Sakura, this's the signature taijutsu skill from Senju Tsunade. Most of people with naturally refined chakra controls learn jutsu that have function in support than direct fighting, such as medic jutsu and genjutsu, but this's an exception. I copied it when she went to train with Jiraiya, and i'll tell you that Jiraiya the Sannin himself's scared by this jutsu."

"What? You know the sannin?" Sakura asked to me.

"Actually, i...met him when i wanted to get a signature for my Icha-Icha book, but i met Jiraiya when he dodging an angry Tsunade-sama instead. This's what she did to one of the boulder." Before Naruto and Sakura's pervert sense make them screaming in my ears for being such a pervert, i already did a quick demonstration for my pupils. My bunshin punched a human-sized rock, which went flying for at least 20 yards before shattered into rubble. Said bunshin immediately dispelled.

"What the hell was that?" Asked Naruto after the twenty seconds of silence.

"Sannin happened."I deadpanned. "So basically, i enhanced my power with such a finely concentrated chakra that the stone went flying like a football. Unfortunately for me, that taijutsuninjutsu skill really only work for ninja with very refined control. Without it, i will destroy my own body with just some few usage. You see that bunshin? It still had some chakra, but the impact from its punch also put it in enough self-harm to dispel it, so i can't use it for my own usual repertoire. Sakura, on the other hand, is a natural in chakra control, so she can use it without any real harm to her body, but you needs to become strong enough to do it in the first place, Sakura. So promise me to become truly stronger"

"Hai, Sensei."

"Now...let's get to the next mission." Everybody groaned at the thought of doing the lamest chores out there. "Guys, we have been doing good. Keep it up and we'll be guarding royalty in no time."

They still grumbled.

-naruto-

Well the mission didn't end well.

Even though it was just a grocery mission for an old woman.

It went smooth initially, good in fact. Naruto's anxiety about the fact that our mission was to guard someone from the village turned out to be just an alarm since the old lady happened to be one of the villagers that never saw anything bad from Naruto. The woman seemed to hold Naruto in high pedestal too, which surprised Naruto who claimed he never saw her before. Maybe perhaps she's scared by the prosecution for people who cared for him.

Unfortunately, we also met a very unpleasant man who obviously hate Naruto a bit more than the rest of the villagers.

Since i always felt that overplayed drama felt like car crashes: shitty events that i couldn't take my eyes off them, and Naruto gets called as demon counted as one to me, i'll tell you the only unique thing about the threats from this person. He threatened Naruto, to make his Ninja career never proceed. He'll make sure that he'll never get promoted, respected, or even got any friends at all. Hell, he would make sure that he would get booted out of the Ninja program with any single slight he made. And worst of all? This man was smart enough to avoid the use of the monster, fox and everything else that would get him reprimanded by ANBU, so his brain's at least half-decent enough to deliver his threats.

But overall, he's nothing but a smug snake that should've know his place under the gaze of the copy-cat nin. Ha, cha!

And just when i'm about to make him needs to apply cold water to the burnt area (in more way than just the slang), surprisingly my other cute little genins came to the defense of Naruto first.

"I don't know about Naruto that much to the point i know why you hate him this much, but i can tell you that my parents used to hate him as well." The smirk that he gained gone in a swift after Sakura's next line. "But now, he gained their respect, enough to the point they said i can invite him to my house. So why can't you give him another chance, like my parents did? Why do you have to be so...hateful?"

"Hn. Can't believe i'll say this too, but Naruto's used to be a deadlast in the class. And yet, he kept managing to get behind me in training. I don't see anything resemble a monstrous, trash human being that you see from him. I'm seeing a fellow ninja, a hardworker who deserve his status as a shinobi of Konoha. And you want to make him suffer for no reason but your unreasonable hatred? Over my dead body. Now get out of here before i tell Hokage about your plan to defame my teammate."

Knowing he had nothing to fall on, the asshole decided to move out of the way. But his pride still firm, as he threatened everybody here that he's not over by a long shot.

Glad that was over.

"Th...thank you, guys." Naruto thanked his teammates, unusually solemn in his tone.

"Don't mention it, Naruto. I'm just very...upset with that man. Never i see someone with so much hatred before. Goodness, it's like every words from him feel like poison."

"Ah, it's so good to see you grow up so much, Naruto-kun." The old lady that had been in sideline now spoke up. "You know, there are people who don't hate you, but still think that you're nothing but a fool that's no good. Even my stance is less of you're going to be awesome and more let's give the kid a chance. To see the top student like Sasuke here praised you show how hard you have worked to improve yourself, and as everybody know, Uchiha is one of the prestigious clan that say so few words, and even fewer praises. I'm proud of you, kiddo. It's a pity that prick didn't see it the same way like anyone else do."

"Ehehe, thanks, granny."

"In honestly, ma'am, he's still a fool. He's just a hardworking, honest fool." The Uchiha, of course, had to still act like a jerk beneath his compassion.

"Hey!"

"Yes, i can see how Naruto-kun here still lacking tacts, hohoho!"

"Granny, not you too..."

"Ah, i'm so glad that you three finally manifested the teamwork of fire!" I took this chance to hug Sakura and Sasuke in one grab and cuddled to them. I ignored Sasuke's growls and Sakura's weak squeal from incidentally feeling up her idol's soft cheeks and hair. "You two already came to the defense of our village's pariah, and i don't even need to step in to wreck that guy's smug smile!"

"...You really waited for the opportunity to do this, weren't you?"

"Maa, Sasuke-chan, you have so little trust in your teacher." I ignored the grumbled from the Last Uchiha, or the Haruno that fell into the ground from the feeling of her Sasuke-kun rubbed against her, and instead used it to announce something else. "I guess soon after we finished this we're going to celebrate and-"

"T...team 7, wait!"

Huh? Hinata-chan? With scars around her coat?

"Eh, what's wrong, Hinata-chan?"

"I, um, uh...i need your help!"

"Those scars..." They were all small and unthreatening, without any sign of poison or metal substance, so there's no way they came from an enemy claw. I winced at the idea of finally facing That thing. "Tora?"

"Y...yes?"

"You already know Tora, sensei?"

"It's the Daimyo's Wife cat." I wiped some cold sweats that appeared from the prospect of finally facing the cat. "It often run away from its cage whenever she went to some village, including here. And it's one of the most disliked D-Rank mission, only surpassed by any missions where we went to collect manure."

"I can agree with that." Sakura mumbled her agreement about the hatred for any missions involving literal shit. She then continued to ask Hinata, "Does Madam Shijimi needs to get out the village in a hurry for you to approach us for help, Hinata-chan?"

"T...that's not the reason. The cat ha-has been acting e-era-erratically. We...we are the best choice due-due, due to our tracking abilities, a-and we already ca-caught him twice before, but-but..."

"Hn. I think with Kiba off the line, actually catching him instead of tracking him just gotten far more difficult."

"It's not just that." Ah, here comes the Aburame. Who knew that the Batman of Naruto would became a butt of humiliations when he became a teacher? Imagine Bruce Wayne went crazy from handling Jonathan and Damian? "Akamaru's really essential for catching him, but we still can use my bugs to trap her. But for some reasons, Tora knows where to avoid the traps and bugs. It's almost like her senses had been increased dramatically to the point that it can detect even the presence of familiar chakra." Dear lord. Tora the SuperCat? Kami, what did i do to deserve this...

Now that you mentioned it, how on earth Tora became super cat in the first place?

Somewhere else in Konoha...

"Uuuh...that's the last time i'll check about the true value of thicc woman. Around my age at least. Damn Shijimi-sama..."

Jiraiya rubbed his very, very sore...head (get your mind out of the gutter, it's the literal head, not the other one). Never he was so horrified before by woman body. Here he thought that Madam Shijimi, Daimyo's Wife was just an overweight woman who happened to wore one of the worst make-up, but it actually did a good job in hiding her wrinkles everywhere. And her body...well, she happened to be one of the fat people who had scars from the widening of their skin, and let's just say that Jiraiya never saw so many of them before.

"Man, i knew she used to be even fatter before, but i never realized she really was that fat to make so much...argh, nevermind! Think about Tsunade and Anko boobies, yeah...that's more like it..."

After 10 minutes of calming the calamity inside his mind that resulted in an enjoyable loss of blood from his nostrils, Jiraiya finally get up and began to collect his stuffs together. He had to go to check his spy connection after all. The onsen in Konoha was just a little detour. A supposedly good detour that turned out to be a disaster in the end.

"Huh...where's that super sense seal? Darn it, i need it for spy work at that super dark cave! I worked so hard to perfected it!"

Meanwhile with our heroes...

Somehow, i felt this was all Jiraiya's fault...

"S...so our best chance would be to g-get help from unfa-familiar pe-pe-people..."

"Maa. We'll help..." Of course, my action didn't back me up as i walked back to somewhere else. Super Tora, really? Screw you, D-Rank Missions! And stop staring, everyone else! I have the perfect explanation for why i had to let my genin work without my guidance! "I'll tell Madam Shijimi first about what happened to Tora and..."

"I already told her there's a seal on Tora, so you don't need to do it."

Damn. The rookie Jonin here actually knew a bit about sealing. "Kurenai, do you have any idea on how you just cut down my preparation time to get ready for the inevitable?"

"It's just a cat, Kakashi." Kurenai retorted. Bah, even Shino the Stoic here looks scared! Kurenai, i questioned your ability to look on the underneath if you couldn't even see how evil that cat is.

"The most aggressive cat in history of feline that happened to get its senses accelerated. Yeah, it's just a cat. And besides, we still need to take Mrs. Shizuka home."

"Ah, actually we're already almost at my home."

Damn. Not you too, old woman. The one time i wanted to bank on my irresponsible attitude... "Surely, ma'am? If i recall correctly, we're still two blocks away..."

"No. The cat's more important." Said the usually warm old lady with a firm conviction. Was the cat really that important? "The least thing i wanted, is to have that wife of our Daimyo whining in our monthly woman meeting. So just between me and you, if you couldn't get the cat without harming it, then make sure that it needs to be hospitalized for so long she'll do nothing but grieving, and grieving in her palace. Now excuse me, boys and girls..."

We could only look at her as she went away after she grabbed the groceries from Naruto and Sakura.

"This part'll be off-record in our monthly mission review."

"Agree, sensei." Everyone said in unison.

-naruto-

"AH, I WAS SO WORRIED, TORA-CHAN!"

"MEEEEOOOOOOW!"

"You deserve that, evil kitty."

"No wonder it run away so often."

"Now, Kurenai and Kakashi, i'm glad that the mission ended successfully, but may i ask you for why you smell like an unwashed cat litter box?"

I sighed as the memory of keep losing that cat popped out. Thanks, Iruka. "Well, it turned out that Tora stepped on a seal not too long ago that also heightened its senses." Hokage and Iruka just blinked at me, while Kurenai motioned to Hinata to explain everything as a way to increase her bravery.

"W-well we p-picked help from Ka-ka-kakashi-sensei b-because they n-never picked this m-mission before, but it tu-turned out that Tora a-already p-paranoid to a-anything s-smelled like human, and when Na-Na-Naru-kun-UPS!" Hinata devolved into a stuttering mess after she accidentally gave Naruto a pet name. Wonderful, his little love life just grew weirder.

And somehow, my blonde idiot still didn't caught her attention, despite Hinata looked like the cutest thing in planet Earth at this moment.

"So what happened here's that Naruto fell into Tora's shit, and Kakashi found that Tora caught up Naruto's smell a little worse than before, so we got the idea to disguise our smell with cat odors." Kurenai had the decency to take over from her student before she passed out from overheated by the shame.

"And i already neutralized the seal, so it's all good for now."

"You have the seal memorized, Kakashi?" I nodded. "Very well. I guess i have to say congratulation for all of you genin for finishing your first C-Rank Mission!"

Surprisingly (or not), none of them looked excited at the fact that they just finished a C-Rank mission.

"Eh? That bullshit was C-Rank?"

"Now, now, Naruto. Not everyday you get to catch a cat that became supercat due to some seals." He raised his hand at Naruto while taking some papers from the mission box. "The next missions, hmm...asking post office about the whereabouts of package for Kotetsu, babysitting Homura's grandson that want to go fishing, reviewing letters for Danzo..."

"No, no! Anything but doing chores for village elders! Especially anything involved Danzo The Grouch! Give us something good for once old man!"

"Idiot! Show respect to your elders, Naruto! And everyone else, stop snickering!"

Can't help it, you baka Iruka. Danzo's never liked that well around here. We knew he never blamed anyone for their failures, but he would place his failures on other instead, like blaming Sarutobi and other elders for weakening Shinobi council when he was the one who suggested that shinobi couldn't do economy in the first place. And that's not even counting the catastrophic failures he made around Konoha...

After a little review on the rules they set for missions, and another whining from Naruto, Sarutobi and Iruka had change of heart.

"Haha. Very well then. I think all of you, including Team Kurenai, deserve a real C-Rank mission."

"Yay!"

"Woohoo!"

"Hn."

"Good enough for me."

"A-are we really, Hokage-sama?"

"Now, for Team 8, you're going to deliver ration package to the Wave country for some covert Mist Ninja. It's a C-Rank because you need to be really covert here since there are rebels around the area of delivery. As for Kakashi, you guys are going to protect someone."

"Who is it? A princess, or Madam Shijimi herself?"

"Maybe it's an actress that need to get out from bad contract?" Everybody looked at Shino like he just grew a tail. "What? I like to speculate."

"Oh, how about a couple that needs to elope from their hostile family! How romantic, like a story i read a year ago!"

"I thought the couple died in the story because they're poor kids that got caught in crossfire between their stupid family because they made naive and stupid decisions, Sakura-chan? I don't think that's, eh, good romance story for one?" That's it, i'm pretty much convinced that this was an alternate continuity. There's no way Naruto's really that pop-culturally savvy.

"Calm down everyone, let me introduce the man." Said Hokage while Naruto squirmed from Sakura's stare.

Here comes the drunkard, ladies and gentlemen.

"What is this? This's the guards i'll get? Bunches of brats, with the most stupid looking shrimp i ever see! Are all of you really ninja, huh?"

"Eh, who's the shrimp here, hehehe?"

Needless to say, Naruto was not amused when he found out that he's the stupid shrimp.

"I'm gonna KILL YOU!"

"No, no, Naruto. We can't kill the man who give us the mission. And sir, did you not see me here? How rude." I asked the bridge master as i held Naruto back with his collar.

"Oh, sorry about that! Yeah, thought you were for other kind of mission, hehehe."

"Everyone, this's Tazuna the...Great Bridge Builder. Really, you put that as your full name?"

"Well my employer need to know that they're protecting an important man here!"

"For a C-Rank."

Tazuna sweated heavily at the statement from Hokage. "Well yeah, it's a regional slang, hehe."

"Yeah, you put that as your real name, despite the fact it's obviously nickname."

Okay, i'll put end to this steamed nonsense while the bridge builder's still stammering for a decent answer. "Okay Tazuna-san, don't worry. We're going to make sure that your ninja attack-less journey, is going to be as safe as possible!"

Well, i knew one thing: Tazuna was a bad liar. Look at all those sweats. I just hoped that one of my genin will picked it up so i'd have someone else to keep eye on the road so the poison thing won't happened again.

"Yeah, hehe. Glad that i could get guards after some dealing with my suppliers, hehe."

"Okay guys, we have to prepare for tomorrow. While i'm talking with Madam Shijimi, go talk with Kurenai-sensei, Hinata and Shino since we might be walking together with them on the mission for a while. Also, we're going to have some spar with them soon after we finished the mission, so...get friendly with them!"

Oh, yeah. I'll end this nightmare for every genin and their teachers once and for all.

"So madam, i think i have solution for Tora so it won't run away as often."

"Ah, finally someone know how to handle my poor little kitty. As expected from the son of White Fang!" Good thing that i managed to restore my father's name with all recognition from my achievements. Helped by the fact that his teammates turned out to be hypocritical crooks as well. They were the reason for why his name got muddied almost universally in the first place.

"Well, you can start by showing affection that's more than hugging it to death."

"But Tora-chan likes it!" She said as she hugged it to oblivion, making the cat howling for mercy once again.

"Madam, cats are solitary creatures. As much as it likes being hugged, there are times that it wished to have some adventure by herself." I tried to sugarcoat the fact that Tora didn't like being squashed like a bug everytime. Hell, everyone were creeped by the super hug.

"Oh. So, i need to leave Tora alone sometimes, wandering alone in the wild?" I nodded. "But what about her safety?"

"If you want to keep her safe, you can get someone to keep their eyes on her somewhere from the distance, let it loose on your garden instead, or put some papers with unique seal tracking. Also, if you want to pet it, you can do more than smooching and hugging her so she won't get as bored from the repetitiveness. You can, playing with her fur, or head and neck..." Actually, that was to make her overall affection less...creepy so Tora won't run away as often.

"I'll try it now." The Wife of Daimyo now playing with Tora's fine fur. For a while, the cat purred as if she was in heaven, forgotten her dislike toward the madam for a little moment. "Hmm. She looked more relaxed than she has been for months. Thanks, Kakashi. I'll take your advice."

"No problem, madam."

"Now Tora, we'll have so much fun time in the palace..." Said Madam Shijimi as she snuggled into her pet even worse than before. The cat now tried her best to bore a hole into my head, promised grievous harm upon me and the death for my soul after it left my body. Dear, what have i done. I have failed you, oh the royal kitty.

"Request to be blacklisted from Tora missions, sir?"

"Denied."

"Damn it."

"Anyway Kakashi, i have some stuffs to tell you." Said Hokage as he mentioned me to go to his office. Huh. Interesting.

We shunshined to the Hokage desk, alone without any eyes and ears seeking and hearing us. "We already know that Konoha, especially me ruled with kindness. I have been giving people chances to prove that they're not the monster other see them as, even when their problems already appear long before they got labelled as society freaks. Some like Ibiki, succeed. Some like Orochimaru...did not."

"Sir, i do not follow..."

"Let me just say that you really impressed me with what you did to Naruto and his team." Sarutobi-san put even more seals of suppression in his office. Now it's all definitely nothing but me and him. "You have did everything to him to make sure that Naruto'll become happier without jeopardizing his safety to other village. You told him about your former ANBU job, you spoke to some of the more intelligent civilians to ensure them he's not a threat, you show him places that accepted him. My only concern was when you told him he's an Uzumaki, which could bring disaster if people know about it, but it actually taught him about secrecy as well, not to mention that most thought Uzumakis are red-haired so he'll be safe. And that's not taking the bonds you make with Sakura and Sasuke. You make a very good teacher, and not just as Jounin that's primarily teaching about how to do teamwork to make the best of their genin's abilities, even with people from other teams. You are a teacher who want to be there for them."

"Thank you sir. And that part about teaching Naruto is correct, although i thought he'd not tell about it since he had been very quiet about the fox. And in all honesty, ninja always expected to learn from many, not just one teacher. In the current Jounin batch, it's almost definitely that they will learn from their clans. Had Kurenai and Asuma got civilian genins, they'll do the same with me. We know what Gai did to his two other genins from non-Hyuuga. He trained them more than Neji."

"Kyuubi has been too much of a shock for him, and even the most stupid person know that talking about it is to anyone a big no. And just like i said, you did a very good job, and i don't want to hear your reasoning for why you haven't. You show some great insight and initiative, and that's all that matter. And, all these surprising wisdom moments from you make me believe that you're my best confidant in this matter."

That was...quiet of a shock for me. "What would you tell, and want from me Hokage-sama?"

"I...have relegated some of...shadier dealing from the village to other man. I can't help it, Kakashi. Even some of our supposed saints like Sakumo and Minato had killed many without second thought just to survive. I'm glad we don't have to do that again with no more war, but there are so many deals happened behind our back that i only know faintly at best." Hokage blew a smoke from his pipe, looked more solemn that ever. I did not say anything to him. "And frankly, few of them were done for selfless gain, most of them were to prove something at least. I'll tell you this, Kakashi, there are two people here that are truly enigmatic. I trust them to do everything for the village, and yet, i can't help but to think that they have done terrible mistakes in making sure of our safety, and sooner or later one of their schemes will backfire on us. One of it was my old friend, Shimura Danzo. And the other...is our certain traitor who have killed nearly his own clan whole to save the village."

I did my best to looked shocked. "I...Itachi killed his clan because it was a necessary thing to do?"

"And frankly, it might be. There were... distrusts everywhere between Uchiha and the village. For some reasons, high-rank people thought they had hands with the Kyuubi incident. There were plans for the coup from them that would weaken us at best and made people from Iwa, Suna and Kiri going to take advantage of it at worst. The elders decided that the only possible way to prevent the worst outcome...is to kill everyone in the clan. I refused at first, believed there were still other choices. I may have been able to defuse it for a while and rebuild their trust, or at least got some of the neutral or non-sharingan Uchiha away before Itachi assassinated everyone. But the deed was done, and the village stayed safe at the cost of one of our founding clan. But then, i found this from one of the burial site yesterday."

I looked into the document, and gasped, this time very genuine. "D...Danzo planned Itachi to died in the mission and picked the rest of Uchiha?" Indeed, the letter was a telling about how he did not expect Itachi to survive at all.

"Yes. The Mangekyo supposed to corrode your physical body, turned you blind. And there were simply too many Uchiha, so Danzo thought he sent Itachi to his own death sentence as well. It just happened that Itachi's gain of strength after he awakened his Mangekyo was simply unprecedented to the point that he survived without a scratch." He slightly chuckled at the...gross miscalculation from his friend. "And two years later, Itachi contacted me for the first time after his final report about the coup plans. Danzo did not say anything, but i could tell that he decided to let Itachi off the hook...for now. This matter put his hawkish behavior on the worse term than ever, for it showed that Danzo just couldn't trust anyone no matter how faithful they are. Such a man, in my experience, would make many enemies, create troubles, and put people in harm since he decided that many things that should be harmless as loose ends that need to be burned. No matter how loyal he is to the village, he definitely created troubles that just don't worth it."

Damn. So this universe Danzo's even more vicious. "Well i can see for why you can't trust your old friend anymore sir, but what about Itachi? He seemed to put his loyalty in the right place."

"Indeed, but he often keep many of his thoughts to himself. And based from what he did to Sasuke...i think he definitely had something in his mind. Something that he thought only he could pull off, or ward off. And frankly, as powerful as he is now, there's no way that he could succeed without a hitch in his plan. We already know what happened with Minato's plan to make Naruto hailed as our hero, and whatever this hidden matter is can be even worse than that. That matter put him as much of asset as he is a liability for us."

Indeed, the Shisui's genjutsu ended up made him took it instead of Sasuke. He never accounted other crazy shit happened, like Kabuto became chimera sort of shenanigans. "With all this talk, i think it's time to tell you about my recent findings in the compound."

"Oh?" Hokage-sama looks intrigued now. Good, there were no suspicions. "Why did you tell me this only now?"

"I thought i needed something more to convince you more, sir, but with this talk...well, you honored me with your trust. And it also make me realize that it's time to tell everything, with you have faith in me."

"So tell me what's this interesting stuff then." Hokage ordered me to.

"Several weeks ago, i cleaned up Uchiha's compound with Sasuke to honored it. One of my clone found something that we consider as unusual. It was peeled off skins, splattered with dry blood. Those skins have textures like plants, and yet humanoid enough to pass as us."

"Fascinating. Could it be the power from his Mangekyo?"

"Or it could be from his help outside."

Sarutobi-sama had a horrified look as he realized what i suggested here. "Kakashi, if you really insinuated that..."

"That means there's someone that want Uchihas to be dead, so they decided to help Itachi in his quest, and they could be still alive somewhere."

Hokage sat on his seat, did not even able to look me in the eyes. But i knew that he was petrified, his mind possibly went to overdrive now. "If there's really a stranger outside that took advantage of the Uchiha situation, then this massacre's not only unconstitutional, but it also could doomed us in the later time."

"Of course, maybe Itachi has taken care of them all too." Just try to be a little speculative here, even if i already knew he still hasn't.

"Either way, it's far worse than i could think of. That mean someone strong enough out there exist and already compromised our defense to... Kakashi, i will give you my intelligence regarding some of the most suspicious people in this village that may have relation with other villages, and you're going to investigate them after your mission to the Wave. They may not related to Danzo or Itachi right now, but we still can't allow us to be trapped inside dangerous situation again."

"ANBU style, or just a curious shinobi sniffing around?"

"I'd prefer for you to find ways to have business with them, but that's all up to you." Said Hokage as he gave me the list.

Oh, sweet. One of it was Kabuto. For doing Jounin-level medical jutsu. Low concern, but still. "I'll do my best sir."

"So, uh...is Naruto really just as stupid as his performance in academy said, or he's actually smart and just got derailed by any...mistreatments from the teachers.

"Well, he sometimes surprisingly smart in ambushes, his chakra control's probably shot due to Kyuubi, and he definitely likes to think out of the box, but he has very short temper and attention span, loud, brash, and i'm afraid that he's barely literate with Kanji."

Hiruzen sighed out loudly as the implication that even with proper care, he would still be as stupid as average young Uzumaki. "Naruto, if only you're half as wise and smart as your father, i would've told you about your heritage 4 years ago..."

"Well he also blurted out about his Uzumaki clan in front of Ichiraku. I think we'll need to wait until he's a little bit...mature before we say anything else to him."

"Fine. Just tell me when you think he's ready to receive everything."

"Yes sir."

-naruto-

"Well, anything interesting to talk about from your conversation with Team 8, guys?"

"Kurenai-san wants to join us in the trip to Wave since we're going on similar path until certain point."

"And for some reasons, eh, Shino asked Naruto if he could still recognize him if he's gone for a long time. Now he looked sour as hell since the idiot here said no."

"Hey, he's even more quieter than you, teme! Why would anyone recognize him if he act like that, with the coat and all?"

"...Isn't the hood would make him more outstanding even more if anything?"

"Agree, Sasuke-kun! Shino's very quiet, but he's actually rather easy to be recognized with the hood. The only way for us to not even get reminded by him, is to either have a memory lapse, or by being a moron!"

Naruto sulked in the corner over being implicated as an idiot by his crush. Well, had to break the ice before he sulked for the rest of the day.

"Now everyone, we need to prepare for our first C-Rank mission. While there will be no hostile ninja encounter, there might be a random chance for us to meet some ninja in our journey, so i'd suggest to you to prepare for the worst."

"Sensei, pardon me but wasn't there's no Ninja from Wave?"

"Ah, i see that you've read some geography books. Yes, Sakura, there are no Ninjas from the Wave, but Wave's located on the border between Fire and Water, so there might be some random hunter from some hidden village from Water country on our way." As Sakura shivered, i put my hand on her shoulder to ease her up. "Don't worry. I'll do my best to make sure that at least you guys don't need to fight the big fish."

"Hai."

"Okay, now everything settled down. Go to your house, make sure you have everything on the list that i make, and rest for the night. If you need something, go to Ichiraku at 8 PM."

"So it's more like 9 PM, sensei?"

"Har, har. You know my routine so well, Sakura-chan."

Everyone were dismissed...except for my little bro, who had been scheming for a little while.

"Now where did i put that super instant ramen that will grow with just a splash, hehehe..."

"Ototou, don't prank our client."

"Kakashi-niichan, don't you see it? That guy called me a shrimp. A stupid shrimp!"

"I know. You're an Uzumaki. Most of them look stupid in their youth."

"And how dare he called me that just because i'm happened to be little shorter than even Hinata!"

"Now, now, Naruto. I don't think he has the best attitude myself, but frankly we still need to do our job regardless of how much our client act like an ass. You can do many things to prove him wrong, pranks included but it's not necessarily the best path. One of it is to show that you're an awesome ninja by doing a very fine job for him." Before that loud disagreement came out from his mouth, i added to him. "Also if he's proven to do illegal things like lied to us, you have my go to make his life a hell as much as you can."

The foxy grin showed me that he agreed with my plan.

-naruto-

 _third person point of view that night..._

Sakura and Naruto looked at the three bunshins in front of them, and blinked.

"Sasuke's not coming here?"

"Eh, i don't know. But i have a better question: why's Kakashi using his bunshin to meet us?" Naruto asked to one of the three bunshin.

"Oh, the boss has a date at Ichiraku." The bunshin pointed to the stool where the real Kakashi sat, next to a fair looking woman with purple hair.

"Really? We're going to a mission and sensei used his time for a date with a pretty lady instead?"

"Was his girlfriend the reason for why he's late so often?" Sakura added her thought, before squealed. "That's so romantic! I can forgive him if he's late for that reason."

"Eh, the lateness is more because of other errands, but i think we should be going."

"Yeah, but who's going to wait for Sasuke in case he would come?"

"Me? No way, man. This night's cold."

"Neither do i. I don't want to be blamed for ruining boss's date because the Uchiha decided to be bossy to me."

"I want to spend time with Naruto, so nay. And you, sir" He pointed to the first clone that raised his concern "Have no real reason, so you should stay."

"What? Oh, come on man! You're the one to talk, have selfish purpose and all!"

As the three began to argue regarding who's going to wait for the avenger, Naruto could only stand around like an idiot while Sakura facepalmed. Seemed like everything would went even longer than they thought.

-naruto-

"Hmm...have i said that you smell good today, Anko-chan?" I asked her after i finished my ramen. Well it was delicious and cheap. No wonder Naruto got addicted to it.

"Nope." She said as she snuggled onto me. Ah, this is life. "You're not a bad date yourself, mister."

"Everything went better than expected tonight."

"Who would've know that Gai would turn out to be the best wingman for us?"

Well that part was more unintentional from him. We were getting pestered by our friends; Kurenai, Asuma, Tenzo, even Ibiki. They were, to put it lightly, too interested in our love life and keep asking questions and in general being louder than Naruto, turned our date into an uncomfortable one. Perhaps the shock of having me, the distant scarecrow, dating a crazy snake lady's too much for them.

And then, the Green Beast manifested itself from below 100 yards, shouted that he just sensed the biggest source of youth in the last ten years of his life, even more than when he found Lee. Our pesky friends realized that no one deserved to have their date ruined by the appearance of that sunset genjutsu, and all four of them bolted off to meet Gai. Well, more like holding Gai off. For the next hour, everything went better than expected.

Yeah, still couldn't believe that Gai saved our date.

"You know...you never told me why you want to date me out of sudden."

"Well you're gorgeous and sexy. You always call yourself that in every Chuunin exams, and i very much agreed."

"So does many kunoichi here. And yet you prefer to read that smut instead of dating any of us before." Ah, so she took interest in me before. Hohoho.

"Well this adult literature contain good plots. Real good plots. And you may don't know this, but i once saved a princess from a trio missing-nin and make a one-night stand with her, all while reading the Icha-Icha. Surprisingly, most of the scenes translate well to real practice, including the moans, the sweats, and the climaxes"

Anko stared at me harshly, all the while flabbergasted at hearing that lewd phrases. "I do not need to hear that."

"I call the shot here, my lady. And you're going to hear something like that more often so you'll approve the smut."

"You ass." Said Anko who tried to get up, but i held her down while patted her hair affectionately. The girl hesitated to break my hold before i breathed on her ear, caused her to purr before finally snuggled back again. "I know you'll like it."

"Mister, if you took that from a page from Icha-Icha..."

"Nope. It's my original move, my lady." I said as i firmed my hug. Ah, why didn't i thought of this sooner?

And yes, Teuchi-san and Ayame. Go away, don't look at our dating so your face won't explode from embarrassment. Go make some more ramen, shoo shoo.

"I can't believe i would say that it's a nice date to a pervert."

"Well this pervert always try to be a gentleman for his dates, especially one that he took great interest to." I said as i could feel her blush from my cheek as i was the one who rested on her shoulder this time.

"AH, THERE YOU ARE!"

Oh, god.

Why's Jiraiya here?

"Me?"

"Yes, Kakashi! Give me that super sense seal back! I need that for...hey, Anko-chan!" Oh, boy. Here comes that lecherous man.

"Hmph." Good, ignore that pervert, Anko.

"I must say that even bounded and shielded with illusion, your mounds are still quiet of a sight to see, hehehe."

"What? How did you know that i used genjutsu to make my boobs smaller?" Oh, boy. Out of all thing, that took her interest?

"Well first of all i'm a Sannin. Second, one of my fellow sannin, Tsunade-hime used genjutsu to make it bigger than ever-not that i'm complaining- and third, my recent research showed me the differences! Come on, Kakashi. Back me up on this one!"

Jiraiya, i'm gonna kill you sooner or later.

I slowly looked at her furious face, tried to be as calm as possible. I finally said, "Um, part of the reason for why i took you on a date was because i did not have lecherous thoughts on you despite a direct sight on your lovely breasts, and i took that as possible love. Also, i threatened Jiraiya here to never peep on you ever again because i'll make you mine. I think that was a win for us both."

She still growled. Oh man. I hope at least once she calmed down she'll appreciate what i said and did.

Damn it woman, you're going to make me late again.

-naruto-

So sorry for the lateness, but i had many tests lately for my university. I hope this chapter'll make up for it.

Honestly i'm kinda worried with the pacing since the wave mission's just about to happen after 4 chapters. I just hope that next chapter pacing's going to be better since most of the pieces have been set.

Also i have a new poll to determine how i would truly fuck up the Shinobi world. There's new choice, which's to mess with Kurama to the point that Naruto could use his parents as special bunshin. Vote damn it, not just in mid term and November!


	5. Zabuza's Momochi is Delicious!

A/N: First of all, i'm going to thanks everyone that have follow and fav this story, and especially to XxInu KoibitoxX who went as far as to PMed me just to ask about the story. You guys are awesome.

And second, i have a new poll for how i ultimately will mess the story. You have four choices:

1\. I steal medical and seal information from Orochimaru and Kabuto

2\. I used Sharingan to meet Kurama, gave Naruto superpowers and give Minato and Kushina as two of his special bunshins

3\. I tracked down and steal many sharingans from Shin Uchiha, giving many second chance in life

4\. I get Rinnegan from Konan after Pein fight, and give them to Tsunade and Yamato

You can choose two, anyway. The more votes the choice get, the more importance they're to the story! Not to mention that the fewest vote will be curiosity at best, and failure at worst.

Well that's all, and back to story!

-naruto-

Well last night's date went not as expected. I still had to nurse my bruise this morning. Damn, i got lucky that she didn't use her snakes to crush or bite me.

I just hoped that today, no one's going to be late, and by no one, that meant me. It was supposed to be their first C-Rank Mission, damn it!

Well, i already packed everything, it's still 6 AM in the morning, and i could still make it to the team with only 15 minutes left. After i pissed on Obito's 'grave'. Damn, i liked his character, but that villain of the story shit really went out of nowhere. The only thing that made sense was the dimension jutsu from our sharingan, and even then it's far too vague to make sense of it.

Well, just had to get out of the door, put some lock seals on it and-

Oh. A kunai.

 _slash!_

Guess why i didn't dodge the attack?

Because i could sense her perfume.

My girl's perfume.

"Mmm...taste good, 'Kashi-kun." Said Anko as she straddled me and licked all over my face, occasionally her lips grazed against mine. Each time it does, it connected a little more forceful and longer than her other licks. Oh, and considered that i wore a mask, she's definitely did this on purpose. Her unbounded and real, soft breasts pressed against my chest, giving me warmth and comfort i could never imagine.

I took a step backward and shoved her a little. As she complained about my ungentle behavior, i removed my mask, pinned her into a wall, and shoved my tongue into her throat as she gasped at me revealed my handsome face in all my glory. Her low, seductive moans told me that she appreciated this 'ungentle' man. Seemed like my words last night got into her this morning and doing me favor. Great favor.

But if it ended up being caused by Jiraiya's apology out of all people, i might be subscribed to Gold Membership of Icha-Icha as a gratitude.

Oh, and i would be late for my genins and client too, since i had some...business to take care off.

"Oh, Kakashi..."

Damn, i'm good.

-naruto

"YOU'RE LATE!"

"I paid so much only to get you late for three hours, sir?"

"Kakashi, you're nowhere near as bad as this usually. And at this moment out of all thing..."

"Sorry guys. But i couldn't help myself since i just got a promise for second date with my last night's date. Can't just brushed her on my way here since that would be rude. So i cuddled with her as token of gratitude. Unfortunately, we're...lost in intersection from roads of life and passion."

Unsurprisingly, Sakura squealed at the little romance that i told, while Sasuke looked slightly disturbed, either with the thought of cuddling with a girl or because of Sakura. Meanwhile, Kurenai rolled her eyes at the mention of road of life. However, our most unpredictable ninja here once again proved to be living up to his name. Somehow, he didn't look happy at the fact that his big bro just scored a big one. "But why you have to be with her for three hours?"

"Ah, that can only be told when the three of you are older, preferably two years before you become legitimate adults. Unless...our client here decided for me to tell everything." Everyone looked at Tazuna, expecting some explanations...except Kurenai, who throwing daggers at me with her stare.

"I did not pay Konoha to listen to every details of your love life. Especially any of your...ninja kinks."

Sakura squirmed at the realization about what our client actually implied. Sasuke and Naruto, on the other hand, stayed ignorant. Good, this means that even Sakura still couldn't tell and imagine what actually going on here. She might already got the talk or even seen a little porn or two, but the details stayed out of her imagination. Had a little knowledge of sex wouldn't hurt younglings, but frankly myself preferred for kids to not know the graphic details until they're mature enough to recognize that porno is not a good advice to learn advanced sex. You know how stubborn teenagers were right?

Here, however, the two young guest party members, Hinata and Shino, looked even more terrified than Sakura. Woah, it seemed that both had the 'advanced talk' already. Expected from ninja clan, but out of all people, Shino's freaked out by petting and slight inappropriate touches?

What? Get it out of the gutters will you?

"Are you trying to disturb every young mind here, Kakashi?" Kurenai spatted.

"Nah. Just telling to everyone that i'm now dating Anko."

Kurenai stared at me some more, seemed like she wanted to know if it was a good news, or a bad one for her. Finally, she simply said: "I hope it worked for you two."

"I'll try my best to be a gentleman for her."

"Well i hope you can at least try to look natural without your Icha-Icha." Kurenai sneered. "Despite her clothing, Anko did not want anything to do with perverts no matter how gentle they are."

"Oh, don't worry, i've taken care of it." I said as i flipped through my Icha-Icha pages.

Kurenai's eyes twitched as she did not understand how i took care of that particular problem with me still reading this book on public. "You know what, i think i want to stay ignorant on this issue."

I closed my book as i sensed Naruto tried to take a peek on it. "Okay, that's enough guys! We've wasted too many time here thanks to my, eh...earlier business, and we couldn't take any leisure walk for now!"

"Um, excuse me, Hatake-san, but i'm not a ninja. How am i expected to go as fast as all of you?"

"Don't worry, sir! Hop on my back!" I said as i ignored every stare at me that screamed something about my lame solution: A piggyback. "Well if we ignore some indignity, this's the only way for us to tracked back into our time schedule. Come on!"

Hesitantly Tazuna hopped on my back. Before i could sense anyone looked at us like we're the lamest thing on, i already accelerated like an electric car. Tazuna's curses was heard across the town as Naruto began to laugh at the suffering that his troublesome client just got.

-naruto-

Okay, this's a definition of alternate world.

For one, it wasn't just a demon brothers that attacked us. It was the whole demon gang.

So yeah, imagine 10 puddles scattered around the road, ready to attack you just when you took a rest from running on high speed.

As a result, i couldn't do the reflex test since it was way too serious, and while none got hurt badly, in addition to Naruto, Hinata ended up being slashed by the claw as well. This was despite Naruto did much better than before.

And she followed Naruto's way to get rid of the poison: By stabbed herself on the wound. Had she did not say something impressive about not giving up like Naruto was, and swore about her dedication to the mission as well, i would facepalmed at the very bad first aid.

Oh, and it turned out that nearly everyone followed both of them too. Seemed like everyone got hit by their weapons as well.

"Hehehe. Looks like you're not that much better than me, heh bastard?"

"Hn. Look who's talking, Usuratonkachi. You got it much worse than me."

This time, i did facepalmed.

"You know...it's a great initiative from all of you guys, but there's a reason why i wanted all of us to delay the mission first and went back to the village."

"Huh?"

"Well, if the poisoned wound is not taken care by someone with sufficient medical skill...you could die from blood loss."

Soon enough everything here went chaotic: Sasuke frowned at his wound, Naruto screamed for help and yelling at how he did not want to die, Sakura cursed Naruto's name and swore that she'll came back from death just to drag him back to hell had she died from this stupidity that he spreaded, and Hinata fainted from the shock of possibly going to die. Meanwhile, Shino, the only genin without wound thanks to his distant combat style, looked around his surrounding that somehow interested him now.

"Calm down. I may be able to take care of it from some medic jutsu and first aid i recorded from my sharingan. How about you, Kurenai?"

She nodded. "Let's just take care of our own genders for now."

"Fine." I said as i left Naruto with just some bandages as it was already healed for most of part. Sasuke himself didn't suffer too much since his wound was on the arm. Good thing that none of the wounds were inflicted on some vital organs, just limbs, and only Sakura that got hit on her locomotion limb.

"Hatake-san, may i speak with you for a while?"

Huh. Shino. Very unusual. " 'Kay."

He walked away from all of us. Well, well. It seemed that it's going to be a heavy conversation for us.

"I saw Naruto's wound closed down before you wrapped it. Was it something to do with the fox?"

"Did you figured the fox connection by yourself?" Of course, i had to ask about it. For official reason, of course.

"Yes."If he lied, he would show it to me no matter how good he was at it. And there was none. "Did the fox do another thing to him?"

"Aside from his unlimited energy? No. He's pretty much normal, aside from being slightly shot in chakra control and the whisker marks."

"I see." He looked away, thinking about something. Yeah, i could see how it's going to be. "Then it's really wrong for me to not trying to be a friend or an acquaintance with him."

"So you're avoiding him, just like the other kids."

"Other kids avoiding him because adults tell them to get away from him. I, however, had more legitimate issue with him." His glasses reflected out, made him looked like he had wisdom greater for someone his age. "For a vibrant kid of my age, he's also somehow never want to make friend with anyone and insecure, even if kids still want to talk with him. I once saw him looked really alone when kids who liked or tolerated him playing around with no one to reprimand them, and he still sat there like he had no one to make friend, just after he ran away from Iruka-sensei like 4 years old on caffeine. It...unnerved me. I was afraid that he had some personality disorder and that he switched at the worst time possible thanks to the fox that wanted him to suffer until he snapped, but it looks like he's just simply really feel that lonely. I avoid him because...well, i expected someone to take care of his problem first before he's considered to be safe, which could take a long time. And...i don't think Hokage's going to like it if someone approaching such a sensitive topic without his permission."

I sighed as Shino finished his explanation. Kid do have good reason other than the demon brat crap, i admit. "Some people just don't have that critical thinking ability. Naruto got shunned by many, so he thought he has no one that care for him, even if it's not true and proven by several people for years already. He might be able to make more friends if he has been smarter, but we can't blame him for lacking the brain to do that, can we? Although your maturity and caution need to be admired."

"Thanks. And no sir. Naruto couldn't be blamed for this situation since it's already been really bad for him in the first place. Which's why i want to be friendlier to him for a long time, as you can see from him recalled my previous conversation with him. I just waited for the perfect time."

"Then do what you want."

Shino then looked into Hinata that just woke up from her faint spell, and then checked into Naruto. Naruto was slightly scared by how much initiative that Shino showed given how indifferent he was usually, but soon spoke his gratitude with his usual grin.

Well, this turned out to be better than expected.

-naruto-

 _next morning..._

Except for our shenanigan with the Demon gangs, this journey have went just like expected from the manga.

"Gwaah! Stop throwing noodles at me, you midget!"

"Oh, a shrimp huh? Well, you ask for it, old man! And it's ramen anyway, oh the so-called great bridge builder!"

"Idiots! We're going to be found by Gato's men at this rate! Stop this madness!"

Well, as pleasant as a journey where Naruto decided to have his revenge on someone.

After the old bridge builder emotionally blackmailed us, he took that as a win...except Naruto now got my permission to mess with our client for lied to us regarding the contract.

"Kakashi-san, do something!"

"Well Naruto, as much as he got it coming for him, i'll say that you need to wait until we landed before we pranked him again."

"Hahaha! Thank you, sir, and screw you Leprechaun! Eh, what you meant by we?"

Our playful stares at the old man did not do him any favor at all as he began to sweat.

-naruto-

"Okay, everyone! We're going to look for any danger here." Said Kurenai, taking control of the mission. She felt with me doing genjutsu of him on fire and Naruto threw his super instant ramen at him as soon as he landed on water body while screaming in agony, she had to be the adult on this mission. "First of all, Hinata. Use your byakugan to-"

 ***Clang!**

"...Scan the area."

"Um, th-there's nothing there Na-naruto-kun."

"Heh. Just a rat." What a save...not.

"IDIOT! You don't look cool at all! And stop messing with our client too!" Well by the blush, it seemed that Naruto actually looked cool to Hinata despite the otherwise legitimately stupid moment.

"Hahaha! I-i'm still alive, right?" Said Tazuna with a shuriken that landed just 5 cm away from his left leg.

"Naruto," I tried to scold him, "As much as he indeed possibly throwing us into an even bigger threat, there are lines that we cannot cross, including a faked attempt of a murder, especially to civilian."

"Okay!" He said so cheerfully without any sign of irritation or remorse as he began to look for other kind of danger. Soon enough he hit a cute bunny that had the wrong coloration for the season. As the genins looking into the stupid situation that our unpredictable genin just caused, the adults got into different conversation.

"Interesting. Hares around this area should be able to change color. This one, however..."

"Breed from other lands?"

"Perhaps. This one has been kept on the cages for long too. Look at the lacks of dirt on it. Perhaps this's for..." Kurenai's crimson eyes widened as she realized that an attack coming. "GET DOWN!"

Soon enough a big cleaver spun at our direction. As expected, none get hurt, and Zabuza showed his quickness by landing on the sword's handle.

"Ah, Hatake Kakashi, the sharingan. It was said that you have already copied thousands of jutsu, which earned you another moniker, the Copy-cat Nin." His low, menacing growl would've turned my legs into pudding had i still had my old body and mind. But alas, i'm ready. "And a new Jounin that frankly i couldn't remember, although the fact that i faintly know that you made it into my bingo book's already impressive."

"It's Yuuhi Kurenai."

"I see. Genjutsu mistress, is it?"

"Yes, Demon of the Mist, Momochi Zabuza." Man, she's tense. Then again, he was much more experienced than her.

I stopped Naruto before he did something stupid by entering the battle on his own. "Stay away, Naruto. This one's on another whole new league than the previous ninja."

"Oh yeah? How much dangerous than our previous fight, huh?"

"Like 60 levels higher than before?"

"Um, Sakura-chan?" Said Naruto as he began to sweat.

"Oh he's just like, one of the Seven Swordman of the Mist? The best silent killer in the Shinobi world? Hell, i have ton of praises for Sasuke-kun, and i still won't allow him to get any closer, like 100 yards kind of close."

The dead-last immediately backed away from the battle. Well good thing that his survival instinct beaten his stubbornness.

"Well enough chit-chat. Now, i have to kill the old man." At his words, the genin immediately get ready in their perspective position. "But it seems i have to get the two Jounin first."

Soon enough the area has been filled with mist, and the deadly aura of his killing mode began to surround our area.

"Hinata, scan the area with Byakugan to search for potential body switch objects and other missing-nin. Shino, do the same with your bugs."

"Um, i-i couldn't find much with this thick mist." Said Hinata after a few seconds. "Pe-perhaps i should go to. B-but i-"

"No." Kurenai reprimanded her genin to not get out of the position. "As Kakashi said, this man's much more dangerous than the enemy before. If he shunshined out of our way with some broken limbs and mind, then it's already good enough for us."

"Ah, so you already know that all of you don't stand a chance against me. But what make you think you can even beaten me enough to make me run away, while i have so many ways to kill you? The liver, the heart, the spine...what should i get first?"

"This."

Soon enough i could see Zabuza struggled just to move his body as Kurenai began to approach him on instant. It was obvious that he had been caught by Kurenai's genjutsu.

"See? We will protect you guys." I said to the genins and our client that nearly shat brick, even with our killing aura training.

However, Kurenai's genjutsu only got one of his water clone. But even without the knowledge from the manga, i already knew that Zabuza would attack Tazuna first. I got him first, and as expected, it was just a water clone.

Luckily, when he about to strike, it was the same for me. And as Zabuza's shocked at the speed of my copy cat ability, i already stand behind him, my kunai already ready to strike his throat, while Kurenai stood in front of him, her kunai aimed at his heart. Now, what was supposed to happen next?

Ah shit.

It was a clone too, wasn't it?

-naruto-

"Everyone, get away from here! Get Tazuna to safety ASAP!" Said Kurenai who was trapped inside the water prison.

Thanks to my knowledge regarding Naruto, i managed to stay out of the water when the real Zabuza kicked us both by slightly shifted my body weight. Unfortunately, Kurenai didn't get the same privilege, and as a result became the prisoner inside his jutsu.

"Sensei, as much as that's the logical choice, i still can't bear myself to do that for you."

"I know, Shino." Said Kurenai, tried to sound as motherly as possible. "Now go! Kakashi, tell your students to get away from here to!"

"Naaaah. Why would i, doc?" I said as i scratched my butt without any care to dignity.

"WHAT? KAKASHI, ARE YOU MAD? THIS IS THE MAN WHO KILLED EVERY SINGLE KIDS IN HIS OWN CLASS JUST TO GRADUATE!"

"Ah yes. Those were the good old days..." Said the Swordsman with a creepy glee on his face. Oh, and Hinata fainted at the gory backstory. That, or she couldn't handle that eye grin that somehow looked like it came from pedophile.

"Me, mad? No way, Kurenai. I'm pretty much fine. In fact, i'm so fine i bet that one of my student can beat this eyebrow-less freak's clone alone."

"Kakashi!"

"Hahaha. Is that so? I'll let you know that my water clones have a third of my power. It alone already can kill a Chuunin, so how would one of your greenass pipsqueak can do that?"

"Well the bet's not going to be exactly that." I said as i threw my headband. "Give my students three tries to get the headband back, and i'll get 7 minutes to get everyone on their safety while we continue our battle."

"Ah, seems interesting." The Mist Demon said as he spawned a water clone that immediately stomped the headband. "Take a shot, shrimps!"

"Okay listen guys. Zabuza might be much stronger than you, but thanks to your tree climbing skill, you three already get close to his speed. I think you can do this."

"B...but Sensei, you said it yourself that he's far above us. How are we expected to defeat him in the first place?" Naruto asked, for the first time he sounded scared.

"First of all, you're not expected to defeat him. You're going to sneak at his weaker clone, and snatched my headband out of the way. Not a battle of death at all. Second, you guys are going to learn from each others. With every failure, the chance for the last guy to get it's going to be even higher. And finally, look at your wounds."Everybody looked at the bandaged wound that they received from their first ninja battle against foreign ninja. "All of you have promised that you'll continue this mission at all cost. This's our only way to get Tazuna to safety for sure. Without it, Zabuza'll just spam his clones to the point that you can't get away safely. You guys are going to keep your promises, right?"

"Yes sensei."

"Good. Now, Sakura. You go first. Take a look into how Zabuza swing his sword, how he moves, and how long he could. You don't even need to come really close. Just enough to get a good look into him. That way, the next guy will be able to get it."

As expected, Sakura didn't even attempted to get into his reach. As soon as the clone began to spun his sword, Sakura already stepped back to us. The sword missed her by half meter thanks to her training regime and diet that she reluctantly followed. Without it, Sakura would've been toast.

"HAHAHA! Is that the best you can do?"

"How is it, Sakura?"

"He's really quick for someone with a sword that big. However, his first spin's much slower, as expected from such a heavy sword, and there's delay in his ground strike."

"How much the delay is?"

"Half a second?"

"Hn. I'll pop that clone."

Sakura swooned at the coolness of Sasuke who practically screamed 'screw sneaking. I could kick his ass.' Meanwhile, Naruto who lost much of his fear factor pouted thanks to Sakura's fangirling and the fact that he's going to lost. That, or he did not get any of it at all.

Ah, well. So much for sticking to the plot.

As what Sasuke promised, he didn't just sneak at the clone. He kicked it enough to the point that it turned back into water. All thanks to his speed that made him capable of more than enough to do side-steps and thrown away the clone's calculation

Unfortunately, the Avenger couldn't retrieve the headband, as two clones popped out and nearly sliced his legs off, forced him to retreat. After he returned to us, the two clones merged into one.

"Ah, sorry." Said Zabuza without any shred of honesty. "I knew he's your best shot by mile, and frankly came close to half of my clone's strength, so to keep it fair, i just added some...unknown stipulations."

"Cheater. And nice one, Shino and Hinata." I said since i noticed them neutralized a clone that was distant, ready to throw a knife at Sasuke. They only nodded, with Hinata being much more awkward.

"Whatever. He's far more skilled than average genin in the first place. So, your last try...hmph. Weakling. I bet he would went flying before he got to reach the headband."

"Oh yeah? Bite me, mummy freak!"

"Ah, that's the spirit. Now get it on."

Zabuza did what he said: Naruto was kicked so hard, he flied straight back to our position. Could it be...

"Hey, eyebrow freak!"

Ah, how bad i am for not putting my faith on my little bro.

"Add my name to your bingo book next, the name of a boy who's going to become Hokage. It's Uzumaki Naruto 'ttebayo!" Said Naruto as he gave the headband back to me.

Oh, hell yeah!

-naruto-

"I admit that you've been an...interesting opponent, Hatake. You managed to get your worst student to defeat my clone out of all people. But now... How would you get close to me, with all these clones?"

There were 25 Zabuzas here. Scary.

"And to add more stipulation, oxygen for the water prison's going to run out in 100 seconds."

Ah. So that's how the original Kakashi managed to breath in the water.

"Now...what would you do, Hatake Kakashi?"

"Me? Well, i still think that my student can release Kurenai from here."

"WHAT?" Said Kurenai. Jeez, haven't i showed that i'm one to be trusted?

"Don't mock me, Hatake! That goodie two shoes village can't possibly bred such a powerful batch of genin, let alone three in the same team!"

"I don't mock you, sir. Thank you. I really know my students' skill. And frankly, first of all, i was much stronger than any genin Mist could produce, and i'm not even the strongest one by far. Hell, i could bet that my weakest genin could get Kurenai out of the prison."

"Stop bluffing! I already fought your team before!"

"Jeez. Okay, okay. I'll get my them now." Said me as i wasn't even bothered to get quick enough to retrieve my student, infuriated both other Jounin even more.

And once i got back, the two Jounin were exasperated at what i brought to the battle.

It was Naruto and Sakura, tied into giant shuriken and spear respectively.

"Now, who will free my fellow Jounin teacher...the dead-last from the academy, or the weakest of my genin physically?"

"MMMMMMPPPH!"

"What kind of sick joke is this, Hatake?"

"What? I said that my student can free Yuuhi-san. I just didn't say anything about the method." Said me like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Heh. You're one crazy bastard. Just for you to know, Spear and giant Shuriken will do nothing to me!" His smug expression began to turn into frustrated one as i looked at him like he's nothing but insect. "Do you really think of me that low, huh?"

"Eh, maybe?"

Well, look at you Zabuza. You exploded at me so much that you didn't see me already throwing both of my genin at you. Oh, Sasuke was the one who threw Naruto btw.

"Ha!" Said the Demon of the Kirigakure as he dodged the spear. "Too easy!" He gloated as he caught the giant shuriken.

However, the giant shuriken suddenly became two, and the Naruto that was tied to it gone.

"Hmph! I knew you're not that insane Hatake! But-"He showed his great agility by still managed to dodge the giant shuriken that popped up only 40 cm away from him. "You're still fifty years too young before you could graze me with a shuriken!"

"Well, how about a kunai?"

"WHAT?"

At my command, Naruto threw a kunai at the Demon of the Mist, just like the original. Unfortunately, this time Zabuza had a clone to shielded him.

However, this time, Naruto had a backup.

Sakura's kunai went unobstructed. In fact, the water burst from the water clone obstructed Zabuza's vision to the point that he barely able to get away from the kunai. In fact, i think the kunai still grazed his chest. Barely, but still.

"You...brats!"

This time, Kurenai made the safe and stopped the shuriken from striking Naruto and Sakura.

"Yatta! We make a great team, Sakura-chan!"

"Yes, Naruto. We did. Nice plan, sensei!" I smiled at Sakura for her appreciation. Ah, finally someone admired my genius work.

"Hmph. So what? All you did distracted me, and made me release my jutsu."

"Wrong. They _forced_ you to release the jutsu." Kurenai retorted.

"Cih."

"And finally, try to release yourself from this."

With my sharingan, i saw some of the chakra field that the genjutsu used. Damn, she tied him with those trees real tight.

"I...can't move. I know it's a genjutsu. but it-it feel so real. Even with the anatomically impossible fl-flowers..."

"There's a reason for why they called me the genjutsu mistress after all. Now, are you going to try to find more about me...or, you'll try your best shot at Kakashi?"

"Grrrr...GRAAAH!" In his anger, he managed to shook off the genjutsu that messed up with his nerves. "Fight me, Sharingan Kakashi!"

"With pleasure."

The battle went just like expected: I followed all his hand signs quickly without any flaw, and soon after three other really complicated jutsu, i began to mess with his head again.

"CURSE YOU-"

"Hatake the copy-nin?" What's next? Gato-Red Evil Inc?

"How? How you keep-"

"Copying my movements!"

"FUCK YOU!... Ahaha. Ahahaha!" Suddenly, he laughed like a mad man. Was i went too hard with him to the point that the Demon of the Kiri snapped? "I knew it! I know that this was all still a genjutsu, right? Kurenai! I'm gonna beat your ass silly for this humiliation! Kai!" Nothing happened. "I said Kai!"

"Sorry man, but i have nothing to do with this battle." Said Kurenai who stood there drenched with water from our previous jutsu show. Man, that's hot.

"The hel-"

He did not have the time to respond as i closed our battle with an explosion water jutsu.

I win. Just like expected.

-naruto-

"M...my legs!" Great. Kakuzu's going to be Mr. Krabs' relative here.

"Now...you won't be able to move." I said as i closed some of his nerve points.

"You...is sharingan can see the future?"

"Yes. And it's death for you."

And welp, there he goes to the temporary death.

"Thank you for taking care of him. I've been hunting him for a long time."

"WHAT? HOW ON EARTH, WHY, THE FU...WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

"Relax, Naruto." I said as i closed my sharingan eye and patted his head. Couldn't get myself bed-ridden for days. "He's not enemy. Someone with that mask has duty to hunt missing-nin to protect their village's secrets by finding and killing them before someone else could." Or she, lol.

"But he took him out, just like that! A guy that strong, he, he just..."

"First of all Naruto, there are ninja around your age that already trained much longer than you guys and could be even stronger than me." Naruto frowned at the new information. "And we used to have kids that just as powerful as them. However, they usually had much worse life expectancy and very higher stress level than kids like you, so we never train kids like hell again since the insanity that came from it just too great. And secondly, he only stole my kill. Anyone skilled with senbon and having great speed accuracy can do that."

"Aha! So i can still beat him, right sensei?"

"Nope. I can defeat Zabuza-sama by my own. You have no chance against me."

"GRRRH! Eh, did you said sama?"

"Uh, he used to be my... superior?"

When everything became way too awkward, the fake hunter-nin used the chance to get away.

And that was when i and Kurenai fell to the ground too. Damn, i guess even with conservative measures, i still ended up fatigued.

-naruto-

"Well that fight ended up really well. Especially for a Jounin who kept putting his genins in grave danger." Kurenai said as she stared at me from her own bed.

"What can i do? All my genins have this big dream and ambitions. There's no way i could put them out of danger just because i'm afraid they wouldn't be able to make it. Either they couldn't handle it and got injured here and there, or thinking that i hold them back, it will make them have negative thoughts about our village and their shinobi system, resulted in them running away from the village and-"

"Okay, okay. I get what you said." Aww, you ruined my imagination. "But that hunter-nin...he was acting weird. Called Momochi with a -sama honorific, and took a chance to get away when we fell from exhaustion..."

"Now that you mention it...unless Zabuza came from an important clan, shouldn't he destroy the corpse on sight?"

"And his weapon of choice's not much of a killing weapon, more of incapacitating one, and even with his genetic importance just in case, he could just take Zabuza's head and...damn. We get duped, didn't we."

Okay, laugh a little, Hatake. Made it natural. Make her sure that it was all just one big coincidences.

"What's so funny, Kakashi?"

"I just remember...since i messed with Zabuza's legs nerves first, wouldn't that make the temporary death state have far more severe side-effects?"

This time, she joined my laugh that became sincere.

-naruto-

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M GOING TO GET BEDRIDDEN FOR MONTHS?!"

"I'm sorry, Zabuza-sama, but you should be able to at least take the needles by yourself. And yet you're not even able to move your left arm, and your voice's weak. For some reasons, this momentary death state has far more sever consequences for you. Once again i'm sorry, Zabuza-sama."

"But that's not impossible! You're the most accurate, and cleanest ninja by far! How can you mess this one so badly and-" At the realization, Zabuza boiled in anger, and with all the energy left, he shouted and cursed the name of his new sworn enemy with his squeaky voice until he passed out:

"AAAH! CURSE YOU HATAKE KAKASHIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

-naruto-

Well? How you like it?

And i'm sorry for the delay since i'm really busy since last month. I'm going to make some quick update as soon as i can. No promise though, lol.


	6. A little Detour

"Okay, everyone! We have some good news and bad news!" I greeted everyone that sat around me and Kurenai. "The good news is, i'm very impressed by everyone here. Sasuke's already strong enough to outmaneuvered a Jounin's clone, Sakura already showed that our kunoichi are more than just impressive control and can be fighter as well, and most importantly, Naruto who really skyrocketed from his nearly useless position into someone who can win a bet against a Jounin! And i also feel that Hinata-chan and Shino-kun here already got along so well. For that, i say, that you have done a great job as upcoming Konoha Shinobi! Oh, also my recovery time's going to be only two days at most since i only got into intense fight in the last part of the battle, so i will be fully recovered by tomorrow."

Everybody beamed up at this, especially Naruto who heard that i'm gonna be fine and he improved the most, ignored my jest about his near uselessness. Oh, and Sakura and Hinata blushed at him! If the blush from Sakura's part was not caused by jealousy like before...

This's gonna be my first experience in creating a love triangle for someone, lol.

"Hatake-san, i'm quiet intrigued by Jounin position; were they supposed to train their students like close students, or they're just there to improve the attitude and teamwork of their students while letting the genin find their own way to become a shinobi? I just realized three days ago that most shinobi developed their own skill that's mostly really different from their jounin teacher. For example, you don't have The Fourth's sealing repertoire."

"Great question, Shino. Now, should i answer it, or it's Kurenai's turn?"

"I'll take over from here." Kurenai said as she sat up from her bed. "You're right, Shino. Most of time, shinobi have to develop their own style from many teachers. Obviously, Jounin leader's the closest teacher for anyone to learn anything, and the best way to learn teamwork. But that doesn't mean they will become just like their jounin. For example, Hokage-sama taught the Legendary Sannin, and yet none of them had monkey as their summons, and they developed their own taijutsu style."

"Or in other cases, you're going to model your shinobi skills from your own family and clan." Shino added from his own part.

"Especially clans since most of their skills cannot be taught to outsiders, and yet the result's always guaranteed in chuunin level at minimum, which means that their value to Konoha's priceless. This is part of reason for why unlike Kakashi, i haven't taught you any jutsu since your own clan's repertoire are already more than big enough to cover everything. However, that doesn't mean i won't teach you any valuable jutsu. It just make you two and Kiba already have a framework for your future. The jutsus i taught would be supplementary at best, unless me, you and your clan agreed that you can master genjutsu as well."

"I think i understand now." Said Shino simply. Meanwhile, Hinata looked slightly rigid. Poor girl must've thought that she couldn't do it due to her perceived lacks of talent. I'll do something to it soon.

"Eh, not that i want to burst your happy bubble, but what's the bad news that you mentioned?"

"Ah yes. The bad news is-how should i put it..." I deliberately wandered a little to keep the suspense. Oh, i love the look of tense civilians and confused genins. "Guys, i'm afraid that Zabuza's still alive."

Everybody freaked out of course.

"WHAT? But you say yourself that he's dead! You checked his body and you say that he's dead!"

"Yes i did. But there's a possibility that the hunter-nin just forced Zabuza into false death state. Senbons actually not that reliable as a killing weapon, mostly they're there to incapacitate someone. And the fact that he carried Zabuza, who's much bigger than him instead of just cut his head off as proof, make it even more suspicious."

"You sure about that, Kakashi? Hunter-nin are supposed to kill people who are missing from their village that could endangered their secret, as you said before. What would they get from getting someone as psycho as him back?"

"There's also a chance that the hunter-nin was a fake hunter, or happened to have sympathy for him. We need to expect anything from enemies after all. They always have skills and plans that we couldn't always expect until when it's nearly too late."

"Hey, if you know that much, then why were you unable to call something fishy from it?" Asked Tsunami, somehow the first one that realized about it.

"Umm, it slipped from my mind?" Come to think of it, i really should've been able to call it even without my memories from my real world. Man, i hate it when a helpless civilian's more sensible than the hero.

"Bah! You sucks, sensei!" Naruto pouted like a child. Oh, come on...

"N-naruto-kun, y-you shouldn't say that to y-your sensei..." Hinata tried to reprimand Naruto, which didn't hear or care about it. This made her solemn again. Oh, dear. How could a depressed kid looked so cute?

"You're right, Naruto." Everyone looked at me, flabbergasted by how i agreed with Naruto's childish assessment...except Kurenai, who already knew what we talked about. "I could've seen the trickery at that moment, especially since i also used a skill similar to the fake-hunter nin; before the kid threw the senbons on his neck, i already incapacitated Zabuza first by striking his vital nerve points."

"...You really sucked, Sensei." Sakura this time trashed me.

"However, while it showed how i really got careless, my action may give us an unintentional big advantage."

"How so?"

"False-death state also weakened someone's body for at least a week as a side-effect. Alone, that give us enough time to rest and train to fight Zabuza and his reinforcements. But with me struck his vital points before Ha-uhm..sorry about that. Still feel rather weak." Damn, i nearly slipped Haku's name. "The hunter-nin struck the senbons, it could weakened him even more since some of his body parts were already weakened before. From here, there's two possibilities: we might will not see Zabuza for months, where the bridge will be already finished and Konoha will already send proper reinforcements for this village, or we will fight a severely weakened Zabuza who forced himself to fight despite his condition, possibly to prevent his contract voided, and the hunter-nin that could be easily beaten by the combination of our genin alone."

"Ah, thank god. I thought i will see him again."

"Hn. Who would've thought that their tricks would've backfired?"

"Aww shucks. I really want to test myself against Demon of the, uh...Fog?"

"Naruto, i think i would rather stay alive and test myself against... more even odds. Someone who wasn't a mass murdering child for the starter. And it's mist."

"N...Naruto-kun's so brave...and kinda stupid." Hinata whispered, with the last part being inaudible to anyone but me.

"Now, now, i know you guys feel disappointed and relieved at the same time. Which's why i have an alternative to finish this job with the best result."

"I already like the sound of this!"

"We're going to train to liberate the village from Gatou. This is the best time since it's going to take a while for Gatou before he managed to hire another ninja on Zabuza's caliber, but everybody here need to train and plan everything before we actually going to get on some actions. Even normal thugs could be dangerous to us if we have no proper training and plans. We also gonna get everything to help us. Backup from our village, help from people of this village, promising better pay for some of his mercenaries. Maybe we could even get Zabuza on our side, with some negotiations."

"Okay, Kakashi. I'm all in with you except for this crap. What are you on recently, thinking about making peace with that crazy shinobi who kill people for fun since he's 10 years old?" Indeed, based on the horrified look by the rest of the house occupants, they were not agree with me either.

"As rookie Jounin, i expect you to don't even know a little about some of our department people like ANBU plus T&D, so i also expect you to don't know some factual stories about some of the foreign Ninjas."

"Okay, i would usually lashed out at someone who suggested that, but i know you're only trying to coax me out, especially since you're not by any means a misogynist. That, and you've been pissed me off recently too, for some reasons. What's the scoop?"

"Zabuza didn't went out of his village to become a missing-nin for nothing. He wanted to start a rebellion on his village before he realized that he couldn't pull it off. And it wasn't for a petty reason; Mizukage really became more and more erratic as time went on, and he realized that someone had to pull a brake on it. For that reason alone i would give him several chances to give up before i went for the kill."

"Alright. I can see why you want to give him some opportunity out of honor. But what about the killing his classmates thing?" Kurenai asked again.

"Kiri always being much more...insane in their shinobi teaching. I wouldn't be surprised if it's less about how insane he's and more about how the academy just reached its peak of depravity. After all, they cut off the killing each other to pass test after Zabuza's fiasco. Not that it's gonna be any less horrible, but probably it's only a matter of time before someone finally snapped and kill everyone. It just happened to be Zabuza. As for him bragging about it, who wouldn't do that to scare their opponents?"

"Oh, thank god i was born in Konoha! What kind of crap that was, killing your friend to pass the academy?" Naruto voiced his opinion in what everyone here considered as insanity.

"Indeed, Naruto. Indeed. So, anyone want to summarize my supreme plan?"

"So we're going to save and liberate this village, loot the baddies, and probably get paid 10 times more than our initial agreement? Yattaaaa! That sounds great! It's going to be the greatest mission, sensei!"

"Hey, i didn't say anything about paying you more!"

"Suck it, old man!"

"That sounds disgusting and painful." Ah, here comes the cynical kid. Wait, if he actually acknowledged Naruto's response, that means...

"What? Who said that crap?" Said Naruto before Sakura whacked him for his bad language.

"Ah, Inari! Welcome back! How's the visit to your other grandparents?"

"Fine. You too, grandpa." Said the kid, barely excited to meet his grandfather, but maintain a degree of hospitality for his own flesh and blood by hugging him.

"Bah! I bet the kid picked up his grandpa's shitty manners."

"Naruto, mind your language!" Sakura trying to scold Naruto, much to a lackluster reaction.

"Inari, go and greet these people who have escorted and saved your grandpa numerous time." Said Tsunami despite knowing the foregone conclusion of what her kid would did.

"They're gonna die here, mom." Inari said after he stared at us for a little. This pissed off several of Konoha Ninja, especially Naruto.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me! This kid's even worse than i thought!"

"Woah, kid! I know we're barely able to move, but you're not the doctor. Not like there's one here, but...my previous one usually said that i'm gonna be fine as long as i don't exhaust myself again."

"No sir. You're not going to die from exhaustion. Rather, it's when you face Gatou's man again."

"Well thanks for the concern, kid. But as one of Konoha's most reliable ninja, i think even if i got overpowered i still have tricks to get away from it." What? He got reminded of Kaiza just by mentioning me as one of top ninja?

"...He-he was..."

"Hey, kid!" Thanks for shifting the awkwardness to you, lil bro. "You know what? I'm gonna prove to you that i'm the super hero that this city need! I'm gonna pummel the tyranny of Gatou to the ground, believe it darn you!"

"...There's no such thing as superhero, dummy."

"THAT'S IT! I HAVE ENOUGH OF YOU, YOU-"

"Naruto, enough."

"Are you gonna beat that kid, really?!" Both Sakura and Sasuke tried to hold him back.

"I'll look at the ocean. Don't disturb me."

"I...i need to check our food supply too." Said Tsunami, but not before sending me daggers that i'm pretty sure everyone could see.

Naruto soon followed them outside, but for a much pettier reason that's not involving sadness at all. This time, Sakura and Sasuke had enough of his shit.

"Kakashi, i know you just want to assure us that everything's going to be fine, but there's a reason why so many lost our hope to do anything."

"...Tsunami was affected too. Was it...how really bad everything here?"

"His name was Kaiza, a fisherman from other village that became our resident. Inari met him when he almost drowned on the river after he got bullied by some kids that took his dog away." The man sighed, before settled down a smile for that good memory. "He was known as the miracle arms, always perform outstanding feats with his courage and his powerful limbs, even once saved Area-D when the water overflowed. Kaiza wasn't Inari's biological father who died when he's just six months old, but we accepted him as one soon. Well, who wouldn't when that cheerful, full of life man finally made Inari smile more and more?"

"Then Gatou..."

"When Gatou started to establish his power here, Kaiza was the first one who rebelled against him. Gatou's man defeated him, cut his limbs one by one, before he finally executed him in public." Tazuna didn't shed a tear for retelling that gory display of ruthlessness, instead smiled." Some of us saw that smile, a smile that want us to never give up, a smile that want us to never forget the proof of his life. But the rest of us, they just see a limbless Kaiza that betrayed his own promises, waited for someone to finally finished him off. For them, that was the day when the concept of hope, and heroes died and become obsolete."

Man, everything's fucked up here. And with no one here knew how good high-rank shinobi could be, no wonder everything became so desolate for a long time. And look at Sakura-chan consoling a crying Hinata, obviously taken by the sob story. Hmm, perhaps i should make the triangle love much more friendlier than i intended? Oh, wait. This man just tell you a sob story, and you're thinking about pairing? Think straight, Kakashi. Think!

"Don't worry, Tazuna-san." Well, i'll just stole that line. "We're here to prove that heroes do exist."

"Does heroes still need to get paid handsomely or working as assassins for every kind of kills?" Good question, old man. And thanks for ruining that line.

"Eh...you did swindled us first, and about that second questions, there are ruthless codes of Shinobi that myself and some others disagree with." I ignored some surprised stares from behind about how nonchalant a ninja talked to civilian about their disagreement with the codes. "We can give you some more help to build the bridge, if that can help you of rethink about your opinion."

"Ha! No need for that. Myself feel very indebted for you to stay with us. I only expected for you to get me back home safely, not to guard me and my family after that!" Tazuna then leaned at me for a little joke. "Although i will definitely complain if you demand too much more money."

Just before i chuckled a little at the jab, we saw Naruto walked in a slump to the outside. Regardless of whether he listened to us talking or not, i decided to talk with him later, hopefully he'll be around the house.

-naruto-

"Come on, Naruto. What's wrong?"

"Eh, nothing, sensei! Nothing wrong, everything's fine!" I stared at him more before the blonde Jinchuuriki finally relented. "Oh, fine. I got mixed feelings and emotions, alright?!"

"Pity and jealousy at the same time?"

"Somehow, it's more than that. I also feel that he's a whiner because her mother's still alive and other stuff. But then i remember that my life have been getting better and better recently, so i feel guilty for thinking so negative for a boy whom life keep getting worse. And then the pity came back, then it's going over and over again in circle and...argh! Everything's so confusing!"

"That's pretty normal, Naruto. You have gone through so much, and when you just finally feeling happy, you see this kid being very miserable. No wonder you become so confused. At the very least, that means you're actually using your brain for once." And a heart that no demon could have.

"Poo! You're mean, niisan!"

"Hahaha! I'm gonna miss this side of you when you finally become the greatest shinobi of all time."

"Y...you really mean it? That you believe that i will become the best?"

Duh. I've read the manga. "Of course i meant it. One of my friend's Maito Gai, as you already know. He was just like you, the deadlast that can't do jackshit in the academy. Now he's the same as my caliber. You, Naruto, have the same kind of spirit that he has, so there's no reason for me to doubt you."

"Wow. I...didn't know that 'ttebayo."

"Now there's one thing about that kind of becoming the best from the dead-last however: you need to find out the best way to do it. You can't just do it by directionless determination. Gai's father was the first guy that utilize the Eight Gates, so that's the area where he's really talented. Gai exploited that to the next level, and now he's an elite Jounin just by being the best in taijutsu alone. Put as much effort on it, and you will become a Hokage that you really wanted."

"Okay, i get it!" Naruto sat down and tried to contemplate something, with not much success. "Well, since i'm an Uzumaki and Jinchuuriki, i'm supposed to..."

"Use that big chakra to train much more than anyone else, such as some training that couldn't be followed by any shinobi with normal chakra prowess." Sometimes i forgot how stupid Naruto could be... "For example, your kagebunshin. Reason why it's a forbidden Jutsu was because it split your chakra into two. Done by someone with average chakra like Sasuke, and he will passed out just from doing it alone unless he's already resilient enough to withstand low chakra condition. Even an average Uzumaki wouldn't be able to do the Tajuu variation."

"Well i already know about how dangerous kagebunshin can be. Two guys already hospitalized just for trying to copy that!"

"Indeed, but do you know that Bunshins can be useful for other stuff?" Well, i guess Naruto hadn't read that line yet and nowhere he's gonna read that. How else could he went for years without noticing it?. "You already use it as a fake and trap, but it can be more than that. We can use it as exploding squad, gathering intelligence, stabilizing jutsu, training dummy..."

"Training boost? How?" Good, he actually listened to one topic.

"If you expel the kagebunshin, you will get its memories. It make it a useful tool to gather intelligence in situation that likely would kill you, but they found that their muscle memories experience will also returned back to us, which in turn made us have that particular mastery they gained to the point of adroitness."

"Muscle memories? Adroitness? Jeez, Kakashi-sensei, stop using big words that i won't understand until the next two decades!"

"Okay, okay. I'm just saying that to make you understand how important it is." Actually, it's because i want to see you react to big words that i just read yesterday, lol. "So Naruto...how long it took for you to learn Tajuu Kagebunshin?"

"Um, 2 hours of nothing but remembering hand seals over and over again?"

"If you have someone else to teach you, will you learn it faster?"

"Depend on the teacher, i guess." FFFFFUUUUUUUU! I feel like talking to a brick here! Okay, calm down Kakashi. Try to do your best to do the ELI3 to this boy...

"Now, with two of you read a jutsu that's split into two part, and you immediately understand what the other you learned, will your studying get faster?"

"O-OOOOH!"

"So imagine with 100 of you out there, learning to do my most awesome jutsu. Even with how unskilled you are compared to me, you may still have a chance to outpaced me in my training to master that jutsu!"

"Really? Sweet! That's super awesome of me!" The blonde's Jinchuuriki enthusiasm changed 180 into an attempt to look deep as possible. "But why i never received any of that new experience? I should be the best fighter in the team now if that's the case!"

"Probably because you're always in constant fight whenever you use it, so your mind's too much in shamble to receive any of that experience. That, or your body and mind need to be matured out a bit more before you can begin to learn by this way. Just like how the seals for the Kyuubi designed it so you won't get any of its power until you're strong enough to withstand it. Honestly i'm surprised by how good the seals are to the point that It never talked to you, so i have suspicions that The Fourth really wanted you to use Kyuubi for your own good." I explained him that, and a little bit of other stuff.

"Wait a minute. So i will have to face the fox later?" Well, that's how everything went down in the first place, so... "That sounds...really dangerous."

"Which's why i'm going to tough you up first. Your resiliency's already very good for a kid, but i'm going to make you very durable for anyone, period. But for now, let's see if you at least can learn from your bunshin in relaxed position. Let's do this." I did kagebunshin, which should be save since my chakra flow's already restored (only my strength that's still not coming back yet). After that, both our bunshins went somewhere else, and soon enough i learned everything he did.

"Uh, i know that we did a jankepon, but who won?"

"You."

"Really?"

"Yes." I sighed as the conclusion became obvious. "I guess the super fast training method's inaccessible for now."

"Aww..."

"Well, are you going to back down just because the easier path's not accessible for now?"

"OF COURSE NOT!"

"Then rest, and get ready for tomorrow's training."

"YOSH!" Naruto ran to the house with the quickness of a frightened Tora. Out of a whim, i decided to peek at Inari's room, where Kaiza's photo was.

Don't worry, sir. Soon enough, everyone will regain that will of fire of yours.

-naruto-

Two days later...

"Kakashi-niisan! Why must you go, leaving us to fend the cruel world without any help? I still need to find my real self, so confused by that super pretty boy. Is he even a boy? I mean, she-eh, he's even prettier than..."

"Um, Naruto, i need to be Hinata and Shino's Jounin replacement. Kurenai-sensei might be able to move, but she's still in no shape. The deadline for the deal's tomorrow, and we can't get late since we're dealing with a shinobi squad from other village." I sighed as i tried to ignore that adorable puppy dog look that the literally clinging used for this absolutely... confusing conflict. God, had he used this jutsu in his childhood, some kids might would become his friends just for being this cute...Oh wait. They'll just say that Kyuubi managed to weaponize cuteness. "And how am i supposed to help to find out about your sexuality? Everyone could be tricked by a guy that's objectively prettier than a girl, especially when he wear pink dresses..."

"Eh? So it's really normal to get confused by someone like that?"

"Yes. I've met several really convincing crossdresser in my missions, some put even more effort that that Haku guy. And you already like pretty girls like Sakura, so you're almost definitely straight. Now, will you please release me and get back to train with Kurenai-sensei?"

"But you're much more experienced than her! And besides, Kurenai-sensei jutsu are mostly genjutsu-based. Am i even able to learn genjutsu in the first place?"

A shuriken just traveled between us, nearly cut my shoulder and Naruto's neck. Damn you, Kurenai.

"Even if you couldn't, i still have 99 other things to teach you, and being a bitch ain't one. Now, are you going to stay whining at your niisan?"

"EEEH, no-no, sensei-sama! I will be a good boy!" Said the Jinchuuriki as he began to run to his temporary teacher.

Okay, i'll just forget that somebody just quoted Jay-Z a bit, and get along with the new squad...

-naruto-

"So, um..."

"What is it, Hinata?" I said after being silent for a long time. Man, this team's much less talkative. Hell, even Kiba's less talkative than Naruto by comparison i guess.

"Um, i just wondering, but uh...did you know the vital points from, uh...using sharingan on Jyuuken?"

"Well that's refreshing to know someone actually pay attention. Yes, i did incorporate the Jyuuken to strike vital points since they're much more harmful than what acupuncture taught on the books." I summarized it.

"Oh, i...i see. Then...can you incorporate it to your actual, uh...repertoire?"

"Ah, i see. You want me to suggest some alternative in using Jyuuken to circumstances that since i have sharingan, right?" I said as i squinted my visible eye on her. "Why did you ask someone from outside of your clan to find that? Did your clan don't want to teach you anything anymore to the point that you had to get to me?"

"Uh, it's not like that. In fact, our relation's, uh, better than ever. It's just...well, my father said that i probably need to, uh, see other teachers to see the s-s-style that suited me the most, and uh..."

"Hiashi-sama wanted the best for Hinata, but at the same time his hands are tied." Shino suddenly barged in after being silent for a long time. "He finally managed to say what he wanted in the rare time where there's no Hyuuga around after saying stuff like he doesn't care if she got killed 'cause she's weak, and he said that while Hinata's a fine Hyuuga, the expectations for her's just too high. And her gentle nature make everything even harder for him to do anything. In the end, he said he wanted to give up of making Hinata as heir for her own good. He don't want to push her harder to the point of abuse again, especially since she actually made good progress when training with the team."

"S...so yeah, i...see what father wanted and agreed with him that it's for the best." And then, Hinata showed her resolve that shocked even me. "B...but after how Naruto managed to g-get the headband, i-i feel that i wanted a-another chance. M-maybe i still won't become the heiress, but i still can be relied as much as one!"

Well, it could be worked out since she made that Lion Fist. "Well first of all, i'm really agree with your father about your actual skill as Hyuuga. Out of all class graduates, you're easily the best fighter from female side. Talent, i don't think you actually lacked of it, especially since you could hit a talent sprout sometimes in the future. I know some who did." My friendly tone became more teacherly to make a point. "However, being a leader's an entirely different thing from just a talented worker. You need to make decisions that no one like for the sake of your people, and even then that decisions could ended up being harmful in the long run. You're a kind person, i can see why Hiashi-sama don't want to put you in that situation since he has made some decisions like that, which i know affected him much." My voice became friendlier again to assure her. "But i agree with you as well. Just because you won't become the heiress, that doesn't mean you're ineligible to become as strong as one."

"S...so you will train me?"

"Yeah. But i can't promise that i can teach you any soon. Between my missions as both Jounin teacher and Hokage's finest Ninja, i don't think i will have much time to do it. Maybe not even in a year, but it's a promise, okay?" I said as we started to move faster, intended to finish the mission.

-naruto-

As just like i thought, this mission didn't end well at all.

Except, it was all because the Iwa Nins saw three kekkei-genkai, which made them award-thirsty and decided to kill us as souvenir for their dear leader. Apparently, no one here ever heard the legacy of Hatake Kakashi.

Ah, no big deal. I will just use this sharingan and some techniques to overpower them and-

"It's already over for you."

Woah. That's Batman-level kind of planning, Shino.

"...Did you bluff at me, brat?"

"No. You have been twitchy at us since we met. So i put some...bugs here and there. Don't move, leave us alone, and suffer the consequences of being untrusted by our village for the next years."

Indeed, there were many bugs there that began to swarm everyone, sucked them out of their chakra. Soon enough two of the members already succumbed to fatigue. But the leader still managed to outpaced the bugs after a minute of chase scene.

"Well you may outsmarted us there, kid. But can you outsmart...THIS?!"

The one-liner was followed by flying shurikens all over the place, intended to get at Shino. The shurikens turned out to be of shadow variants, and as a result Shino got cut by a few of it. Not bad since he had to avoid like thousands of it.

"Looks like you couldn't."

"Yes, i couldn't win this one. You lose the battle, however."

Okay, so in short, don't ever, ever turn your body into shuriken gun, because that's how this guy got his flesh pierced by Shino's bugs. His decision to turn himself into shuriken tube years before backfired on this battle since Shino used his bugs to close the holes. Oh, and the other guys didn't able to run away since they met either Shino's bug or Hinata's Jyuuken.

Damn. How on earth did Sasuke became the Rookie of the Year by miles with Shino and Hinata had this kind of raw power? Did the clans only began teaching their kids the powerful stuffs after graduation?

"Good job, kids!" I said as i dropped three incapacitated ninjas to the ground. They were so pathetic that i could keep my eyes on the kids while still came unharmed from the fight. "Mind if i take a look at it, Shino? They might be poisoned or have barbs."

"Don't worry, Hatake-san. My bugs already on their way to fix everything."

"So there are poisons."

"Yes." Shino said as he slumped to the ground, waited for his bugs to prevent any further damage. Man, we had to get out of here fast. After we got some antidote from this fool's body too.

"Hehehe...Hatake, you fool."

"You actually know me. The hell. What makes you think that you can take me out in fight?" I said as he stayed smug despite him struggled to move his shredded arms.

"Fight? Ahahaha! Do you really think that i'm really that foolish, Hatake, to want to take you out in a fight?"

"Backups." I said as i began to take the matter more seriously. If Hinata and Shino got hurt during this...

"Everyone, CHARGE!" He said while the three of us prepared for the worst thug fight, but with ninja.

No one came. We blinked at the leader.

"I SAID CHARGE!" Okay. There will be no charge by 100 shinobi today i guess. But why...

"There won't be any backup for you, Kyosuke."

"WHO...You."

Holy shit.

The future Mizukage already arrived here? Talking about one hell of a kind of alternative plot twist and a new way to introduce a character.

Wait a minute. Was that...

KAIZA?

"Hmm. This place's kinda close with where we found you before, right Kaiza?"

"You're right, Terumi-sama."

Okay, so Kaiza somehow survived being sliced into five pieces in public execution, and now became a guardian for lady Terumi Mei, all without any appearance of former wound? What the hell? What kind of sorcery is this? I mean, i could see his exposed arms, no stitches here. Nada, nay. Are you saying that Kaiza's secretly a Ninja? This shit's more retarded than that Obito plot twist, wtf?

Oh, dear. Just when everything went as expected...

-naruto-

Okay, so i finally finished this one. Sorry for being rather slow-paced here. And don't worry. The Gatou stuff will be finished in the next chapter. And there will be a reason for why Kaiza survived.

Also, vote on my profile so i know how to broke reality and the final war according to supply and demands, lol. The choices are:

1\. Fuckload of sharingans to be planted in everywhere and everyone, stolen from Shin Uchiha.

2\. I managed to get Minato and Kushina as Naruto's special bunshins, and turned him into something super via Kurama (more than Manga kind of super).

3\. I talked to Konan to get the Rinnegan and planted them on Tsunade and Yamato.

4\. All kind of secrets and medical information, stolen from Orochimaru.


	7. HBK: Story of Kakashi the Hearts Breaker

"Now as i said, the Mizukage has never try to approach thing softly. In short, his approach to everything is to kill and destroy any disturbance before it did anything, which means that i have to move out before he got more suspicious at us and...mind telling me why all of you can't stop staring at my bodyguard here?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but this is what happened when you just see someone that's supposed to be dead. And by dead, i mean turned into pieces in front of live audience, including people who consider himself as family."

"Indeed. The way they say that, you should be deader than dead, Mr. Kaiza." Said Shino who already recovered from his poison problem. I almost got worried when he tried to stand when our enemy almost ambushed us, but he seemed to be fine by now. Man, kid these days are tough.

"Mmm, Kaiza. So you're telling me that your family didn't know about your survival yet." So he told Mei about his problem partially too. Nice catch, Kaiza. You shouldn't tell shinobi all your secrets. Except me, lol.

About Kaiza himself, he looked like a bodybuilder here. Probably because he was trained as a scary s.o.b. who managed to become a fine Ninja with only training in his adulthood to the point that he became a regular bodyguard, rather than actual ninja that were suitable for infiltration acts, but that was normal in Naruto world. Mountain of muscles like A who are not suitable in stealth were quiet abundant here.

"I'm afraid that i didn't have the time, and means to do that when i have to get away from Gatou. And with how busy i am with the shinobi training, and gaining trust with Kirigakure, not to mention about your exodus, this is the closest i have ever gotten with entering my old village again." Kaiza explained

"Indeed, you have come a long way." The beautiful Mei then shifted her body, slightly showed me more of her quiet lovely legs and breasts. Well, Anko's boobs were better even with the genjutsu, but i could say that Mei Terumi's figures looked cuddlier than her. Oh, i don't have any intent to cheat btw, unless it's for...info. "The gentleman here, came to Kirigakure in hope of getting training for shinobi. Nobody wanted him initially due to his outsider and adult status, but when i saw him outmuscled a talented genin, that was when i know he would make a fine one despite his age."

"I must say that being trusted to become the bodyguard for one of the finest ninja in Kirigakure, is really impressive considering his needs to catch up in the first place." Said Shino.

"Of course, i have to know why he wanted to become a ninja at his age, but due to our...current leader, the window for time to talk's really limited, so all i know is that he wanted to become a ninja to avenge his village. Now, mind you Kaiza? With Kakashi and me here, all of us should be fine from any possible attack by spies."

"Of course." Then Kaiza told us the story of how he became respected in Wave, his doom at the hand of Gatou, his decision to travel to Mist, and gained Terumi Mei's trust. Aside from the fight against two pandas that he survived without scratch, there's nothing else that suggested his apparent survival.

"There's only one problem that we have with your explanation, Kaiza-san." Shino barged in, probably wanted to ask the question that we all wanted to. "How did you fooled everyone into thinking that you have been chopped into pieces by Gatou's man?"

"I'm afraid that can only be discussed with Hatake-san and Terumi-sama alone. However, i can say to you two that i'm saved by a miracle that came from a macabre event long before my execution." Said Kaiza before he stepped out, Terumi Mei followed.

"Well, i think that's my call to go outside."

"I don't like this, Hatake-san. They're strangers from other village. Can they be trusted?"

"Y-yes, Sensei. I-i've heard from father that th-the average Ki-Kirigakure Ninja are even m-more vicious than our ANBU." Hinata added her thought.

"Well, Terumi Mei could be more powerful than me, but she had reputation as one of the most reasonable person from the otherwise murderous village, and Kaiza won't be nowhere near as powerful as i am. I don't think they would do me any harm. And don't worry, i will tell you all the stuff that i don't deemed as classified."

"G...good luck, s...sensei."

-naruto-

"Okay, so spill it out."

"So quick, Kakashi-kun?" Okay, Mei definitely had interest in me. She just tried to flash her cleavage at me again. Hmm, cleavage. Play for a while and mask it as ninja way to gain intel, or stay faithful...

Oh, wait. What if she also wanted the intels from me? Hmm, could be problematic...Mutual exchange, or rejection. Choices, choices.

"First of all, i want to say that i'm honestly so out of touch in everything ninja related. So i have to ask this question first instead: is there Ninja that have eyes as their primary ability?" Kaiza asked.

"You mean, like this?" I showed him the sharingan. Woah, Kaiza got pale real quick.

"Th...that's the exact eye that saved me several times!"

"Woah, hold on. This Sharingan eye can only be wear with proper toughness, and even then for me it drained my chakra much more than usual. So how on earth, did you get an access to Sharingan?"

Holy mother fucking lord. The plot just got ultra thick. Kaiza's safe and still alive because he used Sharingan on himself. A motherfucking fisherman, somehow came into the possession of the Sharingan, and managed to use it!

"Well, one day, i stumbled upon two fresh corpses with open eyes. Same like you, only i think there's like just two...coma? Tomoe? Anyway, i, uh...tried to close the eyes, but frankly for some reasons, their eyes won't open. So then i decided to dig the hole for their graves first since it was the least thing i could do. And then...a bear attacked me, and i tripped at the corpse before i got mauled apart. Ten seconds later, i saw my torn apart body, stayed whole. It helped me to scare off the bear, and here we are."

"It seems that you somehow used a hidden ability of the sharingan by the survivors of Uchiha Massacre." Thick, indeed. Goodness, this new information is hard to swallow. He somehow used Izanagi to save himself? There were survivors from the massacre? Goodness, the story's getting crazier and crazier, and we haven't even finished the wave arc!

"You mean, the massacre of the Uchiha, actually had more than one survivor?"

"We just found out today, Miss Terumi." I said as i shifted around to get more time in getting my point across. "Before you continue, i must say that you helped Konoha greatly in our investigation regarding Uchiha Massacre. We found...clues that tell us the possibility of helper in the massacre. However, we never found anything about other survivors, just about how the massacre wasn't done by one of their insane member. This new information, i must say could be a good thing for the clan and our village. Their loss was incredibly devastating for us, and in any other villages without as many clans as us, their deaths would resulted in the following attack by other village. With more than two survivors, we could rebuild their clan better."

"I...i see." Said Kaiza meekly, before he apologized. "S...sorry for not reporting it to Konoha before! I didn't know anything about Ninja's clans before!"

"It's okay, as long as you tell me everything, from how you managed to use the ability of a kekkei genkai without transplant, to how you survived the ordeals against Gatou."

"...I'm sorry for not being totally honest with you, Terumi-sama."

"It's fine. If anything, you picked the right time to be honest with us."

"Okay. So...i honestly have no idea on how i managed to use the eye, but i remember the story of my great grandmother being a very good shaman for her village or something like that. Unfortunately i don't know much aside from that, so i don't know about the extent of my ability."

"Well as soon as i managed to overthrow Yagura, we can start to do test on you. Right now, it's not safe to do it anywhere else but Konoha, and i still need your help here."

"R...right. So, i continue from what i used with the remaining eyes, right?" He asked before we gave him a nod to continue. "Well, i use the other three to become a fearless man that i was known at in Wave. I always wanted to help people more than any normal man could, but at that time i didn't know whether i could become a ninja at my age, so i decided to use the eye instead. And i'll admit on how wonderful it is to live like you're a cat with nine lives."

"So you decided to leave Wave after you wasted all your second chances, which was coincidentally happened when Gatou executed you."

"What did you use the eyes for before?" I asked to him to satisfy my curiosity.

"Only once, actually: the day i had to fix the broken dam. Nearly drowned, but i managed to use it to the time before i lost my grip."

"So...you mean..."

"Yes. Gatou and his men killed me twice." Ah, now i could see on how he decided to become a ninja even more. Dude was got outpowered by large margin.

"I can see why you seek to become stronger by become a Ninja, although i don't know why you just don't try to get to Konoha for help."

"Gatou's men are everywhere, i have no choice but to run into other nation." He explained firmly without room for discussion.

"I see." I propped a new question that obviously need to be asked. "Will you return to the Nami?"

"Once i've become strong enough to fight Gatou and his mercenaries, then yes."

"Then i think you're ready, Kaiza."

"But what about the hired assassins? There could be ninja as strong as you! I'm not strong enough to fight your shadow, let alone-"

"Exactly." I eye-smiled at the confused Kaiza from my great reassurance...within context. "Let me take care of Gatou's strongest man. All you need is to take care his bandits and samurai wannabees on his headquarter with my five genins and our fellow Jounin. And even if there are another ninja, i believe you could take them out."

"W-well...seems like a fight against a strong enemy ninja's almost unavoidable here. Thanks for your promise to help, by the way." Something's not right here. Perhaps he was...

"Seems like you don't live to your own word regarding legacy and good will." Couldn't help but pointed that out.

"I won't make speeches without attempting to live to it, Kakashi-san. And why would i went into so much trouble of training as a Ninja if that was the case?"

"Then why you're so scared of death?"

"What can i say? I don't think i want to die after i avoided it so many times, especially with my self promise to come back for my people. It's a dilemma of living up to my words for them, or my secret promise for them. I can't prep this much just to ended up dying in the end."

"I can assure you, Kakashi-kun, that Kaiza here's not a coward by any means. And you, Kaiza, i won't pick you as my bodyguard if i'm not confident of your ability as a ninja. Like i said, you've come a long way."

"I thought it's to train me without Yagura's interference, madam?"

"Either way, i have trust in you to fight for your people. Now, i wish that i can speak with Kakashi-kun... alone." Oh, yeah. I knew that this mask made me irresistible.

"I see. Hatake Kakashi, i'll see you again before you raid Gatou's headquarter."

"That means we will meet at the bridge 5 days from now on."

-naruto-

"So, in case that you managed to kill or usurped the Mizukage...what next?"

"Of course, one of our first step would be better relation with Konoha and Nami. And the truly first one would be a rule that disallowed any killings and discrimination toward people with Kekkei Genkai. It's gotten so bad that Yagura nearly implemented a kill them all to us before someone pointed out that we can be loyal to the country." Mei explained.

"Seems like that Mist's really a bad place to live for someone with Kekkei Genkai."

"It used to be, indeed. But once i become the head of the head of the village, it won't ever be the case again." Well duh. You would be a big hypocrite if you decided to make everything a quo.

"Well, as Konoha's most trusted Ninja, may i know what's your plan to improve relation with us?"

"For the starter," Holy shit. Terumi Mei took off her right sleeves, now her right arm's bare, and her left arm wrapped her body, barely kept her clothes together. Said arm deliberately pressed her boobs, made them even fuller than ever. "I want one of their best ninja as ours, even if it's just for five years."

"By ours, you meant me." I said as she wrapped her free arm around my neck.

"Yes. I have heard the stories about you." Oh, here goes the left sleeve. Now her whole bare tits are pressed against me. Mmm...tits. Anko's are still better though. "I must say that your expertise's fame are not just limited to ninja work, but also comforting and pleasing women, even for just one night."

"So?"

"What if...we make it more than just one night, 'Kashi-kun? Let me show you what it feels to have a long term relationship...with a real woman." Said the lava user, who now licked my ear while letting me cup her breast. Damn, she wore a genjutsu that hid her nipples from every sensory.

Well as pleasant as it was (and how much she drove my libido up to the roof), i had to tell her that i could only give her one night, since i just got hooked with another drop dead gorgeous woman.

"Mei," I stopped her from taking my vest off, "As much as i believe that you're someone wonderful, i'm not seeking any relation with anyone right now."

"Can't i make you say otherwise?"

"It's not that. The problem is...i already have a girlfriend." The lava user released her hands from me in shock. She also wrapped her body, embarrassed by what she just done. The previously seductive goddess now being reduced into a very vulnerable woman, almost as if she's a demonstration on how Japanese could portray nudity as innocence.

"I...i see." Said Mei without looking at me in the eyes. "I won't make you thinking twice about your girlfriend. since..."

"Miss Terumi?"

"It's...it's not fair." She said with trembling voice, on verge of crying. "Just when i thought i finally found someone that could be with me..."

"Mei...i know i couldn't be with you, but..."I removed my mask, and forced her to turn around. Her protest was halted, turned into a gasp instead. "Just tonight, for you, i offer you to show the real me."

"So handsome..." She said as her fingers grazed every inches of my face. "Your girlfriend's very lucky to have you as her potential suit."

"Thank you."

"Just...once..." She then kissed me gently. There was nothing vigorous about it, no tongue that's begged to let in. It was just a woman begged to felt loved for the first time in her life. I stroked her hair as i accepted her plea.

One minute later, we separated. Terumi Mei now wear her clothes again, all of her moves were...frantic, almost as if she's disturbed by my presence.

"I...i have to go." The future Mizukage ran away from me, her trail of tears sparkled against the night as she was nowhere to be see again, probably until the next morning.

So this is how it felt to be a heartbreaker...

I don't think i liked it, or even proud for it.

-naruto-

"So...what make her cry last night?"

"Huh?"

"Well, Miss Terumi cried all night, and when i tried to console her, she instead threatened me, with this in verbatim: 'shut up or i'll kill you'. Did you reject her advance or something?"

Ah, good thing she threatened him like that, or i wouldn't have the heart to tell what happened. "Can't help. I already have a girlfriend, and we just got together last week."

"Same. I already have Tsunami in my old village." Woah. Twice rejected by someone she declared as suitable suitor. What a poor woman. "Such a pity for a wonderful woman like her. Terumi-sama's heart is as beautiful as her outside is. Had i didn't have another lover already, i might already accepted her proposal in a heartbeat."

"I think i could say the same. Even if that means we have to be apart had our villages in case our elders disagreed with her proposal."

Terumi Mei, who was happily discussed with Hinata and Shino initially, suddenly burst in tears and left us in a rush, much to the Hyuuga's former heiress confusion, and probably Shino's as well. "How on earth did she listened to us? Or was she just looked into us and only guessed the worst?"

"Either way, i think we need to stop."

"I'll write you the details later, in case you want to know." I said, which gave me an idea on how to deal with Zabuza. Hmm, this could work perfectly...Now what should i offer to him in the letter?

-naruto-

 _after following much of the canon including consoling Inari after Naruto made him cry..._

As he ran to save Zabuza from the imminent attack, the events from previous days rushed into his head.

 _"Zabuza-san?"_

 _"I wondered...how a loser like that blonde kid managed to do it." Zabuza said from his bed. "It just don't make any sense, you know?"_

 _"What are you talking about, master?"_

 _"And i realized it today," Zabuza continued like Haku didn't asked him anything, "What makes him managed to do beyond what his supposed limit could. It was a dream. His dream to become a Hokage, despite everything currently pointed out to the case that someone will picked a daimyo's pet before him. It makes him pushed him further than even the most optimistic expert could suggest." "I want you to have a dream that you want to chase as well. I want to see your strength grow, even stronger than i could be. And for that, you need to have an ambition, like every human beings."_

 _"My dream's to make your ambition came true, Zabuza-sama."_

 _"Hmm, that won't do." The feminine boy was getting even more confused. "How about this? From now on, you're no longer a tool. You're a ninja, who deserves to fight along me. From now on, you're free to catch whatever you want."_

 _"Th-thank you...i'm in gratitude. Although, i still don't know what i'm supposed to do... next." Said one of the last Yuki clan member in shock._

 _"Well, i'm not finished yet. I also count you as my right-hand man, the one who have to do many jobs for me. The difference between back then and now is that you have more freedom, including a choice to quit from your service."  
_

 _"Quit from you? That...doesn't seem to be desirable."_

 _"We'll see. Future can be unpredictable for all of us, Haku. Who knows what it have for us."_

And the androgynous ninja's heart began to get ashamed. He was supposed to demoralized the other genins by making them thought that he just killed their friend. Instead, he lost against the strange boy he just befriended, who went feral out of nowhere and began to overpower everything he had. He had failed him. He didn't live to his expectation.

But this...this could be the moment that saved his latest blunder. This could be the moment that justified the trust he undeservedly gotten.

 _Thank you, Zabuza-sama...for accepting me._

And he saw the lightning strike about to struck Zabuza's heart. He accelerated, and arrived just in time to save his master. He accepted her fate of being a human shield for the man that took care of him, even if he was just treated as a tool for all but the past days.

The striking hand passed his body like it existed in a different plane.

 _Clones?_ He wondered what caught him. And then, he panicked at the sight of his master still got impaled. The clones could be implying what that copy cat nin did to Zabuza, long before he arrived. "M...MASTER-"

"Straight flush. I win again."

"GRRR! Curse you and your poker face, Hatake Kakashi!"

Haku crushed his head into the pavement as he absorbed what he just heard.

Kakashi without shoes and pants, was playing a card game with his master that happened to have nothing but his boxer and bandages around his face, which he decided to lose it in the next five seconds thanks to his loss.

So in short, while everybody were fighting in the mist to their max, his master was...

Playing a strip poker game against his enemy.

Like they're some kind of traveling friends playing a game to waste some time.

 _Back to first person perspective_

"Ah, Haku! Already finished the fight?"

"Wh...what...what are you doing, Master!" Haku asked, even more flabbergasted with how nonchalant his usually no-nonsense master was.

"Strip poker. To waste our time while you doing your job in our master plan." I said as i tried to copy that freak Gendo Ikari. Man, when will i finished that ShinjixRei fic? Of course i couldn't. I'm trapped here. Oh, but what if i sold the story to the distributor here? I could get millions, like Jiraiya-sama! I mean, look at the merchandising!

Oh, wait. Was car even exist in this world?

"Master plan? With an enemy? A...are you on drugs, Zabuza-sama? Did i used too much mushroom for that medicine?"

"Nah, i'm not under influence." Said Zabuza. "The plan's quiet good really. Kakashi wanted to toughen up those brats Naruto and Sasuke, but there's one problem: They can't unlock their Kekkei Genkai until something pushed them to their near sudden death moment. And who else can do it safely and surely but my apprentice who impressed the two boys so much, and never want to kill anyone?"

"And judging by that sudden evil chakra spike, i think you managed to at least make Naruto unlock one of his potential."

"Y...you just accepted that plan like that, master?"

"Well i won't be able to move for at least another two weeks, and Kakashi here's still strong as ever. Rather be alive than get killed for nothing."

"B...but...what if, i was forced to kill them?"

"I have Yuuhi-san and Terumi-sama as the one that keep tabs on you."

"Indeed." Kurenai now appeared behind Haku, who became even more confused than ever. "Had Naruto didn't break his rage on you once he recognized who he fought, i would use my genjutsu on you two to neutralize you."

"Ah, Kurenai!" I eye-smiled at her just to further make a point on how awesomely crazy i have been this day. "So...did i won the bet, or we got into a tie?"

"You won. Sasuke awakened his sharingan." Kurenai sighed. "Honestly i don't know why am i keep being surprised by your crazy plans. Have you been doing shit like this before?"

"Not unless it's Icha-Icha discount time!"

"...I think i'm slightly glad that i didn't end up with you." Said Mei as she blushed a little. Well look at you saving face there, miss closeted perv!

"Oh. That woman's also part of reason for why i accepted his plan. I accepted her offer to join her coup against Yagura."

"...I...i...for some reasons, i can't tell if i need to be flattered or upset by this, Zabuza-sama."

"Well, i duped you into this fight, so i'm at the blame here. Although if you want to release your anger, you can turn this copy nin into a hedgehog."

"Woah, man! I thought we're good." I half-seriously yelled at Zabuza's little traitorous act.

"Well, i'm still upset by how you make my left arm weak for months. I say let's turn him into our pin cushion to see how he'll like it."

"I know some seals that can unlock your healing faster." Thank you, Naruto's dad.

"Hmm...maybe-oh shit. It's Gatou."

"Quick! Everyone do their role in our plan-B!"

"W...what am i supposed to do, sir?"

"Play possum!"

As Gatou and his man approached us, all they saw were me bruised, Zabuza's left and right arms swing around uselessly, and Haku dropped dead. Kurenai and Mei were well hidden to the point that we barely could sense their whereabouts. We could see Haku got ticked as Gatou stepped on his head and arm, and Naruto got upset at Zabuza for not caring one bit for Haku to the point that he had no dream for his own. Oh, my dear little brother. If you only know...

"If you were talking to my two weeks ago self, i would agreed with everything you said, brat. But now..."

"What?" Naruto asked tearfully. "What makes you couldn't accept him as more than your tool now? It's...it's so painful to know...that you abandoned him just like that!"

"Because...i already accepted him as my fellow ninja days ago." Naruto was shocked at the news, shown by his widening eyes. "All thanks to your stupid, brash self that somehow won the bet from me. And...and..."

"IT'S JUST A PSYCH, BRO!" I said as all of us broke our act to bring pain and justice into Gatou and his men. Zabuza rolled his eyes at me briefly before he showed his working right arm.

What happened next were string of probably the most curb stomp actions against a mortal like Gatou. Kurenai trapped everyone into her genjutsu of wild flowers preying on them, caused all of them to scream in terror and abandoned their formation, Mei set Gatou into fire via her boiling lava release, and Haku turned him into a screaming statue with his senbon attack. To rub salt into the wound, Zabuza used his flaying skin and blood to fix his sword, his face was in glee for the midget's suffering. Oh, i also kicked him to the water with addition of strength from my second gate. And somehow, he exploded on impact. Must be an exploding tag that someone put in their action, probably Zabuza.

"Y...you took our...our..."

"Oh, jeez. Did you really think that we would be scared by any lowlife like you?" I asked, which made the thug shat his pants. Without prompts, all of them sailed away from the bridge, only they had to do extra work to kept it floating because Gatou on fire also damaged some of the parts of the ship.

"Hey! If they're actually capable of beating everyone without breaking a sweat, then what are we here for? Thoughts and prayers?" Said one of the villager in realization regarding to how broken our power were that they weren't needed at all (well they would be...had i actually fought before). They weren't even get noticed by the thugs when they ran away from us. Man, i felt bad for Inari.

"All of you appeared here for the uprising against Gatou. I say that you finally paid respect for that man Kaiza, despite not doing anything at all in the end." Said a very muscled man in a hunter mask, dragged a big amount of fortune with Hinata and Shino. I had been instructed them to meet him in a bridge yesterday to raid Gatou's safe so in case we went into a fight to the headquarter, we won't destroy important stuff. It's just happened that Gatou decided to strike us the day Zabuza's fake attack happened so we won't have to take him inside his office. Just like expected.

"Who are you and how did you know what happened to our hero?"

"All i can say is..." The man removed his mask, revealed his face as someone who they thought have gone for years. "I'm glad that i'm finally at home."

No one spoke at the revelation in front of them...until Inari and Tsunami fainted, caused everyone to have a fit around them.

"Aw, man. I expected a deep kiss and a hug-AW!"

"You fucking idiot! Do you know how many tears we've spilled for you, huh? Do you know how many lost their hope because you died?"

"I-it can't be that bad-OUCH!"

"I HAVE TO BEG THEM TO NOT LEAVE THIS BRIDGE PROJECT EVERYDAY YOU USELESS SON IN LAW!"

Ah, nothing's like a tearful reunion between a supposedly dead man, his unconscious son and wife, and an angry (also secretly grateful) father in law who currently twisting his ear tearfully. So beautiful.

"WHAT THE HELL JUST GOING ON HERE!?"

"BULLSHIT! REALITY CAN BE STRANGER THAN FICTION BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS!"

Oh yeah. You were missing the action, Naruto. I would've screamed your words verbatim had i experienced the same thing. I basically stole your thunder, lol. "Well, it's started with..."

-naruto-

"LET ME AT HIM!"

"N-Naruto! That's our sensei!"

"I don't care! I have the right to know his master plans before, damn it!"

"Naruto, i don't think it would be wise for him to indulge the information for his operation to someone who could screw it so easily."

"What did you say, Shino?"

"He means that you will ruined the operation by your stupidity, usuratonkachi." This boiled Naruto even further. "Even i didn't get any hint. Why should you?"

"THAT'S IT! I'LL TAKE YOU TWO DOWN!"

"N-naruto-kun! C-calm down!"

"Jeez, for someone that's just get possessed by the chakra of the strongest creature in this world, he recovered very quickly like it's just a splinter."

"Kurenai," I sighed while ignoring the rage from the blonde knucklehead that's about to be futilely unleashed against Shino and Sasuke. "Naruto just made a what could be a life changing dialogue to Zabuza just minutes after he got possessed. It's definitely much faster than 'quick'."

"Point taken."

"Also, can you tell people in Konoha that there should be no fear to Naruto even if he got possessed? There's nothing here that suggested Naruto became influenced by the Kyuubi even after he used it, unlike what happened to Jinchuuriki in Suna." Yeah, that was the primary fear that they had against Naruto.

"Well kid got cold glares everywhere he goes in Konoha. I won't be hesitant to help the village to warm up at him."

"Thanks, Kurenai." I said as i heard some crashes, which in turn made Kaiza whimpered in frustration. Poor guy got turned into unpaid errand boy for months. Despite Tsunami and Inari being really happy that he's alive, the old man Tazuna just wouldn't forgive him so easily.

-naruto-

"KAWAAAAI!" Said Terumi Mei who pinched Haku's cheeks like he's the most adorable thing in the world. "I can't ever get tired of looking at you! Can i keep him for years before we can decide that i want him as my husband, Zabuza? Please?" Man, i didn't remember her being this childish at me when she proposed. Oh, wait. Look at how she licked her lips at Haku and salivated at him like he's a piece of meat. Hmm...hawt. Nice way to make the teenager wanted you after you creeped him out with that kawaiiko act.

"I...i think i would like to." Duh. Your tiny weiner's already bulged. That's primal attraction. Not to mention that your child would be OP as fuck if you accepted. "But i..."

"Please..."Terumi Mei pleaded in a weak whimper, contrasted her sultry, and previously, smitten woman. Man, i knew sometimes woman can be moody, but she was really something else. Did i also mention that they were at least 14 years old apart? "Don't say you don't want me. I already got rejected by two great gentlemen before."

"I wouldn't say no, Terumi-sama. But i..."

"He's a Yuki," Zabuza suddenly spoke. "Which means that there's 25% chance that Haku would turn into a girl once he hit puberty. Why else the males are known for being so pretty?" Zabuza saved Haku from a...wait wut?

"Y...yes. My father found that my mother was the boy that bullied him on their childhood. Had she was already a female in her childhood, i don't think he would went nuts and killed her, and attempted to end me. That's why i couldn't just say yes despite i wanted to."

Oh dear. Bad luck struck her thrice. This world's cruel.

"What does that means, Sakura-chan?"

"That means Haku might become a girl in his life later, Naruto."

"...I think that will makes me question my sexuality even further if it happened."

"N...Naruto-kun i...is gay?" Said Hinata shakenly, before she ran out of the house, leaving tears of broken heart. Her crush's tailing behind, pleading to her that she took it in the wrong way. Oh, wait. That was Sakura. Naruto was still here, dying from shock of being mistaken as gay. Sasuke here wiped his mouth, so Hinata couldn't be blamed for taking it in the wrong way. Or maybe she's, since Sasuke might thought of Naruto as bi-curious, or just got scarred by that unpleasant memory of their accidental kiss.

"But i will accept your offer, if i'm turned out to stay as a male." Said Haku as he, who might became a she, leaned his head to Terumi Mei. "Or maybe we can still become a lover even if i became a female?"

Too bad that she already couldn't listen to you, or felt that kiss to the cheek, you creepy crossdresser. Even if that yuri stuff's hot as fuck.

"NNOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

-naruto-

Okay, so the idea that Yuki clan could change into different gender was so obviously based by the so many female Haku fics. Not that i didn't enjoy them, but it's hilarious that female haku fics' actually came nearly as much as male Haku, so i poked fun at it.

Also, should Haku stay at Konoha? Or he joined Terumi Mei's force so i could focus to other characters? Either way, even if he ended up with Mei, he would still have a role in a crazy filler act if that was the case.

And finally, vote at my profile for my ultimate reality warping scenario in Shinobi world.


	8. Elite Training

"First of all, i want to congratulate all of you five for completing your first S-Rank mission! And an A-rank in Team 8 case." I said in our post-mission briefing.

"Hnn."

"Yeah!"

"Great."

"I...i could only hope that Kiba-san's here."

"Don't worry, Hinata-chan. With this completion giving us better reputation, you three will get a new high-profile mission in no time." Kurenai said while i took a glance to the unpredictable blonde ninja, who's currently in a sour mood and haven't said a word yet. "Something wrong, Naruto?"

"Just because i'm here, that doesn't mean i've forgiven you for setting us up like that, Bakashi!"

"Well," I said as if i didn't hear his insults. "For protecting the daughter and grandson of our client, i'll write this super special ramen coupon for Naruto, out of our C-Rank payment and bonus from Tazuna-"

"Hmph! It will take a lot more than that to make me forgive-"

"Which will be renewable for every weekends for two months,"

"...Well, you still need to-"

"And there also will be three bowls of free ramens everyday for a month, this one's a bonus uniting the citizens against Gatou. While this was unnecessary in the end, this gave them morale boost that's necessary for finishing the bridge faster than before, and the bonus' really well deserved for Uzumaki Naruto. Use this so you won't need to buy instant ramen everyday."

"Yay!" Naruto glomped me, his sneer to me almost. "Thank you, niisan!"

"However, i will add to stipulation that they will give you much better spices, vegetables and meats to make sure you get the best nutrition as well, which may come from your payment a little in case they feel that i don't give them enough money." I added to him.

"Even more thanks to you! And i can live with you handling a little of my money. As long as it's for good cause."

"Bribed with ramens. Pathetic."

"That's **lots** of ramen for you, duckbutt the tomato lover!" Naruto stuck his tongue at Sasuke for his mark. Surprisingly, Sasuke took the bait and about to rise from his chair.

"Okay, cut it out you two." Kurenai interjected the escalating argument before it went to the worse. "And currently, in addition to resuming of the bridge construction, we also will hear what Terumi-san have for us, as she has plans once Kirigakure became one of our ally, in case she won her coup against the current Mizukage. I would say that almost every of our fellow Jounin teachers would sacrifice one or two fingers to get a mission like this so quickly, so...great job, everyone."

"Woah, first major mission for us and we already see in motion of a potential deal-making with future allies? I think we just make a history here guys, never read a passage about rookie team mission with this much of importance before!" Sakura mused at the situation that her team and Kurenai's found, her eyes sparkled as she realized that everyone here could be written in future history books.

"B-but what if, sh-she couldn't succeed?"

"Terumi Mei has one of the strongest kekkei genkai in her village, so they have a great chance in winning. And even if they failed, they will be accepted here as refugees, maybe even Konoha as well."

"Not to mention that according to rumor, this battle's less power struggle and more brain battle, even more than usual. And Terumi Mei's definitely much more adjusted than Kiri leader, despite her...current obsession."

"I suppose it has something to do with Yagura's erratic behavior? Never i know any leader who flipped against their citizens like that."

"Indeed, Kurenai. Yagura has never been one to end any fight peacefully, but his leadership never been so abysmal in his earlier leadership. This erratic change can only be attributed to two causes: a strong and almost untraceable genjutsu, and he fried brain due to sickness or a fight." I said before i added a conclusion. "And unfortunately, even if someone could get him out of the genjutsu if that was the case, it's much more likely that he'll just increase his aggression against his attackers instead of just surrendering, out of pride."

"A cost to make a village functioning like it should be again. I can only hope that in afterlife, the man will understand what he has done." Said Shino ambiguously, made sure that he still couldn't understand Yagura's full character and could only say what he know for now.

"No offense, sensei, but some of honor thing in Ninja's really bullshit. If proud tools are how they want every ninja to become, then i don't like it!"

"Naruto!"

"It's okay, Sakura. Weren't you the one who cried over the code of Shinobi for no emotion in their mission?" I said, caused the girl to blushed at the memory of her crying for Sasuke's 'death'. "I'd say that our founder, the First and Second Hokage, as noble as they are, still came from the time when war's constant, and 7 years old are sent to their death everyday. Having some of the most ruthless shinobi rules at that time was justified, but now, some of them are either outdated, or can be reinterpreted into another thing that suited current and future situations much better."

"Not to mention that some of these are additions from their advisors, so...you could say that some of them could be possibly not their vision." Kurenai added.

"Well, rumors suggested that the ruthless rules definitely couldn't come from the First. At best, they came from his much pragmatic brother, The Second." I said much to the confusion of everyone else, even my fellow Jounin for knowing that the legendary Tobirama was probably not the stoic, all-knowing Ninja. "As someone who was a victim of following every codes to the extreme in their youth, i want all of you to carve your own path. Every villages, including our own, want the Ninja to stay as tools for the village's safety and prosperity. Of course, human nature wouldn't allow us to stay as tool so perfectly without tinkering, which lead to another question: was the tinkering hindered our own ability as a ninja to fight and serve the village? Was the desire to become an emotionless tool can be done objectively, without someone becoming too ruthless or too disconnected, which in turn could make the emotionless shinobi actually less reliable than even the relatively normal ones that not so? What do you think, guys?"

"I...i-i think good leadership is m-more important than e-emotionless f-facade."

"I would say that it's clear most good leaders have made decisions that always haunted them, even in their dying dreams. To ignore them entirely could cost their humanity, and in process, their ability to connect to common sense and commoners."

"Well, if even Zabuza ignored those rules despite his ruthlessness, then they're not that enforceable in the first place! Also, there's no way people can find peace and love without emotion in the first place!"

"Eh, those are good questions, sensei. But, uh...can you give us more time to make out of it?" Said Naruto, obviously confused by questions that currently out of his league.

"You won't understand it until the next century, dobe."

"Hmph!" Naruto humphed at Sasuke's insult, knowing that the raven-haired boy was right. "But i already know one thing: even without your encouragement, i will become a ninja with my own way dattebayo!"

"That's the spirit!" I gave him the thumbs up that he so deserved, obviously without the youthfulness from my 'rival'. Naruto's brave remark made Hinata said his name in awe...and our cherry blossom blushed? Also, did our little Hyuuga also took some glance at Sasuke's legs?

Hohoho. Seemed like that this version of Naruto had much more problematic love conflict. I like it, especially late in the summer.

-naruto-

"Real man d-don't cry, r-right?"

"N-no. I-i said that i-it's okay to c-cry before, I-Inari."

"I w-won't! But Naruto, you can c-c-c-cry and-"

"ZABUZA-SAMA! DON'T LEAVE ME, WAAAA!"

"NARUTO! WHHHEEEEE!"

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! INARI-CHAAAAAAAN!"

"G-GET OFF OF ME! I AIN'T EVEN THE TARGET OF YOU TWO BRATS!"

"What a bunch of babies." Shino just said that?

"Jeez, at the end they're really just children." Terumi Mei sarcastically muttered as everybody else watched the three kids glomped each others with full tears and snots. Poor Zabuza that got in their way. "But i'm glad that they haven't lost their innocence, even with everything thrown at them." Said Mei with much more optimism.

"Yeah, me too. So...does that means Haku's going to be with Leaf?" I asked, knowing that he's going to travel with us instead of Mei and Zabuza.

In addition to Haku as temporary(?) ninja in our village, Terumi Mei also promised that Kaiza would came to the village as her ambassador for the Chuunin exam. Hmm, this could be useful to haywire people's kekkei genkai, like a certain 'traitor' that would miscalculated his plans in the future, including the back-ups, and whatever Orochimaru had in his arsenal.

"Only for a while, to keep him safe from the imminent civil war." Terumi answered. "As soon as i win this war, Haku's going to be re-registered as our Ninja once more, including straight up promotion(s) in case that he got one in Konohagakure."

"Good thinking."

"And," The woman huffed as she turned around. "If he became a she after puberty, probably it's your village that's going to be the one who have her. Even though he could choose to be with Konoha in the future regardless of what happened, i definitelyd need to think twice if his gender changed."

"Maa, i didn't know that you dislike potential lesbians that much."

"I honestly don't have problems with them, but frankly i'm so straight to the point that every night, i always dreamed of having a real man for my husband. And last night it's pretty clear that he's going to like girls no matter what. Add the fact that i seduced him and he accepted and...do the math, scarecrow. Also, don't tell anyone or i will kill you."

I only nodded as i returned my attention back to my Icha-Icha...and Zabuza, who still tried to peel off the three boys that glomped at him. Poor man. The exaggerated snots made even people who pitied him hesitated to help.

"Okay. This idiotic display make me hesitated to name it as Great Naruto Bridge."

Everybody but the three crying boys laughed a little at the joke that Tazuna aimed at Naruto. The blonde himself just pouted at the insult.

-naruto-

"Hi, Hokage-sama and everyone else in this room!" I greeted as i entered his room, knowing that everyone else in the room were not people who demanded polite behavior for something as much as sneezing. Not everyday you could act like friend to your leader. Speaking of people, there was my new girlfriend Anko, with one of her friend Hana. Well, the friend thing's not that well known to be verified, but acquaintance or friend, i knew that both got along.

Oh crap. Hana smelled something funny. I hope it wasn't Mei's old body odor or something. Yeah, let it be Naruto's over-spiced ramen or Haku's perfume, please. I couldn't take any crazy snake bondage, especially today! Damn you, Inuzuka's sense of smell!

"Hi, 'Kashi-kun! Long time no see." Ah, that's my sweet, kinky girl. I've longed for that sweet singalong voice so long. I could only hope that... what was i feared again?

"Hello, Hatake-san." Oh, dear. She smelled something weird from me! Was that what i feared before? Okay, calm down, Kakashi. There's no need to get agitated now. Keep calm, and get cool.

"Hmm, Kakashi. You're late by...a week." Hokage sighed as he summarized my tardiness that just went up to eleven in this mission.

"Yeah, i know."

"It would be fine in my book since this wasn't your worst lateness by far, but...may i inquire for why Team 8's also late, only arrived two hours earlier than you in fact?"

"...Kurenai didn't tell you anything?"

"Darn woman used Kiba as her excuse, so...you need to fill for her." The Hokage said, obviously annoyed by how his Ninja managed to avoid the responsibility of reporting stuffs. Well, me too. That was obviously her paying back my insanity in our joint mission.

"Well for the starter," I motioned so our favorite ice user could enter the room. "This is Haku, one of Yuki clan's survivor. He's here to apply as our Shinobi. Our teams met him in our mission."

"Wait. She's a he?"

"I could've swore that was perfume for kunoichi's seduction mission..."

"Oh, a kekkei genkai searching for sanctuary." Our leader remarked with a smile, ignored Anko and Hana's slight outburst at the fact that this super feminine ninja's a man, and took extra effort to make sure that he fooled everyone. "Everyone who seek for safety in our village will always be accepted."

"Thank you, sir. Even if it's just for temporary measure, i will always cherished this memory."

"You're welcome. But...if i recall correctly, Yuki clans scattered around Kirigakure." His smile already gone by this point, now replaced by something that's more suitable to a solemn leader. A frown. "So the clan massacres became an actualized policy now. I'm sorry for what happened, Yuki-san."

"Yagura. That shithead always do this shit for no reason. Can't say i'm surprised."

"Yes. The three times mother met him, she said that he always smelled blood. Very fresh too."

"Actually, as much as i agreed that he's a sick man, Yagura haven't created any massacre plan for now. Yet." I cleared the misunderstanding, which created further confusion instead. "What happened here, is that Haku used to be Zabuza's apprentice. For his own safety, thanks to both the possible clan assassination policy and imminent civil war, he decided that Haku would be safer with other village. Also, him registered to us was the initial offering from Terumi Mei, the leader of the newest rebelion from Kirigakure who have declared her intent to create a better relation between our villages if she won the war. Oh also, i fought with Zabuza and Gatou's man initially, turned the mission into SS-ranked one. Have i said that the payment came from the raid of Gatou's headquarter by a hero from Wave, who faked his death for the last two years?"

Everybody else in the room gasped as they quickly realized what i just did. Hana's jaws dropped, Hokage-sama's smoking pipe dropped to the desk (didn't hit his papers though), and Anko was speechless, before her potty mouth broke the silence, "You're shitting me, right?"

"It's all true, miss. In fact, Terumi-sama already wrote a letter to explain all of this." Said Haku as he reached for his pocket. "I will read this for you, Hokage-sama, to clear out all confusion-"

"N-no. That's not necessary. I can read about the details by myself." Hiruzen-san said, felt that the whole thing's too ridiculous to be digested in just ten minutes. "Is that all, Kakashi?"

My slight glare said it all. The Hokage sighed for so many times today, before he motioned the other to get out of the room, but not before he asked Anko to check up for Haku in T&A. Soon, not even the ANBU were here to guard us. "Speak."

"Naruto just got the first taste of Kyuubi's chakra when Sasuke protected him." Hokage-sama grimaced by the not so good news. "On positive note, Kurenai said that she'll testified that he did not change one bit after that event, in case that Naruto got that chakra burst again. Also, none of his teammates questioned what happened to him, partly because he was fighting inside a thick mist."

"Probably the first time that his tenant did something good for once, or at least fixed some of the problems it caused. What else?"

"For the positive news, Sasuke just awakened his sharingan in the battle. From what i gathered, he also gained it in peaceful term; instead of trapped in move or die moment, he calculated his enemy's movement and dodged him in the last seconds."

"Good. Now we will no longer worry about higher ups demanding me to give Sasuke to them 'temporarily' to awaken his kekkei genkai. And the peaceful part definitely showed that he's not a lost cause to his avenger desire." Yeah, i'd rather don't have two Sais, thanks. "We know those two topics couldn't worry me that much, so spill the juicy bits now."

"There were survivors of Uchiha's clan, or at least used to be." Sarutobi's smoking pipe nearly dropped to his stack of papers. Damn, near good riddance. "Said Wave hero, Kaiza, found their corpse and used their eyes to faked his death, in addition to build some cred in his village."

"What?!" Hokage lost his composure for once, lol. Even he couldn't expect it.

"Relax, sir. He just stumbled over two then-recent Uchiha corpses, probably from exhaustion or illness. Kaiza wasn't even a ninja until a year ago, so he couldn't be the one who killed them, in case that their deaths weren't natural."

"I'm honestly more concerned with the fact that some Uchiha actually managed to survive, rather than Kaiza possibly finished them off, out of all thing. Not that i wouldn't like their survival, but it could lead to more troubles, should they bear grudge against us." The Hokage voiced his concerns regarding some of the newest revelations.

"I know." I said as i took a seat. "So...is there anything we can do about it for now? Based on what happened, there might be other survivors, but frankly there's no evidence that said something about it yet, so we couldn't do anything about it for now."

"There's nothing we can do, but to set the perimeters." Said Hokage-sama as he finally picked his smoking pipe. "In case there are other survivors, i want you to make sure they don't have any resentment against us. Talk them out of it as good as you could, in case you find one who now hate us. Fatal methods, and brainwashing, should be on your last to-do list."

"Yes sir."

"Now, i'm the one who have updates to be delivered." Said Sarutobi-sama. Hmm, wonder what. "Most of the suspects that we have, turned out to possess no real danger to the village." He showed me the list. Good. Kabuto still haven't fooled them by now. "Since Danzo's too high of profile, you need to pursue Yakushi Kabuto first instead. Let me take care of Danzo's trust problem for you before you could approach him. This recent updates by you could make him interested in you, providing that i could...spice it as much as i could, so get ready for that reports."

"Consider it done tomorrow, in case there are no more unwanted problems tonight." I answered. "How should i get close to this, Kabuto guy, anyway?"

"He's a medic-nin, so...you'd better make health appointment with him. Use your genin team if necessary." Sarutobi said as he finally huffed a smoke from his pipe. "Also, you have my permission to get back to your prime-level of fighting, with cover-up of preparing for Naruto and Sasuke's training. I'll even forge your father's blades, Sarutobi style, just in case that you couldn't rebuild your family's forge again."

That one took me off. Not only iforgot about my family's blade for once, but the actual Kakashi abandoned it because he considered them as part of the old him, the one who followed codes to the extreme. That, and my blades were 'coded' hard into Hatake family's forge, so any attempt to improve or change it would be futile without its original owner, who...you know. However, using another forge, now it's possible for the blade to 'reborn' into something much better. There's no reason to avoid using them again. "Th-thank you sir."

"Don't mention it." Said Hokage before we dwelled into more generic topics, like Sakura's father wanted me to make sure that she didn't turn into a dork, or how a clothing store in Konoha just asked him to deliver some casual clothing for Naruto as a way to say sorry. After twenty minutes of less nerve-wrecking discussion, i excused myself out of his office. Just when i stepped out of his office, i saw one of the most unpleasant sight in front of me.

Danzo.

Easily the bottom of the list of my wish for earlier cameos.

"Hatake Kakashi." Oh, why did that bastard had to address me now. "You have changed lately."

"Just make some little adjustments to teach my genin. They're still brats that after all."

"While i appreciate your efforts, i believe that you have gone a little...too far in other direction." Said the old hawk. He then warned me before he stepped into Hokage's office. "Let's not forget that at the end, we're tool for our village and our country. They're here to fight for the people, not to be nursed by someone that's senior of them. Know your place too, Hatake. After all, your friend won't be free without my permission. Don't make me regret that." Said the old geezer without even bothered of excusing himself.

I made a weak clone that henged into some random kid, made it waited for three minutes, and called him an old noodle while spanked his little ass at him. It made the old geezers inside wondered what just happened, although Danzo probably guessed that it was one of his hater, which could be me.

Meh. Worth it.

-naruto-

"Mind telling me, why Hana smelled something very feminine on you, 'Kashi-kun?"

"...Do you really need to threaten my manhood to ask that?"

Yeah, if you haven't got it, my girl's pissed at me, and currently brandished a kunai that's currently about five centimeters away from my manhood. I shouldn't open a door in midnight to anyone else man. Especially when it sounded so sexy.

Thanks, Inuzuka-clan. Not only i'm gonna be late in delivering that report, i'm probably gonna lose my most prized thing as well.

"It's the most prized thing for any man, after all. So talk." Man, my girl's a mind reader.

"...She didn't mistook it for Kurenai's, right?"

"Nope. In fact, she smelled it from your lips and neck." Oh shit, it just jabbed my jeans. "So get honest with me, 'Kashi-kun."

"Fine. It was Terumi Mei's."

"Oh." Anko's kunai dropped to the floor. She then turned around, and...why the atmosphere became sad out of sudden? "Th-then i guess you already found someone better than me, r-right?"

Okay, this is the part where either i left her alone for a day so she could calm down, or tried to amend it now. "Anko?"

"G-goodbye, K-k-"

"Don't cry." I begged while i dragged her body away from the door as i chose the manlier way. After all, this could resulted in me made the worst possible decision in my life. Again.

"Why? So you could get with her without feeling bad for ME? Go to y...your gorgeous rebel, and leave me alone!" She then turned into a sobbing wreck, and tried to get her off of me. Good thing that she forgot her chakra, or both of us could hurt.

"No. It's because she was the one who cried because of me." This stopped her crying, although the tears still flowed. Yeah, she became confused instead. "I can't let two wonderful women cry because of my decision."

"Oh, s-so you're planning to g-get both of us, huh?"

Damn. Wrong words. This's not harem! "No. I called her wonderful woman because that's just who she was. And quiet frankly, as wonderful as she was, she's still nothing compared to you."

"...What makes a snake whore like me more wonderful than she could ever be?" Damn. I thought that was just addition by fandom, man?

"Should love always make sense? Was there any law that forbid someone to prefer a woman that's valued by society less?" I asked her as i removed my mask, showed that i took to the whole thing seriously. "I love you, Anko, and no women or derogatory names could sway me away from you."

"You corny, lying son of-" I stopped her by kissing her mouth. When she was still shocked by how light my touches were, i engulfed her with longer kiss while i stroke her hair. She finally gave into my kiss, before she shoved me away, and covered her head with her hands to obstruct her embarrassment."S-stop kissing me! I can't stay mad at you if you keep doing it!"

"Then don't call me a liar."

"Fine." My purple-haired girlfriend accepted before she planted a quick kiss and hugged me hard. Uff, it's so tight, almost like if i would disappear had she let me go just an inch. "I'm so sorry for that, dear."

"It's okay. I shouldn't try to play and get info from her like that in the first place. There are other way."

"Hmm." Anko only mumbled as she now became relaxed into my chest, almost as if she could fell asleep any moment. "And the kiss?"

"She was heartbroken by me. Least thing i could do."

"Can't say i like what you did, but...what's done is done."

"That, and her default mode against anything that upset her is 'shut up or i will kill you.'" My snake user looked at me like i just grew another head. "I'm serious! She said that everytime she got upset! The only time she didn't do that is when she cried instead. I don't think i could take a girlfriend who would threaten to kill me if she heard anything wrong, and she often misheard people and assumed the worst too! Now i think about it, she might thought me and Kaiza talked about how she's not fresh anymore, instead of how poor she is."

"Okay, i believe you. Can't believe i got jealous by such a weirdo..."

"Not to mention the, uh...paperwork and politics problems? I mean, how much things need to be done if someone like me have to move out to another village? It could be huge. Hokage and councils would've bickered over it. My genins would be lost. My Icha-Icha's probably only available in black market if i lived in Kirigakure, and-"

"Kakashi?"

"...Something wrong?"

"Just shut up and kiss me again."

I happily obliged.

-naruto-

 _Two weeks later..._

"Alright, so while you three have improved so much skill wisely, our teamwork have...suffered, to say the least."

"You got that damn right! That duckbutt should've put all that gel for his hair, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, AND STICK IT UP-"

"Shut up, Konohamaru!"

"Aw, Moegi!" Said that boyish voice after a 'bonk' sound was heard.

"Hmm...wonder where those three skippers went?" Said Iruka, obviously already knew where his target went. Soon he grabbed the box-shaped rock, and went out of the field with body flickers. A little whining voice could've been heard as he went back to the school with his little prey, still on his hands.

Man, i didn't know that Smackdown Hotel existed here. What were those three doing here, anyway? "And our latest payment got cut off thanks to our little shenanigans. Well, it's more like Naruto and Sasuke's fault since they decided to have some little race in the rice field and-"

"FOUND YOU, NARUTO!" *Poof.* "Aw, not again!"

"Haven't i tell you about the tale of foolish revenge, Kiba?" Sasuke suddenly became a little interested by the voice of Kurenai's.

"Um, it won't do anything good?" Sasuke said tch.

"Exactly. So STOP INVADING OTHER TRAINING FIELD AND GET YOUR ASS BACK!"

"HWAAAA! I just wanted to get a good fight with that orange shrimp for once!" The dog boy whined as sound of the dragged body faintly heard until it disappeared. I could've heard Shino called him a fool as well.

What a weird day.

"He still chases after my clones? Man, i thought after three days popping the fake me, he would given up by now!"

Yup. Weird day.

"So anyway...what's wrong?"

"Haku's so strong! I'm jealous of him dattebayo!"

"There are stronger kids around my age. I need to become stronger to avenge my clan."

Sakura sighed as she realized what actually happened. "So in short, the boys here couldn't concentrate in teamwork because all in their mind, is nothing but echoes to become strong."

"I see." I tried to make something up to salvage it. "For the record, Sasuke's already faster than Haku without his ice mirrors, and Naruto already accessed his...second coil for his chakra. You two already got stronger than ever."

"Still not enough."

"Yeah!" Naruto said, somehow oblivious to my remark about his second coil of chakra.

"Hmm, 'kay." Of course, it won't be enough for Sasuke if the standard's Itachi, but i couldn't tell him yet. Man, what a double-edged sword. "What about you, Sakura?"

"I'd like to become strong too, Sensei. Of course, not to the level of fanatic like these two are."

"...Did you just lost your super respect to Sasuke?" Yeah, for once, instead of a very angry Sakura, we had a 'tired of your bullshit' Sakura. Almost like Sakura after Sasuke said she's useless in canon, except Sakura's lacks of energy was more because she's annoyed by him, not caused by she's depressed thanks to him.

"No. But i can't deny that this is getting annoying, especially since i had to clean up their acts."

"Hey!"

"Hnn."

"What? It's true!" Sakura said, a little agitated. "Without me, that pig farm owner would've shot all of us for hurting his contest pig! An illusion to fool him for a while, and healing touch did all the tricks. Want to get stronger too so i could heal stuff better though, like the other pigs that Naruto punted accidentally when he tried to hit Sasuke-kun."

"Well maybe you need to use the special ramen! I already grew 2.5 cm in 10 days, and my balls are not dropped yet!"

"That stuff's like 600 ryo without the premium meat, dumbass! I'm not the bridge ambassador like you! My parents also took most of the payment money from me, all for fiscal responsibility or crap like that!" Ah, that infamous anger finally surfaced again.

"Okay, so i guess no matter what, teamwork training's out of the window for now." I concluded while i tapped my fingers. "Hmm, i think it's time for special training."

"You mean, you will train us with that training that made you stronger out of sudden? I can tell you got super strong lately, nii-san! Sugoi!"

"No, since that training was just to get me back to my previous level." Naruto got deflated from hearing this. "Rather, you three will have special teachers to test your best potential as Shinobi, as well as looking for the style that fit you three the best."

"Oh boy!"

"So this is our first training attempt with other instructors? You sure we don't need to learn more first, sensei?"

"No, no. You guys may can learn more basics from me, but you three are definitely ready." I reassured before i picked a note from my pocket.

"The first one, is...the sexiest woman available on fire country." I sighed as pamphlets and huge banner of Anko in her glorious poses, ready to make boys balls dropped, and make Sakura questioned her identity. 94-66-92 while bounded, hmm. "Hi, beautiful."

"Hi, handsome!"

"Hey, you're the pretty lady that Sensei dated!"

"Thanks for the compliment, shrimp, but we're already more than dating..." Anko said as she straddled my hips, and began to lower my mask while kissed my nose sensually. I could hear the three groaned at the sinful sight in front of them, and in their age, probably disgusting. Indeed, all three of them covered their eyes to protect what's left of their innocence that's still not tainted by the grueling work in shinobi field.

"Not here, Anko-chan."

"Aww...i want to terrorize these little puppies first."

"Moving on." I said to the three children that currently glad that it's all over. " She's here to teach you psychological warfare, some genjutsu that she picked on her own, and how to control summons. Obviously in case you guys get your own summon later, their behavior would've been much different, which is why she's going to teach how to treat your summons together with me. You're going to try to get along with my dog packs, and her snakes collection. Obviously you guys also need to avoid either of them going ballistic. Also, it will surprise you by how some snakes can be very docile...as long as they're well fed."

"That sounds like an awful excuse to let us learn by ourselves, while you two going into a picnic or something."

"Smart take, Sakura. That's how Anko decided to go along with this." Anko only stuck out her tongue at the kids in front of her as if she's just a few years older than them. No dignity. "And second one, is my friend here." The man arrived without any grandiose unlike before. "His unparalleled nature control's not just useful to create landscaping for your training, but also capable of making the best out of your elements. While he's the best fit for Naruto due to his raw energy, all of you can still learn another thing or two from him."

"I never think it's going to be so soon, Kakashi." Said Tenzo, or...

"And, uh...what's your code-name for this operation again, Tenzo?"

"Yamato."

"Yes. Yamato." I repeated one of my few close people that hadn't died from something out of my control, just to keep up the act that i didn't came from another world. Good thing that his newest code-name's the same as canon. "He was a test tube baby for ANBU, so he never had a real name." I explained to the kids that looked at us funny, as if they expected Yamato to have some kind of real name, like me having a real face.

"Personally, i'd rather have you not spilled the fact that i'm a experimental baby, Kakashi."

"So glad that you make it while being so well mannered, sir."

"Thank you, Haruno-chan. Although i'd like for all of you to not imply my origin again."

"Yamato seemed to be better than Tenzo for a name, though."

"Hn."

"If that's the case, then i'll keep it as my public name." Said Yamato like if he just got a revelation. "Yamato, huh? I think i'm going to love that name."

"And the third one, is the man who know everything, but mastered none of it." I read the description that Ebisu personally wrote for me. "This is surprisingly down-to earth, if you think about it."

"To acknowledge your true strength, is the first major step for every shinobi." Said his voice.

"Right. So, this is the man that will review everything about you, and then make his verdict on it. So, he'll be the one who recommend what style you three will use, and what specialty you three will take. He might not look much, and definitely not that powerful, but for teaching every basics that the best of shinobi needed, he's up there." However, after a minute of his introduction, Ebisu still hadn't make his appearance. Something's wrong. "Don't tell me that you're too shy to meet my cute little genins, Ebisu?"

Unfortunately, a familiar screaming voice that clearly came from the glasses man echoed throughout the training ground, made it clear that the man just got attacked by someone else. All on the field prepared for the potential ambush that's almost definitely happened.

Soon enough...toads dropped everywhere?

"Haha! Don't fear, everyone, because it's just me. The super pervert of Konohagakure, The Great Gallant, The Toad Master, one of the Sannin! I, have finally arrived in town, to conduct business with my biggest fans, and a grandson of mine. IT'S JIRAIYA TIME!"

"PUT ME DOWN, JIRAIYA-SAMA! GYAAAA!"

Great. My third teacher just got replaced forcefully by a perverted novelist, and he just did his best to traumatize everyone in this place by planted several big frogs on top of Ebisu, right after he got sent flying 50 meters by one of it before.

"I didn't sign for this shit."

"Uh, who's his grandson?"

"That's probably you, Naruto. He's the one who paid for your rent and groceries after all."

Naruto took that information for a while, before he fainted.

Yup. Didn't sign for this.

-naruto-

Well, that conclude the story for this fic today. Sorry, but i'm currently so busy. In addition to my fics (i wrote like 6 different fics/chapters at a time!), there are also my thesis and possible novel. Shit's crazy, i tell you!

So next chapter, we're going to see what kind of ninja Team 7 would be, in addition to their canon skills. Also, there would be some moments with Kabuto in his house. First time stealing Orochimaru's stuffs, baby!

And finally, vote on my profile for the real story breaker of this fic. Two of them will be major addition, while the other would be afterthought or failed attempt instead.

See you next time!


	9. Ninja Battle PPV in Konoha!

"Okay, Naruto. That's enough."

"Aaa, 'Kashi-kun! That tickles!"

"So I have found that you're not just full of stamina, but also very resilient to boot."

"Ah, ah, ah, Anko-chan! Everything's fair game in Ninja's life!"

"Unfortunately, your finesse is severely lacking, to say the least. While I'd agree with Jiraiya-sama that your training should be focused more on raw power than finesse due to your sheer potential on it, we need to make your finesse passable before you can move on to better technique, or else they can be hindered by the mere basics."

"Ah, welcome to the good life, Yamato. Now, when should I retire from ANBU or even Shinobi life so I can enjoy this more? Or, should I become a half-retired ninja instead so I can still do my duty to the village?"

"So for your first training, I'd suggest that you need to be put in finesse trainings like water-walking, basic ninjutsu with seals that disrupt your chakra flows and forced you to fight with normal chakra, and-"

"Hohoho! This is almost a carbon-copy of Icha-Icha in Paradise, baby!"

"CAN'T MY FELLOW TEACHERS AND THE ONE WHO MADE THIS PROGRAM TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?!"

Indeed. While the covert pervert was doing his best in reviewing my cute little genins, all the others did was enjoying Yamato's super mega waterpark that I got from the traveling book. Anko in particular was trying her bathing suit.

But really, can't you blame us for exploited this super awesome exploit of Wood Release' ability? He literally could created an amusement park in thirty minutes!

-naruto-

After getting us ready for actual training, we discussed who's going to train who first. Ebisu had to excuse himself thanks to Konohamaru skipped class, and Yamato still had duties on ANBU, so the deal was done with the rest of us three.

I got Sasuke since he hadn't got any proper sharingan training.

Jiraiya got Naruto since he wanted to spend time with Naruto, and wanted to see if Ebisu's theory of seals for chakra training really have basic on it. Theoretically it should; unlike the canon Naruto, this one's struggled with water walk training. Ebisu's theory made sense since canon Naruto learned water walking so quickly after days of being disrupted by Orochimaru's seals.

Anko got Sakura because the girl hadn't seen any real solo Kunoichi Jounin except for Kurenai, and never taught by one before. That, and Ebisu himself still not sure enough if she's better as genjutsu user or super medic instead. Of course, she also had to train her in toughness, something that she hadn't had a taste from me. I reasoned it with Sakura needed to have a Kunoichi drilled it instead of a male ninja, so she won't be apprehensive.

"So for your sharingan, you can copy everything but physique of your opponents, which means that your elemental jutsu, speed and strength would be always inferior to your opponents in case you copy them. Its value in those cases, is to memorize your opponents' movements and seeking their weakness instead. Which is why in case you want to become an all-around ninja by your sharingan, you'd better be focused in getting yourself to become durable and evasive rather than powerful, so you can outlast your opponents and exploit their fighting style." I explained the first of the two most common style of sharingan users.

"I got it."

"The second way, is to become a genjutsu master. Genjutsu from sharingan's easily unbeatable, for the bombastic variants where the goal's to inflict mental pain at least."

"Hn."

"Which one will be your job choice, young Uchiha?"

"Which one's Itachi?" Sasuke asked back, not interested in my little jive.

I sighed. Of course he would asked that. He had that obsession to avenge his clan and family. "The genjutsu variant. Itachi's physical attributes are actually not that good, despite being a great fighter on his own good."

"I see."

"This is my advice for you to fight Itachi." He looked at me with great deal of interests. "You have to be patient, and wait until you're strong enough before you can honor your family. This is the man who able to massacred the whole clan in one night, and no one know how he did that. You can't expect yourself to be able to fight him any sooner, especially when you still can't defeat Haku."

"If we're talking about honor, then I should fight him before I became 14 years old, because that was when he did it. That man, also have to be beaten in his own game." Damn it. Listen to me, you duck butt!

"And unless you've become stronger than me, I will stop you from honoring that fact." Sasuke's eyes glared at me, demanded why, and what for. "Your family will be glad that you honored them in any way. People already talked about how good you are. If you keep going on the path you're currently, Sasuke, finishing Itachi would be the final nails to the coffin of the shame of your family, not the only way to rebuild its prestige. Remember, you're also a ninja. You will always be allowed to fight dirty. They will understand why you need to be pragmatic."

"Hn." The Uchiha boy simply looked away from me. "He also said something about killing my best friend, to become as strong as he is."

"And would you stoop as low as that? That could be his trick, Sasuke. He might said that to destroy you instead. Comrade's deaths, they could kill you from the inside. Even if you killed him, he might still get the last laugh as you suffering from the consequences of your short-term choices." Man, all these pretending of Itachi being the most insane piece of shit already getting old.

"I know. It's...complicated." Woah. A confession. "What should I do, Kakashi-sensei? What if I succumbed to the desire? What would happened to my closest people, like...you, Sakura and dobe. Should I closed them off when I began to fall to his rhetoric, so I won't hurt them? What if...I really have to sacrifice them?"

"Sasuke," I put my hands on both of his shoulders, "Wouldn't it be the best for you to have someone who can pull you out of the darkness instead?" His eyes widened as I said it to him. "We can help you to fight him, and stop you to fall into the madness. Or at least, snapped you out of it."

Sasuke smiled a little, and just a mini-moment where a shed of tear began to fall from his eyes, he turned around and muttered something about sentimental old man. Meh. I just hugged him and pretended it as punishment for calling me old, ignored his obvious discomfort.

Ah, everything's well with the world.

 _-with Jiraiya-_

"Hey, pervy sage!"

"That's super pervert sage to you, Naruto!"

"Uh, okay." Naruto got even weirded out by the man in front of him. He never knew any human being who took so much pride of being called a pervert, especially after being insulted as one. But he still had to ask that question. "Why did you become my godparent in the first place?"

"That's because your parents have good taste, brat! They named you after Naruto of the Maelstrom, not Naruto of the ramen! Do you know how that means, kid?" Jiraiya said, started his excuse and lies of how he became interested in him. After Kakashi and Sarutobi-sensei reported on how easy Naruto gave in into blubbered about his Uzumaki heritage, he knew that he should invented some stories before they deemed him smart enough to know about his history.

"Eh, no?" Naruto asked, obliviously missed the implication that Jiraiya knew his parents a little too well.

"It means that they read my first book, The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi, my cult classic and first book! It was basically my autobiography! Well, from the ninja life part at least. There are books for my love life, much more successful commercially. And of course, not for kids material. If you catch my drift."

"Yuck! Are adults really that perverted?"

"Someday you'll understand, kid. I used to be the same like you before I found the wonder of milk and booties. But anyway! When I heard that there's a kid whose name is Naruto of the Maelstrom, I became interested. And when I knew that kid have that fox in his stomach, I knew that kid's something special!" Said Jiraiya, before he ended his tirade of lies in much more solemn note, knowing that Naruto just became upset at that very moment of him mentioned the fox, especially since he mentioned it like something awesome instead of curse. "Unfortunately my hands are tied after the Kyuubi attacked, so I couldn't do anything even after I heard how bad you got treated. Shit was crazy, kid. Chuunin doing Jounin jobs, several attempts by other villages to get our kekkei genkai, and the fact that I'm the only Sannin who remains loyal and active to the village...This is all I can do until now. I could only hope, and pray that you can make some friends, even if the rest of the village treated you like dirt." Jiraiya could sense that the kid in front of him still had something to say. "Anything else gaki?"

"Okay, I can understand why some people who actually pitied me couldn't do much for years, and how busy everyone is, but I still think that you can do much more than paying my apartment, clothes and groceries!" Naruto spatted.

"Like what?"

"Like...Uh! I don't know! Leaving me in other village or something? You sounds like you're super rich, so you definitely can do it, pervy sage! Do you know how much I wanted a normal life? Not that I don't have one now, but eight years of loneliness and being a pairah sucked!" Naruto almost cried while saying it.

"Gaki, I hate to break it to you, but your treatment's actually fairly average." Naruto couldn't believe his own ears, which made him looked at Jiraiya, obviously flabbergasted and demanded answers. "To put it lightly, your treatment's actually the standard of all village treating someone with a monster sealed in them, no matter how bad it is. Eight tails Jinchuuriki was basically hated by his village as much as you, two tails had to become a monk in a temple for her own protection, single tail's basically insane until the Jinchuuriki somehow managed to fix their life, and that turtle Jinchuuriki became a recluse! You will be treated like dirt everywhere! And when someone attempted to kidnap a Hyuuga, and nearly succeeded at it, it became clear that you won't be safe anywhere else, even if I paid the best money to protect you. My idea of taking you outside of the village when you're six years old for some months, became obsolete at that moment. I can't help but to wait until you become strong enough, and a genin is already scrapped the bottom! "

"...It's that bad, huh?"

"Yeah." Both now trapped inside their own bad memories and guilt. Jiraiya broke it first. "Sorry Naruto, but if only Tsunade-hime had much better standing with Konoha or even me...she might be able to do something for you."

"What could be done by her that can't be done by Jiji and you?"

"Well for one, she's a Senju, so she's a distant relative of yours. She took her boyfriend's niece Shizune with her all the time, so she definitely won't object to stay for you had she's even, for the very least, approachable. But alas, she's not in speaking term with anyone. I even haven't contacted her in the last two years, and definitely haven't speak to her properly since she left."

"It's like everything is perfectly designed to make me lonely for most of my childhood. Great." Naruto mumbled, uncharacteristically calm despite his turmoils. Had he knew that his status probably could've become better if he was simply born as a redhead, the boy maybe already gone ballistic for a moment.

"Ah, but past's a past. From what I've heard, your life become better and better." Jiraiya changed the topic to make the situation less gloomy.

"Of course!" Naruto jumped up in excitement after momentarily being solemn, partly from his genuine relief and partly to keep up his morale. "It all started when I attended academy. Kids around my age started to treat me like a fool instead of plague!"

"Better than nothing, eh?"

And then Jiraiya listened to Naruto on how everything turned out to him, such as how he became a friend with the Shikamaru and Choji, who were the chillest boys on his class, and how cool Kakashi was. When he got to the story of how Kakashi showed him that there were people who wouldn't mind to treat him fairly or even become friends had he approached them secretly, Jiraiya teased him and claimed that his excessive angst was the main reason for his loneliness instead of anything else. Naruto pouted and retorted with claims like how he's supposed to know better when he was just a child, as well as declared clearly that there's no way the most unpredictable ninja in Konoha's an emo. Jiraiya then proceeded to call him an emo, and a stupid one in that, and became involved in a silly chase scene between him and his grandson.

Well, seemed like they'll be more busy of being a family rather than training. Oh well.

-With Sakura-

"Anko-sensei!"

"It's better be good, cherry. Or I'll add more weights for you."

"Okay. It's a good question. I think." Said Sakura, still struggled with her breath as she put some force into her palm. 200 push-ups was okay for her, but the crazy Jounin kunoichi added 80 kg worth of weights on all her body out of all sudden. Kakashi-sensei already said that he'll upped the physical training for Sakura, and probably hired a kunoichi to do it for him to make it less awkward, but this is ridiculous!

"Are you...really doing this every week?" Sakura finally asked.

"Thrice in fact."

"Then how's your...body still looked like supermodel! With all those dangos too! I can...appreciate the muscles, but...the calluses! And the cauliflower- AAAGH!"

"If it's just about your beauty, then you're wasting my time." Anko stated as she put more chakra into the seal weights.

"B-bullshit!" Sakura stated as she managed to did one push-up despite the weight in her palm tripled. "I knew how much that...beauty is important to shinobi, even the males! I still...haven't seen Kakashi-sensei's face, but he...he's popular! And have good body without too much muscle too! Not...to mention...the seduction mission..."

"Ah, you're an observant one. Well the truth is, unless you manage to pick B-rank missions twice a month, you're going to aging fast, like 40 in ten years." Anko confessed.

"WHAT?"

"Yes, brat. You need the skills and money to keep up the appearances, which means that unless you become a chuunin before you became 16, you're going to look old and washed up in no time. Be as skilled as me or ANBU in using chakra for strength, and you probably only need the regular skincare stuffs, and low fat products that's still need to be eaten for three serving in meal time before training!"

"Are you telling me that behind everything you actually looked- OW!"

"If anything I hide my even more bountiful boobs from everyone but 'Kashi-kun, so don't finish that." Said Anko, this time she licked a little pint wound that she made from Haruno kid's cheek. Well Kakashi and the man who now possessed his body could attest to the fact that her beauty's genuine and actually understated, so there was no lies in her answer. The only lie was the experiment that Orochimaru conducted, but otherwise she aged fine.

So while the other members of Team 7 were having a happy and meaningful conversation, Sakura was suffering from a sadistic teacher who liked to stab her students, as well as haunted by the new knowledge that she had to become really good just to make even in appearance and money. Poor girl.

Oh well. At least now she had more motivation to become top Kunoichi.

-naruto-

 _In the next day_

Well today's the break day for everyone, and I decided that it was the time for me to check myself into Kabuto's practice place.

And what a coincidence. I met Sai! Must be in one of Orochi-Danzo spying exchange as well.

"What's your name, kid?"

The boy had that eerie fake smile, before he said, "I don't have one that I can refers to currently, ninja-sama."

"My name's Hatake Kakashi." I said as if his lacks of name's expected and something that's a norm around here. My hand's also offered in front of him.

"Hatake-sama." The boy said in the most awkward way possible. It took him five seconds before he made the same gesture like me, and even then I have to be the one to shake it, all the while he only stared dumbly at my hand. Man, how on earth Danzo came to conclusion that emotion need to be suppressed completely in shinobi force? These people sucked in posing as civilians!

"I can tell that you have emotions problem."

"People who raised me said that emotion's a weakness to my work, so they suppress all of it."

"Well just between you and me, kid, even if you still think it's the best way, you need to know and learn emotion too." I sighed in my chair. "I don't know why your guardians think that emotion's not even something deserved to be learned, but personally, I'd rather learn to have emotion before I mute them rather than suppress it as my first education. Sounds better to know and avoid it rather than being denied of it."

"I already see the benefits of knowing emotion, and currently on the way to learn the most beneficial of it. I want to become polite since I found people always less eager to cooperate with me in my works. And I read that smiling to strangers is the way to make a good impression."

"True, but just learning to smile is still not enough." Not to mention that your smile actually creeped people out. "Have hobbies?"

"I think my painting can substitute as one."

"Then go to library, and read these two books: color and emotions, and dictionary of names. There, you can read how colors impact people. For example, dark blue make people sad. You can then trying to name your painting with names based from the colors of your paintings."

"I...never named my paintings before." Said Sai, for the first time he's hesitating. "Can these make me adept in emotions?"

"Probably. You might never understand it fully, but at least it can teach you in sensing one, including the seemingly unnecessary ones. You might be surprised by how people can be so poetic to the point of making so many words for the slight changes in tone and shades." And then, the psycho glasses dude called my name. "Sorry kid, but it's all I can do. Oh, and try to not making too much ruckus about what I just said." I said as I entered the checkup room for Kabuto.

Sai didn't have anything else to say to me.

-naruto

"It's interesting that a Jounin want to make a medical check-up schedule with a genin who have failed his chuunin exams for six times."

"We have a ninja who's still a genin in his old years despite being almost on my caliber."

"I see." Kabuto said simply. Damn, this boy's pretty good in checking his emotions. Orochimaru's definitely much better in being a leader than Danzo. "But I can assure you that I'm just a normal loser, not a powerful person who's criminally under-ranked."

Suuuure. "Then let's just say that checking up a top class Jounin will make a good practice for you."

"Of course. Of course."

As soon as Kabuto looked into his locker, I checked out his room for anything suspicious.

Chakra and seal locks, at least seven of them, most of them were high-ranks. This man had too many hidden goods for a supposed loser.

"May I know why you use the sharingan, Hatake-san?"

Good thing that I already created a good excuse. "I was just testing how much my chakra get drained by its activation."

"Ah, yes. It's a common knowledge for medical ninja that transplanted kekkei genkai's much more chakra consuming for the non-clans."

"Good. Have something to prevent it? Just asking if your friends or colleague have some theory in it. I'm tired of falling down everytime I have to use it."

"Sir, me and my friends would be promoted since a long time ago if I know the cause of it already."

"Wishful thinking from me." I mumbled. "Let's get it over already."

-naruto-

"See you next time, Hatake-san!" Said Kabuto. I simply waved back. I could feel the evil genius in making chuckled evilly as he had the data of me post-sharingan activation.

Well, I suppose all these data that I copied from one of the seal when I trapped him in a genjutsu could be a fair trade. Good thing that sensei's seal was used in one of the contraption, so I can unlock it real quick. Further theory for boneless limbs, the chakra cannon hand...hmm...not much except body modifications, but these already exposed him as something else. And let's see how much we could find from the handwriting of that scroll.

Good ol' sharinghax. What can I do without you?

-naruto-

It had been two weeks since I conducted the temporary teacher for the day.

Sakura now focused to become someone like Tsunade-senju, mainly because imagining scary genjutsu turned out to not be her forte due to her lacks of...sadism. Her genjutsu, despite her potentials thanks to her control, unfortunately had to be limited to the ones designed to hiding objects or their movements instead of inflicting mental pain, which made them supplemental at best. However, she hadn't gone to train in megaton punch style despite the fact that we have the data by Tsunade for her to learn it. Instead, she was focusing in increasing her body strength first so she won't shattered her bones when she began to use the megaton punch. My little Sakura now gained 5 kgs in two weeks, and all of them were muscles.

Sasuke secretly admitted to me that he liked the addition of meats in Sakura's body. And Naruto drolled for five minutes at the first time Sakura exposed her legs accidentally.

Speaking of Sasuke, he decided to become an all-around fighter. He's currently learning all the non-elemental jutsu that I know, as well as tried to become as fast as he could, so we put some weight seals on his legs. He also wanted to learn how to fight off genjutsu as well, which means that I could learn about it together with him...if only I could find the way to do it.

And Naruto, well...

The moniker of the most unpredictable Konoha Shinobi really fit him well, even more than what we thought. The jutsus that Jiraiya and Ebisu deemed as suitable for him ended up being wildly all over the place in the mastery process. For example, he was so inept in water walking until Jiraiya put a chakra disruption seal on him, which made him capable of walked on it in just one try right after Jiraiya removed the seal. Eager by the surprising potential he showed, Jiraiya thought that he's ready for summoning jutsu, only for the toad sannin himself to gave up after four days of spawned nothing but the same tadpole (he promised they'll revisit it later). And that's not even talking about the several gimped up jutsus that he created from the original. The blonde Jinchuuriki somehow added two more heads in the wind dragon jutsu, added more area of effect on it at the cost of speed. On a more negative note, a ninjutsu from me that was originally intended for long range attack ended up launched him to the target instead. Poor boy found it in the hard way when he tried the wind howl attack on a tree. Boruto would be proud of his daddy.

Despite of that, their progress made me proud.

As for Kabuto himself, I advised Hokage to let him do whatever he's up to, especially since he could be useful to us as a spy who didn't know that he had been compromised. Still, he sent Yuugao to him, with basic story of me recommended my medical checkup to her. Unfortunately the ANBU couldn't find anything, so Kabuto's relationship with Danzo and Orochimaru still uncovered and far-fetched for even a conspiracy theory. However, she managed to confirm that Kabuto didn't think too much of me visited him out of nowhere before. Also, her boyfriend Hayate found that the handwriting came from Kabuto himself, so it was clear that the bespectacled nin was more than just a six times failure in the chuunin exam.

And the time for Chuunin exams, became closer and closer.

But before that, I arranged a meeting between us and Asuma's team. He became desperate since everyone but Ino were slackers that often played hooky, and even then she got hindered in her training thanks to her diet. He was sure that his team would get the necessary motivation boost with the Chuunin exam, but with this training at least they could get the initial boost. Meanwhile, my team would reforge the teamwork that they lost after two weeks of solo training and two weeks of being upset by a superior ninja around their age.

The real motivation however? I wanted to become the one who created a PPV concept in Shinobi world!

-naruto-

"I can see you get stronger by leaps, Naruto."

"Thanks! You two don't look too shabby, either!"

"I wish I could just train my mind, but nooo. Asuma-sensei decided to be troublesome, and set this up, all because we skip training every weekend!" Shikamaru voiced his objection for this arrangements.

"Actually, it's just me. You always trying to ditch training every two days." Chouji countered, which made Shikamaru mumbled something while Naruto snickered.

As much as I enjoyed seeing Naruto talked with his old friends (and watched Sakura in staring fight with Ino), I have to ended this.

"So! You guys ready for a fight?"

"Yeah! Team 7 will win this, and then Boss will add the hot blonde in the list of his growing pot honey, right?"

"Of course, Konohamaru!"

"Definitely." Said a rather sleepy looking kid, Udon. He looked like he couldn't be more arsed to be here despite his reassurance. Wait. Did I became too accustomed with these three brats attending their boss' training without invitation?

"Wh-what?" Out of nowhere, Ino cried. Her almost futile attempt to hold back her tears added the strange situation, so much to the point that neither Jounin attempted to scold the three kids that disrupted the training at its very first seconds. "Are...are you saying that S-Sasuke-kun already have gi-girlfriends who don't mind to sh-share him?"

"Eh, who cares for the duck butt? I'm talking about the real ladies man here, Aniki Naruto!"

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, YOU STUPID MUTTS! HOW DARE YOU CALLED MY SASUKE DUCK BUTT!"

"YEAH!"

"OUCH!" Konohamaru landed in the bush, courtesy of flying Yamanaka-Sakura. However, Ino's quick 180 turn was more impressive imo. Oh, wait. Konohamaru was taking it without getting insulted? "I like you two! You have the spunk to kick a Hokage's grandson! Perfect for boss!"

"GET OUT!"

Not even feeling insulted by one bit, Konohamaru called his friends to get out of the training ground. What a weird kid.

"Ah, right." I snapped out of the unique situation first. Nothing could be compared to our first masterpiece of pain that shall be displayed soon. "Yamato? Is the battlefield ready now?"

"Ready, sempai." Said Yamato as my masterpiece began to sprung out of the ground. Oh, look at this beauty!

"HOLY SHIT! HE CREATED ALL OF THAT IN TEN MINUTES?" Choji screamed in an out of character moment, his chips dropped to the ground to make the moment had more weight.

Indeed, the battlefield was a very huge triple hell in a cell area. The triple hell in a cell itself were larger than the one in wrestling, almost the size of a basketball stadium for each ring. Two rings were placed side by side, while the other one was placed on top of both rings. The fences were deliberately made to be bouncy, both for safety of the combatants and to give them something to launch at enemies. The roofs were flimsier, and in the case for the top cell, the other two cell roofs also served as its ground, making it possible for fighter to broke into the top of the cell if they put enough strength. Oh, and everything's made of rock and woods, with the pillar of the cells made out of rock, so they better be careful to not crashed into them.

"MOTHERFUCKER ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND?!"

"No, Naruto. This is real. I don't even need the green to imagine this!" I answered with a really cheery voice that make everything even more unsettling. "There are only three rules aside from standard rules for sparing like no killing technique: First, you can freely discuss who fight who. Two, there will be random weapons every sixty seconds that will popped out in the ring. Don't worry, none of them are designed for assassination. And three, every ninety seconds, one member from each team will be randomly placed on another ring for twenty seconds. However, keep in mind that you can still interact with enemies and friends from across cell, if they happened to be standing near their walls!"

"WHAT KIND OF CRACK YOU SMOKED LAST NIGHT, SENSEI!"

"Nothing! Just a life of shinobi's enough to crack me up!" I answered Sakura's outburst, still smiled as if there's nothing wrong here.

"Sempai, with this I ignored my old teaching for a moment, and quote me: This is awesome!"

"This could be one hell of a good show, Kakashi."

"Troublesome. My Jounin teacher just agreed with his insane colleague."

"See? Your audience's happy! That's all that matter in carnies!" I said while ignored Shikamaru's trademark. The rest of the genins could only groaned as they realized their lacks of choice.

-naruto-

At the end, our cute little genins decided to fight someone who's closest to their physicality for the fairest fight.

Obviously, Sakura vs Ino since they're girls. They also picked the top cell for bouncier and less hard-hitting ground that supported their more flexibility-based fight, as well as avoid breaking the top cell too fast, but I suspected that it was actually for making the fight less painful. Or easier access to Sasuke-kun. Girls never changed man.

Naruto would fight Choji since they had the best durability. Both also would be the one that rattled and created additional chaos to the other cages, thanks to Naruto's bunshin and Akimichi's calorie jutsu.

Poor Shikamaru since the fighting space was too close for his had to make an agreement to forbid the Sharingan genjutsu just to make sure everything's fair. Sasuke tried to object in that he already couldn't do his Katon release, but Yamato shut it down since we already put sprinklers in case the ring caught some fires, which means that both sharingan and fire jutsu were already neutered, just not to the point of fully useless.

Man, I'm a genius!

Unfortunately, there were just few attendees for the limited access of this premier event; supplementary teachers for my genin plus Asuma, the three brats, and people who worked on Ichiraku's (right now they also employed Haku for part time job since he only began his job as Shinobi next monday). Obviously Third Hokage wasn't invited despite Naruto's pleas. Had he knew the sparring would be conducted like this however...

"You're going down, pig!"

"Try me, forehead!"

"For some reasons, being on the cage give me more motivation to fight. Is it the rush people feel from competition? Is it what you always feel toward me, Naruto?"

"Troublesome. Kakashi must have planted some suggestions on this cage. Whatever. Better than get booed." Nice observation, Shikamaru. The only thing that you missed was me abandoned a scheme in the sharingan to set up some insane spots on the cage. I decided to see this match in all the genuine glory.

"So this is something like Chuunin's final exam, but in cage and with actual teamwork?"

"Not exactly." Tenzo answered Asuma's question. "There are several other rules in addition to the non-lethal jutsu rule, like 20 seconds of knockout rule. The combatants have 10 seconds to show they are still awake, and additional 10 seconds to stand perfectly and proving that they can still fight. I also make sure that the weapons were designed to knock the air off someone rather than causing blunt traumas by hollowing the inside of the weapons."

"Seems like this match is geared toward normal fighters as much as Shinobi."

"That's exactly what sempai have in mind. Although it also have some strategy bits, since the first winner will be able to disrupt the other ninja from the other side of the cage."

"FIGHT!" I screamed as a sign for them to go.

It didn't take long for Naruto to fill the adjacent cells with his bunshins in hope of sucker punched his teammate's enemy that happened to be launched on that side. Choji was ready to wipe out the side that was sent to help Shikamaru, but he couldn't fend off the other clones as Naruto already launched himself at him with surprising speed.

"Woah, Naruto! You're much quicker than what I estimated!"

"Thanks! Your reflex's not too bad, Chouji. You also improved a lot!"

"Yeah, I'm not slacking that much. But I don't want to be outdone by you just because I took some hours off every week, man." The Akimichi heir whined as he punched two of Naruto's clones that came from behind. "I know I'm not that good, but..."

"Then train harder and longer, Chouji! We can't let our youth to be spoiled by laziness and-"

"DYNAMIC ENTRY: AUTOMATIC YOUTH RECOGNITION!"

"Oh, no! An interference from UGO- Unidentified Green Object!" My girlfriend warned everyone at the sight of Gai launched himself at the cage out of nowhere, obviously more concerned with the continuation of this event rather than safety of the combatants. Meanwhile, Teuchi groaned as Gai reminded him of the day when he had to close the store for three days because one of his regular said something about youth soccer club. Also, Haku already prepared his senbons to knock the Green Beast out before he ruined the match.

"No need to worry, Anko-chan. We already carefully planned the security measures for this event, and we actually included dynamic entry on the code!" I assured as a pillar of wood sprung out of the ground, stopped Gai in midair...by hit him on the nuts. Ouch.

"That was...unyouthful..." Gai muttered before the darkness claimed him. Everybody got distracted by this rather strange event, sympathized with the Green Beast of Konoha's suffering. Surprisingly, Chouji was the one who got out of the funk first.

"Eh, okay. Maybe I can add more intensity in my training instead. But Naruto; how about this!" Chouji screamed as he became a bullet tank. Naruto managed to dodge the attack with ease...

Only for Chouji to hit the wall, and bounced back with greater velocity, caused him to hit Naruto who did not expect that, and both ended up being flattened on the other fence side.

"Oowie..."

"I...didn't intend to do that...ooo..." Chouji caressed his own head, probably being the first body part that hit Naruto on the rebound.

Yeah. Both combatants currently barely able to keep themselves from getting knocked out.

"This is going to be anticlimactic, right?" Anko sneered.

"Should I begin to count?"

I facepalmed as Haku began to run to Naruto and Chouji's cell for the 20 seconds knock-out. I forgot that Haku was the referee for knockout situation just for a second here. Where did everything gone wrong?

"Yamato..."

"Eh, maybe I put too much elasticity on the woods?" Yamato squeaked before he shunshined into some place, not even bothered to use the bomb smoke or leafs.

Meanwhile, with Sakura and Ino...

Sakura threw several shurikens with Ino's feet, which she dodged easily.

"Ha! You missed-OW!"

"I knew it! The fence cells are super bouncy! So much for the genius work of Hatake." Sakura exclaimed, salted the wounds of my pride. Oh, my genin was so cruel...

And then, she sneered at the sight of Ino plucked the shuriken that pierced her legs. "Sorry for making you, what they called it, hmm...MY GUINEA PIG, INO!"

Ino growled at the insults that was thrown at her, her eyes showed flames of anger that could kill had they came from someone like Madara. The platinum blonde launched her own shurikens at Sakura. My pinkie girl dodged them as easily as the other two, but this time she became the first one who was ready to avoid the rebound. And she did it successfully without any hitch.

However, I could see Ino smirked. She also got more and more distant with Sakura. What did she planned?

When she slumped to the back of the cell, I realized what she had in mind.

"The mind body switch! She backed herself into the corner just to get more time to do the jutsu!" Jiraiya shouted before he wondered about the peculiar anomaly of the jutsu. "But why's Sakura still stood perfectly?"

"Maybe she targeted Sasuke or Naruto instead?"

"No. Naruto's still trying to stand up, and Sasuke still managed to keep his distance from Shikamaru. If she went into either of them, they would be stopped by now."

Indeed, the fight between Sasuke and Shikamaru ended up being much more pragmatic than what we would've liked. The Kagemane turned out to be much more...troublesome than he predicted. So far both of them did nothing but throwing projectiles at each others, calculating each others' speed and reaction time. It was already clear that Sasuke's the fastest one on the cage considering the cuts that he made on several appendages of the Nara heir, but both still hesitant to make any actual attempt to end this match.

Oh, and Naruto already stood back! Chouji also soon followed. The fight on cage two's back and-

...That idiot just punched Chouji weakly and hit his head first to the canvas. Our ice-user referee facepalmed and started to count from one again, this time with 'enough of this shit' look.

And back to the cage number three, Sakura wasn't ignorant of her surrounding by any means; by the time she finished her dodging, she realized that her old friend Yamanaka was not conscious for whatever reason. She then charged to the girl, who currently slumped and defenseless. It would be a perfect time to end the match...

Except the sledgehammer weapon spawned just rightly on the right of her, and she came to her body just in time to grab and swing it to Sakura's ribs, and sent her into the right side of the cell.

"I'm not just the only one who observed the cage, you know." The Yamanaka heir boasted. "When he said that the cage has sprinkler and weapon spawning system, I knew there's more than just mechanic to do all of it. Took a little tinkering on the spawning system, and voila! Weapon in my hand, just in time to destroy some billboard!"

"So Ino used the mind switch to manipulate the central processing for the cage's system and get a weapon right next to her. And here I thought that Shikamaru's the brain of the team." Anko analyzed.

"That just showed you why the trio's always the team made for intel purposes. Just because Nara clans' IQ are clocked at 170 in median, that doesn't mean we can't call Yamanaka as genius." Jiraiya countered.

"Heh." Sakura sneered, and then stood up without problem in just five seconds. Haku's dilemma between counting the two supposedly physical juggernaut that still dazed was solved without any conflict. "You're surprisingly smart for a pig..."

"Pigs are actually smart. That's not a logical insult." Commented Yamato who found his nerve to return back to the stand.

"Well the stereotype for pigs still work thanks to their nastiness." I answered, instead of chasing him. The man's already humiliated for his failure, so why bother.

"But my brawn's still no match for you! Come on! I'll show you what super high protein 3000 can do to your body!"

"Wait! I eat those too, dumbass!"

"Then I'll show you what 200 pounds of seal weight every business day can do to your body!"

"Now that I haven't done! But don't forget that I'm still the one who hold the weapon, forehead!"

Both of them clashed...and knocked each others out. Sakura's muscles were now proven to be packed enough to scramble someone's brain, but Ino's surprisingly adequate strength still allowed her to smashed the sledgehammer into Sakura's head.

"Well, at least we now know that our Kunoichi's not well trained in durability."

"And Sakura-chan's also suffering from glass jaw. We already trained her in toughness, she followed the regime closely, and she still got knocked out. I'll train her neck muscles in future training to avoid this circumstance again."

"One restarted count, and neither of them look like they could stand perfectly." Jiraiya commented at

"Come on, boss! You can do it!"

"NARUTO! CHOUJI! THE WINNER WILL GET FIVE FREE RAMENS!"

Both of them immediately sprung back to life like nothing happened. Nice job, Ayame.

"Free..."

"Ramen..."

"Ayame, you need to make sure they eat more than five ramens, or I will cut your pocket money for tomorrow." Teuchi threatened his own daughter. His own flesh and bone just simply stuck her tongue at him.

"I won't lose!"

"Food of god, here I come!"

"Oh! It's time for the temporary handicap match!" Yamato suddenly pointed out.

But none of the combatants inside cared about it. Sasuke finally hit Shikamaru with a taijutsu style that I thought. The combo hits staggered him, and Sasuke grabbed his club weapon and bruised Shikamaru's ribs with it.

But the Uchiha's avenger ended up tripped by something, probably Shikamaru's wire trap. This gave Shikamaru enough time to

"NARUTO CYCLONE!"

"HUMAN BULLET TANK: RAZOR WINGS!" It was similar with the spiky variant, but instead of kunais wrapped around his body, Chouji used the twin bokken around his arm.

And just before they clashed...

Chouji ended up being warped into Shikamaru's cage.

"OH SHI-"

And smashed Shikamaru instead of Naruto.

And Naruto?

"AAAAGH! HELP ME!"

He ended up on fire, courtesy of Sasuke's missed fire jutsu. And the poor guy's jutsu ended up backfired. Not only it made the fire even bigger, it also launched him so fast that he broke out of the cage before the sprinkler system even reacted to him. On the side note Chouji also ended up being knocked out.

It took any of us 10 seconds before the implication hit us, and we decided to fix the flaming problem with water clones since there were no pond near of us..

Match result: **Team 7 win in 1 minute and 40 seconds.  
**

PPV result: **Complete disaster.**

My dream...ruined...

"My review? 1.5 out of 5."

"Meh. I'll give it 3.5 simply for the unintentional hilarity." Despite the rather generous review from Anko, I still couldn't help but give myself a zero star.

"Sempai, I think we need to remake everything from the scratch in case we still want to host this event."

"Yes. For the next PPV, this kind of match will be restricted to non-shinobi...until further notice." I sighed as Yamato's and my water clone attempted to stop and put Naruto out of the fire.

"Sensei?" Said the sole survivor of Uchiha... and this event. He was lucky that he shunshined out of the cage first.

"Yes, Sasuke?"

"Put us in this crap again, and I'll kill you."

I could only nodded at Sasuke's perfect imitation of the leader of rebellion against Mizukage.

-naruto-

Thank you for the constructive review! I never knew before that you have to use I capital in every I. I blame the crappy English education in my country.

And for the one who pointed out that Kakashi here's dumb, duh. I already said in the description that this Kakashi's rather insane. And it's humor fic too. Of course Kakashi's going to had some loose screws in his head.

And next chapter, it's time for the Chuunin exam!


	10. Before Chuunin: Gai's Unyouthful Problem

"You sure you want to do this now, Hatake-san?"

"Yeah. I have been improving myself a lot lately. Well, at least if we talk about my personality. Anyway, I believe that reforging my father's tanto will be the act that signified this change."

Yeah, and preparing myself against the much worse problems ahead. Such as a certain evil glasses late teenager that at this point still overpowered me.

"Alright. Follow me." Said the shop owner. I obeyed his command.

It turned out that Sarutobi forge was in the care by the classiest weapon expert in Konoha. Not surprising since their clan was one of the most open clan in hidden villages, and often involve civilians and clanless ninja in their affairs .

But somehow, I felt a little suspicious about the appearance of the man for no reason. I knew I'm not racist, so why I was a little curious by the fact that the man wear Chinese clothings? Maybe because the man looked more like Japanese, but still...

"Tenten! Where's the key for Sarutobi forge seal again?"

"Locker number three, dad!"

Ah, that's the reason. The guy looked familiar, after all. Although I couldn't tell him that since I never met Tenten before, so...

"Is your daughter happened to be taught by Gai?"

"Who?"

Kang never met Gai? What kind of insanity is this? "My fellow Jounin. You know, the green one with bowl-cut?"

"Which one? There were two of them... creatures." He said as he shivered. Not that I could blame him.

"The tall one? Whose eyebrows are thickest in town?" I added, while prayed so I never have to ask 'Who will spin like helicopter whenever a youth word was spoken?'

"Oh! Yes, I think so. Something's wrong?"

"Nothing. Gai's happened to be my friend." I answered.

"Ah, I see."

""Yup. It feels like yesterday when he's just a lowly chuunin that declared that he's going to be my eternal rival. That being said, I'm surprised by how you don't recognize Gai's name."

"Sorry that I'm not familiar with him, but that guy never shopped around here. Taijutsu specialist, as he himself referred as, rarely shopped around here...although I never met any other taijutsu specialist."

"Actually, everyone could afford some projectiles for safety." I countered. "But I'm not surprised if Gai declared that him using weapons is cheating and unyouthful. Or, he simply decided that he should shop his weapons somewhere else, since shopping in the store that his genin owned can be considered as unyouthful. I never know of him as a very strictly taijutsu user, but...it's Gai."

"...Somehow, I feel violated from hearing all those youth and unyouth."

Yeah, and lucky you. Without all those silence seals, Gai might have already destroyed every walls in this building to find the potential youth recruit.

"Gai freaked all of us sometimes, so don't worry."

"I feel sorry for Lee a little. He has been brainwashed by youth and turned into his mini-me."

"Well Lee seems like the same with Gai, they have exceptional talent at taijutsu at expense of anything else, so he's going to become something closest to Gai. Granted, he can do it without emulating Gai's look, but..."

"Have you ever think about turning one of your student into your mini-meas well?" Tenten's father asked, with an obviously amused tone.

"Nah, I'll pass. Right now I'm trying to be not late, but karma have been giving me hell for all of those tardiness. I can't let my students to suffer the same fate."

I knew you sneezed somewhere, Neji. Yeah! Take that!

"Well suit yourself. Anyway, the tanto will be ready in two weeks. Four if you want to immediately use your idea of enhancements."

"Proceed then. I don't need it immediately, anyway."

"You sure? It will be a long time before you can store something big inside of that. When this baby's ready for battle again, you can only store something worthy of a d-rank at best. So many maintenance will have to be done before this tanto can store something like Kage Bunshin."

"Kang," I looked at him lazily, "In the hand of a capable shinobi, even a d-rank can give them an advantage."

-naruto-

 _Next day, in third-person narrative..._

"Two free specials, and five jumbo ramen, coming right up!" The Yuki clan's only known survivor perkily summarized the order as he walked back to the kitchen, his too feminine hips shaking sexily, accentuated by his form-fitting wardrobe that clinged to every part of his androgynous body. For any food establishment, he's the best possible eye-candy for both genders. Unfortunately, for those who knew about the waiter well and had the privilege to slightly overthought about it, this only made everything far too perplexing.

"...I'm so fucking confused right now." Sasuke groaned as he felt his 'junior' twitched a little from the display in front of him, disturbed him even more.

"Um, could you guys get arrested and sued for using a...trap?" Naruto asked to Ayame, not that he would want his favorite place and people to get taken down by people who feel they get tricked by the androgynous ninja.

"Oh, we have disclaimer about the gender of workers here, Naruto. And Haku's not here for sex appeal, but to provide something unique. It's just that for some reasons, our customers haven't take the clue."

"...Indeed. You plastered it besides the menu. And yet, guys still ogling him. Wow. Either they don't care for the truth, or they never read the menu to begin with, or they consider it as gender role-playing-I don't know if that's a thing..." However, Ayame already went into the kitchen to respond anything that Naruto said.

"Anyone dare to summarize what the hell is with Haku?" Sakura stopped Naruto's monologue with her own question.

"He often masquerade as a girl, he even moves like girls and used girl perfume, he came from a clan that have 25% of turning into a female after puberty, and yet his love interest is a woman. He's so smitten, he would go lesbian if he became a girl. Anything else?" Naruto offered his answer to Sakura. This kind of discussion wasn't what he had in mind after he missed his ramen for days staright.

It had been four days after he was hospitalized from the disaster that was Hatake's test trial for a mixed fight PPV. Naruto wanted that ramen so much after he missed it in the days before. Couldn't eat ramen with full body cast, after all.

Well, there was that time when Ayame spoon-fed him the ramen, but he couldn't drink the gravy. He wept for his inability to drink the gravy for the rest of the night, and wept again for the rest of the next day after the nurse confiscated the ramen for fear of aggravating the burn. He then wept in joy after doctor declared him free to go on the next day, much earlier from the projected 15 days.

Poor guy who had to change his bandages.

"And don't forget that his love interest is at least 13 years older than him. If Haku's a civilian, this would be scandalous, at the very least." Sasuke added.

"However, I believe that it would be even weirder if it turned out that Zabuza is the one who taught him all the skill to properly mimic a Kunoichi."

"Ew! I cannot compute Zabuza dressing like a sissy girl and teaching Haku how to act like femme fatale! That just sounds so wrong!"

"Um, w-what are you three t-talking about?"

"Oh, Hinata-chan! We're just talking about our friend here. You know him, the new worker for Ichiraku." Naruto pointed at Haku.

"H-Haku's a boy?!" She gasped. No wonder that Kö-san was so distraught and drowned himself in the shower for three hours last week. The heiress thought that he found nasty looking pimples in Ayame (some Hyuuga did like to peek using their byakugan, and Kö's fetish was waitress) or other waitress, but Naruto just clarified that he peeked at Haku instead. And it turned out that...that...

"Yeah. No need to worry. I heard that he even confused Inuzuka clan with his perfume."

"R-really?" Asked Hinata as she sat down to the next chair that wasn't taken...

Only to realize that she somehow ended up sitting besides Naruto.

"EEEEP!"

"Where's the pepper? Hn. There you are...it's empty. Tch." Sasuke looked over the said seasoning, much to no success, before he sat down next to Hinata. His left eye twitched after he realized that Naruto was currently sitting with two attractive girls that also respected his privacy, which the last part never happened to him before (and won't happen with Sakura any soon), but he decided to not mind about it now.

Sakura, however, was aggravated, ironically for the nearly same reason. She felt that it was unfair for Hinata to not just sit next with Sasuke-kun, but also with another cute boy. Yes, Sakura hate to admit that she found Naruto to be quiet cute, but it was the truth. Naruto would be a fine young boy had he got a little taller, toned down his very loud behavior, and get rid of that awful sweater of his. And not only that he indeed happened to get a little taller now, this was one of those days when he decided to wear something much appealing. Somehow, it only took a darker shade of orange to turn him into a much attractive man.

"Hey, Teuchi! Hinata-chan wants to order, please!" Naruto yelled, made Hinata panicked even more.

"Um, eeeh...MISO RAMEN PLEASE!" Hinata loudly ordered her own noodles, desperately attempted to avoid the regular occurrence of blacking out.

"Uh...okay." Teuchi obliged as he backed a little from Hinata, who right now hid her face behinds both of her hands in shame from her outburst.

"Hey, Teuchi!" However, the man had to deal with something more grating than he'd like it first.

"Get out of my sight! Too many times I have to told you that you're on my blacklist, Kurogane!"

The blonde Jinchuuriki could only frowned as he recognized that deep, and yet rather nasal voice. That old man had always been one of the nastiest villager toward him, to the point that he almost sure that he was the one who once set his laundry on fire. The only thing that made it a little better for him was that Kurogane was an equal-opportunistic asshole; his own reputation was by no means in good standing with the other villagers, and he always bullied the poor. Of course, that meant Naruto's the biggest target for him.

"Come on, Teuchi! I'm already on the blacklist for two months! Give me a break, will you?"

"Treat Naruto like a normal citizen, and I might consider it."

"Humph! Why should we give the brat a chance? A fox brat will stay a-GYAAAH!"

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"We didn't see you." Added the man in the sickly saccharine tone that definitely did not say he was sorry, much like his own partner.

Naruto sweat-dropped after the two mysterious men 'accidentally' splashed a bucket full of milk at the old geezer who just about to yell everything horrible that's supposedly to be Naruto, 90% of them almost guaranteed to be wild rumors. Despite him being happy at the fact that there were many people that finally showed their appreciations for him, he couldn't resist the thoughts that they took too much glee in it. But aside from how it reminded him of his pranking day, how could he blame them, if they really had to wait this long?

After yet another clothes present from one of the store in Konoha, Naruto had a talk with Kakashi about how many people who actually didn't mind him being the Kyuubi container. When the copycat nin gave the estimations at 25% of civilians and 60% of shinobi force based from Jiraiya's best emotional sensors, Naruto was taken by surprise. Even Kakashi admitted that his own most generous estimation did not came close with that number. Of course, this made Naruto asked again about why most of them never did anything for him if they supposedly cared for him.

His sensei, and team leader, answered that most of them either couldn't withstand the backlash from people who feared or hate him, or took so many years to recuperate from the trauma of Kyuubi attack that they could only be there for him years after his lonely life, and they still had to catch on for their wasted years. Naruto, in rare moment of wisdom, understood what he meant. Jiji was so powerful and influential that he could just ignore any demands to avoid the young Jinchuuriki without any repercussions, and Ichiraku simply too awesome to be bankrupted by its associations to the village's pariah (that, and Teuchi was scary enough to the point he could simply chase away anyone who treated him like dirt publicly in front of his stand without any care for a repercussion). For the other shinobi and civilians, unfortunately they had to postpone their job in respecting the will of the Yondaime until the Uzumaki developed a better reputation and street credits, or else they will found themselves scoffed by society in the best scenario, and had their business, job and social life ruined at the worst possible outcome. So the best they could do, was going with the flow, making sure that Naruto would be unharmed from any grave dangers, and prayed for Yondaime's forgiveness every-time they had to throw him out or joined the other in shaming the kid. The first part explained why for a boy who was hated and feared so much, the really serious threats against his life could be counted in single digits. Meanwhile, some cases had them spiraled into self-destruction after the Kyuubi attack, and couldn't do anything for him since they had their own issues. Kakashi nii-san reluctantly admitted that he was the later case, only recovered partially after he uncovered an illegal organization created by a council elder, the first time he did anything major that did not end up in the fatal outcome for his closest people.

When Naruto got a team that respected and loved him, as well as rumors that there was a bridge named in honor of him, many of those people decided that they had him waited long enough, and they paid their debts in many way, from allowing him to enter their stores and stands publicly, to humiliate some of the nastier villagers, both indirectly and directly. Of course, the one who did so explicitly were always ninjas who used the excuse of protecting Shinobi corps' morale, but everyone knew better. And some of the sympathetic villagers then used the same excuse, of course done much more subtle.

 _I wonder if those two could prank that asshole in district-J. They have the talent for it. I could see his wimpy scream, hehehe..._

"Fox brat? Treat him normally?" Sakura obstructed his thoughts, obviously confused by the pejorative name, which made Naruto sweated a lot. The next question however, turned everything inside down and forced Naruto to collect all his will to not run from the stand. "Naruto, somehow I think it's nastier than what you said before."

"You got me, Sakura-chan." Everybody were taken by Naruto's sudden change in mannerism, almost as if they were talking to someone who was cursed with a gargantuan burden in their life. "I, uh...often mistaken as Kyuubi due to this cursed whisker marks. I don't know who spread the lies about me being the Kyuubi, but it really turned me into a pariah. Jiji tried to amend it by forbid anyone to spread the lies to anyone again so I can have good relation with people who haven't done it yet, but those people simply told everyone to get away from me." Naruto finished, practically only left the part about Kyuubi.

"Oh, Kami. I'm so sorry, Naruto." Sakura pulled Naruto, much to his shock. "I used to be bullied for my forehead, and look at me, the girl who used to think that you're nothing but an annoying pest, even once considered that you were lucky that you don't have parents that trying to control everything you do. I'm nothing but a horrible, hypocritical girl."

Naruto couldn't get any more happier when Sakura hugged him and muttered apologies to him. It was like a dream come true to him! "I-it's okay, Sakura-chan. Past is a past. What's matter is that we're teammates and friends now."

"Hn. You sound surprisingly wise here."

"Yeah, yeah. Suit yourself, bastard."

"I-I...I always thought that p-people treatment at you is stupid, Naruto-kun!" Hinata suddenly added, not wanting to be outdone by her rival. At least that was what Kurenai-sensei referred Sakura's standing to her, and she began to see it like that when she felt a pang in her chest when Naruto had a really pleased look as Sakura hugged him tight.

Meanwhile, Teuchi and Ayame held a wide grin that's both warming and teasing at Naruto. They both decided to be the silent spectator in this current situation. The scene where the village pariah got full attention from two really cute girls was both too heartwarming and amusing to be interrupted by their own mark.

Oh, and Haku too busy giggled as he read a letter from Mei, who also sent a picture of her fine backside posterior for his own...personal use.

"Really? Then uh, no offense, but why you always avoid me in academy?"

Sakura slapped her wide forehead due to that dumb, insensitive question. And when Hinata's lavender eyes about to spill her tears by his question, she growled. "Naruto..."

"This dobe..."

"I-I barely can look at you w-without getting e-embarrassed, N-Naruto-kun! E-even now, I feel like I c-could faint any second! Oooh, if only I'm as f-f-fearless as you, w-we may a-already..." Hinata spat out everything that had been bottled inside of her.

"R-relax, Hinata-chan! If it's a consolation for you, sometimes my bravery is just a mask to hide my fear."

"Huh? B-but it seems that th-there's nothing that can h-hold you down. E-everytime you failed, you always came b-back like it's nothing."

"I do want to become stronger so I can protect everyone. I also never wants to give up. But sometimes I have to fool myself so my fear won't overtake me, to the point that I often feel that my bravery's nothing but a mask." Everybody near earshot had their interest on the blonde Uzumaki went tenfold, yet again. The brat was actually had fear? "When we fought Zabuza, I honestly thought that I would die when I fought his clones. Only the bandage in my hand that reminded me of my resolve to protect that old man Tazuna. In the end, I guess I'm not that fearless."

After several minutes of silence, the heiress was the one who responded first."N-naruto-kun, I...I want to be your resolve."

"Th-thanks Hinata-chan." Naruto said his gratitude to the former heiress. For a while, he felt the same strange thing that Sakura caused to him, but he dismissed it as merely caused by being complemented by a girl. A girl that even someone as dense as him could objectively considered as a real cutie.

Meanwhile, Sakura frowned. She initially wanted to reassure Naruto that he's still a brave boy regardless of whether he needed the reminders or not, but here was Hinata, stole the thunder away from her. She felt upset, mostly due to fact that what Hinata said did not taking down the possibility that Naruto lacked actual courage, but there was a part of her that was simply...competitive for the sake of being competitive.

 **"CHA! SHANNARO! I want to taste the boy harem, so back off, pupil-less freak!"**

Of course, that part simply could be attributed to that crazy Inner, a unique psychological phenomenon that happened for girls that often displays behavior that contradicted their own hearts. And due to teenagers' instability, the chance it happened to those that just get puberty became even bigger.

"But you're already my resolve, Hinata." This earned a gasp from everyone, Sakura snapped her chopsticks, and a tray clanked as it made a contact with the floor (luckily, no sound of smashed bowls there). And of course, a reddening cheeks from the princess that had steams blowing from her ears..

 _He-he already think that I'm his resolve? Does that means, he thinks, I am...Oooh..._

"You're one of my friend. Of course you're going to be one of my reason to keep fighting, Hinata-chan." A crashing sound was heard from the side where Hinata sat next to him. "Hinata? Aw, not again!"

"I'll pick her up." Sasuke immediately offered as he picked Hinata in bride style. "You two stay here."

Ayame took the rather awkward silence as her opportunity to place the three ramen bowls for Team 7. Soon, Sakura stared eerily at Naruto for 5 seconds, before she spoke again.

"Naruto?"

"Yes, Sakura-chan?"

"Just because you need a mask to remind your own promises sometimes, that doesn't mean you're a coward, or downright moronic glory seeker like Don Quixote. Okay?" Said Sakura as her palm began to get paler due to her unnecessarily hard grips on the edge of her desk.

"Uh, sure. But I feel that some of it-" And when there was a cracking sound heard under the desk, the blonde knucklehead could do nothing but nodded vigorously, feared for the wrath of his teammate.

-naruto-

"The deeds is done, Hatake-san!"

"...I'm sorry, but who are you again?" I asked. Not a bad question when two strangers out of nowhere greeted me like I hired them to do something.

"Just a newest recruit in Yondaime's Will, sir! For our own safety, it's better for you to don't know our name!"

"Ah, I see." Yeah, rumor said that after Naruto's graduation, an underground movement was made to honor Yondaime's will in more direct way. Well, you could call this as Naruto's fans club, if you like it. "It's nice to see that Naruto finally get the honor that he deserved." I eye-smiled at them.

"Yeah. Fucking finally. The ninja status is a mandatory requirement, so we can fight the discrimination against him while protect ourselves behind his newest status as a honored ninja. We thought that with encouraging him to graduated earlier we could do this faster, but despite his chakra's already larger than a chuunin by the time he's nine years old, he always failed at the bunshin jutsu. In the end, he barely make it."

"The Kyuubi bastard must have obstructed his chakra control partially. As if being burdened by that thing's not enough..."

"Yeah, I have the same suspicion that part of him being so stunted was caused by the burden of being Kyuubi jailer." I added, inwardly sighed. Just how long until I could refer Kurama and Itachi as good guys?.

"Say, should we go to the district-J? I know a guy there who tried to pay several mercenaries to kill Uzumaki-san once..."

"Nasty piece of shit too to everyone else."

"I'd say go for it. But asks and get some advises from Naruto first. He may have something in the bag for him, or he already forgiven him." Yeah, because fuck him.

"Yes sir!" Said both of them as they began to walk away. It was then when I realized something.

"Wait! I think I remember you two-!"

My voice, unfortunately, went to the ear of no one. Then again, I only whispered to protect their closeness. But I felt that I knew they were the guys who threw that smelly cheese stuff to that clothing store.

It was only last week in a sunny day for Konoha. There was us, taking our second C-rank mission, joined Hokage to investigate some stores that had complains about their questionable ethics. Well, I had hunches that Sarutobi just simply used this opportunity to spend more time with Naruto since their conversation primarily occupied the time between our little visits, but no one pressed. Every leader deserved a little break once in a while.

Speaking about mission, one of the way to investigate them was to monitoring what happened when they had to serve minorities and poor people, which made Naruto as a fine substitute. It was quiet disturbing to find that some of those stores clerks and owners were just plain assholes to put it lightly, one of them even deliberately threw Naruto out of the window and sneered when Naruto's cuts were already healing (not knowing that it was a solid shadow clone that we developed together). Hokage could only frowned as he blacklisted the store from government aid, permanently.

And then, commence the cheese poured all over the store's roof. Poor guy ended up closing his store weeks faster than he should. Oh wait, fuck him. And his dog too.

Knowing who I had in debt now, I decided to shrug it off for now and walked to the noodle place where I should be twenty minutes ago.

And look where I was now! Naruto sat with Sakura...and Sasuke carried out of cold Hinata in bridal-style? Hohoho! Seemed like I did not even have to interfere to make sure that their love life would be mooore complicated.

"Hmm, seems like something's going on here...should I say, love?"

"N-no. It's not like that!" Sasuke spluttered, for once acted like a regular teenager and managed to get embarrassed

"And look at you! You're late for a simple lunch! Wh-what do you have to say for yourself, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura deflected.

"Oh, sorry. I was lost in the road of life." I said, this time had no proper excuse for myself. Yeah, I simply got sidetracked from grieved for my precious people, fed my dogs, read Icha-Icha. Stuff like that.

And frankly, if anyone knew about my scheme to send pieces of carved hill with Kamui that said "I fucked Rin, suck it TObito", even Naruto would've question my sanity... at minimum.

Also, I overslept a little, but that's not important right now.

"...Sensei, I think I'd rather heard you being experimented by Mitarashi-san rather than this absolute nonsense."

"Well by road of life, I meant I just happened to get sidetracked by several things. " I admitted. "Such as, meet Naruto's secret admirers and so-"

"SECRET ADMIRERS OF NARUTO-KUN? W-W-WHERE?!" Hinata, who was still unconscious, rise from her seat. Despite there was no change at all, I could feel the dark chakra from her, suggested jealousy.

"Ah, Hinata-chan! You're awake! And no need to worry, their relationship with Naruto's platonic."

"Oh. I'm glad." Hinata sighed in content before she saw something else: the whiskers that she loved so much. "EEEP! YOU HEARD ME!"

"Here you go, Hyuuga-san-"

Hinata ate her bowl of ramen in 5 seconds, give Teuchi the money, and spluttered something about forgive her and everything that happened today before she ran as fast as she could. It was one minute before anyone else caught what happened, and someone spoke about the event:

"I don't get it."

Everyone else face-palmed at Naruto's comment. Just when he finally got it?

-naruto-

Well, for once I couldn't be late...

Mainly because it was someone else that visited me instead.

And someone knocked the door five minutes before the promised time! If it's her way of making fun of my tardiness...

"Oh, Sakura. Something's wrong?"

"I want to speak to you, sensei. Nice pants, by the way."

"...Sure. Although we only have 10 minutes at most." I said before she walked into my apartment. The awkwardness was obvious. "Now, what has been plagued your mind enough to make you visit me after 9 PM?"

"I know that Naruto's related to Kyuubi somehow."

I frowned at Sakura's summary. If she got it the wrong way... "Now what do you mean by that?"

"Naruto was born at October 10. He has whiskers, and some villagers called him-"

"No, Sakura. I don't care how you find about it. What I care is whether you want to feel neutral, sympathetic, or screaming to Naruto thanks to that."

Sakura laughed bitterly. I prepared myself in case Sakura turned into bitch-ass Sakura that appeared in so many Sakura bashing fics. "Sensei, I was bullied when I was a kid. I would be a hypocrite if I hated him for that. Not to mention that I've seen many apologized to him as well. Should I become hostile to him, then I'm the real monster. Although...is there's something we need to worry about for him?"

I'm happy that everything went okay. "Unless he gets really angry, there's nothing need to worry about. And remember what happened in Wave? Naruto got corrupted by Kyuubi chakra, and nothing changed to him at all. It seems that the Kyuubi chakra can't affect his mental state in post-usage of it at all."

"I'm glad then."

"So do I, knowing that I didn't have to get Kurenai and Shino to vouch for me."

"Shino knows?" Sakura furrowed her eyebrows.

"Yeah. And he avoided him for a while because he thought Naruto is bipolar thanks to it. But when he realized how Naruto had been hurt, he decided to approach him again. That exactly what happened when everyone but him got poisoned in Wave mission."

"Huh. Wonder if he really has a mask to hide his true self." Sakura looked on the moon as if it could give her the solution. Come on, Toneri. Answer!

"He might be much sadder and hurtful than what he usually showed to us, Sakura, but I can assure you that he's genuinely the most unpredictable ninja in Konoha. No hidden ANBU identity that can slay everyone with a finger snap, and no sexy vixen fox of doom that have sex with him everyday. Just our lovable orange ninja!"

"Okay, sen-Wait, what? What was that part about vixen and hidden identity!"

"Nevermind. Just me being a wishful pervert!"

"Ugh! No wonder you keep reading that book! You pull it everytime you think something perverted, right?"

"Just keep in mind that speaking about Naruto's condition in public is forbidden, okay?" I deflected instead. She frowned before walked out of my apartment, knowing that she could never get me out of the road of pervertedness. Ah, young one. You could never understand it. Not for a long time.

...And met Anko in the way, who now wearing a coat that was shorter, made her scandalous clothing uncovered.

Sakura gazed at Anko before she went out of the way, muttered something about crazy sensei and his crazy fetishes.

"Now that was weird. What did you two talk about?"

"Fishcake."

"Huh? Oh. Naruto. What were you two-"

"Shut up and start the show. I will only tell you if you...played good."

Anko grinned before she took her robe off, and casted a hand sign that released something. It nearly doubled the size of her already sizable breasts. Soon enough I gave an approval groan at the sight of her massive orbs being squeezed between her hands. It was soon before she flattened her breasts with my chest, now busy with thrusting her tongue down my throat.

Oh, yeah. This is the best night of my life!

-naruto-

 _Next day after a very sweaty night._

"...So you can train to use Tsunade's chakra punch, but until you're tough enough, it's better for you to use this as finishing move, and a sucker punch out of nowhere."

"Okay, but...It's not right to learn this."

I sighed at Sakura's hesitation to learn this skill. "Sakura, you're going to learn the taijutsu that turned Tsunade into the fearsome kunoichi that she was, and still is. What's there to whine about?"

"But I feel like I don't earn it if this is just for last resort move!"

"If you feel that you don't earn it, then keep train your body until you can do it regularly. But just because you don't have the necessary abilities to master it right-away, that doesn't mean you can't learn about it at all, especially when your natural skill make you capable to learn it optimally." I retorted before I eye-smiled to ease her up. "Ninja's at their best when they have element of surprise. And having a frail-looking girl knowing how to punch her enemies and launch them for 50 yards is definitely one of the best surprises. And as what I said before, this style perhaps will ended up being your signature. You have the control to master it, Sakura. If Tsunade-sama's still around, she might consider to teach you her taijutsu."

"I understand, Kakashi-sensei. I just don't feel right using Tsunade-sama's skill in its poor man variety when she's not around."

Man, I forgot how Sakura was quiet insecure about herself. "If anything, she'll be flattered that someone with such a fine chakra control decided to follow in her steps. Now, onto the next topic!" I exclaimed before I pulled a bunshin.

"I think it's time for the other two to learn rasengan and chidori."

"ALL RIGHT!"

"Hn."

"However, here's the catch: I can't teach all three of you at the same time, and frankly, I can barely make one Kage Bunshin. One of you, can only learn about it with text books and diagrams. With help from my earth clone of course."

"Oh, man! I hate reading!"

"Tough luck, Naruto. Now, is there's someone where who want to sacrifice themselves?" No one raised their hand. "I guess not. Okay, I'm going to get some straws. The one with the shortest straw will lose and-"

"KAKASHI! OH, MY YOUTHFUL, HIP, ETERNAL RIVAL! IT'S HORRIBLE!" Something screamed before it pinned me to the ground.

Ah, yes. Out of all thing, my youthful rival ruined our training did not make it into the list of things that could doomed Kakashi's time table. "Gai, you have your own team to take care off."

"That's why I came here, Kakashi. I CAN'T DO IT ALONE!"

"Hey! You're the one that yelled Dynamic Entity or something while spinning like a horizontal shuriken!"

*Gasp! "That voice. Y-you're the one who yelled about training and don't want to waste their youth!" Gai had a realization after Naruto called him, before he cried again, this time with happiness and a green spandex on his hands. "YOOOOSH! ARE YOU READY TO FAN THE FLAME OF YOUTH INTO SOMETHING BIGGER?!"

"Eh, no thanks. And no offense, sir, but you're weird. Who could proudly wear something this green and clingy? And the caterpillar eyebrows, brrrrh!"

The result was me consoling Gai who sulked in the corner, Sakura bomped Naruto in the head for his rudeness (which should be read as blunt honesty), and Sasuke awed by the fact that Naruto actually had fashion sense, despite his default apparel consisted of pants and sweater that somehow blended into a horrific jumpsuit. A traffic cone orange one in that.

"Now, now, Naruto. Don't be rude to the friend that I mentioned in our introduction." I teased after Gai's sobs died down.

"Wait, it's him, the Maito Gai? I thought he was just a crazy man who have unhealthy obsession with youth?"

When my pink genin about to collide her fist with Naruto's cranium again, Maito Gai showed how much obsession he had with youth, thereby made Naruto's rude comment became something that actually understated the situation.

He was there, with the sunset no jutsu as the background, towered over all of us, his tear flowed like a waterfall. We felt like we're staring a mental patient who ate too much sugar, and right now trying to reenact a scene from Excel Saga or Airplane.

"Aha! I see that despite you being a youthful ninja, you still need to learn more about it, Naruto! YOUTH IS LOVE! YOUTH IS LIFE! Youth, is where you improve yourself! Youth, is where-"

"Naruto, there are times when I wish Gai is just an energetic ninja like you instead of...whatever he doing. And yes, everybody in Konoha have times when they couldn't bear him." I whispered when it's clear that Gai just going to rambled for a long time about youth without any rhyme and reason. Meanwhile, everyone else was too busy trying to dispel the horrific sight in front of them. Even Naruto tried to overcharge his Kai, much to no success.

"Wait. What do I have in common with mega bushy brows?"

"While I don't want to spread youth by any reason and excuse, I will say this: Yes, Naruto. Gai sensei is someone like you, a guy who was thought to be a failure. And right now, he's an equal of mine."

"Woah, really? Does that means I have to follow his steps after all?" The only reason I haven't sent everyone here to Inoichi to forget that this event ever happened was because Naruto himself shuddered at the thought of that.

"No, Naruto. While Gai is the master of hard-work, his skillset are vastly different with what suited you. While you have abnormal amount of chakra, so much to the point that it might made your controls a little bit wild, Gai already had troubles in molding his very minuscule chakra. It might give him great durability for physical training like you since himself suggested his condition also protected his physical gates, but his need to become a hard-worker was for a reason that contradict yours. Unless you can unlock your gates somewhere in the future, there's no reason for you to train with Gai. I myself trained with Gai for three months once, and I can only open the second gate." I explained.

"But with the power of youth, not only I managed to overcome it; I actually capable of using summon without chakra, just the flames inside my soul!"

"I think youth also turned people a little deaf common sense wisely." Sasuke deadpanned.

"So you're saying that your tortoise don't require chakra, Gai?"

"Yes, and they actually the one who came with the sunset of youth as well! Want to see it again?"

"No thanks."

Gai slumped slightly, before his demeanor became more serious. "But seriously Kakashi, I need your help! Oooh, I knew that young Neji is not a very youthful man currently even without comparing him to Lee, but it's much more horrible than I imagined! I can't wait any longer, or else he will succumbed to his horrible, unyouthful thoughts, and created so many catastrophe!"

Woah. I could get more involvement in Hyuuga shenanigans? And I probably had a shot to fix his fate obsession first before Naruto? "Eh, okay then. Since Team Nine's the last team that we haven't interact at, I definitely owe you one."

"YOSH! THANK YOU, MY ETERNAL RIVAL!"

"Hey! How about our training?"

"Ah, yes. Naruto, Sasuke, play rock-paper-scissor. My clone will write instructions for the loser instead. Sakura have to find Anko or Ebisu instead. They are well versed enough to learn Tsunade's punch mechanism. If I can finish this before afternoon, I'll return back here to teach the rest of you."

"With your curse, I bet the chance you return in time is only 5%..."

I chuckled slightly at the Jinchuuriki who mumbled that. My left hand ruffled Naruto's hair before I made a promise, "Sorry, Naruto. I'll try my best, okay?"

Despite his smile, I knew Konoha's most unpredictable ninja didn't buy the last sentence. Even I knew.

Curse you, Kami-sama!

-naruto-

"So...what actually happened?" I asked after a while.

"I stumbled toward Neji who happened to fell asleep in morning self-exercise. And for some reasons, he had his diary besides him. So I picked it up, and read several pages-"

"...Did you just admit that you just stole and read someone's diary?"

"It was for youthful reason, Kakashi! Young Neji never open up to anyone, so I have to resort to drastic measures. And oh dear...the diary showed that he have...unyouthful thoughts about his family!"

"...Incest thoughts toward Hinata?" I teased, despite already knowing the real reason.

"What? No! He hates his family! He wants his cousins to die on fire, so he could freeze their ashes, and burn them again! To call his unyouthful thoughts as macabre would be an understatement! I could not believe that someone able to write something like that!"

"And you come to me, to get some help for Neji. But what kind of help to be exact?"

"We're going to visit Lord Hiashi to talk about it, and demand to him to tell everything he knows! How can I went to teach Neji without ever knowing this problem is beyond me!" Gai explained his plan, which came far too straightforward to my liking. Not to mention that it made him looked like an idiot as well. How could he not know about the Kumo incident?

"...Okay. But frankly, I can't see what can be done by us soon. This is Hyuuga's dynasty problem, after all."

"No need to worry, my youthful rival! I am acquainted enough with Hiashi-sama to talk about it!"

"Seems like they opened a little if they are bothered to get acquainted with outsider." I pointed out.

"Indeed! Remember how the branch family were used to be essentially servants? Right now they are more like the butler for the family! Well, they may still legitimately on the lower caste, but at least they are able to live decently instead of being enslaved around."

"Is that why the branch family now become as smug as the main family? Because they used to look like on verge of anxiety everytime I look at them."

"That's rude, Kakashi! But perhaps you're right."

We ended our conversation and began to move faster.

-naruto-

"What's your business here?"

"I'm the Jounin teacher for Neji! I have something about him to discuss with Hiashi-sama!"

"Ah, Neji-san." Said the guards. "Hiashi-sama is on his break now, but fortunately, there's no command from him to leave him alone. You may enter."

The interior of Hyuuga compound was straight up traditional. Classy, natural...

And somehow, unsettling.

Nevertheless, I knew better but to question the house owner's taste in their own turf, so we decided to visit Hiashi as soon as we could. Based on what Gai said, the elders were still supreme assholes, so I'd rather not deal with their bullshit, especially since they were the main cause that made Hiashi had to treat his own blood colder than Antarctica.

"Enter." The head of the family said, which we obeyed. "I have been expecting of you, Gai, Kakashi."

Ah, yes. The magic of all-seeing eyes that could see things from hundreds of kilometers. Wait, did that mean that Ototsuki created Bizzaro? "We're sorry for intruding your rest time, Hiashi-sama."

"It's fine." He raised his hand to motion us of his honesty about him being fine with us. "It's not common for you to ask me for your guidance about Neji, Gai. Even Kurenai come here much more often, and she always had complains about us."

"My apology, sir." Woah, not everyday you could see Gai tried to be polite. "For most of time, things seemed to be under control. But now, I have some inquiries about Neji."

"Indeed, but first, I want to talk to Kakashi about Hinata. He promised to her about something, and I believe that he will hold to his promise."

"...Of course, sir." He already wanted to talk to me about it? But alas, I have to hide my shock.

"But it cannot happen unless you have enough knowledge about our derivative of gentle fist first." He said as he tossed a scroll to me. "After reviewed her movements via recording, it appears to me that Hinata would be more suited in fighting with gentle steps style. Frankly, while the Lion Fist jutsu is one of our most prized ninjutsu, it came from a style that have been deemed to be too...gentle. And it came to my attention that Hinata would be able to learn more from this style than our default style."

"So how it came that you don't teach her yourself?"

"Pride of my clan, especially originalists one...sometimes hindered me. They cannot see me teaching something that's not our original style, especially something that have been stereotyped as...sissy."

I furrowed my eyebrows before I took a glance at the mid part of the scroll.

"Indeed. And to put it bluntly, you teaching Hinata would only be the failsafe measure. My original plan would involve of Neji teaching Hinata, since he is unbounded by Hyuuga clan's requirement of have to represent themselves in absolute decorous manner, but in case..."

"Ah, Neji!" Gai exclaimed before he looked at the uncle of his student in more accusing matter. "It seems that you have know about this a long time ago?"

"Indeed. And I always wait for the day when he got out of his fatalist attitude. I believe experience would lead him to that, but if you can help..." He did a little 'I wonder' expression before he looked at us. "We need someone to talk to him about people who defied their own expectations and become much better. After that, I have something in the bag for him to finally break him out of his current behavior for good."

"Thank you sir! Now I..." Gai froze as he realized something. "Now that you mentioned it, I already told him stories about how there are losers who ended up having great success to stop him bullying Lee. I don't think he listened to the moral of the story."

Hiashi scowled. "Have you told the story of how you were so talentless, you couldn't even make it to the entrance exam for like three times? You literally have to create your own path based on what your father achieved, and you have become much better than him already."

Gai could only slumped his shoulders after Hiashi spoke his suggestion. "I already told him, but he simply called me a liar."

I frowned at this, and my heart became upset. Gai a liar? The only lie that Gai ever told was about how great spandex were, since he often commented about how hip the person that was me, a spandex-free Jounin of his own caliber. And that was more like of his myopia problem. "How about the story of our eternal genin then? His current rank despite his great skill can make him reconsider how fate can be denied."

"Tenten told him the story of it. He just scoffed at it since fate was, apparently, responsible to make him reluctant to take a promotion." Gai explained, and unintentionally sounded a very tiny bit like he was being sarcastic. For a while, he looked...smart.

"I see, this is even worse than I thought." The Hyuuga patriarch said while furrowed his eyebrows, obviously concerned despite his still even tone.

"Could I be a help here? I used to snorted at Gai for being such a pathetic kid, and I know the story of Jiraiya-sama fully, so..."

"With what Gai revealed, I won't be surprised if he would accused you of conspired with Main family to soften his stance against us instead." Hiashi rebuked. So Neji's a conspiracy theorist? Chakra can't melt barrier seals! Uchiha Massacre was an inside job-wait! The last part was true!

"At this point, the only way for Neji to change his way, is by being beaten by a nobody."

"YOSH! LEE IS READY FOR THAT JOB!"

"To maximize the potential, however, I believe another option should be ready." Oh, dear. It would be Naruto, right? "I can see Uzumaki Naruto beating Neji sometimes in the future. Have the Konoha Nine know that Naruto is the Jinchuuriki yet?"

"Sakura and Shino found out by their own, and I believe that they haven't tell anyone story about it yet. Right now, Naruto's just the Konoha's knucklehead, and the dead-last from his class. And he has potential to become far greater than expectation due to his abnormally huge and thick chakra, but no one think that he can right now."

"Excellent. He's an even better choice than Lee." Gai slumped his head as I triumphed against him yet again. "I'm not being against Lee, Gai, but the shock and upset from being beaten by Uzumaki-san would be far greater. Uzumaki Naruto is a new genin, fresh out of the academy. He is unproven, unlike Lee who have been a ninja for a year. Also, Lee have been trained by you almost exclusively, so Neji might would've simply attributed the win to you and-"

"YOSH! I HAVE THE NEW CHALLENGE FOR YOU, KAKASHI!"

Oh, dear. Gai forgot his manner...and his medicine just ran off. "Wait a second, Gai-"

"Naruto win, you get 3 points. Lee win, 2 point for me. AND IF LEE CURB-STOMPED NEJI, I WILL GET 5 POINTS!"

"Gai, that's not how it work-"

"YOSH! I WILL TIE THE 5 POINTS DEFICITS! LEE, YOU'RE GOING TO TRAIN WITH ME EXCLUSIVELY SOON!"

Soon enough, Gai ran away from the compound, shouting youth and yosh all over the place.

"...What just happened? And how did you able to win consecutively against Gai? Did you not take him seriously before?"

"Nah, I simply used my sharingan to manipulate him whenever we do jan-ken-pon."

"And he haven't noticed yet?"

"Nope! And I have an apology letter for him in case that happened." I exclaimed, and just as Hiashi slumped on his desk over the insanity that we both displayed, a bird made an appearance to us. Hiashi opened the letter it had, and said something. "Huh. The Chuunin exams flyer."

Damn. This early? No matter how I made it, I won't be able to teach my cute genins! "That means I am needed in Hokage's office."

Hiashi only nodded before I shunshined out.

Of course, I still had some surprises to my cute genins.

-naruto-

"G-Gaara, I-"

"Shut up, Kankuro. You embarrassed our village."

"Hmm...the leader of the team is able to assert his authority, but there's something dark about it..."

"Scram!" The face-painted puppet master lashed out at the man who taking notes, only to get surprised by how he managed to avoid the attack like it was nothing. "What-"

"Yare-yare. Don't make people who buy ink by barrels your enemy, boy!"

"Hey! Who are you? I never see you here before?" A blonde boy asked.

"I'm reporter Sukea. And I'm here to independently assess the quality of current chuunin contestants!"

-naruto-

How did Sukea, Kakashi's reporter disguise made his appearance so quickly? What kind of sorcery is this? Was this Kakashi had a brother, or something else? Find out next, in MLACN!

And two updated fics in one day! Phew! So glad that I could make it. Also, there are two almost ready updates, but one of them is my Indonesian fic. Just saying.

Anyway, next update will be a little even longer since I will be busy next week, so ciao!.


	11. Exam, Begin!

"GYAAAH!"

 _Muahahaha! All according to plan..._

Despite what the dialogue said, quiet frankly it didn't came from master planner of Konoha world like Danzo or Madara. Also, there was no ill intent from the Kyuubi who finally drove the boy insane. And especially the blonde Jinchuuriki did not channeled someone from a universe where monsters were called angels and humanity fought them using a bio-robot of the cloned progenitor of said monsters.

Rather, it came from the truest mind of the biggest idiot in the village, Uzumaki Naruto, who, frankly, was their biggest pranker as well.

You see, the two men who interrupted a blacklisted customer of Ichiraku from calling Naruto a fox just visited his apartment last night. Apparently both of them had several ideas regarding a certain someone from District-J. Naruto rarely approved acts of revenge (although avenge was cool), but he took a 180 turn when the next information about Mr. Rotten Sphincter was given to him.

If you tried to make Teuchi and his daughter's life a hell just for charging him a little more for the toppings, then you probably deserved a hell in the first place.

 _That toilet will be clogged with rotten egg for the rest of the day! Oh, that reminds me of the good old days..._

"I can't believe it, boss!"

"Hmm?" Distracted, Naruto tilted his head at Konohamaru's direction, now back with his scattered brain self to the point that he still couldn't theorized what the boy possibly thought, despite his. At his most nervous moments, the boy often felt that he put on a cheerful mask to keep his morale up, but the truth was that he always being that way. After all, Uzumakis were infamous for being learn much better by practicing, and when they couldn't learn it fully, they would just made a gimped version of it. They always being motivated to strive against all obstacles. It's just that Naruto's depressing upbringing made him had this question, but even if he grew up with his parents, his unorthodox way of shinobi would stay intact.

"I know that scream! That guy had the nerve to threaten grandpa, just to avoid afternoon guard duty! Not only you have the best honeys, but you also possess army of justice in your disposal to create order in this village. Boss, you're awesome!"

 _Uh, I know that I want the recognition, but this...hyperbowl(?) things is ridiculous!_ Naruto sweatdropped as Konohamaru romanticized him even more. Somehow, his legend kept going wilder and wilder. That was also part of the reason for why he hadn't visit Iruka in his classroom; he's afraid of Konohamaru told everyone about his own take of Naruto. What would he do had they asked him to do ridiculous things? "Listen Konohamaru, I-"

"Don't worry, boss! The result of my super duper awesome investigation for Uzumaki Naruto will stay as a secret!" Naruto groaned a little. Seemed like the legend of fishcake crusader would not die anytime soon. "And besides, we have better things to do, like playing ninja!"

"Playing ninja? With a real ninja? Naruto, that sounds like an oxymoron."

"Hey!"

"Sakura-chan! What are you doing here?"

"Strolling around, and if lucky I might encounter Ebisu or Anko-sensei. You?"

"I just met some acquaintance, although I also hoping to meet ero-jiji."

"Ero-jiji? You mean Jiraiya-sama? That's an offensive name for one of the greatest ninja in the Leaf!" Sakura exclaimed, slightly upset by the disrespect that Naruto showed. The boy just somehow always got too informal and rude with the elders, although she admitted Danzo the Grouch had a nice rhyme to it.

 **"SHANNARO! That pervert deserves every mockery against him!"** However, her inner disagreed.

"Jiraiya?" Konohamaru blinked. "The one and only, the gallant of the toads, and greatest ladies man in the world?"

"Uh, yes. You know him, Konohamaru?" Naruto asked, inwardly groaned at the thought that Jiraiya already exposed his insane dance to Konohamaru.

The younger boy only stared at Naruto in confusion. In the blink of an eye however, that confusion turned into an awe. Before our most unpredictable ninja could say anything else, the Hokage grandson gave him a shit-eating grin and an okay sign before ran off, muttered something about the awesomeness of his rival and boss. It was only after awhile that Naruto's brain finally clicked, and he realized what Konohamaru must've thought.

"Oh god, why did he have to know!" Naruto shouted as he realized the gravity of his situation.

"What's wrong with Konohamaru finds out about Jiraiya and you?"

Naruto then explained about Konohamaru and his wild imagination about how Naruto's the hottest shit in the village that's not a Hokage. "So let me get it straight. Konohamaru thought that you have enough manpower and loyalists to fight injustice in Konoha's underground while get all the bitches?"

"In a cosmic sorta way, yes."

"Kids today are so weird." Sakura shook her head before she rubbed her jaw in thought. "Wait a minute. So with this information, he thought that legendary Jiraiya, is your underling?"

"Yes! And it could make my story even wilder!"

"Oh dear." Sakura facepalmed. She knew that Konohamaru was almost like Naruto's carbon copy, but it turned out that he's even more unpredictable in a way. "And now he'll go to tell about his findings and-"

"KYAA!"

"Konohamaru!" Despite the conflict that the younger boy caused, Naruto still did not hesitate one bit to go for him. Not even a drop of thought about how the boy probably deserved that popped into his mind.

When he made it, he looked at the sight of someone looked like a cat lifted the Hokage's grandson into the air. The older girl near him gave him the disapproval look, knowing that her partner there just reveled the sensation of being an asshole.

"Hey! You cat man! Let go of him!"

"Boss! Save Konoha-kun, please!" Moegi pleaded from her rock camouflage.

Naruto did not hesitate; he charged at the

"Hn. Weak."

"Naruto, careful! I've read about people who use chakra threads to control objects."

 _Damn, so the only option is a long range jutsu. I don't have any long range jutsu, at least ones with small area effect to avoid hitting Konohamaru in crossfire. Where are you, Sasuke! This is your area of expertise!  
_

"I hate rude people. And midgets. But rude midgets who bump into people without care? Well, they deserve some real lessons. Don't you think so, Temari?"

"Whatever, Kankuro. I'm not going to be involved." Said Temari, only hoped that someone would force him to drop it before _he_ came. The girl never liked to fight her brothers, even if they were on the wrong side.

Again the Jinchuuriki boy made a hesitation move, only to find himself ensnared by the chakra threads once more. Kankuro never released his grin, and he lifted his arm to hit the brat in front of him...

And got hit by a rock, hard enough to made him wince and released Konohamaru out of his hand.

As if it didn't got bad enough, he found his pocket got hit by a senbon, just after he turned around to look at the direction of his attacker.

"What are you doing in our village?" Said the one with Uchiha fan on his shirt.

 _He's quiet cute..._ Temari mused. She had preference for younger boy that's still around her own age, and the Uchiha was definitely one hell of a looker.

"Boss! Thank god the cavalry came!"

"Hn. Get lost."

"Move, and that arm will be useless for the rest of the week."

"Kyaa! Sasuke-kun's so cool!"

"We love you, pretty ice boy!" Say two of Konohamaru's friends, somehow figured out Haku's gender on the first attempt.

Either way, Naruto got outclassed.

"Aw, come one boss! Don't let your underlings out-cool you!" Konohamaru whined and showed his disappointment.

"Underling?" Haku blinked at the blatantly wrong assignment of their role.

"That kid have wild imagination." Sasuke replied simply, actually got amused that the kids mistook him as Naruto's servant.

Naruto tried to come up with something cool, but his admittedly dumb as brick brain ended up with nothing. "Konohamaru, ever heard the phrase 'speak softly, but carry a big stick?'"

"Eh? But you're always so loud, boss!" Said Udon who got confused.

"Yeah, Naruto! That's like corrupt referees talking about fair play!"

"Bah! Just say that you got outplayed, bro!"

 _Damn it! The time my image has to be shattered, why it have to be like this!_ The humiliation hit Naruto even harder than usual, despite the appreciation that Konohamaru had for him was almost totally false in the first place.

"But it's okay, boss! I understand your Will of Fire!"

"Huh?"

"The Will of Fire, according to grandpa, is the will of Konoha people to get stronger from their friends, who can either teach each others, or fight for them! As far as I concerned, you're really awesome at this!" Konohamaru exclaimed, and made Naruto have to rethought of his opinion about Konohamaru. "You hear that, cat freak? Boss Uzumaki have people in his disposal to fight for him even if he failed, because of his nindo to fight for them! He's more of a man that what you could ever be!"

"Why you..."

"Hmph. This kid's deluded." Temari snorted at the comment about Naruto's supposed Will of Fire.

"But he's right." Sasuke retorted. "I can't believe I'm saying it, but if there's one idiot in this village that I would consider as my rival, that would be him."

Naruto rolled his eyes despite his widening grin; Sasuke might not be that much of a bastard anymore, but the guy just couldn't make a proper flattery to people without injecting some of his condescending nature. That part, he could never understand. "Jeez, thanks teme."

"Hmm, a friendly rivalry relationship in a team is always tell people a good story."

"Sir? Who are you?" Udon asked a stranger that appeared out of nowhere.

"A journalist, kiddo. Now let's be quiet and see how they solve the problem, okay?"

"You tree-hugger always sacrifice yourself for the weak. That's why your elite jounin numbers diminished over the year and-UGH!"

"Sir, I think you forget this!" Naruto exclaimed as he and his clones released the chakra threads that they just pulled to make Kankuro's head crashed into the wall nearby.

"Ha! I knew that you're the man here, boss!"

The real Naruto gave a smile to Konohamaru. "Thanks. But I won't be able to do that without Sakura's genjutsu!"

"...The honey is also your under-?" A cracking knuckle stopped Konohamaru's mouth. The Yamanaka heiress's hit was objectively painful, and he did not want to see just how much stronger the pink haired one was.

"What? That's impossible! I even felt the threads coming back at me!"

Sakura's grin gave a way that she's simply that good at genjutsu. This angered Kankuro even more, but just after one step, a senbon got into his pocket that was filled with something else. The pinpoint accuracy of the warning stopped him in his track. After all, the fact that Haku only needed two strikes to hit all his pockets showed that none of them came from lucky shot.

"I'm here to make sure that you don't make a terrible mistake that will be punished severely by our officials."

"Humph. I knew it; all you threehugger can't even see the benefit of tough love."

"Some kids perhaps need to get tough reality check, but are you sure that you want to crack the skull of Hokage's grandson just to make a point?"

"WHAT?" Kankuro screamed at the revelation before he pointed at Naruto. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU NOT TELL ME BEFORE THAT THIS BRAT IS SOMEONE IMPORTANT?"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TALK! NO ONE SANE WOULD CRACK A KID'S SKULL JUST FOR RUNNING INTO THEM!"

"THAT'S BECAUSE KIDS HAVE FAST HEALING, DUMBASS!"

"Konohamaru, still think that you being the grandson is annoying?"

"Yeah, yeah." Konohamaru mumbled. If there's one thing he didn't like from Moegi, was that she's unable to see what's so bad with being Third's grandson. Surely the benefits of people respected him were nice, but some of them either spoiled him too much, or thought he's nothing but a spoiled brat. Not to mention some of political kidnappings that made him have to be holed up in his room for days!

"Hmm...so this Kankuro guy's reckless and put his village in very high pedestal, and Naruto is your wild card that can motivate anyone regardless of his actual competency." Said the only literal adult in the room, his pen recorded his observations.

The appearance of this man caught her attention before, but this time she couldn't pass the urge to ask. "Um, excuse me sir, but why are you here again?"

"Oh, just examining the young shinobi force here, pinky. I can say that you guys are already...quiet eccentric." Said adult before he got back into the confrontation. The Suna teenager just about to release one of his weapon, and his sibling tried to convince him out of it. Much like what the journalist said, the boy was too stubborn to hear her persuasion.

"Kankuro, stop it." Any calculation that running on Kankuro's head about the attack got shattered by the quiet, and yet still cold as steel voice of someone.

Said someone hung near Sasuke and Haku's own branch, took them in shock.

"You see him coming, Haku?" Sasuke asked, still astonished by how the short kid managed to hid his presence so well.

"No. This guy's something else."

"We're leaving now." The redhead, who carried a gourd near his own size ordered.

Kankuro, struck by dilemma between his fear of his brother and his own pride, tried to make an excuse for his behavior. "G-Gaara, I-"

"Shut up, Kankuro. You embarrassed our village with your reckless actions."

"But they started it first!"

Gaara's stare was all that he needed to shut his older brother's mouth.

"Hmm...the leader of the team is able to assert his authority, but there's something dark about his demeanor, since I could see the Suna loudmouth got scared by him..."

"Scram!" The face-painted puppet master lashed out at the man who taking notes, only to get surprised by how he managed to avoid the attack like it was nothing. "What-"

"Yare-yare. Don't make people who buy ink by barrels your enemy, boy!"

"Hey! Who are you? I never see you here before?" A certain blonde boy asked.

"I'm reporter Sukea. And I'm here to independently assess the quality of current chuunin contestants!" Said the reporter. "And don't worry. This confrontation won't be reported unless I deemed it necessary. Your behaviors will be filed under different circumstances."

"This is the first time I'm grateful that Konoha are tree-hugger for most of time..."

"Want to see how far your luck can go, boy? Even if I could not defeat you, I could still ended up reporting your actions, even the bits of your immaturity that could weighed down your chuunin results." The man threatened.

"Tch. Fine, I'm sorry." Said the Suna genin reluctantly.

"Good." The reporter gladly concluded, before he looked at the girl from Suna. He grinned as he looked at her not-so-subtly undressed every single male in her radius with her stare. It was fascinating to see the otherwise stoic girl looked at everyone like piece of meat. "Like what Konoha males offer to you, girl?"

"Eep!" The previously stoic Kunoichi got her cheeks reddened at Sukea's question. "I-I have to admit, Konoha have plenty of lookers. E-even the annoying blonde..."

"Hey!" Said the blonde, obviously offended.

"Whatever, we're leaving." Said Gaara with finality, but he betrayed his own demand and looked at the tree branch. "Who are you two?"

Both Sasuke and Haku shunshined to front of him"My name is Uchiha Sasuke, and this is Yuuki Haku. State the reason for why you're here, or there will be troubles."

"My, my. Seems like news spread rather slow here if some ninjas still don't know the upcoming event." The Suna girl smugly said as she showed her own pass.

"Mr. Sukea, you mentioned Chuunin exam. Does that means they come here to take one?"

"That's right, Haruno-san!"

This piqued Sakura's interest even more. "I thought Chuunin came in promotion?"

"That's for officers only. Those Chuunin are likely only promoted as public officers, like academy teacher, as well as just to give them official pass for A-rank missions. This exam, on the other hand, will give anyone who pass them an ability to act as team leader. Also, Jounin rank can only be given to leader-type Chuunin, unless the Chuunin's prowess are too great to be ignored, and even then the papers required for all party would be problematic."

Sasuke only nodded at Sukea's explanation before he stared at Gaara again. "You haven't told your name. Show some manner."

"Gaara of the Desert. Me and my siblings are here for the same reason."

"Hey, hey, Konohamaru! You think I can enter the exam?"

"Of course, bro!" The Nine-tailed Jinchuuriki's fellow attention deficit friend okayed him.

"...Gaara, I think I just got dumber from seeing these two interract." Temari said, almost like she pleaded to get out of here quickly.

However, seeing the three about to leave, Naruto's curiosity got the better of him, so instead of complained about Temari's rude remark, he made a question instead. "Hey, hey! Don't you want to know my name too?"

"Not interes-" Gaara stopped, before he looked at Naruto in great curiosity. This caught everyone's interest; even when he addressed Sasuke, he still had that aura of cold indifference. His siblings were even more interested, since Gaara rarely had a change in mind in the blink of an eye.

"...Why is she scared of you?" The redhead asked to himself cryptically before he turned around, this time leaving for good.

Naruto, obviously confused by what Gaara just said, decided to tune into Konohamaru's newest theory about Sabaku no Gaara, where the boy was convinced that Gaara's gourd was somewhat sentient and made him so scary. He could see why he had those crazy imaginations; they were entertaining in retrospective.

Meanwhile, Sukea himself became fascinated with a sight that he saw a little, but just enough to confirm his suspicions.

The Sound ninjas were here. Somehow, a fresh new village had enough resource to send their genins to Konoha for this exam.

And they monitored the confrontation.

When no one looked, the reporter popped out, making sure that it looked like he teleported somewhere instead.

-naruto-

Meanwhile, in Hokage's office, around the time of confrontation...

"So...who think that their team's good enough to enter the Chuunin exam?"

All Jonin that have their own teams have been summoned, but there were only four of us here. I guess the rest felt that their team did not ready.

"YOSH! MY TEAM IS READY FOR THE TEST!"

"I nominate Team 7- Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, and Haruno Sakura- for Chuunin Exam of this semester, just like what Gai did."

"As the man in the left of me, I nominate Team 8- Inuzuka Kiba, Aburame Shino, and Hyuuga Hinata- for this semester of Chuunin exam."

"Just like the lady in the left of me, I nominate Team 10."

"Woah, woah! Timeout! Timeout!" Iruka interrupted, as the Hokage about to end the meeting. "Sir, with respect to all of you, don't you think that you going too fast?"

"Iruka's right, everyone! I took pride in my genin team, one of them is an obvious genius, one of them turned to be genius, and I still wait for another year before entering them!" Gai exclaimed, despite knowing the demand from Hiashi that would force Naruto to get into the exam now.

"I'm a Chuunin when I'm six years younger than when they graduated..."

"Different time, Kakashi! And none of them are like you, especially Naruto!"

"Well they're our soldier and responsibility now, but we have our own reason to force them into entering the exam, right?" Everybody else nodded. "So for the starter, my genins, well...they won't forgive me if I deny them of a chance to test themselves against other villages. They're so competitive, they'll eat everything in the table if I said that they need to replenish their energy by eating."

"...That's your reason?" Iruka got flabbergasted by me.

"Naruto and Sasuke nearly destroyed team chemistry just because they found that Haku's stronger than them. They could've accused me of holding them back if I chose not to, and break my team apart. As I said, they are troublesome." Reluctantly, Iruka accepted my reason, and perhaps, somewhere, a Nara felt that their copyright has been infringed.

"My team need the motivation and experience boost. And Shikamaru have the prowess to pass it just from his intelligence alone. He also could lead his team to safety thanks to his reluctance to play anything aggressively." Asuma explained.

"Same. Also, I don't want their first Chuunin exam outside of Konoha. Their sacrifice the weak to protect the strong policy disgust me, and will set bad examples to them. Not to mention that policy means they don't want to prevent any potential deaths."

"So Anko-chan's second exam insanity, death-prone exam that require some waivers about us not being responsible to their well-beings is a fluke? I know the second stage was actually safe, but I thought Anko would ramp it up with some new stuffs."

"As long as they play it smart..." Asuma muttered.

"I feel Anko would think that taped a team fell into her trap and could do nothing but pissing their pants for the rest of the exam would be a better entertainment..." Ah, yes. The T&I were sadistic bunches. Their sadism was also the only reason the name still hold some grains, since we have acknowledged that torture was ineffective since it could be circumvented by consummate liars. Why else Ibiki capable of causing extreme discomforts just by talking to them alone?

"...Okay, I think I don't have much choice. Although I would like to give a test for all of them to see if at least they can survive this." Iruka stated.

"Well, my team survived Zabuza's attack, but feel free to conduct one."

"I will, Hatake-san." Iruka gave his words to me. After that everyone walked out of the room, me included. All to keep appearance of course, since there was still one more business that I had to conduct.

But before that, I began assimilating memories from my reporter clone, which was created and modeled in honor of Rin.

As I thought; every of my students this time actually capable of humiliated the Kazekage's children. Ah, how proud I was of them.

And Gaara's admission that they're his siblings and the Otogakure nins...It gave me a chance to bring something about all of them to Hiruzen.

So I stepped back into Hokage's office...

...And got a surprise by the sight of Asuma and Hokage, smoking together. Both of them always talked about how they wanted to amend things, but none of them had make a move yet. Seemed like it's time for them to do that.

"So dad...did you smoke because you have seen some shit as well?"

"Ah, so you acknowledge that sometimes we simply don't have the resource to do the morally right, and sometimes, you just can't save everything. And it eat you from the inside."

"Turned out that sometimes human can be so unreasonable that you need to maim a quarter of them just to deliver a point. Although in all fairness, I shouldn't lashed out at my clan since Yondaime have done the same exact thing with Iwa's west flank. Not to mention that half of the reason I move out of Konoha was to gain financial glory."

"And we smoke, because our guilt consent make us unable to move on fully. That was what make us human, the fact that we still think that we can solve something in better way. And that fact, will drive us to overcame the horrid feelings enough to stay functioning, and become even better. I'm glad that we're on the same page now, son." Hokage patted his son's head affectionately, not getting a protest from his son who've grown up enough to finally appreciate everything that his father have done. "So Kakashi...I bet that you're not here to see a heartwarming moment between a father and son."

"Well it's a nice touch, but you're right, Hokage-sama. I need to know what happened in Suna. It's really irregular to have a team composed of siblings. A Kage's children in that. Any other reason than nepotism and stacking the elites?"

"All I know is that the youngest is unstable, and they need everyone that he liked, or at least tolerate to keep a check on him. Or else, he'll just kill everyone in sight."

This information appalled Asuma. "This is not right. That boy won't have a chance to get promoted in an all-village exams."

"Sadly, Kazekage is a man who believe that ninjas are weapons. His own son have been subjected to...artificial assassination attempts to make him stronger. If anything, he would think that he's more than ready."

"Mad man. Sunagakure deserves someone better." Asuma said before he stomped out in disgust.

"You know...even if we're being pragmatic, Suna does deserve something better. Their own Daimyo trust us more, to the point that we get more missions from him."

"How bad is the situation there?"

"Very bad. Economically they're at their lowest point since they always depend on their shinobi force; Suna's location is not good for anything but defense, so it's too imposing and intimidating for vacation spot like other desert villages, and their Daimyo dumped half of his jobs to us means they're starving right now. It was self-inflicted; they have few genin now since Suna treated them more like cannon-fodder, ready to be sacrificed to save their higher ups and villagers. This resulted in insufficient force for lower rank missions, and caused their Chuunin and Jonins have image of being spoiled and over-promoted, even if that's not the case."

"I guess Kurenai was right, more than just moral perspective." I summarized as I finally took a seat. One of my old habit from my old world, where I would prefer to stand, still stuck. I could only wonder why no one asked my changes. Probably because my tardiness still convinced them that I was the same Kakashi.

Hokage-sama finally took his pipe, and started to smoke again. "Even then, if my hunches were right, the Kazekage could be a changed man if someone can show him the way. His situation was partially fueled by Suna's council assassination attempts on him before, and perhaps...there's something in Gaara that made him like this. But this still mean trouble; Suna Shinobi, just because their leader wanted to change, that doesn't mean their force have the same mindset as he is. And since Kage have to weigh in his people's opinion, even if he's technically have total control, and they're not entirely right..."

"That means they want their job back. And perhaps, getting more experience for their genin is too slow of a way."

"Indeed. Not to mention that Rasa...have done plenty of big mistakes that he thought could help. And the Sound village...they grow so fast. Too fast. This means that their leader's someone on true Kage level, not just a strong ninja."

"Or they get favor from other villages. Either way, this could make Suna interested."

"And it could mean trouble." Hokage-Sama concluded as he inhaled his pipe once again. "Kakashi, keep going with your reporter disguise. Try to find what the hell these people from Sound and Sand up to. Let me handle Kabuto's situation; Hayate and Yugao would be more than enough to search for his hideout when he applied for Chuunin exam."

"Yes sir."

"Now go, and tell your genins what they're up to."

-naruto-

 _Next morning..._

"HA! YOU FELL FOR OUR TRAP!"

The Iwa-nin couldn't believe it. The girl from the team had placed such a well placed trap genjutsu, he didn't even heard the bear trap contraption working before it bit him! He was soundly beaten by Sasuke's fire jutsus alone, and when he just about to escape, they pulled this shit to him!

"Now..." Naruto's grin only grow even wider, before he did his usual clone jutsu. For some reasons however, they had a sickening orange glow. Almost like it was ready to release something bad. Something real bad. "Ready for some fireworks?"

-naruto-

"OH GOD!" Iruka gasped for fresh air as a explosion was heard from 150 yards, nine o'clock. The area of effect itself was big enough to destroy something as big as a truck. Not that it existed in Konoha. "I NEARLY DIED THERE! Oh, thank you, log-sama. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Man, I thought log cult have been proved to be heretic by Sannin trio?" I stated as Iruka kept groveling for one of the log substitute, my comment came from one of the few surviving data logs from the original Akatsuki trio and Minato Namikaze, which showed that logs were exchangeable by even living things like rabbit. That was the start of decline for logs.

"Don't know, don't care. All I want is to thank log-sama for saved me from those three...maniacs!" Iruka retorted before he returned to his newly found god. Man, were my genin really that good? "Oh, log-sama! I won't use any leafs for my Kawarimi again! Branches for the win!"

"Uh, won't that require some great control to make sure that the logs won't hit you and..." I groaned as Iruka just kept hailing the log's second coming. Obviously, the first aid steps to stop the log cult did not worked. The only thing I could do, was to hit a signal so an ANBU could pick him up.

Besides, after he gained his sanity back, he would say that my team's more than ready.

-naruto-

"WOOHOO! We beat him, yeah!"

"NARUTO BAKA! We could get information from him first before you obliterated him!" Sakura pointed out.

"Ehehe..." For a second, I was about to worry for his mental health, before Naruto realized his mistake as he stared at the aftermath of his fight. "OH NO! I KILLED HIM SO HARD, HIS REMAINS HAVE BEEN ERADICATED! WHAT HAVE I DONE!"

"Don't worry, Naruto! The guy happened to made a kawarimi before your clones explode. But even if I didn't apprehend him, you have scared him enough to make sure that he won't touch Konoha without a 5 kilometers pole."

"Sensei! You fight those guys too?"

"Yup! And they won't be here for the rest of the exam."

"Fyuh! I'm glad that everything worked out well in the end."

"But that means you need better self-control, Naruto. Rasengan needs a great control and patience to learn it, and you don't have one now. Not to mention of your Uzumaki secret." Naruto lowered his head in shame. "But don't worry, Naruto. I won't hold you back from Chuunin exam just because of this mess."

"You mean, we're going to the exam? SWWWEEEET!" Naruto's morale jumped back into his normal state.

"Yup! And unlike other Jounin, I will tell you the mechanism to get promoted!"

This stimulated my genins' interest even more. "Really, sensei? Won't that make us disqualified and get you in problems?"

"Don't worry. The exams are always randomized every semester, so you guys are still pretty much on yourself." This made all of them engrossed even more instead of disappointed them. "Here's the thing: people who get promoted as Chuunin, are not always the strongest in the test. In fact there's always a chance that the strongest fighter in the test will ended up not promoted."

"WHAT? HOW'S THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE!"

"Naruto, be quiet!" Sasuke reprimanded him before Sakura could went insane from his scream. "Sensei, continue please."

"Because the juries valued leadership more. This means that proper planning will be appreciated more than raw power. For a great example, the ninja who managed to surrender on good term with his opponent will get the highest recommendation from the juries."

This, if anything, aggravated Naruto even more. "How's that making sense? Surrender could be seen as act of cowardice!"

"Well, if the guy beaten his opponent soundly, but decided that he has impressed enough people to surrender so both of them could not waste any more energy, get stupid wounds, and made both of them not ready for the next fight regardless of the winner, would that make sense to you?" This shut Naruto's mouth for the question.

"Sensei, on what ground that survival is the highest priority for Chuunin?" Sakura asked.

"Chuunin, for most of time, are expected to be the leader of mission if there's no Jounin. This means that successful missions with the least bloodshed will be the one who get appreciated the most. They also see ninja who can see and able to escape from something they can't handle as the highest priority."

"Even those from other villages? Kiri's rather prideful of its violent nature, sensei." Sakura pointed out.

"Those Suna nins also consider us as tree-hugger. Seems like other village would prefer ninja who could, and would maim their opponent into shreds." Sasuke finally added his own thoughts.

"Well they won't be able to promoted them if they're already dead, right? I think the only difference is that village like Suna and Kiri will appreciate brutality while we will place it against the contestants instead. We will stop any match where the contestants are too stubborn to quit, for example."

"Oh, I'm so glad that I was born in Konoha!" Naruto gleefully exclaimed. Seemed like he forgot of his Jinchuuriki status for a minute there.

"Now here's the thing: Whether you guys managed to get promoted or not, I will be proud of you. As long as you give everyone a good show. However," I looked at the three of them sternly. "With my information, would you want to lose your chance to test yourself against the best of other village genins, since now you know how to play it safely?"

"Hn. Then it's settled: I don't care if I don't get that promotion. I just want to fight these strong people."

"Me too!"

"I...I guess I want to see how strong I've become."

Ah, so proud of them!

"Good choice, everyone! That means I'm going to teach all of you in preparation for next week, and you guys don't have to search for anyone to join your team!"

"Three members are required? Eh, what would happen if one of us already promoted, and we want to take the next exam?"

"What would happen if Hokage wants to give us field promotion when we're qualified enough for the exam? Should we take it, or reject it?" Sakura added.

"The rest of you need to pick someone else, preferably your friend since you need to display your teamwork on it. And in case that you going to get that Chuunin field promotion, it's better for you to accept it, and get an extra test for Jounin examination. Usually, Jounin examination's straight forward, but people who get a Chuunin field promotion instead of exam promotion will only get a Jounin invitation if he's proven to have great potential, so there will be extra tests ahead."

"Eh? That Sukea guy said that filling the papers for special Jounin examination would be nightmare instead!"

"He did?" I feinted my surprise. This was all to make sure that they won't recognize my disguise. "Hmm, then the term must have changed since I became Jounin. So in that case, you need to find out whether it's worth it or not. If not, then you guys need to take a Chuunin examination again."

"Yes, sensei!"

"Now, is someone here have another question? Like, best criteria to create a temporary three-man team?"

Naruto about to object about something before he realized something, and he smiled so sweetly. Not in the 'don't worry I'm fine' smile, but the 'I'm glad all is well' smile. Seems like he just wanted to whine about how hard finding other team would be for him, before he realized that this time, he did have friends that would help him.

Ah, my little brother. You have suffered so much.

"Hn. You won't mind if you have to join Konohamaru's team when even that lazy bum Shikamaru have been promoted. Right, Naruto?"

"BASTARD! TAKE THAT BACK!"

As the two of them got into some kind of silly fight, and Sakura herself avoided their big ball of rumble, I wondered about something instead:

DId Sasuke and Naruto get promoted in canon?

-naruto-

-time skip to thirty minutes before first exam-

"FRONT LOTUS!"

"WHAT?" Sasuke was shocked by how ferocious of a fighter that Rock Lee was. He barely able to block that guy's taijutsu even with his sharingan, and just when he about to get a major hit via Box of Fire (a technique in which he spat a Great Fireball into a sealed wardrobe where he trapped his opponent and turned them into ashes unless they surrender), Rock Lee just simply broke the wardrobe and outpaced his fire technique. In two seconds, he found himself flying in the air, his ribs felt like it's got hit by a charging bull, and just about to get piledrived into the ground.

"Sasuke-san, you're indeed a worthy adversary. But as you can see, your sharingan can barely able to read my taijutsu, and now... You're just not ready for this kind of fight. I just wanted to open your eyes for how a genius can be born just from training. And it's fine, you're still worthy enough to be my rival." In his freefall, he switched from lecturing Sasuke to made a pathetic attempt to woo Sakura...again. "Also, I'm looking forward for that date, Sakura-chan."

"NOOO! Sasuke-kun, please! Win this match!"

"I can't believe it, but I'm rooting for you, Sasuke! Don't let bushy brow traumatize Sakura-chan! Teach you a lesson my ass!"

The comments from Sasuke's teammates hurt so much, it made Lee loosened his grip for a while. This gave enough room for Sasuke to wiggled out and threw Lee to the ground. This shocked Lee as he never thought that Sasuke was trained enough to outmuscle him, even in just moment of weakness. When Lee looked back at Sasuke, the not lone anymore avenger did a shunshin. Lee, still in effect of Front Lotus, turned back and about to pound Sasuke. He knew that in Lotus mode, his power was no match for Sasuke.

Only to found a dummy, filled with enough fire chakra to knock someone out and gave them some nasty body burn that would've hospitalized them right away.

And when he looked to other direction, The Uchiha Avenger was on the floor, not even bothered to make a stance anymore.

Lee just found out that he was defeated by two shunshin, an exploding doll, and a kawarimi.

His new eternal rival was truly something else.

 **BOOOM!**

"Yeah! Sasuke-kun win!" Sakura cheered, only to get a shock when Naruto pulled Sasuke's collar. "Naruto, what the-"

"Teme! I know that firecracker substitution jutsu take many chakra from you! What were you thinking, drained your chakra that much before the exam? Are you really going to handicapped yourself just for this?"

"Hn. Like yourself would miss the chance to use one of your best jutsu to win it. I guess your attitude rubbed a little off of me, so I have to blame you for this one, dobe."

The admission made Naruto a little redder. Angry from the duckbutt probably dumped his mess as somewhat his fault, a little proud of himself for getting another praise from the Uchiha, and a little pride for Sasuke thanks to being this competitive. "Sasuke..."

Unfortunately for both of them, another observer got into the area. Only Sakura noticed her, and the pink haired girl went into cardiac arrest as she looked at the blood flowing from her nose, and a sketch book, where she drawn something so furiously.

 _OH NO! THAT'S ONE OF SASUKE'S FANGIRLS WHO WANTS TO SEE HIM ON YAOI! NOW THERE WILL BE GIRLS WHO THOUGHT THAT SASUGAY IS CANON! NARUTO TOO!_

But before Sakura could warn them of the newest thing to worried about, the trio saw something that they could ever expected.

Rock Lee was not knocked by the elemental explosion, and still looked like he could go for another round.

"What the..."

"That lotus jutsu...what it actually did to him? Did it really made him that strong?"

Sakura looked at Lee's burnt left shoe, his left legging that have been forced to get a little crispier, and concluded, "The Lotus probably still had enough boost to help him get out of that explosion."

Naruto gasped at Lee's insane speed. "Amazing..."

"In all honesty, if it's a real fight, I would've slapped that dummy with shrapnel seals before." Sasuke retorted, his pride did not want to lose.

"You're something else, Sasuke-san. For your great performance, you'll taste my true power in our second round." This made everyone else gasped. He had even stronger technique? "REVERSE-"

"Stop this foolishness!" Something rammed into Lee, disrupted the technique that Lee just about to show.

And the smokes were clear, it was clear that the thing that stopped Lee was a giant turtle.

"What the hell did you think, Lee? We have forbid you to use Lotus for sparing! And now you're going with the reverse version too? The rule was not just to teach you lesson of secrecy and moderation, but also to make sure you will not needlessly get exhausted for any potential task in the future, and you're using it just when you about to test yourself in Chuunin exam?"

"I-it was clear for me that Sasuke-san could handle it and-"

"SILENCE! You know that flimsy excuse won't hold in my court!"

Everybody got crazy at the sight in front of them. A talking turtle admonished Rock Lee for putting his body in heavy strain just to win a fight against the Uchiha boy, all the while ignored the real trial ahead of him.

The talking turtle was not weird by any means. After all, Kakashi-sensei have showed him his dog summons. But the way that turtle talk to Lee was so unprecedented. Almost like if he had authority over him.

Also, the thing somehow able to stand.

"What the hell? Is that talking turtle his Jounin? How's that even possible?"

"I thought Dragon Ball is not real man..."

 _I nearly lost to this freak?_

"So, are you ready for your punishment?" The turtle asked.

"Y-yes!"

"Then...here comes Gai-Sensei!"

The turtle didn't know it, but it just shattered Team 7's memory blockade, a side effect of their self-attempt to remove that horrible sunset of youth. Not for its chakra-defying logic, mind you, but for its sheer display of madness.

"YOSH! EVERYONE'S YOUTH HERE ARE SO INVIGORATING!"

And it came back with vengeance.

"OH MY GOD! HE BRED!"

"Sensei..."

"Lee..." Both of them stared at each others before Gai punched Lee out of nowhere. "You FOOL!"

In any other cases the trio would've thought that Gai was being abusive. But these nutjobs made it difficult for them to feel anything but the shock value that came from whatever happened in front of them.

"You...you..."

"Sensei...I...I'm so-"

"YOU DON"T NEED TO TELL IT, LEE! I KNOW WHAT YOU FEEL! AND I FORGIVE YOU!"

The youthful genjutsu was a truly terrifying sight to be seen by naked eyes. Two ridiculously testosterone fueled man and boy in horrendous, clingy, and definitely not in fashion spandex, hugged each others under the sunset of sorrow, ridiculous waterfall of tears make sure that the scene won't attract any kind of sympathy. To make things even more inappropriate, there was a faint sexy jazz song accompanied the teacher and student. As the previous event showed, none of the regular genjutsu breaker technique worked on the sunset.

And as if it wasn't bad enough, the goddamn turtle decided to split into four images with different bandana for each of them, surfing up while eating pizza. Even one of them yelled cowabunga for no reason.

Needless to say, all of them were mortified.

-naruto-

Hmm...I think I'd better tried to peek on Sasuke and Lee's fight...

"KAKASHI NII-SAN! WAKE WE UP INSIDE SO WE CAN GET OUT OF THIS BUSHY NIGHTMARE!"

"HEY! PAY RESPECT TO GAI-SENSEI!"

"SHUT UP! YOU THREE WENT OVERKILL WITH THIS FREAK SHOW! OUR REACTION IS COMPLETELY NORMAL!"

"Um, did I miss something here?"

"SENSEI! THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!" Was the last thing I heard before Naruto glomped me.

Somehow, I expected that my genins would be traumatized by the sunset genjutsu on full power.

What I did not expect, was Gai's tortoise engaged in their youthful shenanigans. And knew TMNT out of all thing. But why did it look more like a turtle?

"Sorry, Gai! I have to peel off my cousin's marital problems for a while and-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE NINKAME!"

"B-boss Ningame! I-"

"No excuses! I left Lee with Umigame since he'll be the only one responsible enough in our clan to stop Lee. Now where he is, and what you have done to him?"

"MMMPH!"

It was clear that Umigame was involved in involuntary bound and gag. "...Any good excuse, Kame?"

The gotcha question had no possible exit for the turtle, especially since his leader was furious. "Uh...I wanted to see his Front Lotus? I-I stopped him from going Third Gate, sir! At least I know when he's going too far!"

Ningame only grabbed the turtle by his ear, and ordered him to release Umigame from his current situation. What a weird summon family.

"Hmm...you know, Kakashi? I still want to know how you become," Gai suddenly appeared behind me, his kunai pressed my collar. "So good that our record went from 51-49 to 53-57?"

"Maa," The next thing Gai knew, he was holding a log, and this time it was me that hold a kunai against his neck. "What if I said that I just recently tried to take our rivalry seriously?"

"Then I need to become even more serious! YOSH! Or," I found myself on Gai's mercy once again. "I'm going to demand you to stop any shortcut, and unyouthful plays from you."

"Like what?"

"Your sharingan. I never realize it until now-actually, I just theorized it last night- but what if, you used your sharingan to gain advantage against me?"

"Maa, you got me. However," Our kunai clashed with each others, and soon both of us found each others ready to plunge our kunai into each others' neck. "I haven't cheated since the last three matches."

"Impossible! I have a four losing streak before!"

"Ah, but that's because you're so invested in figuring out what happened with me that you forgot to figure out that my body language have been replaced with Asuma's." Gai's eyes widened as he realized that it was just one of my test. "You forgot how it's like to fight genjutsu, Gai. You used to be able to ignore them. All of my sharingan genjutsu for the Jan-Ken-Pon were not that strong. What happened?"

"You're right, my hip rival I should be able to detect it and just rush to somewhere else to ignore its effect! I guess that I have been too invested in taijutsu recently." As he admitted his recent mistake, he put his kunai on his pouch again. "YOOSH! For my lacks of training in ignoring genjutsu recently, I'll get Kurenai to struck me with genjutsu for the rest of weekend!'

"OH MY GOD! THEY'RE SO COOL!" Naruto responded to our kunai fight.

"All of that for cheating in Jan-Ken-Pon?" Maa, Sasuke never know how to have fun.

"Who's faster though?"

"Of course Gai-Sensei is the fastest!"

"He is, Lee. However," I stopped any celebration by Lee for his sensei. "I have more vast skill repertoire, so unless we're fighting in Strong Fist Style, I'm going to win if we're going by style alone."

"YOSH! You're right, Kakashi! And for my weakness in Genjutsu, I'll bunny-hopping around the village for 20 laps as well!"

"Save it until later, Gai. We have our own genin team to motivate." Gai stopped before he could go dynamic entry on the whole school wall again. "Now, is there's something you need to say, Lee?"

"I'm sorry for baiting you, Sasuke-san! I just want to see the other strongest top three Konoha genin right now. My team have another guy who's very much the candidate for it."

"That long haired Neji guy?"

"Yes. And maybe, just maybe he'll finally see that I'm his equal."

"Eh, no offense, Lee. But he doesn't sound that bright if he couldn't see your fighting prowess." Sakura pointed out.

Gai motioned me so I could cover up Neji's condition for now. "Neji's just that proud of himself, Sakura. He's a Hyuuga, remember?"

"Hn. They're indeed." Sasuke agreed.

"Well, I hope for good luck to all of you!" Lee exclaimed before he noticed that his hand bandages were messed up. He then started to roll them back. Anyone with keen eyes could see the nasty bruises on his hands.

"Hey, Lee!"

"Hmm?"

"Forget what I said earlier. You definitely can kick Sasuke's ass even if he knows your move before."

Lee stared at Naruto for a while, before he gave him his thumbs up and good guy pose, and left to rejoin his team. Gai also did the same thing.

"What was that, Naruto?"

"You saw his hands too?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah. I hate to say this, but bushy eyebrows trained really hard, even more than me."

"Now, now. You two. Lee's your senior by one year. Of course he's going to have much more training hours than you guys have."

"That's not what I meant, Kakashi-sensei. He trained way harder than me-"

"And that's because he can only do taijutsu well." I retorted before Naruto's confidence sank down again. "If any of you can only do taijutsu like him, I would drive you to the wall like Gai did to him. But since you guys have great talents in other area, you're going under a different training regime, where you need to get the fundamentals first. And once you reach a certain point, I'll drive you harder than a slave master." I said, purposefully stared at them blankly.

This made everyone shivering, and grinned in anticipation. This was before Sakura broke it with something else on her mind.

"Still, to think of his other even more powerful technique..."

"Well that will just make everything more interesting, right?" Sasuke smirked before he walked out of the room. The other two then walked out with even bigger ambition than ever.

And here I was, stared at my contact lenses and purple face paint.

-naruto-

"Now everyone need to sign it and-"

"Mitarashi-san! We found an intruder!"

This shocked Anko, and she could do nothing but ordered her guards to bring the prisoner to him.

And got a surprise by a white-haired man, still holding his camera.

"Hey! You're that reporter guy!"

"Yup! And this is just my day. Poor me, trying to get an early report, but ended up violated the rule...Now I have to wait until the exam's done before I could report anyone!"

 _Kakashi?_ Anko asked to herself as she realized the face structure of that man. Also, she recognized that Rin makeup. There was no way that it was anyone but him. Just what's going on here?

"KYAA! YOU'RE SO HANDSOME, MR. REPORTER!"

Anko's eyes twitched, and she had to hold back an urge to pummel that red haired skank for fangirling her boyfriend in disguise.

Soon enough she almost unleashed her snakes to the whole girls in that exam.

-naruto-

Well that's the newest chapter. Next time, of course...

Orochimaru vs Kakashi!

Also, it seemed that Orochimaru's information will win the poll. So vote in my profile in case that anyone wants something else!


	12. Failure

Out of nowhere, Sakura stopped for a while, before she slapped her forehead.

"HOW COULD I ONLY REALIZED IT NOW!"

"Sakura-chan?"

"Naruto, your godfather is not just Jiraiya. It's Jiraiya of the Sannin! He's like, one of the few person in Konoha that could challenge any Kage for their title!"

A beat followed Sakura voiced her realization, before Naruto screamed: "EEEEH! I have a relative that awesome?"

"Yes, Naruto!"

Naruto couldn't believe it all. He always believed that become Ninja would make him finally get respected, but it actually gave him actual happiness far before the respect happened. He found so many friends, and now, he had one hell of an awesome family?

Okay, Kakashi-niichan and Jiji were already like his own family, but Jiraiya was the only one who had any legitimate claim as his family.

Unfortunately, Naruto had no time to yell or cried of happiness. The situation alone would not allow him to make such a ruckus. But the foreboding of a certain avenger was the main reason for why he couldn't enjoy the revelation; Sasuke leaked so many thick, unreadable atmosphere, it scared everyone in his vicinity. The intent was indeed unreadable, but it's almost certain that it couldn't be a good thing. The Last Uchiha had no one left for him except friends, and to see Naruto kept getting all the lucks...it could make him jealous.

Both of them became shocked even more, when Sasuke blushed instead. "I hate to say this, but Naruto...can I borrow your godfather for a training sometime?"

"I'll let you borrow him, Sasuke..." Naruto stepped to shake Sasuke's hand, who gave the blonde boy a slight smile in response. But soon the avenger felt something off from Naruto's smile, like he- "BUT NOT BEFORE I SUCKED ALL HIS KNOWLEDGE DRY! First dibs, teme! Nya-hahaha! I'm going to be the ultimate ninja first, you ducky bastard!"

Everybody around them, either waited for their potential prey or fell into a trap, sweat-dropped as Naruto taunted Sasuke, and they sweatdropped even more after Sakura drilled her loud teammate to the ground. Sasuke only scoffed at Naruto's childish gloating.

 _This is the genin team with supposed biggest potential?  
_

However, knowing that most genius ninja ended up having some eccentricities on their own, most of the rest of the other team leave Team 7 for the rest of the day, didn't want to risk of being eliminated had any of their member met their demise in their hand. Even if they were sure that they could beat them up, the supposed potential made them did not want to take the risk.

So for Team 7, the challenge was to get the other scroll instead of securing their own.

-naruto-

"Now Kakashi...we can do it the right way, or the hard way."

"I'm quiet hard already, so the right way please."

Blushed hard, my snake princess stopped her grinding, and set her cup size to about two sizes lower. I almost shouted about changing my mind (even after she satisfied me for five hours with them before), but she shut my mouth by shoving her fingers first. "Talk, smart mouth. Or this hand will be replaced with one of my snake instead."

"Ah. I see that Hokage-sama did not send instructors the warning."

"What kind of warning?" She intrigued.

"Something about a possible spy, Yakushi Kabuto. We found some...discrepancies about his actual skills. I don't know with you, but I don't think a genin who failed six times know intricate things, like body manipulation to turn arms into air cannons."

This shocked her enough to make her pupils dilated rapidly. Good thing that she managed to recompose herself. "Now you mention it, he nearly always make it to the fighting stage. And he usually failed himself by forfeited. Almost like he's..."

"Already have enough information."

"That, or his fighting ability would look too stiff and raise suspicions that he's hiding his true power."

"Even worse, he might actually have... sadistic streaks that could jeopardized his spy status." Well Kabuto was a true bastard in Part 1.

Anko blinked, before she realized that I was serious. The interrogation force never faced something like this? "Well that means trouble. May I know why he's still allowed to enter the exam?"

"Because we want to take the risk of letting him do his things in exchange to get a raid on his belongings. And it's happening...right now." Anko's flat stare demanded proper explanation, which I happily obliged. "Yugao and Hayate are currently leading a raid team to searching for his stuffs."

"Mmm," Anko suddenly took her coat off before she raised her chest size back to her actual one: A perfect 100, in both literal size and quality."I guess you deserved some gifts after all, smart guy."

As much as I appreciated the softness of her mounds pressed onto my chest, we have to save my team from Orochimaru. If Sasuke got the mark...

"Uh, Anko, I don't think it's the right time. And besides, it's Hokage-sama that laid down all the plans for us. I barely did anything."

"So you want me to straddle that old corpse instead?" She mocked me, and the image of Anko pleasured the wrinkly old man made me mentally shudder.

"...Thank you. Now I know how to kill my boners, just in case."

"Don't try to use it now, Hatake. You're my prisoner, and I command you to pleasure me, now."

"But Anko, we-oh goodness..." I moaned as I felt her hips started to grinded and took off our clothing. Maybe I could convince Jiraiya to create some super seals if I late to save Sasuke? She was soo good...

"Ma'am! We found several faceless corpses from the...grass..."

"Hatake-san, we found these scrolls in the safeplace of genin Yakushi, and we need you to..."

The exam officers looked at our body straddling each others, before they passed out in massive nosebleed. The same happened to Hayate and his girlfriend.

-naruto-

"This is Orochimaru doing." She flatly stated.

"And we found these again. I hope that our ANBU team who sacrificed themselves in solving his traps will rest in peace." Yuugao presented the sealed

I gave a solemn respect for the fallen ANBU, all the while tried my best to not remarked about how ANBU are either super elite like Itachi and me, or one of the cannon fodder for our missions. Then again the most looked aspect for ANBU was always capacity to do the dirty job without being too attached; capable ninjas like Tsunade and Gai won't make it because of their brash personality.

Just when I about to say something, Anko left all of us alone without any word. Obviously looking to stop her teacher at all cost. I would've followed her in haste had someone did not pulled me over. And it was our certain elite ANBU, Yuugao.

"Hatake-san, let Anko do this alone."

"But this is Orochimaru we're talking about! Even I won't be able to take him alone!"

"But we need to decipher the seal, and only your sharingan that can do it safely!"

"Can't this wait? The exam just barely passed the first day, after all."

A coughing man was the one who answered my questions. "Kakashi-san, there are more traps laying there. And the only reason why we're able to infiltrate the place," Yet another cough, "is because Kabuto's practice office guard is called to do something else. If we do this any latter, we won't be able to collect much else."

Damn. This was one of those time when I wish I could just simply explain that I came from a mundane world where this all just imagination. "Shit, what to do, what to do..."

Of course! The stress made me can't think straight.

I bit my thumb, and summoned my trusty little pug.

"Pakkun, follow Anko, and reverse summon me there!"

"Okay, Kakashi. Although you need to feed me the Kobe steak for that. Eh, how am I supposed to follow her tracks?"

"It's kinda like snake." I explained, but Pakkun became scared out of sudden. "What's wrong?"

"Eh? There are two of them, the other one's stronger and more...sinister. You sure you want to do it, Kakashi?"

"Even better. Then go for the strong one!"

"Eh Kakashi? I think I would demand a whole cow if I really met that traitorous snake again..."

"Just go!" I shouted at my little pug, who reluctantly started to ran. I then noticed the other stared at me, obviously terrified by something on me. I growled while trying to suppress my iritation. "What now?"

"Kakashi, your sharingan..."

I looked for any convenient mirror, found one, and seen the mutation of my sharingan. The exact wheel that I received much later. "Well what do you know! All these stress were all you needed to unlock the mangekyo. And they all said that you need to sacrifice your friend or some bull right that. Now what exactly do we have to see here?" This went much better than I thought.

-naruto-

Shit shit shit!

Pakkun, where are you! Why don't you reverse summon me?

Don't tell me that Orochimaru's snakes have eaten you already! Or even Orochimaru himself!

"K-Kakashi..."

My pug! He's still alive!

Oh no...

There was a snake in his back, its fang still stuck in his body.

My little pug's dying. And it's all my fault...

Wait. The snake's an ordinary one, no sight of extensive mutation. Maybe he's still saveable.

"Summon!" I summoned every of my dog that knew medicine a little, hoping that I still could prevent the other mistake. "Cure Pakkun out of the venom from that snake."

"Kakashi, wait! What happened here?"

"I ordered Pakkun to follow Konoha's worst enemy. You may put me on scrutiny for this. You may even severe our summon link, but right now just save Pakkun's life."

"Kakashi, wait!" My feet just about to take me out of this area before my pug called me out. "This is not your fault. I should be more careful. I knew how dangerous he is, and yet I didn't try to cover me better. Don't let this down like any of your other failure, Kakashi."

I only gave them my eye smile, before I went out to confront the snake bastard.

Thank you for reassuring me, Pakkun.

-naruto-

I was late...

When I arrived, Orochimaru was just about to knock Sakura out.

This meant that I was all alone. And he already planted his curse mark on Sasuke.

All of my plan, still failed to do anything.

"Hey you!" And I still won't waste any chance just to do one right thing.

"Ah, Kakashi-chan. Long time no see." Orochimaru greeted me with his creepy demeanor.

"Fuck you, you snake bitch! Leave my team and my girl alone!" I cursed at the snake abomination while giving him the fingers.

"Oh. How do you know that this body was from female?"

I forgot that even when he was half-sane, the man's already plain weird and just plain unsociable at times."...My creepy instinct was right. Now, will you promise to stop molesting Sasuke for the rest of your life?"

"Me, keep a promise? Hmm, can't do, sorry. Your students here have too great of potential to be ignored, and sharingan is important in my schemes."

I don't know what was worse, the fact that I failed to save Sasuke from being bitten, or the fact that he didn't even try to argue that he's not a molester. "It's immortality, isn't it? You want to live forever to become so strong, no one can oppose you from doing anything you wanted. And with a sharingan, you can" I asked the creep.

"My, my. You nearly nailed it. But do you have such a low opinion on myself to think that I'm just a seeking power madman?" Orochimaru placed his hand on his chest, mocked someone with a hurt heart. "I'm a scientist, first and foremost. It is my ambition to know everything in this world. I have ascended any moral that this world have set. Frankly no one here can follow my lead in that area, and I have no pity for their incapacity to even try, nor will I subdue to their demand to stop going further."

"You can turn the whole world into ink of knowledge, and you may still missed out several stuffs. Alternate dimension, pillars of this plane, the god who truly rule all, or lacks of it. Why don't you just procreate and tell your offspring about your ambition so they can continue it instead?"

"...You know, that actually sounds good." What? "Yeah, yeah. A son can be a good thing. Sharing new knowledge, experimenting together, getting immortal together, even asking to plant my consciousness in his head for safety. Yes, it can work."

...Okay, aside from the last part, that actually sounded reasonable. And does that means Mitsuki would have a sibling? "You actually sounded normal for a while."

"I do? Hmm. Maybe a kid will be a nice change. But I think I need to finish some stuffs before I consider it again. And I'm afraid that one of it involved your team member."

So much for make him leave Sasuke. "I won't let you steal Sasuke from us!"

Orochimaru gave me one of the creepiest giggle that I ever heard. "It seems you mistaken the purpose seal, Kakashi. It's not there to make them a slave of mine. Its purpose is to give them the dose of my power, to show them how powerful they will be under me. I never put them under any true hypnosis. All there is the idea and suggestion of power."

"It won't work on someone with integrity like Sasuke. Anko have one, and she hates you more than the demon itself!"

Orochimaru just laughed again. "Anko had no darkness before I planted the seal. No hatred, no ambition, no rival. She had nothing. Sasuke on the other hand...well, one bad judgement from any of you regarding Itachi would be enough to make him seek for me. One slip of my power, and a failure moment...everyone but me, are walking on the eggshells."

"Well if you're telling me that...is it really worth it to put Sasuke under a seal that have a very big chance in killing him?"

Orochimaru's grin froze after I asked him the logic bomb.

"...Don't tell me you actually don't know about the curse that much." More like a statement than question.

"Another reason for the immortality. And his body." Orochimaru recovered quickly.

"So you're willing to take the risk that Sasuke will be one of the 90% to die? And here I thought I would leave you alive just so you can make your own kid."

"In all honesty, all the people who survived are pretty much qualified to be a prodigy. Sasuke-kun almost definitely will survive. I'm just taken back by how you actually make a good point despite my result."

"In any case..." I reaffirmed my combat stance, showed my willingness to fight him. "I've gotten strong enough to fight you, Orochimaru. Don't ever think of getting away from this easily."

"Don't even think about it."

-naruto-

I adjusted my headband after I crashed into the tree. My leg hurt from clashing with Orochimaru's boots, and my chest felt like it got hammered by a 50 pounds hammer that was from his palm strike.

I guess fought someone who could fight tailed beasts was...not advisable.

"Do you think Anko-chan really loves you, Kakashi?" Orochimaru taunted. None of my attack managed to slow him down. "I'm the first witness of her tried to force me into mutual suicide with one of her jutsu. Seems like her hatred of me will always overwhelm her reason. Is that really the woman you wanted?"

"Have you heard of being caught in the heat moment? Personally I would eviscerate my father's teammates had karma slacked in their job." I retorted.

"And you're just as stubborn as ever." The snake snarked before he landed down.

He cursed as he limped slightly. Did they...

"So my cute genins managed to make you limp? Don't tell me you're getting weak, Orochimaru."

Orochimaru winced a little, before he regained his smug expression. "A little miscalculation on my part. When my informant mentioned her genjutsu, he reported it as if it was a weak stuff that can be ignored. Instead I found such a subtle and yet effective genjutsu, I stepped on a trap she made. Probably lost a little chunk of meat from Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun's attacks in the aftermath as well." "Well I'm not one to judge. You should be the one, seeing that there's nothing you can do now...just like before."

"Man, I remember when you taunted me over Rin's death. Hell, you just taunted me over Anko's suicide attack. Will you ever give me a break for that?"

"You have met nothing but failures and failures, Kakashi. I just reminded you since you always act like you could actually do anything. Where have you ever been successful in your life, Hatake?"

"Let me think...I'm one of the strongest Jounin in Konoha-"

"That's not what I meant, poor you."

"I saved Tenzo, and...that reminds me. Which part of yours that limped again?"

"Huh, it's the left thigh? Why?" I showed him the new sharingan, and before he could even react to it, I already used Kamu on him.

I severed his right leg to the knee. I hoped that I could hit his whole leg, but this was my first try. For that, I thought I did a good enough job. Granted I also took a big chunk of land too, but still.

"OH! OOH! YOU TOOK MY FUCKING LEG! OH, OOOH! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" Orochimaru went all out to voice how shocked he was. Every faux grace he usually displayed were gone at this moment, replaced by a great agony.

"Man, for someone who capable of changing body and extensively modifying their new body to look the same, you look overwhelmingly upset over losing a leg." And thanks for showed a very suspicious behavior that could make me suggested about a potential another infiltration!

"FUCK YOU!" Orochimaru threw every smoke bombs on him onto my direction before he slinked/escaped to god know where.

But why would I know? I already losing consciousness before he threw them. My chakra's drained from that Kamui.

-naruto-

"Sensei?" Sakura prodded me with something that awaken me.

"Sakura? You're awaken already?"

"That's my question, sensei." She offered her hand to me. "Can you check on Sasuke-kun and Naruto too? They passed out after Orochimaru slapped something on them."

"Oh, yes. Of course."

"I think it's the neck for Sasuke, and stomach for Naruto."

After checking them for a while (not that I needed to do it), I returned to Sakura who was sitting with Anko. My girl turned away as soon as she saw me. I guess she was still mad to herself over that. I let out a sigh before I approach Sakura

"How are them?"

"Sasuke's is rather obvious. One of Orochimaru's invention is a seal that capable of giving his servants new power. However Sasuke's mental power is great. There won't be problem for him to reject it as long as he stays strong."

"Thank goodness." Sakura let out a sigh.

"I think for Naruto, we won't know what's going on with him unless he went into training. My best guess would be a suppression seal that made his chakra pathway gone awry, but I won't be able to do much for either until you three finished this exam."

"Finishing this exam? Are you sure, sensei? Won't it be better if we just forfeit now?"

"Not really. You alone would be enough to treat them since adjusting with the seal would be feverish at worst. And besides, it would be much better if you three make it out despite all of that, right?"

Sakura looked at her currently sleeping teammates, before she make a decision. "I'll take care of them, sensei."

"Good. I'll make sure that all of you treated as soon as you entered the tower. Now, may I..." I motioned to my angsting girlfriend, and Sakura gave the slip.

"Anko..."

"Kakashi, I don't deserve you." Anko slapped my hand away from hers. "I nearly killed myself in a suicide attack against that bastard. How could I fell so hard just for a revenge?"

"Hey, hey hey. If anything, I need more than ever, babe." I wrapped my arms around her body, and she did not tried to wiggle away this time.

"I nearly lost everything again today. You, my team, even Pakkun. Don't be so hard on yourself. If anything, I'm the one who should be blamed over this. I thought I could protect everyone this time. Instead I failed again. So don't dare to hurt me in your self pity!"

"Kakashi..."

I softened my features and voice, but what came out of my mouth was the sound of a nearly broken man instead. "We'll get through this together, okay? Just don't leave me." I asked, and she gave me one of the most beautiful smile in response. Ignored Sakura's squeals, I felt like I could melt into her and-

Unfortunately (or rather fortunately) the owner of that angelic smile's still a sexy devil first and foremost, and I ended up with nothing but my pants, and a woman on top of me who kept grinded her hips onto mine.

"Anko?"

"Yeah?"

"There are children here."

Anko took a glance at where my team rested, and she saw Sakura passed out in nosebleed, mumbled and cursed about her hot sensei and his sexy, crazy girlfriend. Meanwhile Sasuke and Naruto had that weird smile smeared their faces, almost like they gained a perversion clairvoyance. Weirdly enough both of them mumbled about Sakura's thighs and Hinata being super cute. Seemed like some minute time with Jiraiya was enough to corrupt their innocence

Also it turned out that Sasuke did appreciated all those uninvited hugs from Ino, and Naruto sometimes dreamed about skinny dipping with Ayame in ramen river. Go figure.

Embarrassed enough, both of us left the crime scene as soon as we could, but not before I gave their location a genjutsu that lasted for three-hours so the three of them could rest for a while.

Despite all that, Anko did not complain, or even threatened to disqualified them. Perhaps it was her reward for my team who made Orochimaru limped?

-naruto-

 _Two days later..._

"Okay! Let's see what does the actual meaning from that writing!"

All the three of them opened the two scrolls that they got, hoped that they would got the answer from that incomplete writing. Sakura wondered if they got a new puzzle, Sasuke thought they would get a final quiz answer, while Naruto had his mind focused about ramen storm...somehow.

...And instead, they got Iruka, Kakashi-sensei and Jiraiya-sama in a conversation.

"Okay, okay! I'll let you two get summoned to greet them together with me!"

"Jeez, why do we even need to convince you?" Jiraiya whined instead. "They just fought Orochimaru for sake! There's no one who can diagnose any Orochi's victim better than me.

"Because they're still in the exam, and rule said no interference!" Iruka said, not mentioning the fact that even after his almost decisive defeat in the hand of the team, he still felt they were not ready. "And besides, I don't even know if this summoning scroll can be used by more than one people. Now let's check it first!" Iruka explained, before he went to check the teleportation seal that was drawn on the floor, only to found a rather clean tile. "Huh? I swear the seal was there."

"Sensei?"

"GYAAAH!" Iruka jumped into Kakashi's arms, and the silver-haired Jounin could only wonder if someone did this scene in one of the Yaoi involved them.

-naruto-

So this was my new chapter. Sorry for the short one, but I never liked the second part of the exam that much.

Also, next chapter will be the last time to vote for this story's actual gamebreaker!


	13. Preparation for War

"Hmm...the mark haven't change one bit. Seems like Orochimaru's really confident in this design."

"You can do something about it?"

"Well it's infused by Orochimaru's chakra, so I think it will be hard to remove it. For now, I'll suppress it for you while keeping tabs at it at the same time. I never got around to inspect it in real time. The Third already suppressed it by the time I heard the news about Orochimaru's survivor."

"You know sensei? I think it's pretty dumb for Orochimaru to use it on Sasuke-kun if the survival rate's that low. I mean, what if Sasuke-kun died?"

"I think he gambled on the fact that Sasuke's a great talent. He said that he noticed most of his survivors were prodigy."

"I guess."

That reminded me. I think I could fix Naruto without Jiraiya's help. Minato-sensei taught me how to broke seals apart, and five seals was one of them... "Anyway, why did the snake haven't done anything to you, Naruto?"

"Who knows? Maybe he didn't recognize me being an Uzumaki!"

"Yes, Sensei. From what I've read, it's really rare to see a non-ginger Uzumaki." Sakura added.

"Still, with Orochimaru we couldn't tell. Did he hit you somewhere?"

"Yeah, he hits me in my stomach."

"I need to do this without any audience." Sakura nodded, and she went to her bed, not knowing that I had to do this in secrecy for another reason. "Okay, try to concentrate on your chakra." I ordered.

As expected, his seals got altered.

"Interesting. You didn't even notice that your chakra gone bonkers or something?"

"Actually, I felt my chakra going a little unstable, but I thought it was just me getting exhausted from the whole exam."

"Anyway this sounds a little weird, but the seal might be your only way to get a half-decent chakra control."

"Eh? Does that means I'm going to fight like this?" Naruto asked while about to go panic.

"No, silly. I will use this seal to train you in the future. I will still unlock it since it's not done by a competitor."

"Oh, I see."

"Now poise up. This will hurt you a little." I ordered while my hand started to get filled with chakra.

And voila! The seal was undone with the five part unseal. Looks like Kakashi was really a man who can use one thousand jutsus.

"Oooh..."

Whoops. Seemed like unsealing it while he was tired made Naruto suffered a little more. I didn't remember him immediately passed out after Jiraiya destroyed the five part seal.

Maybe a bowl of ramen can make him forgive me?

-naruto-

Considering Sasuke's state, I couldn't do nothing but making sure that he was safe. Especially when the first draw for Sasuke were the same like the original, ensured that almost everything will ended up the same. So I left the preliminary and carried him to hospital right away.

Still, I left my clone in the preliminary to pose as reporter, and if there was some kind of crazy new development, I will be there to fix it.

Also, he was there to roast the assholes like Neji and Gaara, and taunted the fact that their unstable, petty mentality was not even a guard duty material, let alone elite ninjas. Lol, I can see them fuming at my reporter clone.

"Maa, first your snake lord came here to taunt me, and now you're here to take him."

And here I was, snatched Kabuto's kunai from his hand.

"Hmph. How does it feel, Kakashi? To know that you're powerless against Orochimaru-sama."

"From what I recall, it's not me that just lost his limbs. Or ended up having his seal not working as intended." I retorted, not wanting to give the satisfaction to an enemy about how right he was.

"That was a fluke from your part. And it did nothing, as we have replacements for his body part." Did that mean they already cloned his body part too? Disgusting. "And you know what spies in your village means, right? That means you are already lost. Your intelligence, your secrets. As far as I concerned, Konoha already lost the war and its assets."

Man, this man's full of himself. An intoxicated Jiraiya could outsmart his pathetic ass. While groping his hooker spies too. And the worst part of it, he was right. "Well in that case, we'll just take back what's ours and some more."

"Hn. What will you do, huh? Robbing us?" The glasses boy sneered.

"Actually, that's exactly what we're doing right now."

"What?"

"I take it you haven't had time to go home and checking your closet?" I smiled at the prick. Felt good, and it was incorporated as well.

Kabuto gritted his teeth, his whole body was twitching. It was clear that he was furious. It took less than two seconds before his kunai nearly pierced my neck, but my raikiri already destroyed his chest before that.

Oh, yeah. This wasn't the real Kabuto, at least from what I just remembered. It was just one of his victim that he had modified to look like him. But who was it?

Ah, right. Judging by his tattoo here, this was the ANBU that have been missing for two days. Looks like Kabuto have been preparing the attack for this long, that sicko. The creepy bastard must be...

Well, it seemed like he outplayed me this time. He was taking the form of the ANBU who seemingly lost his right leg in the fight. Kabuto somehow managed to locate where Konoha hospital hid their emergency weapons, hid his leg in it, and traded clothing with the ANBU. What a preparation time, enough to make me not even considering that he was that 'corpse'. Although he looked like he was in great hurry now. There must be something really important down there in his apartment.

But Kabuto ended up with his head planted into a solid wood wall, somehow never noticed the illusion that I have placed on the windows.

"Nice one, Yamato. You cracked his neck real good."

Yamato answered me with a sharp piece of wood staked itself into Kabuto's neck. Woah, a plot twist. Kabuto's going to die here instead?

Ah, it seems that his regeneration jutsu can repair his neck, and it wasn't too long before he managed to move. "He's much more well prepared compared to us. This will ended badly for everyone, even Sasuke."

"And yet even if we managed kill him here, we'll just turn Orochimaru into something reckless against Konoha. Fine, Yakushi Kabuto. We'll let you live if you just go...for now."

"We'll meet again...Hatake Kakashi." Kabuto smirked at us before he ran away from here, only to crashed at one of the tree before he decided to just use the substitution jutsu. Looked like his spine's still not fully healed.

"That sociopath was something else. But thanks to you, he won't remember any of that details about his stuffs getting 'probed' by Konoha, right?" Yamato asked as I lifted my mask back to my left side.

"Well it can slow him down for days before he realized what the sharingan hid from him, and by that time he could do nothing but threw tantrums. Besides, that spine's probably need more intensive fixing."

"And he also had to fix Orochimaru's leg. Sounds like we won't hear anything from them for a while now."

"Yeah." But I doubted that they will postpone the invasion.

Now, to check the end of the tournament...

-naruto-

As I expected, everything went like before. Well except from Sakura won her match against Ino, but Ino managed to broke her arm and nearly ruptured her chakra flows first when she possessed Sakura and made her punch the wall, so it seemed that Sakura's going to forfeit her final match if they couldn't fix her. And aside from that, my clone managed to stop Hinata's match before Neji went too far. Recovery's expected to went much smoother as well since she was somewhat strong enough to actually struck Neji several times. Must be the confidence boost from her father.

Oh, and my clone did its job to question the more unhinged ninjas about their ability to do their job. It even somehow managed to convince the proctor to declare that Neji and Gaara's disturbing mindset made it almost impossible for Konoha to promote them, and it would take an unanimous decision and/or flawless performance in the finals to make them get that promotion. Needless to say, both were not amused.

So here I was, talking about how I couldn't teach Naruto for the finals.

"AHA! I knew it! You're going to teach Sasuke by yourself and leave me alone, right?!"

I slouched as Naruto accused me of favored Sasuke over him. Man, this plot point was taken by the fans so dumbly. Sasuke almost taken twice by ninjas that were stronger than me, and me decided to take him for safety was somehow favoritism? "Naruto, haven't you forgot that Sasuke is Orochimaru's target? Even if I favorited _you_ , his safety in this case will always take my number one priority."

"Eh, hehehe...oops?" Good thing that Naruto had enough brain cells to feel embarrassed.

"Seriously, Naruto. Your judgement can be very lacking at times." I said before I turned my back on him. "I guess you're not worthy of being taught by The Gallant Jiraiya, after all..."

"Wait a minute! My awesome godfather's going to teach me?" I pretended to ignore him and kept walking toward the door, before something heavy tackled my leg in attempt to stop my track. "NOOO! SENSEI, DON'T CANCEL IT! I'LL BE A GOOD BOY FROM NOW ON, PLEASE..."

Naruto uttered that phrase made me flinched, but nevertheless I shrugged the effect away. "I don't mean for you to never get critical on me when you think I'm wrong, Naruto. I just want you to not come into conclusion so quickly. Especially when the situation's already very less than ideal."

"Sorry, nii-san..."

"Anyway, I won't cancel your appointment, but your maturity is still lacking. So therefore, I will postpone of me telling your secret."

"Huh? Another secret? I FORGOT ABOUT IT! WHAT IS IT?! WHAT IS IT?! Oh, wait a minute. When will I become mature enough, huh? Am I really that close to make you mentioned it?"

"Unfortunately, at this rate, your secret will be told by the time you're in your death bed." I teased him.

"Not fair..." Naruto slouched at me. Guess he couldn't detect a hyperbolic joke either.

"Naruto, just keep doing what you're doing now and learn more about how to be a ninja, and you will get that secret soon."

"YES! THANK YOU, SENSEI!" Naruto bowed before me, and he was gone before I could say anything else. Oh well. I think Jiraiya would get him in case he didn't spot him in the hot spring.

-naruto-

 _Meanwhile, in the hot spring..._

"Ehehe...this is a really good research time."

"It's not Mei-chan's, but this will do..." Said the new apprentice in perversion, Haku. The boy was frustrated by Terumi Mei's lacks of 'private photos' recently thanks to the civil war of Mist currently at its peak, and decided that he can 'cheated' once. Which means that said apprentice program won't have any voyeur acts for research, but rather Terumi Mei's pictures as inspiration.

Also, Mei already said she would try to not lashed out at him for being a little pervert to other women, as long as he was hers (and not doing it too much). And uh, she definitely wanted him to turn into a perverted boy, what with all those raunchy photos she sent at him.

"Boy, I can't believe your young ass snatched Terumi Mei for your future! She is like, one of the hottest woman in the ninja world! Hell, without Senju Tsunade, she's almost definitely the number one!"

"I am really lucky to have her, Jiraiya-san. OOH! That one have butts that can rivaled Mei-chan!"

"WHERE?! WHERE?!"

"What are you two doing here?!"

Had Haku wasn't there, Naruto might already made everything worse for his godfather, especially since Jiraiya ignored him in favor of searching for said booty. Luckily, Haku was there to talk with him and prevented him to expose their activity.

"We're looking at women having fun, Naruto." Haku answered, trying to look as dignified as possible.

"At expense of everyone's privacy here?! How about Terumi-san, Haku? Was she not beautiful enough for you? I can't believe you will do that to her!" The blonde asked again, still wondering if he should expose the two perverts for this privacy violation or just chewed them out. He was also in shock that Haku would act like this when he already got someone waiting for him. How dare he to cheat on her!

"Well...it's kinda hard to ignore it when my fiancee has been not sending me some. Also, she already said it's okay for me to be a little pervert sometimes."

"Wait, what?" Naruto couldn't believe what Haku said. Either he was sincere, or he mistook her words into something more perverted. Considering how nice a guy that Haku was, he leaned more toward the former, and that fact disturbed him. "Never mind that. It's still wrong to look at girls bathing!"

"Well I also tried to look for both the best and least concerned for privacy, and this hot spring is just happened to be rented today by the gravure team. Some even are proclaimed exhibitionists."

"Let's see..." Naruto reluctantly tried to take a look inside, just to humoring his friend. After all they couldn't be that good right? Hell, he bet that many of them also wear towels to protect their assets. No one can be that shameless and-

Sadly (or not), he was wrong.

"WOOW! They're even sexier than my harem jutsu! Eh-I mean, no! You two perverts! Even with how they're not caring that much and how good-I mean, uh... How dare you!"

"Oh, just admit that you're a pervert too, Naruto!" Jiraiya finally addressed his godson in the worst way possible. He was grumpy enough to find said booty already about to be sank in the water when he found it, and now he had to encounter one of the worst anti-perverts; the in-denial perverts. It did not matter if said pervert was his godson, he could not handle the hypocrisy.

"S-shut up Ero-Sannin! I won't let this go-!"

"Who said that?"

"Good job, Naruto! Now you're going to be hospitalized for weeks without training for your finals!" Jiraiya gritted his teeth, knowing that even with them not caring for decency that much, there's still a chance that they won't let this accident go.

"Girls, girls, relax!"

Jiraiya recognized her. Chirumi, one of the exhibitionist there. His eyes widened comically when said woman rose up, almost showed everything goods but her most private area down there, and he started to hyperventilate when she fondled her own assets so sensually. "Really, who can blame them when we're looking this good. Our face, our boobs. Oooh...my chests are sooo sensitive..."

The trio of pervert, new pervert, and the reluctant pervert passed out with massive bleeding from their noses.

"Honestly Chirumi, I can't tell if your way to deal with perverts are a good thing or not."

"But it did the job, right?"

"Whatever. Asuka, can you check who peeped on us?

Asuka, the more athletic one from the gang, climbed up the fence, and looked at the three figures that just ogled on them. The super pervert that had been peeped at them for how many times, the super feminine boy that just recently moved into Konoha, and Konoha's fox boy that probably, modeled his oiroke no jutsu unknowingly on their photos. She swore he imitated that form from Yui's body.

She let out a sigh, while thanked the good luck that she was the one who got ordered to look around. Anyone else, and it could be used as fuel for prejudice against Naruto. She knew the difference between jailers and convicts, but quiet frankly she didn't know who else on her team that shared the same view. "It's just Jiraiya and some little boys."

"Ah, so everything's like usual. Don't bother, girls. We want that Icha-Icha to be published in time, right?"

And so everyone there agreed that the nose-bleeding was already good enough for punishment.

Especially since some of them now got their own nose-bleeding, lost in fantasy of Jiraiya-sama's newest publication.

-naruto-

"Oooh...my head." Haku said as he rubbed the spot in his head, before he noticed someone missing. "Where's Naruto?"

"He already went back to his apartment to rest." Jiraiya answered, before something took his attention away. "Hmm... it cannot be good."

"Something wrong, Jiraiya-san?"

"I saw that glasses boy somewhere...right! He was the double agent that Sarutobi-sensei mentioned! I wonder where he went now..."

"We need to follow him then. This can mean something bad."

"I guess it's your job, Haku."

Haku was taken back by the sudden order. Why was this super pervert and spy threw his responsibility on him? "Huh? Why me?"

"Kid, that guy's in cahoot with Orochimaru. Probably one of his best too. He would be able to sniff me away from three blocks. I need someone to track him down, and frankly you're the only one with ninja skill and anonymity to do it."

"Well, I already learn how to hide myself from a big fight...but, do you think I-"

"Then you can do it. See you later, kid. I'll make sure to use this opportunity to speed up your probation period." Jiraiya finished his sentence as he warped out, leaving Haku without any choice.

-naruto-

 _Damn it!_ Haku cursed his luck.

The damn bespectacled man was much more elite than even Jiraiya suggested. It had been twenty minutes since Haku took the bait and ended up somewhere else. He just picked up that something was wrong three minutes ago, and now he ran at brisk pace, feared that he already missed the conversation.

And then, he heard the sound of a sword slashed something fleshy. And what he saw on the crime scene made him took a double take.

A Konoha ninja had his blade stuck in the shoulder of a foreigner ninja.

"I must say...Konoha really made some of the best shinobi around. To mastered this technique at such young age."

Several attempts by the Konoha ninja to pull the sword out, and nothing happened. It was clear to Haku that he was outclassed, and not just because he looked like he contracted an acute influenza.

"But...can you withstand the blade of wind, something that cannot be stopped by anything?"

Haku's eyes widened. Wind elemental can cut through almost anything, and its result will be messy The sickly man was in danger, and he had to do something quickly.

The sand Jounin found himself unable to move, let alone finished the proctor. There was no blood spurting aside from his shoulder, and yet he found himself felt like he was dying. It was then when he found several sharp metal objects sprung out of his neck. Needles. "There was...another rat..."

And with that, the man fell into the floor, and said Konoha ninja finally able to pulled his sword out.

"Thanks, kid. Without you I will die already. Name's Gekko Hayate, by the way."

"Yuki Haku. We need to report this to Hokage-sama. Was he talking with someone wearing glasses?"

"Yeah. Yakushi Kabuto. They were talking about alliance to take Konoha down, although I don't know what their motive was." Haku's suspicions that the man was sick proven to be true after he let out a weak cough. "Is he dead?"

"Momentarily. Is that a bad thing? I'm sorry, but I rarely kill my enemies."

"Not really. We need him alive for both interrogation and covering the fact that we know their conversation. If he's dead, then they will become suspicious."

"So why did you slashed him?"

"...I ran out of option." The sick boy did not want to disclose that he was actually panicking at that moment. "But can we interrogate him in few hours before we return him back to his team? We have so little options here."

"Thank god you're here, Haku. I tried to track Kabuto, but he managed to get my dogs off the track. Without you our special Jounin here would be dead."

"Kakashi-san."

-naruto-

Seriously. With all these near-losses, and now I would've failed without help, sooner or later I would need to have someone who hold my secret so I can tell them my plans.

"What shall we do with him?"

"I'll take care of it. You'd better hide yourself until the finals, Hayate. If he see you somewhere, he'll know that something wrong happened to his plans."

"So we're just going to make him think that he managed to kill me?" Hayate asked incredulously before he let out a cough, "What about discovering the plans and reason to do this?"

"Actually, Hokage-sama asked me yesterday if I can help him convince the Wind Daimyou to stop giving their missions to us since our shinobi force's already stretched out thin as it is. I think that's the main reason for them to destroy us. You know things are bad when the daimyou trusting their money's worth more on anyone else."

"So it's all for money?" Haku was in disbelief, unable to accept that reason for war and invasion could be that petty.

"More like economy, if we play the devil's advocate. Although I'm not sure where Suna get the idea that destroying Konoha will return the mission priorities back to them. Going through their desert alone was already taxing, and there were little post services there that could effectively send messages and requests. Hell, maybe they set their price too high as well to the point that their Daimyou had no choice.."

"Sir, I'm not one to talk about this, but we already refused to accept low-level missions from Kaze country due to safety reasons, and that was the bulk of Kaze no Kuni's request before they wised up. If Suna still haven't get their jobs back to satisfying level..."

"...Oh dear. This is not good." I realized how bad everything could be.

"This all can't just be fixed with us cleared up everything with them?"

"Haku, we had history of animosities against Suna. At this point they cannot be reasoned with unless we got the concrete proofs. And the one who can benefits from this outsourcing of jobs the most, is Amegakure, who bordered near Suna."

"Which is virtually impenetrable. And not friendly to anyone to boot."

I shaked my head to get the hopeless feeling off. The situation was dire, preventing it was basically impossible, and Pein benefited from it the most. "We need to do our best: preparing ourselves against them. Sadly war is unpreventable unless a miracle happened."

"War..."

"I'll mention this to ANBU. They may be able to infiltrate Suna and do something with the war."

"Go. Haku, tell this to Hokage-sama."

Haku did not even say anything. Looked like he did not want bloodshed.

Well, no one wanted it. Except the bloodthirsty warriors.

"Now what should I do with you..."

-naruto-

"...Since he was not conscious, I had to plant a fake memories on him, and I...used that seal made by Yamanaka clan to make sure he won't find it, so maybe..."

"No sign of Kabuto?" Hokage asked, while implied to me that there won't be any repercussion.

"I think he was running away from me, sir. He underestimated our resources, and nearly lost everything in the process. Maybe the war from Orochimaru's side can be-"

"I'm afraid not. Orochimaru is a mad man, he probably wanted to invade us just because he thought this village has gone too soft."

Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Although I actually wanted to say that the war from his side can be averted by virtue of him got embarrassed too much. "Well, I guess the kids will not happen then."

"Orochimaru settle down and having kids is as possible as Onoki replicated Minato's seals." Sarutobi-sama snarked at the situation. "If only there's a way to remove the current Wind Daimyo. I never like that guy, anyway. Who on earth wanted to get someone else running across deserts just because they're two ryo more cheap thanks to some loopholes?"

"So he's not unpopular enough to get assassinated while everyone cheered for his death?" I remarked

"Unfortunately, his populist retorts are still...popular. And the only thing that could make it is if he's responsible for something big, like..." The upcoming war itself. "Oh, dear. Everything will have to go through hell before it gets better."

"...If only we knew about it since a long time ago."

"I never bothered to find out if they stopped outsourcing missions to somewhere else. I mean, it's not illegal to do so, but there's a reason why Konoha rarely accept missions from places with harsh landscapes like Suna unless it's absolute necessary."

"Should I rejoin ANBU momentarily? Hayate was making plans with them right now."

"We don't have much else to protect Sasuke and guide him through, unfortunately. Especially one he can trust. That's your mission now."

I nodded and walked out of the office to get to my training spot as fast as I could.

So it's absolutely inevitable now. And I had to think of someone who could handle my secrets. Preferably one with strength above mine.

Hmm...could Jiraiya handle the story?

-naruto-

And so that's the end.

Also, with the current polling, the medical info from Orochimaru would be the key to end this madness. Don't worry for people who want Kushina and Minato to get importance in this story, because they'll get it too. Just not as the game changer.


	14. How to Meet a Fox

"Well that was hot as hell! How are you doing, Naruto?" Said Jiraiya, who caught the playful act between all those girls. It was even hotter than what he could got in those brothels!

"Why are we still here? Just to suffer?"

"Uh, you okay, gaki?"

"I have no talent, and I have to scream. Don't you think so, Jiraiya? Hehehehe. Am I really too sexy for my talents, sir? Or, was it stupid? Hahahahaha...WAAAA-"

Jiraiya knocked the crazed Naruto out before he could wail further. He then sighed as the tadpole started to grow his second leg. Once again Naruto showed that he's both surprisingly talented and incredibly talentless at the same time. The little guy somehow managed to get a just hatched tadpole as his first companion in his first try. You were supposed to summon random toads before you get the big ones, not to pick one as your companion.

"Huh...It seems like the Kyuubi really messed with his ability to summon stuffs."

"And I am still not agreeing with throwing him off the waterfall to force him to summon the toad. Are you really willing to throw his life away, Master Jiraiya?" Asked Ebisu, who decided to monitor Naruto's training with Jiraiya. And he was not happy with the plan B, which was basically threw Naruto off the cliff so he would summon the big one, and unlock the ability to draw Kyuubi's chakra in the process. Said Kyuubi chakra had many potential, both to train his durability with experiencing that much chakra, and as a failsafe against Neji in case that all his chakra points were locked.

"The Kyuubi will keep him alive." Jiraiya retorted.

"And he won't forgive you if this means he'll miss his Final exam while recovering. You know that he's fighting more than just to wipe the smug Hyuuga's face, right Master Jiraiya?"

"Yes. It's to avenge his friend." Jiraiya said solemnly, before his face contorted into something perverted. "In fact, I am more than ready to write books about the love that will blossom between him, the Hyuuga princess that he avenged, and Cherry Blossom that realized her love after he started to take interest in another girl! Oh, it's gonna be my best book ever!"

Ebisu got a nosebleed, knowing that the draft made Hinata into some voluptuous goddess that rivaled even Tsunade, and Sakura into the one with sexiest behind in the region. Oh, he was so glad that he punted Konohamaru to Iruka for a while. All those sneaking to glance at the Icha-Icha drafts were really worth it. "Oh, that's so expected of you, Jiraiya-sama! Eh, I mean no! That's not what I meant! This fight is his first chance to show his ability in front of unbiased audience since they will be filled with our Shinobi and visitors from other villages. Do you think he'll appreciate that his first big fight will have him cheated with the Kyuubi to fight Neji? Think about the possibility that he thought he won not from his own talent, sir. It could turn him depressed!"

"I know the most about that seal after Minato, and frankly this is the only way!" Jiraiya snapped, before he relented and decided to just tell everything. "The thing is, Naruto took after his mother who took a long time to show her talents, and even she didn't look so...hopeless. So I take a look after Minato's design, and found that it will severely crippled Naruto's chakra stability until someone jump-started his chakra with Kyuubi, several times. Making him capable of using Kyuubi is not me giving him some cheat codes in life, it also me give him a right that was stolen from him, and that was his rights to become a great ninja, a rights that had been stolen from him when Minato sealed the Kyuubi. Naruto mastering the Kyuubi, is the only way for him to become The Shinobi that he always wanted."

"I see...wait a minute." Ebisu said after he realized something that Jiraiya said. "So you know Naruto's mother, Jiraiya-sama? Mind telling me who she was?"

"She was a proof that not everyone born ugly will stay like that." Said Jiraiya, obviously enjoyed the nostalgia. " The tomato girl, Kushina. One of the most violent girl that I have ever see. Even when she was 14 I still couldn't see what Minato see on her. And when I took a three years break, and come back to vouch for Minato as Hokage, that girl's beauty, reminded me that Tsunade used to be flat as broad. She was so pretty that I apologized to Minato for mocking his taste in girls. Even matured to the point she became a really sweet woman, instead of the brutal tomboy that she used to be. Well, there were times when she still hit people, but that personality still took a big improvement."

"Maturity can be a real gift." Jiraiya nodded to the remark. However, it did not take a long time to Ebisu to realize something from it. "Wait a darn minute. Are you talking about that same beautiful redhead that Minato married? You telling me now that The Fourth is Naruto's father, and Uzumaki Kushina is his mother?"

"The hell?! Are you telling me you didn't know? Look at his fucking hair, that is all from Minato's! How the hell did you missed it?"

The Special Jounin glanced back between the Hokage mountain and the unconscious Uzumaki, and much to his horror, he found the truth. "Oh shit! It's really him!"

"You fucking dumbass!" Ebisu now found himself grasping for breath as Jiraiya choked and shook him in anger. "I knew you used to scoff at the sight of my brat! Are you telling me that my godson have been mistreated because this village's this idiotic? You make me almost glad that I took the spy duty instead of looking for my godson out of sorrow! I thought you all were really ungrateful to his last request, not because you were this stupid! And worst of all, I don't know which one's the worst!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I was so blinded with my hatred against the fox that I could not see it with my own eyes!"

"Maa, to see someone finally realized the similarity is always hilarious to me. Then again, it only happened to Teuchi and Anko...or, is there someone else?"

"Kakashi! What are you doing here? I thought you have to guard Sasuke from Orochimaru?" Jiraiya asked as he released the poor special Jounin from his grasp.

"Taking a weekly check to my favorite student. And don't worry, I'm just a clone, the real Kakashi's still training Sasuke." The cyclop Jounin explained.

"You're not worried about running out of chakra? You can barely make two Kage Bunshin."

"Nah, I'm fighting with taijutsu currently. Anything else you need to talk with me now?"

"It seems that Jiraiya-sama somehow thought that throwing his godson off the cliff will make a good plan B to accelerate his summoning training. I vehemently disagreed, but he make a good point about the possibility that Naruto needs to unlock the Kyuubi chakra for his own growth. If I may ask, what do you have in mind regarding this last resort?"

"Hmm..." The clone thinking for a while, before he made a decision. "I think the training can be modified to give Naruto better chance to survive..."

* * *

"Ooh...my head..."

"So Sasuke, you need something similar with this oil to improve your fire damage and duration..."

"Hn...so, should I smear Gaara with the oil, or use it to enhance my range instead?"

"Hey! Where am I? Are you abandoning me for Sasuke, ero-sannin?" Said Naruto, feared that Jiraiya have abandoned him due to his lacks of talents and now teaching Sasuke instead.

"Ah, Naruto! Don't worry, son, I'm just giving Sasuke some advice after I take a look at his seal."

"Eh? Wouldn't that violate the rule since we supposed to not see each others' new skills? And why it's so dark here?"

"Oh, that's because you're trapped in a barrel." Kakashi explained.

"WHAT?"

"You don't have to be worry. You won't be able to see what Sasuke's doing now, anyway." Ebisu added.

"That's not what I'm concerned with now, you closeted pervert!"

"Now, now, Naruto. At least it's better than my plan to throw you off the cliff."

"Are you crazy? That's going to kill me when something's going wrong, ero-sannin! Oh, you'll get a foot up your ass soon, you crazy bastard!" The barrel shook like crazy, obviously its forced occupant wanted to break out to get revenge.

"Relax, Naruto. All you need is to summon something big enough to break the barrel. And don't even think of using Shadow Clones for it, I've sealed it so you can only use something with very solid body. Even your enhanced clones won't be able to last there."

"Think about it, Naruto. If you're injured thanks to this training, then you don't deserve to be promoted anyway." The one-eyed Jounin explained.

"Okay, okay! I'll do it." Said Naruto, before he added one more thing. "Just so you know, I'm going to wait you three in hell if this killed me!"

"Don't worry, dobe. Your denseness will did a good thing this time."

"You too, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted, obviously did not appreciate what he said.

"Just in case you wondered, Naruto, this one is not my fault."

"Huh? You mean there are more assholes that involved in-"

"You talked too much, gaki!" Jiraiya said as he pressed a button, caused the river to somehow become even faster. And with that, he released Naruto's safety mechanism. "Good luck, my brat!"

With that, Naruto yelled his lung out.

* * *

Yamato cried in joy at the sight of his own creation.

The waterpark of Yamato, was truly a construction to be behold.

Well, as soon as he painted it and made the rest of the slide, then everyone else can see the same beauty that he was so proud of. But otherwise, he thought that he did a good job.

"What color I should give it, Sakura?"

"How about blue?"

"Nah, I think green is the better color." Said a certain voluptous woman in trench coat. She had been teaching Sakura, who decided to forfeit or not in the exam.

"Relax, girls. There will be another slide, so both colors will be used. But for now, let's see if my creation can do its job."

"...Um, Yamato-san? I think it's really looked ugly with the original color. Well, I mean your houses are nice, but...this one isn't." Sakura quickly added to avoid making the guy angry.

"Well, you may have a point. Maybe we should-"

"AAAAAAAAH!"

"Oh, poo. They already did it without calling for my permission first."

"I-is that Naruto?" Sakura asked in fear for his safety.

"Yup. And my first tester as well. Let's hope that he'll summon his big frog in time before he reached the end. Oh, wait. If he made it in the track, he could destroy it. Should he just do it when he fall?"

"Is that all you have in mind?!" The pink-haired girl screeched in frustration.

"Goddamn, you really are obsessed with construction." Said Anko, somehow chagrined by Yamato's newly found hobby.

"No, no! I want him to be safe, but I also want the slide to stay intact. Naruto! Don't use the biggest toad there! Something twice your size should be e-"

Unfortunately, Naruto already went freefall before Yamato finished his sentence.

* * *

"Uugh...where am I?"

Naruto looked around at his rather damp surrounding, and he found that the floor was flooded. His first thought, however, was not the flood, but rather the much more warm end behind him.

Turned around, the young boy decided to search for that warmth first. Slowly, the flood disappeared, and so did the damp feeling.

When he reached that room, Naruto found collections of everything he cherished, almost like his own little museum. His first good memory when Jiji took him to Ichiraku for the first time, his now certain memories of Hinata and several other students actually looked for him, his time with ANBU and Kakashi, and of course, his time as a ninja, where not only he found that he was never being lonely, but also had people who cared for him finally able to show how much they cared, including many civilians that he thought had nothing but contempt at him, as if he was lower than dirt.

Smiled slightly, Naruto's resolve strengthened after he looked at the good memories that was stored in that room. He then walked to the other end of the hallway, hoped to find something good, despite his fear. After all, even his dimwitted mind made a remark that the flood was probably a reminder of his pain from being so lonely for many years. Whatever waited for him in the other room could be incredibly painful.

The blonde Jinchuuriki frowned slightly when he found the T-junction. The left of it left an incredibly cold aura, probably stored his worst memories and hatred. Decided to avoid visiting that room at all cost until it was unavoidable, Uzumaki Naruto went to the right way instead.

He found a large cage, with something titanic inside it.

 **"So...my jailer decided to visit me."**

"The...The...The Kyuubi?"

 **"The one and only. And don't say anything, I know you are only here because you're going to die. Tell me. How? You choked on those ramen? Your genital caught on fire because you tried to extinguish your roast with your little manhood? Or you got food poisoning because you didn't bother to check the expiration date?"** Kyuubi taunted, knowing his tenant's stupidity. **  
**

"Shut up! I got sealed by my crazy godfather in a barrel, and he threw me into a waterfall! Now we're falling to the ground as we speak, and we have not much time!"

 **"Well, we actually have plenty of time since a second outside means a minute here if I want to..."**

"Oh! Come on!" Naruto whined.

 **"Just kidding. Here. Take my power. Do whatever you want with it to save yourself."**

Naruto suddenly got energized. He felt like he could do anything with the new energy that he had. It was a no wonder why he strived to become stronger and stronger. The thrill when he managed to reach the goal was amazing! "Thanks, Kyuubi! You know, for a big bad fox you're not so grumpy!" Naruto added, surprised that the fox was even helpful, let alone tried to joke around him.

 **"Yeah, yeah whatever."** Said the Kyuubi, before he added something. **"Oh. So I can do that. Mind me if I take a hike with you?"**

"Huh? Wha..."

* * *

I could see that big smoke, which meant that Naruto succeed in drawing the Kurama's chakra.

Indeed. That was Gamabunta. Mission accomplished. And ooh boy, me and Yamato's going to be rich! That slide's surely have been verified by Anko's-

Kurama? How the hell did it come here together with the toad?

Oh, dear. This was the worst kind of alternate scenario...

Jiraiya-sama, miscalculated the strength of Naruto's seal.

"No...it's not supposed to be like this." Jiraiya said, in even much worse horror than me. Meanwhile, Ebisu went comatose just from the sheer trauma of recognizing that evil aura so close. Naruto himself was already unconscious, definitely from being strained by the summons. It couldn't be good.

Before Sasuke asked anything, I already made him sleep with my sharingan in an attempt to make him thought the big bad fox was just a weird dream. I assumed that Anko did the same thing with Sakura, since she now carried her away from the area.

As Jiraiya launched himself to the Kurama, Tenzo approached the nine-tailed fox to suppress him. Myself charged a raikiri. It might not did anything to the powerful beast, and unlike Jiraiya I won't have a chance to survive this alone if the bijuu managed to land a hit on me, but this was the only thing I could do, and as a ninja, I won't ran away from any-

 **"Who summoned me? Oh. Hi, Kyuubi!"**

 **"Ah, Gamabunta. Such a nice day to feel freedom after years of being locked away, right?"**

Jiraiya ended up miscalculated his steps, I ended up electrocuted myself with the raikiri, and Yamato was so surprised, his wood jutsu ended up curved and hit Jiraiya to the cliff instead.

Man, what the hell is going on here? How did Gamabunta ended up being friendly toward the fox?

* * *

"So you're telling me that you have come to respect Minato-san and Kushina-san, you proved that you could behave to the point you are free from your cage in Kushina-san's mind, and even he allowed you to the land of the toads to get some friends. And Minato knew that your sudden hostile behavior is not the norm, so he didn't bother to make extra seals against you. Is that correct?"

 **"I definitely have to say yes."**

Damn you, Jiraiya. Why was I alone with this intimidating monstrous embodiment of chakra? Good thing that Kyuubi already entered Naruto again before I interrogated him. But talked with his clone alone already drained my sanity. His chakra felt so...tainted. No, I couldn't call it evil since Kurama's not evil. But this guy's almost like a personification of malevolence. No wonder humans resented the bijuus.

"Well, this is a very good news. The big bad fox is not that bad after all. But why did you went on rampage?"

 **"You have that cursed eye, right?"** I nodded. **"That's exactly what happened. Fully evolved Sharingan is basically an overpowered gift. Even without going Mangekyo, those eyes can disrupt my chakra flows, enough to make me retreat for a while. And Mangekyo...that damned eye. It forced me do things I won't bother to do, even when I stepped on elephant's poo!"**

"Somehow, I can relate to that. Is it Madara?"

 **"If it is him, then there's something changed about him. Madara controlled me once, and that masked man was more...pitiful. Almost like there was a sense of lost and betrayal happened to him, instead of just a vindictive desire. Either Madara grieved for something before returned, or he hijacked someone's body. But hey, what can I say? I'm not an investigator, so take what I said with a grain of salt."**

"We'll take a note on that, regardless." I said despite knowing the truth already. "So...what was Naruto supposed to do? You already know that not all humans are bastards, and you're certainly not purely malevolent. Doesn't that means that you can give Naruto your power already?"

 **"Not so fast. First of all, Naruto's not strong enough, which should be obvious. This means that he won't be able to control my power. Also, Minato only sealed part of me in Naruto, because he knew a baby's chakra system won't be able to control me no matter if he sealed it in Uzumaki. He hid the Yin part of me somewhere else, and that other part's much more resentful of humanity, even desiring its death."**

"So he deliberately put your even more malevolent half with Shinigami-sama since it would put Naruto in harm?"

 **"Exactly. My Yin-half, if anything, would be Naruto's real challenge. Locating itself would be a pain in the ass since Minato asked Shinigami-sama to seal it with his soul, which means that Naruto have to somehow contact the Shinigami, and Naruto would have to defeat the other me. And to do that, he had to face himself."**

"By that, he means his own doubts?"

 **"How did you guess everything correctly so far?" I didn't budge despite his demanding tone, and the fox let the insanely correct guess go. "Well, it's something like that. But it could be even worse since negative feelings could turn into something hateful. So instead of consoling a crying child who wished to have friend, he'll have to fight something...murderous."**

Yeah, I already know that. "So Naruto have to fight himself. And it's probably going to become an eternal struggle unless he figure something from it."

 **"That's right. And Kakashi?"**

"Yes?"

 **"Minato and Kushina's in me somewhere. Find them, they will be very useful for Naruto."**

With that, the clone dispersed. And I took a little consideration on what he said. Would it be just the same with what happened in canon where they help him to suppress Kurama, or it would be something different? Or what if...they became his stands!

Oh, wait. This wasn't Jojo.

Man, all the changes, while favorable, were too crazy for my own good. What's next? Neji's father turned out to be alive? Ha! As if.

* * *

Fuck. My. Life.

That was Hinata's uncle, aka Neji's father, visiting his niece secretly. And I accidentally found him when I about to visit Naruto.

What the hell is going on here?

"Ah, Kakashi. Long time no see."

"How...did you..."

"As it turned out, the Hyuuga abduction plan wasn't made by A, and not by his predecessor either. So when he found out about it, he became...furious. But alas, he couldn't just take out the conspirators since they had enough influence to create civil war in Kumo. So...they had to pretend that they really tried to take my byakugan, and my seal protected the eyes. I went hiding here and there, sometimes trained with B. But to honor my devotion to my village, I never took any mission under their name." The assumed dead man explained.

"So I assume that they only managed to take the conspirators recently. What now?"

"Let's just say that I am now a...living bargain. If Konoha decided that they couldn't make a deal with Kumo to get me back, then I'd just return to my old job back."

"Maa, it might sound like me bugging you too much, but what's your new job?"

"Lyrical eemcee." Wut? "Aaah, I hope that Konoha really need me back. B's rhymes are whack. And I'm fed up with teaching that wanksta. Guru deserves more, 'cause his rhyme makes all relax..."

As Hizashi left me while rapping some lines that suspiciously sounded like something from Gang Starr, I asked myself:

Why. Just why.

* * *

"So remember, Sasuke. This jutsu's only usable for like four times on your current physical ability for now. Don't use more than my recommendation, or else you'll lose control of your seal."

Sasuke nodded, before he said, "What Itachi used as summons?"

I took a long breath. I knew the question would come as soon as Sasuke saw Gamabunta. "Crows. Mostly to confuse opponents instead of direct combat."

"Hn. How do I get one?"

"Either by asking one of the summoner to give you a contract, or by exploring some areas where you can find one. Those animals have anomalies, from ability to talk to being much larger than usual. However," I warned my cute little avenger, "Let's finish your training first. We can find your animal affinity later. It could be like my dogs that are useful to find and immobilize enemies, or something as destructive as Jiraiya-sama's toads."

"What do you think it would be?"

"Hmm...a giant eagle?" I 'speculated'. "Well it would be better for you to learn from someone who already have a summon. You could ended up being in a very hostile region. So if you want to get an original one...you better get stronger first."

Sasuke nodded, satisfied with my answer...I hope so.

* * *

Next: The Finals!

Also, sorry for the long delay of the updates, but I had to finish my college. Now I am free! Yay!

At least before I got a job...


	15. Naruto vs Neji!

_Three days before the Finals..._

Well, all have gone well. So well that I took a two days break.

Sasuke got his Chidori, Electric Shunshin, Electric Shuriken, and drastically increased chakra that he'd be able to use Chidori for 6 times. In fact, I think he could use Raikiri now if he went to overwork his lightning element for the last three days! Maybe he created Flame Cutter instead considering his Uchiha heritage? Regardless, I also told him that Orochimaru was a crazy psychopathic researcher with creepy obsession with children, and the little avenger now scared of approaching that snake with 50 foot pole.

Man, I was a good teacher. What could go wrong now?

"Sensei! Sensei!" Naruto yelled my name, before he hugged me from behind. The boy was terrified for some reasons. "I'm so scared, Nii-chan!"

"Calm down, Naruto." I motioned for him to sit down. "What's wrong?"

"I and Shikamaru met Gaara and he tried to kill Rock Lee but we stopped him like a hero that I am and he start to speak about how he kill people to get recognized or something but I noticed something evil inside him and it tried to speak with me it was so weird and and and...I am so scared Sensei!"

"Uh, are you telling me that you somehow noticed that there's something evil in Gaara, and it tried to communicate with you?" Naruto nodded. "Well, I don't know if it's really what happened, but it's possible that after you unlocked your connection with the fox, something inside Gaara wanted to talk to you."

"G...Gaara's someone like me? Oh dear." Naruto said before he slumped to the ground, seemed like. "Those eyes are because he couldn't sleep, isn't it?"

"Maybe..."

"What should we do, sensei? It's almost certain now that unlike me, he has gone insane from the hatred, especially when the guy suffered from no sleeping too. I mean, I know when that happened to me. But should we really take his life?"

"If we are determined enough to do the best, then no tormented soul shall die." I ruffled his hair, and Naruto now understood that he had to try. "Wait, you were talking about no sleep too. Was it when one of the orphanage's bigoted caretaker kicked you out?"

"Uh, yeah. Although it's not that I couldn't sleep in the street- I once sleep accidentally in the sewer in a solo mission and I'm not complaining. It's because the people who taken care of me temporarily were very loud at night. I thought they were fighting each others since the furniture's always creaking, but come to think of it, the screaming make it looks like they enjoyed it too much to be fighting. So what were they actually up to?"

Luckily, they gave the bird and the bees at academy, so Naruto's probably just too slow to recognize it. "Uh, Naruto. They were making love. Probably in many places too."

"...Oh god! Now I know why they smelled so gooey every night! They never went to bath after sex, I tell you! Bleh!"

"Well, it's a good thing now you know more about adult life. You are still not eligible to do missions that involve prostitution, but knowing about it won't hurt. Hmm, maybe now you can spot which one who just 'did' it so we know where our target went or..."

"Use your dog, sensei! I'm not going to smell them for you! Ugh!" Naruto stomped out of the conversation, already forgot about his fellow Jinchuuriki.

Well, that went well.

And now, I can actually report it to Hokage...

* * *

 _The day for the Finals..._

"Okay. I am ready to kick Neji's ass!" Naruto boasted to himself. He knew the basics; that Neji's a short-range fighter, and as fellow short range fighter, this meant that his only chance was to stun the pretty boy with whatever he had before doing his own ass-kicking.

"G-good luck, Naruto-kun." Said Hinata from behind a training log, she still felt a little unwell, but as long as she didn't exert herself, she should be fine.

"Ah, Hinata-chan! You should be resting in hospital!" Naruto exclaimed after seeing her bruised fists, they were new.

"N-no, Naruto-kun. You cheered me against Neji, so this is how I repay you. And even if I lost, I-I...I feel motivated. In that match, when I adopted your Shinobi way as mine, I feel like I could do it. No wonder you're so brave, Naruto-kun."

"Eh, is that so? I mean, sometimes I feel I have to be loud to not dwell on my failure, so I wonder how much of me is really that brave..."

"But you're always getting back on your feet. You failed your exam three times, and now you progressed further than Kiba. T-t-that's what I call real strength." Hinata proclaimed, and her crush, who looked a little down, looked reinvigorated thanks to her word.

"You're right! I feel worse this morning since your cousin is such a strong guy, I don't know if I can win, but thanks to you I feel better now!" Naruto proclaimed, and walked for a little before he turned around. "Hey, I don't want to sound weird, but you're really adorable when you blush!" And with that, Naruto went off to the stadium.

"N-N-Naruto think I am a-a-adorable..." Hinata said before she slumped to the ground, rested herself to stop from fainting and ended up being carried to the hospital.

In his way, the blonde Jinchuuriki noticed the mad cackling of Yamato, who was so proud of his own creation, the stadium of Konoha. This confused Naruto; the stadium was indeed a beautiful thing that was made by one person, but very mundane compared to any crazy stuffs that he created. Any proficient earth-jutsu user could make it if they had to.

He then sweatdropped when the stadium ended up rotating 1080 degrees, all the while the wood user proclaimed about how he was a genius for inventing a moving stadium, ignoring the scream of the poor occupants inside.

"Okay, someone need to tell him that this hobby have gone too far."

"Hey, kid." A certain reporter approached Naruto. He then did the familiar eye-smile, gave away his actual identity, and whispered, "Good luck in your match. Also, Kyuubi could heal all your scars and-"

"OH KAMI-SAMA! NOW I KNOW KAKA-" The boisterous blonde kid had to get his mouth clamped by the disguised bunshin.

* * *

 _Sometimes later, in the ongoing match between Neji vs Naruto..._

"It's futile." Said Neji after he dispatched all of his opponent's clones. "At the end, only those who destined to become great people shall become important, including Hokage. For others, they share only one fate: death."

 _"Well Naruto's condition hid the fact that he actually have great potential himself. It's just that the condition made him actually have to really earn it instead of 'merely' having to hone it,"_ Kakashi's clone thought.

"Fate this, fate that. I'm not good in giving up, and I won't give up just to succumb to your fate bullshit!" The blonde Jinchuuriki then made much more clones than before, and while it impressed most, some tacticians felt that he just shot up his chance to defeat Neji by just drawing out the fight until Neji couldn't keep up anymore. Now both of them were almost on par in stamina reserves.

Naruto, unfortunately, was still no match for Neji speed wisely, and as a result the Hyuuga prodigy managed to fend off the clones army. A clone, somewhat stronger than usual, managed to hold his ground and tried to grab their opponent's arm, but Neji just hit it again. He now struck the obvious: the Naruto that stood still like a sore thumb.

"I told you a fated loser is no match for me."

"Hehehe...you should've take a note on what happened earlier..."

Naruto then spat his blood into his opponent's face, and it turned out that the blood was actually hot sauce. He then poofed into non-existence, showed that it was merely a stronger than usual clone that was able to tank several hits before disappear. Had Neji was not so up his own ass, he would've at least took a note on that similarly stronger than average clone. But alas, he was too shocked to even thought of his mistake.

"GYAAAH! MY EYES! I'M BLIND!"

The Naruto army then barged on the temporarily blinded and distracted Hyuuga, pummeled him from every angle. It would have impressed everyone...if it wasn't for the stupidities that proceeded and upstaged it, included Neji's lost of dignity over being temporarily blinded.

"I can't believe it! Naruto's going to win with that stupid sauce trick?"

"Hey, it's not stupid if it work!" Kiba proclaimed, having his respect toward the blonde Jinchuuriki skyrocketed after the boy defeated him by unsealed a pile of dog's manure to make his enemy fell ill from the smell, and used the distraction to turn into Kiba and make him and Akamaru confused. The fact that all those seemingly pathetic attempts to bodyslam Kiba was actually to mask his odor impressed the Inuzuka after his own introspection.

Unfortunately, before Naruto finished the freefall Neji with an uppercut, he had to retreat as Neji finished his clones with something that he hadn't seen before.

Neji was rotating so fast, he ended up creating a barrier sphere. Said barrier also returned blows by the available clones, turned their attack futile.

"T...that technique's supposed to be for the heir of the clan! For him to use that in midair while being blinded...Neji, you're really something else."

"Neji-san..." Hanabi, Hiashi's daughter who still switching between an unusually adorable Hyuuga and your usual dour, stoic royalty, was impressed by the display.

"Thank kami, I am still able to see." Neji proclaimed as his vision returned. He then turned around, and seethed in rage over what the blonde idiot had done to him. "You. Idiot. A shame to every morons and clowns in this plane of existence. I will shatter your dreams once and for all!" He threatened with such a rage, his opponent was intimidated and forgot that he was a ninja. As a result, Naruto ended up being on the wrathful Hyuuga's range before he even made a step.

Despite still not able to see clearly, Neji still managed to close Naruto's pressure points with every palm taps. Not satisfied, hethen went to the low blow...literally.

"MY BALLS! AAAAAH!" Screamed Naruto after Neji Jyuuken him in that area.

"NOOO! NARUTO-KUN'S FUTURE CHILDREN AND MINE!" Hinata screamed, and the crowd ended up noticed her outburst. "Uh, I mean...cough! Cough! I think I need some assistance here..." Said Hinata before she 'fainted'. Well, she actually did need an immediate assistance to be ready for her, but as long as she didn't faint for real doctor said she would be fine and-

"Come on, Hinata. We all know that you like Naruto. It's not shocking that you want to marry the idiot!" Ino stated the truth without pulling any punch.

"E-Everyone know? EEEP!" And with that, the heiress fainted for real, forced Kiba to search for a medic. Good thing that Naruto was too much in pain to hear what Hinata said.

"...Okay, that was a little weird, I have to admit. Now, Naruto Uzumaki...I have locked all your tenketsu. And as what just I said, despite your trickery, fate is still on my side."

"Oh, screw you! I know you are so drunk on the fact that you are Konoha's prodigy, but do you really have to judge everyone else's fate?"

"Of course." Neji said before he exposed his forehead, and everyone were surprised by what they seen.

A swastika symbol. Good thing that Neji was living in a feudal ninja world, because that symbol would make people mistook him as some kind of supremacist extremist in other reality.

"See this symbol? Me and my father have this, the mark of the branch members of Hyuuga clan that put us in lower position compared to the main house. This is despite my father being as talented as Hiashi-sama, my own uncle, and in spite of my own talents far surpassed Hinata-sama, and perhaps even everyone else on my age. All because my father's a twin brother to the heir of the clan, that was born late. And, they chose to send my father to Kumo to act as Hiashi-sama to 'explain' stuffs, and when he wasn't coming back, I realized that they sent him to his death, to protect his leader, despite being suited to replace Hiashi-sama himself." Neji gave the story of his life, before he wore his headband again and pointed at Naruto, "This is my prove, that people's fate have been set in stone, no matter how unfair it is! And what chance you have to deny your destiny, for you are one of the worst ninja in your own generation, when myself's unable to do so?!"

"Cry me a river, Neji! You're not the only one with burden here!" Naruto said, before he realized that he almost spilled a certainly much worse secret, and decided to verbally trashed Neji with something else that he also noticed. "And you're a fucking hypocrite too! You are fighting your own fate as the clan's butler, isn't that why you're so hostile to Hinata, huh Neji? At the end yourself also want to escape your supposed destiny!"

"I...If you think you can overwhelm your own destiny, then defeat me." Neji challenged, while noticed that his own resolve shaken after what Naruto said.

It looked simple: beat Neji, and many personal problems would be solved in one day. The problem was, he couldn't even sense his own chakra; how was he going to defeat the guy? Asking some from Kyuubi?

 **"Need a chakra boost, brat?"**

 _"Kyuubi! Of course I need it now! Hey, maybe you can fix my pee-pee too? Kakashi-sensei said your chakra healed some of my scars. My balls' hurting so much, oow..."_

 **"Don't worry. It's on the way now."** Kyuubi reassured Naruto, and he could feel the power from when he summoned Gamabunta returned, probably even stronger.

Everybody was taken back by the chakra that surged into Naruto, as it was far more malevolent than his usual chakra. The Hyuuga clan that observed the match was shoked by the dark chakra, and the older audience had a good idea on what happened to Naruto.

He tapped into the Kyuubi's chakra, and powered himself with it. It was such a horrifying feeling that everyone used their abilities to see better what actually happened, including Hyuugas and their Byakugan, the arrogant prodigy included.

 _"HE...HE HEALED HIS DAMAGES WITH THAT FOUL CHAKRA?!"_ Neji noticed what happened to Naruto's body, before he noticed something that he shouldn't observed so much. _"KAMI SAMA_! _IS NARUTO ACTUALLY FATED TO BE A PORN STAR?!"  
_

"You're going down, asshole!" Naruto screamed, he was too much in adrenaline to notice that there was a huge bulge in his pants, courtesy of his blood being pumped to every muscles in his body thanks to that chakra boost. Unfortunately everyone else did. Especially when one of Yamato's brightest idea was to put a big screen in the stadium, and when the blood started to pump, it was too late for the cameraman to change the angle.

"KYAAA!" Several prudish females in the audience screeched over the lewd sight in front of them. Meanwhile, many others wanted to puke; the sight of a 13 years old boy having an equipment almost as large as adults made them rather ill. That being said, many of the audience decided to 'examine' the scene thoroughly.

"Hmph. Kakashi's much larger than that. Still impressive, though." Anko proudly stated, not noticing the ill look from both Kages, and Kazekage muttered about how that cursed pedophilia accusations still hurting his karma till this day.

"No wonder Hinata likes him..." Sakura and Ino said in unison, it was obvious that those Sasuke imagination spots prepared them to see Naruto being manlier than usual, and it wasn't just his 'equipment'; the usually idiotic boy looked like Mr. Hunk with his muscles pumped to the maximum. Granted, he could attract some girls had he wasn't such a loud idiot, but this event actually made him look as one of Konoha's Desirable.

"At least this proved that the Uzumaki kid is not the fox, since he still focused on kicking Neji's ass..." Said a Shinobi before he grinned at a friend that still had that mindset.

"You are short-range fighter, right? Well I'll beat you in your own game!" Naruto shouted as he charged at Neji, who already rotated to shield himself from the upcoming attack and possibility of a big sausage rammed at him accidentally.

The long haired pretty boy's still able to stood his ground against the re-invigorated Naruto, but it was obvious that Naruto's raw power exceeded him. Neji soon realized, that Naruto actually able to stop his rotation with his sheer power alone. Slightly panicking, he threw several shurikens to his blonde opponent, but he hit nothing but tree. Rotated several times futilely, he then reversed his course to search for the blonde, despite it cancelled some of the strength of his shield.

Much to his horror, Naruto already close to him.

"If you think you can't change the Hyuuga because it is impossible, then once I become the Hokage, I will!" The only blonde Uzumaki screamed before he clashed into his enemy, who was forced to add every available chakra on his palm to protect himself from the inevitable clash. It resulted in a big cloud of dust that no one able to see clearly what happened in the area.

When the cloud started to disappear, they could see two big craters made from the clash.

"Woah! Look at those huge craters!"

"I wonder who won this match..."

"I can see it now." A boy walked out of one of the crater, and it wasn't the very loud blonde. "I can see why you are so stubborn and refusing your own destiny."

Sakura only shook her head, before gave a bitter smile. At least Naruto gave a great fight. And that mindset was shared by everyone else.

"Indeed, you are fighting against an impossible obstacle, and it's obvious that it is still not enough. But you were so close...so close to upset your own destiny. And unlike me, when you woke up, you will not be disappointed by the result and declared it as fated. In the end, you have already become far above from your expectation." Neji tried to approach Naruto, but alas his strength had been sapped by his injuries. "You are weaker than me, and probably always will be, but you are a Shinobi, even more than me, Naruto."

The Hyuuga prodigy looked at the clouds above him, and smiled, as if he just let a big mental weight off his back. He then passed out in the battle, a tear rolled down his cheek. For the first time, Hyuuga Neji felt content.

 _Father...now I understand how you wanted me to live my life..._

"Wow. What a great end to a fight. I guess Neji's the winner, but with dire chance in actually continuing his round and-" Before Genma concluded the match, Naruto popped out into nothing but smoke, gave out the fact that it was a clone that ran out of chakra. "Huh? A clone? Where's the real Naruto then?"

"Come on! Where's that pretty boy? I'm suffocating here!"

Everybody fell to the ground after they heard Naruto's word. The shock was so huge, the blonde Jinchuuriki mistook it as Neji's steps.

"Hiya!" Naruto launched himself to the air with intent to uppercut his opponent. However, he found none. "Huh? Where's Neji? Eh, he already passed out?"

"Yes, Naruto. And you just ruined his speech about how he could see why you want to screw your destiny." Said Reporter Sukea, who recovered first.

"Oh. So he's actually able to learn a thing or two. Uh...I guess he now know that people can try to pick their own fate, right? Well, does that means I won the match?"

"Yes, Naruto. Yes, you did."

"Alright-ttebayo!" Naruto walked back into his friends. Many give him a great applause, despite his match being saddled with...several disgraceful moments. Of course, this wasn't unnoticed by the young Jinchuuriki, and he felt so happy that people of Konoha and other villages finally applauded him instead of hated or pitied him.

However, he also seen many who applauded him looked at him with mixed facial expression, probably disgust, which intrigued him. He wished that it wasn't because of Kyuubi's chakra. It would've hurt his already polarizing reputation if they now thought he had become a danger after he let out some of Kyuubi's chakra.

Then again, some of the girls blushed instead, even some who thought of him as a loser, so things became even more confusing for the rather slow Jinchuuriki.

"Hey, why's everyone here applauded me while looking at me funny?"

"Maybe because of something in your pocket, Naruto."

"Eh? I don't put something strange in my pockets except that hot sauce...GAH! SORRY, GOTTA GO! Oh man, good thing it's not as large as it should be..." Naruto scramed out of the area to find the bathroom, obviously to cooling himself down. Unfortunately, his words ended up making many girls fainted, losing their mind in revulsion or perverted mind.

"Is it just me, or does this match was somehow even dumber than his fight vs Kiba before?" Sakura asked to her group, holding her bleeding nose at the thought of buff Naruto and his big sausage. She tried her best to hold the thought of adding shirtless Sasuke to the mix, that would surely make her faint for real. At least, that was what happened to Ino.

"In all fairness, Neji also had a fair share in ruining this otherwise emotional match. Most of the dumb stuffs wouldn't happen if he didn't punch Naruto's balls just for pissing him off." Shikamaru defended his friend.

* * *

Neji woke in the infirmary, without seeing his opponent. It gave away the twist to him.

 _"I...I lost?"_

However, he had no time to reflect on the loss, as someone entered his room.

He frowned when he saw his uncle walked in, and decided to give a piece of his mind.

"I don't know if Naruto would be able to defeat his fate, but he promised me that he'll change our clan. And I will keep that promise. Uncle," The Hyuuga prodigy raised a finger to his uncle, "One day, our clan will be equal, and the leader will have to prove themselves. Whether Hinata will overcome her destiny, or Hanabi have to take over, I will become such a great shinobi, all of you will be tempted to test my strength as the true heir!"

"You and Naruto do not have to do that alone." Hiashi reassured his bewildered nephew. "For one, I have made, and planned changes in our clan. No longer the seal usage able to inflict fatal damage, and they can only be used when the branch member have evil thoughts. And if you notice, this is the first time where the headclan watching Branch Family member's match in Chuunin Exam. I could have easily used someone else to watch you."

"So you are saying that my life would be even worse if things just keep going like how it used to be. I still cannot see how this will change my father and Branch's tragedy."

"I can only tell you one part that will change his story-"

"After all these years...you chose now..."

"I have waited for your heart to change, and it is very apparent that Naruto changed you." Hiashi said, his resolve unshaken by his nephew's refusal to look at him directly."Now listen to what I said..."

He then told about how Hizashi was sent to Kumo, just like what was known. However, his brother told him that this time, he did it not for the Hyuuga family, but to save his brother, allowed him to choose a different way to his death while showing his unbitter side to Neji at the same time. Even after he told Hizashi that death as act of freedom was not sound, he still went to do it anyway. When he tried to reason again, Hizashi struck him instead, and by the time he awake, his brother already went to Kumo as his dummy replacement.

"...What if I choose to not believe you? You could've fabricated this story to gain my sympathy."

"I always want to do this..." Neji prepared for the worst, but instead of an attack, the man prostrated. "Believe me."

Neji was so touched that he couldn't say no. He then said to his uncle to raise, his voice shaken as he held back his tear. After that, both Hyuugas smiled at each others, both were committed to live their life as they wanted it to be and fight for what they wanted, even if fate was truly set in a stone.

"Good thing that you have mended your relationship." Both were startled by that familiar voice, and turned around to see who it was. "It would be weird if I coming back while Neji still want to gut his own uncle."

Both stared at their supposedly dead relative...before fainted.

"...I should've know this could happen. And here I thought I would get a warm hug..."

* * *

 _Not soon after..._

"Where's that damned duck butt?!"

"If it's not such a drag, I will kick his ass for making me have to fight now..." Shikamaru sighed as he looked at the cloud. It was bad enough that he ended up have to fight faster than schedule, but Naruto and Lee also pushed him off the rail, leaving him no choice but to fight. And of course, all of it could be linked back to Sasuke's tardiness.

 _"Why the hell is that Kankuro guy forfeited in the first place?"_

* * *

 _Somewhere else in Konoha..._

"Ah, what a nice day to learn how to use procrastination to investigate something. Right, Sasuke?"

"We have marked the hidden Sound and Sand Ninjas. Why can't we go now?" Sasuke asked, obviously frustrated that his secret mission could ended up endangered his chance to fight Gaara.

"There's one more prove of conspiracy that we need..." I explained to Sasuke. We then walked back to the town, and waited in front of Anko's apartment. Not a long time after, my messenger came.

"Hey Pakkun! Got something for me?"

"You got it right. That Kankuro guy forfeited without a good reason. Almost like he don't want to expose something. Not rational for an exam where innovation can be a big plus for his score, right?"

"Yup. Let's go, Sasuke."

"To the stadium?"

"Nah. We're going to meet Jiraiya-sama first. The match between Shikamaru and Temari is just about to begin, right?"

"That's right, Kakashi."

"Then let's go, Sasuke!" I exclaimed to my sour looking genin, who begrudgingly followed me.

* * *

A/N: So yes, we'll see even badder Sasuke against Gaara next, together with living stadium and Hokage who had a guess on the upcoming assault. Orochimaru's so screwed...

Also, I just decided that Naruto deserved to meet his parents earlier. Which is why I just made a poll so you could pick when he should. Go to my profile to do it!


	16. Before War

Yuki Haku was at his happiest in months, and it was for two reasons.

Mei just gave him a nude, in celebration for her ascension as the Mizukage.

He giggled perversely, but most of all and appropriately he was just so happy. His master and lover just won their biggest war, and he was happy for it. And in all honesty, who won't be happy to see the unclothed body of the hot Terumi Mei? Even many girls and gay people appreciated that someone that beautiful existed.

Slowly, he ripped apart the envelope, and when he saw the sultry look of the Mizukage, he almost blew his nose's blood vessel. Somehow wanted to torture himself further, the boy decided to pull the photo slowly instead. He blew steams when he saw further of her body. He then pulled it even further, hoped to see that darkened area of her breast and-

"Hey Haku!" Haku quickly hid the photo, and his mood darkened just as fast. That wonderful photo got wrinkled, all to hid it from a fellow pervert that won't judge him for what he's doing now. "Want to get that ninja license faster?"

The ice user's disappointment quickly dissipated. "I would like to. What should I do?"

* * *

Hanabi smiled as she summarized everything that just happened: her arrogant cousin had been decimated, by a super loser. Not only it would be a good mockery material for her, it also meant that she didn't have to beat him to show that fate was nonsense. Even her more stuck-up side agreed that he became even more annoying after he beaten big sis, and someone had to beat him out of that fatalist mindset. It was a good thing that it had to be someone else, since she was sure that even if she beaten him, he would only said something about the fate of the oppressor or some sort of other bull. The only bad thing so far, was that her sister ended up missing the scene where she got avenged by her crush. Then again, she might've went into coma after seeing his erect-

"Hehehe, you shouldn't be smiling so much, Hanabi-chan. Something bad may coming soon, after all..."

The young girl's smile turned into a frown as someone greeted her. An annoying boy at that. Worst of all was that Hanabi couldn't just beat the boy off like every other pricks in her school, for he was the grandson of Hokage. She knew that Hokage won't mind it much, but her reputation would be ruined for attacking other nobles. "What do you want, Konoha-baka?"

"Oh, nothing. Except I remember an old bet that we made. Something about...Uzumaki and his honey?" The grandson of the Hokage reminded his younger acquaintance, who proceeded to growl in frustration.

The bet was, to put it mildly, ridiculous: Konohamaru bet that Naruto would be able to swoon more than a dozen of female in Konoha in one year. Knowing his status as dead-last, his stunted growth, and overall lack of tact and manners, Hanabi easily took that bet and hoping for easy money and a wish. Unfortunately, not only Naruto actually looked kinda cute with that whiskers, his new jutsu turned him into a hunk that made everyone fainted. Nevertheless, she had one last card up her sleeve, "Oh, I don't know, Konohamaru. I think most of them fainted because they found his new power to be too disturbing."

"But everyone in my stand whispered about how great the boss is! I even recorded them!" Konohamaru, still with that shit-eating grin, played a recorder of what happened around him. Only two voiced muttered about Naruto's disgusting 'package'. The rest of them were talking about that big, sweaty muscles, or praised that 'package' instead.

"Okay, I get it!" Hanabi turned off the recorder, not wanting to heard anymore about it. All of the praises reminded her of that disturbing red district palace when she sneaked out of her training. They were exactly what the prostitutes said to their customers, who frankly, had their attributes' claims...exaggerated rather blatantly. "One month allowance, and?"

"I want a kiss from the pretty princess here." Konohamaru demanded as he puckered his lips, while deliberately used transformation jutsu to make his lips looked even bigger. That was too much for the heiress, who slapped the boy and numbed his jaw in the process. She then stormed out into the bathroom, planned to never being seen by that kid again.

Also, she wished that no one see that red color on her cheek. Last thing she needed was for everyone to mock her for something that's similar with her sister.

* * *

"Dammit, woman! Don't you know that uncontrollable temper can make them deduct your points off?"

"Shut up, you sexist pig! Who's the one can't fight, huh?"

As Shikamaru ran from his opponent, who still lashed out at him for what she perceived as sexist comment, Naruto couldn't help but to think about other stuffs.

 _Why I keep thinking about it, man?_

 _Just after the fight..._

"Ah! Finally, the lizard have been tamed..."

"Damn that fox brat! Why did he have a better equipment than mine at this age?"

"Oh, Sasuke-kun. You and Naruto are so big..."

The Jinchuuriki got freaked out, and soon ran away from the toilet. It was weird enough that someone got jealous by his pee-pee, but for a girl to fantasize him with Sasuke over it? He knew he just showed how awesome he was, but why they became obsessed over his equipment? " _People were weird,"_ which was his current conclusion about it.

Just when he stopped, he nearly bumped into someone, who didn't say anything to the boy.

"Sorry, sor-Eh? What are you doing, Shino?"

"I am looking for bugs around here. Why? Because an ANBU who built this stadium probably stole some of ours."

"Eh? Yamato stealing them? Why would he?" Naruto asked, flabbergasted that Yamato turned out to be even more eccentric than what he already showed.

"That's something we want to search. Anyway, can you send ten of your clones here and there? I need them so my beetles can get the necessary chakra feed."

"Okay." Naruto accepted, and sent his clones to ten locations by following Shino's tracker bugs. "Hey, what kind of bugs we're looking anyway?"

"Gear Locusts. They can use their chakra to form into a sentient solid structure, and with proper training they can operate like gears, joints, and other mechanical equipment."

"It doesn't sounds too applicable in battle..."

"Yes. It was more for infiltration and stealing intelligence." Shino answered concisely, and his friend just accepted it. Five minutes later, the bug user got one of his tracker back.

"Got it. Let's see...He created a new species...Applicability to kinetic power in addition to chakra, incredible..." After seeing the report, he made his decision. "Very well, Yamato-san. I don't think my clan will mind what you done in that case."

"You sure? I mean, you have the proof he stole your properties. And they're important, right?"

"Well we can always make a deal with him later. A new species will always be useful for our village."

"Whoa! You're really cool, Shino! Even I won't be able to see the best of the situation that much!" Naruto exclaimed, and made Shino slightly smiled inside his jacket.

"It was nothing. And by the way, thank you for the help. Also, I am sorry that you have to see that one of your acquaintance may have done an illegal act."

"Eh, it's okay. I will even ask Yamato about this bugs stealing problem. He get a bit weird lately, but he's still a good guy."

"Then I am in debt even more. Anyway, let's go and watch the next match."

"Yeah! I want to see how much Sasuke has grow!" Naruto shouted to himself.

* * *

 _Oh yeah. I have to know what happened to Yamato-sensei. He became weird after he became obsessed with infrastructure. And what's with the bugs? What they're for? Were they responsible for his spinning stadium?  
_

However, Naruto's concentration regarding the subject popped out after someone else noticed that Shikamaru just used the tunnel's shadow to extend his range against Temari, and he went to cheer for his friend loudly.

"Get her Shikamaru! Make her forfeit, oh yeah! Raise her arm, shove that kunai to her neck and threat her to-"

"I forfeit."

"WHAT?" Nearly everyone screamed in disbelief, especially Naruto who made two people near him almost deaf.

"Yes! Free money and snack!" Chouji muttered to himself, more motivated than ever. The only one who would understand his line of thinking was his dad, who agreed to give Chouji 30% of his betting money after Chouji confirmed to him that his friend was really that lazy to throw a fight.

"I'm going to run out of chakra, so I'm not looking to fight any sooner since I'd have to forfeit earlier, which means that it doesn't matter if I win or not. Also, I think it'd be better if you get a second chance to prove yourself, Mrs. Sabaku."

"For a man who don't want to lose just because I'm a woman, you're pretty considerable." Temari sneered.

"Yeah, I just don't want for you to stay mad at me for not wanting to lose to a woman. I am not a sexist. It's just that my mom would be mad at me for losing, and there will be something extra from her if I lose to girls."

"And losing by forfeiting isn't the same?"

"At least I can argue that I made the right decision." Shikamaru retorted before he walked into the stand.

"They're already fighting like old couple." Ino whispered to Sakura and Ten-Ten, who just giggled in agreement, the latter already satisfied by the humiliation that Shikamaru did to Temari, so she had no complains. Unfortunately for the lazy genin, there were many who did.

"Come on, Shikamaru! You almost took her out, why quit all of sudden?"

"I am tired, and in no shape to fight any sooner. Isn't that enough reason for you, Naruto?"

"But you missed your chance to become a Chuunin!" Ino shrieked to her teammate, and Sakura couldn't correct her due to her promise with Kakashi-sensei. Luckily, Shikamaru wanted to cover it.

"Ino, Mitarashi-san and Hayate-san said you can become a Chuunin without become the winner of the tournament, so it's possible that they can make someone a Chuunin without a victory. Luckily, my laziness will prevent them to give me that."

"Y...you're actually making an extra effort to fail?" Ino gasped in disbelief over her teammate's legendary lacks of work ethics.

"I've told you he don't want it." Chouji said after he swallowed his last chips, and that was the last conversation from him since he ended up looking for a snack stand.

"I see. However, your method is flawed. Why? Because the proctors who have alternative interpretation will use it to add more points for you instead." Shino said.

"...Oh no, you're right."

"Eh? I don't get it."

"Naruto, I surrendered easily to make them thought I don't have enough drive to continue mission when I have to. But since I decimated Temari easily, and I really about to run out of chakra, they'll see my action as smart decision, especially if they got impressed with my strategy. So instead of getting my points reduced, it served as another positive points of my leadership." Shikamaru explained.

"That's not fair! How can they choose a leader that lazy? Worst of all, how can they thought of you as a good leader with that attitude? And here I already showed restrain by not using any exploding clones! I know sensei have told us that the weaker ninja can get promoted, and surrender can be a good thing, but for someone this lazy?"

"Naruto, you missed the part where my laziness can be mistaken as instinct for survival, which is important for Konoha ninjas. And do you think getting promoted will be sunshine and rainbow? Even if I found how to do the least work in missions, I still have to deal with the paperwork as the leader."

"Now you talk about it, it kinda suck! Good thing I have clones that can take my place in paperwork, bwahahaha!" Naruto boasted, which made Shikamaru groaned and wished that he had big chakra reserve like his loud friend. More chakra means he could do his work without feeling tired, and being tired was really troublesome. Oh well, at least he won't have to take another troublesome and life-threatening test.

"It's one of these moments that reminded me that no matter how hot Naruto will become, he's still a big idiot in the end." Ino muttered to no one as she looked at the loud idiot, but Sakura still nodded in agreement.

"Eh, I just want to ask; why's well beings of our teammates become such a high priority for us? I thought as ninja, we know a little exhaustion and body harm here and there is inevitable. Also, the old man's words about this exam being a substitute for war make it look like they expected everyone to fight to the death."

"It became our priority after we have several ninjas committed suicide over being turned into pariah after choosing the survival of their friends over success of their mission, even by their friends. It was called...the Sakumo ruling, after the highest profile ninja who committed suicide." Shikamaru explained.

"That's horrible! Why do people in this village can be so cruel?" Ino asked, and her opinion could've been taken as the truth considering what happened to their Jinchuuriki, most overweight kids from Akimichi family...you name it.

"Not everyone had the same vile opinion, Ino. In fact, many people tried to talk Hatake-san out of it. But why it still affected them? Because the amount of hate were just enough to make them suffer, and in their cases, their despair made them never see people who still love or respect them."

Everybody agreed with the explanation, and Naruto's question had more to do with something else regarding the same subject. "Eh? Hatake-san? Was he related to Kakashi-sensei?"

"He's his father." Shino tactfully said.

"O, oh...I didn't know. He must be don't like to talk about it."

"I never heard about it either. It's...not written anywhere, isn't it?" Sakura asked.

"It's more of story between clans, since the death of Hatake-san was humiliating for us. One of the greatest ninja, defeated by our ungratefulness."

"Um, we're sorry for interrupting, but is any of you know where Uchiha Sasuke is?"

Nobody dared to give an answer to the ANBU, but one brave Uzumaki did.

"I don't know where he is now, because even sensei made it a confidential information to me, but I know one thing. Sasuke won't ditch us here, he promised to me that Gaara guy will be defeated, and he won't chickened out of it! Besides, he won't ever hear the end of it from me if he really did it! So don't worry, sir. Sasuke will arrive soon!"

"So in short, you have no idea where he is, but you're sure that he will be here."

"Yup!"

* * *

 _Twenty minutes later..._

"WHERE THE HELL IS THAT DUCK-BUTT?!"

"Um, should we just disqualify him? I mean, they already retracted many points from Sasuke for this tardiness. It'd take a very extraordinary performance for him to get promoted."

"Sakura," Ino shook her friend, who got rather tense due to her crush's lateness and curse mark, "I don't want to scare you, but it's possible that with the bye you'll have to fight Gaara since they reshuffled the match order."

Sakura went from scared for Sasuke to be terrified for her own safety. "SASUKE-KUN! IF GAARA KILLED ME, THEN I WILL HAUNT YOU FOR ETERNITY!"

"Woah. You know it's bad when Sakura threatened Sasuke."

"Does that means I have a better chance, Sakura-chan?"

"GET LOST, BUSHY EYEBROW! I WILL BE THE ONE WHO HAVE A CHANCE FOR SAKURA-CHAN'S LOVE!"

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! JUST BECAUSE I LOVE HIM, THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T GET MAD AT HIM!"

Suddenly, everybody saw a bizarre phenomenon: five elements of ninjutsu, sometimes with glimpses of snow and woods, suddenly appeared at the center of the stadium.

 **"Water. Wind. Fire. Lightning. And Earth. These five natural elements are elements of ninjutsu, used to enhance our jutsu into something even more powerful."**

 **"And two combined elements, can create something even more powerful."**

"Ice? Another Yuki in Konoha?"

"No. Look at those woods... It might be something even worse. Get ready, guys! This guy sounds pretty nasty!"

"Indeed. To control five elements and combine them so easily..." Said Shino as he prepared to fight the intruder.

 **"It's good for everyone to take me seriously. Now I will be able to show my true form..."** The thing boasted to everyone in the stadium, and ANBU struggled to tell everyone to not panic. Soon the elements started to disperse, and...

"Wahahaha!" Everybody face-faulted as they see who made their appearance. Even Shino had to hold himself from falling over.

Kakashi, Sasuke, and Yuki Haku, was the source of that phenomenon.

* * *

"Kakashi! Don't tell me you're late just to make this intro!"

"Maa, maa, don't judge me like that, Genma. I simply looked for several of our friends and acquaintance that may missed this day. And it turned out that Teuchi mistaken today as yesterday." I said, and Teuchi, who just arrived, blushed slightly in embarrassment as his daughter scolded him. Soon, Iruka and Ebisu entered the stadium.

"Well, seems like some of Naruto's friends missed their battle. And there are other new audience that missed the previous matches too. So why don't we show the recaps while our most awaited contestants making their preparations?" Yamato, suddenly barged in the stadium, suddenly stole the show, and the big screen turned into replay of highlights between Naruto and Neji's match. Man, nice sauce trick, Naruto.

Haku and I couldn't help but to groaned when Neji hit Naruto's balls, and he got a little scared when the scene after showed the bulked up Naruto at his second wind. It was almost the same thing that he faced back in the bridge, so he now knew Naruto really had something on him. Just after he reassured me that he won't see Naruto as something inhuman, we couldn't help but to notice several shrieks from the footage, and many women ended up with nosebleed or green face. The scene ended up bugging both of us so much.

Come to think of it, why did Naruto's crotch getting censored? And why did Sakura blushed? Did Neji's hit opened a hole in his pants? Maybe my clone knew something about it.

The next one was Shikamaru vs Temari. It went like the original...except Temari screamed bloody murder for what she perceived as sexist comment. Man, good thing Shikamaru got out of it without too much scratches. Woman's scorn could be a real bitch.

After the recaps ended, Temari approached us and asked Sasuke to not hurt her brother too much. Good job, girl. Sasuke would've tried to kill Gaara if no one would miss him, and your action just saved him. Now he'll go with my original plan.

"Sensei! Sensei! We're here!"

I eyesmilled at them, before I walked to where they were.

However, I met Gai first, looked dead-serious for the first time in years.

"Only eight ANBU in this stadium. What's Hokage-sama thinking?" Man, it was kinda weird seeing Gai being all serious.

"Orochimaru wanted destruction of Konoha, and probably wanted to kill Sandaime-sama by himself. We think they're better to be prepared on the outside."

"Have you or anyone else found the bases? Invasion is not youthful at all, especially if they were from our ally."

"Jiraiya-sama and Yuugao are on it." Gai nodded in satisfaction, before I finally walked to my students.

"Maa, sorry, Naruto, but Jiraiya's on the borders. He found some troubles on those area that need his cleaning."

"Aww..." My little brother slumped for a while, but in his fashion he bounced back just as quickly. "But it's okay! At least Sasuke's here."

"And look hot as hell..." Sakura drolled at the sight of Sasuke in tight black pants. I already told him that shorts was a bad idea.

"Hey, sensei! How strong he is?"

"Just watch. All I'll say is that he managed to learn from experience really well."

* * *

Alright, Sasuke managed to show that he copied Lee's ninjutsu really well. Now, we would see what he would use against that super armor.

Hmm, what's this? Seemed like Gaara rested on the top of that hole from Neji and Naruto's fight. Would Sasuke noticed it?

Yup. He did, judging by that scroll he dropped on the other hole. And just after he got into the tower of the stadium, there was a sound on contraption from Gaara's side.

"What's this? A...a coffin? I am trapped inside a real coffin?!"

Then after the red-headed Jinchuuriki finished his words, he exploded from the inside. And Sasuke finished him off with his chidori.

After he stabbed Gaara with the chidori, the mad boy opened his sand shield, now looked burnt up in addition to a wound in his shoulder that came from Sasuke's attack.

"Whoa! Teme got him real good."

"Gaara!" Temari dropped off to carried her brother, before pointed her finger in anger against the Uchiha. Kinda justifiable since her brother was burnt badly here, "You-!"

"Go to the hospital, and drop your brother off. I didn't use my most powerful coffin, so he should be safe. Just...burnt a bit."

Temari stared at Sasuke for a while, before she dropped it off and jumped with her brother on his back. Kankuro stayed, and tried to unleash his new puppet on Sasuke before his sensei told him to drop it.

"Save it, Kankuro. Your siblings need your help. Let me handle Mr. Uchiha here..." Baki said with a sickening smile before he unleashed his wind jutsu that would've cut Sasuke's neck...if he hadn't prepared for some logs outside the stadium.

"Hail log-sama." I said as I dropped to where Sasuke just substituted himself.

"Uh, I don't understand. What's happening here?"

"Relax, Naruto. Now, Baki-san. Why don't we have a nice little talk..." I said as I dropped my mask to show him my mangekyo, where he ended up into my own super strong genjutsu...

* * *

"W...what is this?"

"Yo." I said to the poor Jounin, who now forced into T-pose statue. And yes, he wasn't staked into a cross, he's just there, unable to move out of animation's default pose. "Welcome to Kakashi-world no jutsu, motherfucker."

"Release me. Now!"

"There's no rope." I deadpanned.

"That's not what I meant-"

"If you're telling me to release you, then answer me this:" I said as a map of all the known whereabouts of Suna and Oto were. "These are the places where your hidden ninja are waiting for order. Is there something else?"

"You...you already know?" I nodded, and my mask protected me from his spit. "I won't answer you, leaf filth!"

"As far as I concerned, you're the filth here. We would gladly ask your daimyo to stop giving us far too much mission if you complained, maybe even making excuse like running our soldiers thin. But no, you got greedy and decided to invade us instead. By collaborating with our favorite snake traitor. For what? Even if you succeed, our daimyo would retaliate by blocking your food supply, you fucking idiot." I dropped the bomb of truth on him.

"I, I...AAAAGH! JUST DO YOUR BEST, YOU TREE HUGGER!"

"Looks like his brain just fried out! I think we need to straighten his mind first. Guys!" Suddenly, thousand of me appeared. "Let's show him what happened on the average day in Kakashi world!"

Dude should've chose to just spill it, because this genjutsu's too sickening for even Mr. Traitor Obito, because somehow the average day in Kakashi world meant that a stranger trapped in T-Pose had to get his balls smashed by every citizens up there, voluntarily or not. Motocross racers fell from their bike? They landed on Baki's nuts. Kakashi-chan stopped Kakashi the old stalker? She demonstrated why he should stop by kicked Baki's jewels for five times. Little Kakashi goes to grocery? He lost his grip on his trolley and it ended up smashing his groin. All in all, it was a nonstop balls smashing, and the guy's scream didn't get any less loud by every hit.

The first step in saving our village was started by smashing a guy's groin for one day. And it couldn't get any better.

* * *

Sorry for the lackluster update, but this was what I could do for now. Hopefully the next update would be more bombastic considering it would be where the big fight was.


	17. War

"YEEOOOOOOW!"

"Oh, I am sorry, Jounin-san! I will fix that for you..." Kasashin, my rule 63 clone, apologized by patting the thigh. It wouldn't be so bad...if it wasn't for his state. At this point, any slight touch would be a pain for Mr. Baki.

"OW OW! J...just get out of here, you crazy girl..."

"Hmph. How rude!" My clone kicked Baki in the jewel, and turned around as she grabbed her soccer ball. I reappeared to Baki who used his leg to caress his balls (yes he was that desperate) and asked, "24 hours have passed. I think you should start spilling out,"

"W...won't...won't betray my village..."

"If you start to speak, then we will spare some of your fellow shinobi. It's the Sound that are really creepy and lacks of moral, you know?"

"Screw you!"

"Ah, so you need another slap of reality on the fact that so many things were wrong, including your Kage's economy strategy. Fine then! Have it your way!"

I prepared my next greatest torture:

Team 7, surreal style.

"What the hell is this? You're forcing me to watch a cartoon?"

"Yup," I said as I forced his eyelids to open permanently until I close them.

What proceeded was just a simple reenact of the daily live of Team 7's members...except, I changed the texture of the world with Baki's faces.

"What in the name of Jashin and every fucked up cult is this hell? Everything have the texture of me! Gah! I can't believe it! You make me fear my own face!"

"If you keep the truth from me, I will make sure that you will want to rip your own face after this,"

"B...B...Bring it..."

I sighed when Baki showed his stubbornness, so I decided to up the ante.

With the power of Kung-Fu.

"FIST OF THE RAMEN FOX! I will defeat you, and become your team member, Hatake Kakashi!" Swarms of foxes made of ramen suddenly surrounded my mostly unchanged clone, aside from the afro.

"By the power of porn, I shall bring your salad!"

"No! Not the salad! I cannot betray the ramen, not when I have to...pass their own test!" 'Naruto' proclaimed, as he turned into a jar of anthropomorphic fishcakes, chanting 'test test test' like a mad clown in a pimped out unicycle, his ramen foxed turned into crossdressing Naruto as cheerleaders, and they applied bad make-up at that.

"STOP! STOP! I WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING! JUST STOP THE DAMN HALLUCINATION! The one-wheel bike, the horror, the horror..."

"Okay, okay," I stopped the genjutsu right in transition, before I showed him graphics of where we found Suna and Oto's bases. Man, out of all thing, the unicycle was the one that scared him? "Now, these are the area where we found your shinobi. Anywhere else?"

"The underground! We found old bases of your village, south of the farm area! More sterile than hospital, there's absolutely nothing and no one there, but it did the job as hiding place. We use them for our backup ninja and storing our equipment for the second wave attack,"

"I see," Danzo. I hope you didn't deliberately unsealed these places..." Meet any cripple in the way?"

"No. But one of the Oto-nin was weirdly familiar with them, even unsealed some of them,"

So Orochimaru borrowed it from Danzo, with his permission or not. "Thank you for the help. As a prize, there won't be any mental damage that will succumb you into permanent coma,"

"Oh, thank god!"

"But to keep you down for the rest of the invasion, the pain in the groin will be left intact,"

"FUCK ME!"

* * *

 **"YYYYYYEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!"**

"And the deed is done," I said as Baki fell over, mouth started to foaming.

"Commander's down! Turn the signal-aaagh!"

Unfortunately, our ANBU didn't manage to stop the signal, but at least we incapacitated many Suna-nin that scrambled around after I defeated their Jounin. However, it made the message got mixed, so hopefully the attack won't be as coordinated.

"YOSH KAKASHI! SHALL WE USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO TEST WHO'S STRONGER?" Said Gai as he kicked a guy to a wall, created a human sized hole in the process.

"Yeah. Kill or incapacitate every single shinobi around the civilian area. I will carry the civilians to the safe place. We can use Fourth Gate, but I think I will refrain since I need to keep our citizen's neck safe,"

"YOSH!" The Green Beast transformed in instant and started to wreck every enemy in the area. For me, I had to carry civilians here to safety room. But first, I need to call Sakura first.

The girl was hounded by several perverts from Otogakure when I arrived there. The creep kept saying about her nice thighs and butt. I almost called them for their pedophilia act, but I noticed the fire seal, which immediately consumed them when they stepped into the line. Disregarded their agony, I punched them in the neck so hard their neck broke at instant, and while it did not always meant death, it meant pain, for people who will spend the last 72 hours of their life as quadriplegic. Their last hope was a neutral or kind medic, and even then their career as bad ninja already over.

"Good job, Sakura! I knew the genjutsu training will help. Now, we need to wake Naruto,"

"Sensei, what are you on? Of course Naruto able to dispel it, even Haku...Naruto, wake up! How could you get asleep with this massive but weak genjutsu?"

"Ouch!" Man, she should have know that Naruto really fell behind in Genjutsu... "Oh, come on, Sakura-chan..."

"Okay, guys. I have to secure this stadium first, so I need you guys to do this alone. All of you, including Haku, go and help Sasuke in catching up with Gaara. Grab two more people, preferably Shikamaru and a Jounin. But if they are busy, then get Ino instead. However, two of you need to be placed somewhere distant since you can't attract too much attention from the soldiers,"

"Ah! Modified three platoon with one substitution and one tracker. Right, Sensei?"

"That's right, Sakura. Now go, and recruit your people,"

"Yes, Sensei!" Naruto and Sakura saluted as they started the plan by gaining people.

"Uh, does this means I am a ninja now?"

"Yes, Haku. Sorry that your enlistment was done in this chaos,"

"I do not mind. Actually, it's fitting our work as agent in the world of chaos, so if anything, I'm flattered," Man, Haku was too humble for this world.

"Okay, so while Sakura and Naruto went to wake Shikamaru and the other, meet your tracker for today," I summoned my smaller dog. "Say hello to Pakkun?"

"What the hell are we up to now, Kakashi?"

"Invasion. Now excuse me, but I have a Hokage to be saved. " I said as I went to the Kage seats. Man, sometimes I didn't understand my dog. He got scarred against Orochimaru, and in war all he said was a reminder to Haku that he wasn't cute?

* * *

"Hatake-san! We can't enter the barrier. We tried to use our clone, and the barrier immediately incinerated them,"

"I know. This is the 427th jutsu that I copied. Have you tried to make a new entrance from the ground?"

"Look at that hole from Tiger's attempt to break through!" I glanced at where they pointed, and immediately frowned. The jutsu have been modified to cover any new hole from the ground, which meant that absolutely no one could help our Hokage. Unless...

"Stand back, guys. I think I have a way to save Sandaime-sama with my new jutsu,"

Hmm. If there's a twist of fate, anyone who got the Kamui will be awaken in Obito's portal-world, and by even a lesser chance, somehow survived. But who will be lucky and not evil enough to get out of the pedophile's lair...

Of course, the flute girl could get it. At least Tayuya hated her teammates, actually knew how to compliment someone's skill, and had her own moral codes, so it might be a break for her.

With that, I released my Kamui, tried my best to engulfed her whole without severing any limb.

"WHAT THE FU-" The job was done, the girl's trapped, and the barrier soon will weaken and-

Damn it. I forgot Ukon could replace her position as the fourth man in the barrier. I decided to use it once more, but Hokage-sama stopped me before I could.

"Kakashi, let this old man have his fight with his student. Use your energy to save everybody else. I know that energy depleted a third of your chakra. One more, and we might be losing you today instead of me,"

I begrudgingly nodded, hoped that the old man won't have to die here.

* * *

"So Orochimaru, before we fight..."

"Just for your information, sensei, that was my last tears for you."

"That's not it. It's just...why do you have two left legs now? I can't recall any advantage from having that kind of physical abnormality."

The previously confident Sannin now became furious, he barely able to get his anger in check. "GRRR! That moron Kakashi severed my leg with the same jutsu that he used to terminate my royal bodyguard! And because his friend managed to land a lucky hit to Kabuto, by the time he fully recovered, he had barely enough time to just cloned my left leg as replacement! Once I am done with you, he will pay!" He then pulled a sketch of an adolescent boy, looked similar with him, except with blue hair and even more dashing appearance. "Me and my sweet, little child...yes...he will pay..."

"...Okay, is this the part where Jiraiya said all your wrongdoings had been an elaborate long prank, and proceeded to ask me to marry you with someone you brought while he desperately asked Tsunade to do the same?"

"...I think you really get old, sensei, because it's all real."

"Of course. Sorry, but things got a little crazy sometimes in this village," Hokage-sama said, tried to not bother with how much Orochimaru missed the point that he was the one who brought insanity here.

* * *

There. That's the last of them. One of the last Uzumaki, Karin.

"Hmm...Naru and Sasu..."

Well that was interesting. Kurama's chakra boost made Naruto a ladies man for some reasons.

Oh dear. Now I knew what happened in that censored scene. He just popped that legendary Uzumaki boner, didn't he?

"Ah, so here's where the sleeping audience at, waiting for their grim reaper to show and rip their hearts out."

"Yes it is, Mr. Evil."

"Now, as we going to off your pathetic vill-" I stopped him with a punch to the nose, caused it to bleed. "My nose! You hit me in the nose!"

"Duh. I am pissed by this invasion. Why should I play nice with you when you just spilled how vile you are? And you must be stupid enough to gloat in front of Hatake Kakashi. Did you know that I already made five plans to kill every single terrorist that want to spill innocent blood in this stadium?" Well, that was half the truth. Actually, I spent a whole week to came up with all of them; I just implied that I already made them on the spot to boast.

"You...It doesn't even matter if you killed me. All of my comrades will finish the villagers in other rooms," I didn't need to gave a response to that one. All I needed to prove him wrong was the painful agony of one of his friend. "What the hell was that? Aya?!"

"You are really stupid if you think that we haven't install security to stop intruders. Right now the seal in all those rooms must have...fried two ninja, incinerate three, and caused massive sensory discomfort for the other five that made them an easy target to my fellow shinobi. Also, just in case, my biggest dogs are roaming those corridor, waiting for a signal," sounds of someone being ripped apart was heard not far from us. "Aand he's gone."

That made something snapped into him, just like what I wanted. "I'm gonna kill you now!"

I didn't even bothered to defeat him with any jutsu, just my taijutsu alone was enough to separate the head from his body. I wanted to make sure that death rates were low, but frankly this man was just a psychopathic scum.

"Hey, Kakashi! Can you come here?"

"Tenzo?" I called back. I just wanted to reach him to destroy the bases first, but he got me first.

"Please, Kakashi-sempai. I am more comfortable with my new codename."

"Okay, Yamato. I was just teasing you. Now, what's this that you want from me? We have a village to be protected from invaders. Not to mention that I just got info about where they store their backup ninja and equipment for second wave attack."

"If you help me, then we can do that at the same time too!" Yamato reassured me, his eyes got shiny again, like when I introduced advanced architecture to him. This either meant something good, or something real bad.

"Okay, I am interested,"

"I need your help to unleash my greatest weapon and art that will save this village! The rolling stadium!"

A little beat happened, and my clone happened to poofed out just at the right time to show its, uh...potential. And sadly, I could see how he's right. Yeah, better to think of that rather than Naruto's boner. "Uh...how's it going to work again?"

"I just need someone to run in the treadmill, another guy to use the static bike, and one more person to monitor the area behind us. Leave me to deal with the rest of its mechanism."

"Okay, okay. I'll go grab Anko and Gai to do the rest of it."

* * *

"Now. For the inevitable final touch..."

"Tobirama, do you know any way to deny Edo Tensei?" Hashirama asked as Orochimaru started to walk forward to plant the special seal to control his brain. The pale Sannin managed to lock his sensei with his snakes, but only minutes after the Hokage kicked the two coffins way out of his reach. All it did made the two dead Hokages regained their actual personality, as Hashirama became much more...talkative after a minute or so.

"I died before I even managed to give the finishing touch to the jutsu, brother. You may try to break through with sheer will, however. It might be similar with how you tamed the Kyuubi."

"But our power have been cut to only a quarter, and that mad man have improved your jutsu!" Hashirama whined, but only got a shrug from Tobirama. "Well then, here goes nothing. HRRRRGH!" The man tried to escape his fate...and ended up making a raspberry-like noise. "Oh, god! I am supposed to be a zombie, and somehow I fart louder than I ever was. This is embarrassing..."

"Was Senju Hashirama always like this, Sensei?"

"The man's a goofball, I admit," Hiruzen confirmed.

Hashirama tried to admonished his predecessor and his creepy pupil, but he noticed that he moved his arms in indignation despite the control. "Hey, I managed to get out! Ha! You won't get me, creepy pale-AAAGH! Curse you and your own powerful will!"

"Seriously, First Hokage? You think a weakling can use this jutsu?" Orochimaru said as he strengthened his lock on the deceased Kage's body.

"Well, Mito somehow managed to taught it on a beggar..."

That made everyone around the area cursed the insanity of Uzumaki's clan. "No wonder almost everyone teamed up to destroy Uzukiogakure..."

"While I still grieve over my inability to save more than like dozens of them or so, I can't deny that even compared to us, their demeanor were...unsettling."

"And one of them's near. I knew that red-haired girl is Uzumaki," Hiruzen hid the fact that he was glad Orochimaru still didn't suspect Naruto as real Uzumaki. He was glad that Minato, while not from any clan, actually capable of creating a new one had he made enough children considering how he somehow altered the hair of Uzumaki. "Soon as I finished my business here, I'll go to their ruin and-"

Orochimaru stopped his rambling when a shadow appeared behind him. Feared that someone have infiltrated his barrier, he turned around, only to notice the stadium started to enclose itself.

"The stadium's closing on us," Hiruzen noticed what's happening. Unknown to anyone else but him one of his smaller monkey summon was cutting his and Enma's snakes while silencing it at the same time.

"Must be a security measure against us. Hn. No matter. As soon as I control the first two Hokages, this village will burn to the ground, and I shall control it above the ashes."

"Uh, you do realize that we're nowhere near as powerful as we should be, right?"

"Yes. At this state, none of us would be able to defeat Hiruzen alone. Are you certain you can make us destroy this village to the ground?"

Orochimaru got ticked off as his plans getting scrutinized by the dead Hokages. His smug expression changed into an upset one. "I am confident enough that I can fight off four-tails with my own strength. And after I am done with this old fool, I will replace the talisman with another talisman that have command to destroy everything in this village. Also, I have improved your jutsu, Tobirama. You may nowhere near as strong as your prime, but you can beat most Jounin here."

"How about the other powerful clans?"

"Yeah. I bet Hatake's best member can-"

"DON'T REMIND ME OF THAT FOOL!" The smug Sannin finally snapped; Kakashi Hatake became his sore point despite the still big difference in power.

"HA! I knew you're not that strong enough-AAAGH!"

"Mock me once more, and I'll use my mind to more than lock your body on the spot!" The Snake Sannin warned the First Hokage as he about to jammed his talisman to his brother. He did not even care for the sneak pole attack from the old Sarutobi; he had enough speed to both jammed the kunai and dodged the attack after.

And their world turned upside down. Specifically, the stadium turned 90 degrees at such instant speed, it shocked Orochimaru who ended up taking the pole attack after all. He had no choice but to use his talisman's kunai to save himself from falling.

The two dead Hokages, still unable to do anything on their own, fell into the barrier below them. Orochimaru ordered his bodyguards to change the barriers into impenetrable one, but it was too late; the Hokages fell into the new ground, and the forbidden jutsu ensured that the damage they took from passing the barrier was just a flesh wound.

"While I am glad this is happening to us, I still unable to comprehend what's actually happening," Said Tobirama who began to regenerate his body.

"I think we just see the greatest infrastructure engineering feat! And my wood DNA turned out to be passed into someone!" Hashirama said with a glee. He had been wondering why the wood release did not even passed into his brother. Turned out everything was well in the world. "Anyway, at least the creepy pale man can't reach us no more. And since he still hadn't jammed the seals into our skull, the only thing he could do is to keep his control on us to prevent us to move freely and actually thwarted whatever he wanted."

Tobirama nodded in agreement. He did a double take, and ended up moved his left arm to test it. "I just moved my arm. Seems like his control have been lessening on us. Range's still a problem in this jutsu. Or at least, being burned in that barrier did something to our control."

"Finally, a lovely news in this fiasco!"

"Former Hokages! Uh, are you okay? And which side are you on?" Some ANBU asked them while the rest make a stance in case they turned to be hostile.

"Yes, we're fine. And before you asked, Orochimaru brought us back to life. Don't worry, we're out of his control now,"

"In that case, we have to escape this stadium. Our ANBU leader told us to get any of our ninja to run away from this place ASAP," The ANBU motioned to the two dead Hokages to follow them, leaving the fuming Sannin with his four bodyguards and an old teacher of his. None of them hearing about a wish for a good luck to the current Hokage, almost as if he would suffer in the scheme.

"That's it! Tenzo just made the list of my sworn enemy!"

"I guess he deserved a raise, after all. And I won't deny him his hobby to do architecture and-"

Hiruzed did not have enough time to finish his sentence, as the cutting edge infrastructure decided to unleash its full potential at the moment. It spun at a very high speed, like a rolling ball from one of Akimichi's jutsu. His pale pupil ended up being bounced between the now solid wall, ensured pain even for the man who had his body modified to become softer. Even for Hokage who managed to hold into the ground with his monkey pole, thanks to preparation time from accidentally heard the whining of some ANBU that unfortunately got the spinning stadium first, the ridiculously high rotation made the old Kage still suffered from the velocity of the stadium. As if it wasn't even bad enough, the thing bounced like crazy, and soon it left its foundation to wreck anyone poor enough to face it head-on.

For the first time in the decade, Orochimaru and his teacher agreed on one topic.

"CURSE YOU HATAKE KAKASHIIII! CURSE YOU TENZO!"

"EVEN IF I KNOW THIS IS YAMATO'S FAULT, I WILL SOMEHOW PUNISH YOU TOO, HATAKEEE!"

* * *

Somehow, I felt like I need to punch Yamato for no reason.

"Wind attacks from 7 o'clock!" Anko shouted, and a wood shield popped out before another block of wood slammed the ninja responsible for the attack. " Three Sound Ninja from three o'clock!" The stadium used one of the seal to change its direction and ended up slamming its whole body into the three enemies and crushed them. "God damn, you're real good at this, Yamato! I can almost kiss you just for making this mecha!"

Indeed, it was a benefit to us. Most of the formation by the invaders ended up being abruptly broken by our appearance, as most of them either ran away in fear or wondered what the fuck happened anymore. Somehow the other village defenders were not too shocked when they saw the gigantic ball rolling to help them, which meant that Yamato have at least told them that there was a new and insane defensive mechanism in Konoha. That, or they have anticipated Yamato's brand new insanity.

"Nah, you're belong to Sempai. But where's the Kazekage's kids run to, man?"

"They must be running to one of their secret infirmary. If he didn't turn into One-Tail already, that is."

"One Tail? Oooh, that's basically a WMD treaty betrayal. Kuna really need to explain all of this. Especially when it's all about lacks of jobs," Yamato blubbered out the facts to everyone.

"So this is all about missions from Wind Country that got outsourced to us? Man, this is stupid. They should be negotiating it to their Daimyo, not starting a war! I mean, how much does the ration alone cost for doing this crap?"

"YOSH! I once counted the cost for one S-Rank garrison mission with 10% of our military force, and it's easily exceed our regular expense for 5 months. Their only way to gain profit from this village, is by pillaging our saving and more!" My overtly enthusiastic friend made his estimation.

"And even then, if they're really in dire state, they would run out of money with this attack, and probably massively indebted with Otogakure. I agree that this is not a smart invasion by any means. I'd bet that the Kazekage's almost certainly would be replaced due to this event."

"That's true. Oh, wait. I think I see something. Turn around, Anko!"

"YOSH!"

In one corner, we saw a Sand Ninja tried to protect our civilians from his fellow ninjas. Huh. Weird view. But regardless, we poked the assaulter on their back, and when they turned around to see what's the big idea that tapped their back, they saw just how big the idea was.

After we swatted away the attackers like bugs, uncaring if they turned into red paste or just knocked out comically, unexpectedly the Suna Nin bowed in front of us.

"We're sorry that you have to experience this attack. I can assure to that I am no longer your enemy here."

"So you're not the bad guy? Funny. Hokage-sama said we have to avoid dealing critical blows to Sand-nin unless they use one of their wind cutter technique, but it's clear who want to attack first, and who greedily want to take over other village."

"The original plan was to do military blockade against this village and use Gaara-sama as extra threat until you all agree to stop accepting mission from our Daimyo and more, but Sound's leader managed to convince Raisa-sama that they need to cripple you with direct attack instead. But even within the new plans agreement, they're still going too far. This is a war over economy dispute, not total annihilation!" The man finished his explanation with a bit of anger. The guy really looked angry. Seemed like some of the soldiers only followed the war due to their honor, despite the nonsensical nature of the plan.

"How about your fellow ninja that use the wind cutter technique? These are some really deadly technique, sir."

"Oh, these are the people who pushed Yondaime to accept the invasion plan. I already lost respect for them, but it seems they're really thirsty for blood for almost no reason except grudge, which was silly since the one that have legitimate beef is our puppet users, and the only one who joined this invasion is one of our Kage's son. You can fight them with more prejudice."

"Thank you for clarifying what truly happened. Is there any battalion where we can be guaranteed that they won't pursue the innocents?" Yamato asked.

"East part of Konoha won't be troubled by us, but even then they still get those Sound Ninjas that you need to worry about. However, you'd better pick the West part first. Our soldiers coalition is at the biggest there, and their leaders are power hungry enough," The man explained to us. I guess Baki didn't know about this opinion split.

"Thank you again, sir. We advise you to retreat to your base until everything's done. That is, if you don't mind if we steamrolled Suna's army here and there."

"We deserved it for our greed. Just...don't attack anyone who surrender themselves willingly. Oh, is there any Hatake clan in this village left?" He asked before he left us.

"Yo. We're still kicking, although I've been keeping distance from them for years, and I am still busy with my genin to make any amends," I said.

"Then you're lucky. As I said, our puppet users still haven't forgive Hakumo for killed some of their best puppet masters. Had their anger still blazing like Amaterasu, they might joined this war."

"Maa, maa. So that's why I have been blacklisted from doing any mission with Suna nins even before I did anything," I took a note.

"Indeed. Anyway, take well all of you. I hope neither of us suffer massive damage from this."

"It's too late to say that," Anko grimaced at the several destroyed buildings around us. But the man already ran away.

* * *

Well the guy didn't lie.

West flank was infested with not just Sound's vermints, but also Orochimaru's pest snakes as well.

"DAMN IT! I CAN'T MOVE!" The Sound-nin shouted, and he with his friends could only screamed in fear after he noticed several long shadow entrapped them. We crushed the attackers with no problem at all, leaving several flat enemies in our way.

Soon we arrived in the site between the titans; Gamaken was fighting several snakes around his size. What a coincidence that we arrived just when his sword broke. We could give him a hand-

"Excuse me."

"What are you doing-WOAH!"

"I am sorry, sir..." The giant toad as he slammed the rolling stadium into the head of one of the snake, killed it in instant.

"Ha! Nice initiative there, froggy! Oh, here let me help you with that," Yamato launched three wood stakes into the three-headed snake, pinned them down before Gamaken used the stakes to do further damage.

"Can I ask you to change into a more traditional weapon form? I broke my sword in this fight, and I am not well-trained in using ball as weapons."

"How about this?" Yamato used his wood release to create a long grip handle, while several wood spikes appeared around the ball. Basically, Yamato turned us into combat mace.

"I hope it'll do..."

Gamaken started his attack by swing the mace into one of the python. Said snake avoided the attack, but Yamato fixed the outcome by extended one of the stake, resulted in the snake got impaled anyway. Gamaken finished it off by repeatedly slammed the mace and the snake into the ground, and he finished it off with a front-flip to avoid a lounging rattlesnake and did the final slam to the python.

The gigantic swordmaster in training then faced three other snake, one of it was the recovering rattlesnake. The toad exploited the still dazed snake by throwing all his weight to the snake, and the attack resulted in the death of the snake. But the other snake took the window of opportunity to attack the toad; Gamaken's right leg ended up being constricted by one of the gigantic boa, and its companion, a red snake, ready to give its poison to the gigantic amphibian.

Before we could do anything help the red toad, a flying object landed its fist into the lunging snake, made it flying into the mountain. We all used the distraction to spin the stadium of doom, ripped the boa apart before Gamaken finished it off with a mace slam. Many of the human enemies ended up being arrested or running away after seeing us finished the biggest snakes in five minutes or so.

"Seems like that help have arrived..." Gamaken said before he dropped us without a care.

"Watch it, Gamaken! We still have other business to attend here," said my girlfriend after we landed ungracefully.

"I am sorry for my clumsiness, sir...whoever you are."

"How many times do I have to tell you you're a fine fighter, Gamaken? It's just your day off time when you become... Well, what do we have here. A stadium that somehow walked out of its foundation. Is this what you have been working on, Yamato?" Jiraiya asked, he was already in his Sage Mode, with two old toads in his shoulders to regulate his Sage Mode.

"That young man who can use wood release? Ah, so this is one of the few good result from those meddling by that fool Danzo."

"Yeah, Ma. That one," The other elder toad said.

"That's right, Jiraiya-sama. It is the creation of mine, with help from Kakashi, Anko and Gai to operate it."

"YOSH! I WILL GIVE EVERYTHING I HAVE TO OPERATE IT! AND IF I CAN'T DO IT, THEN WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!" Gai screamed, not noticing the loudspeaker that Yamato have installed in the room.

"I and Anko are not absent, I can assure you."

"Listen, can you go to my other student? I tried to summon Gamabunta, but he's currently occupied. I'm afraid the idiot summoned the boss toad, and if his mood's really low..."

"Then Gamabunta will crush him

* * *

We were rushing to the battlefield when two dead Hokages approached us.

"Hey, is my bloodline successor really there?"

"First Hokage?"

"Yup. In flesh! One of my sorrow was that none of my clan have that Wood Release, but it turned out that we do have one user. This means that you can finally make wood babies and-"

"Thank you, sir. But I'm not a Senju member. I was...a lab rat," my friend explained with a tinge of sadness.

"Oh. So it's really an unsustainable mutation," The man said, obviously saddened by this revelation. None of us decided to say that the only true Senju left now's possibly at her menopause.

This was one of the few times when I really hoped for an illegal experiment. Just for the Senju's sake.

All of us then wordlessly decided to join the center of the fight.

Where we arrived, things did not looked good. Sasuke and Sakura looked exhausted, Haku and my little dog looked like they've exhausted all their idea, and Gamabunta actually struggled against One-Tail. Seemed like Shukaku the Raccoon was stronger than the original series.

"Damn it!" Naruto screamed as he was thrown out of his ride by the sand.

"Whoa! So this is the masterpiece from that weirdo Yamato? It's actually kinda cool."

"I'm not weird, kid," Yamato retorted, irritated by the remark. Hate to say it, but my students were right, friend.

"You made a spinning stadium and somehow turned it into our defensive system. Of course you're-Kabuto? Eh, what are you doing here?"

Oh no. Naruto, get away from there!

"Same thing that Master Orochimaru have attempted for years. To take over an Uchiha," Kabuto said, showed his color to Naruto and friends.

He got bitten by my dog for his trouble, and ended up having to dodge the senbons from Haku.

I used the emergency backdoor and descended into the battleground to save everyone from the trouble that was Kabuto. And it did; his eyes throwing daggers at me, just after Haku dodged one of his sharp weapon. It was obvious that he was consumed by anger for a moment, and that was enough to take his attention away from murdering the kids.

"Sensei! Is Kabuto a traitor?"

"Yes, Naruto. And he's mine, so just worry about Gaara there," Naruto nodded and began to ran to his giant summon again. "You're really unable to help, Haku?"

"Actually, I just checked with our prisoner Temari and Kankuro. We can force Ichibi to return to Gaara. But I can't use senbon because it will just make him fall asleep even worse."

"Actually, Naruto maybe still need your speed to hit Gaara in case he's unable to do so." Haku slapped his head and decided to join the fight. I turned around to face that freak Kabuto. "So you come back for more..."

"Hn. You should've take a note about how lucky you are in our confrontation before. And for your information, my spine have fully recovered," Kabuto boasted to me.

"Maa, I thought all you creeps have taken that soft body modification. Why don't you have it?"

"A price to minimize risk in my mission as a spy since I cannot take the risk of having monthly check-ups with a non-mole doctor. But after all of this finished, I will take that modification to serve Lord Orochimaru better."

Before I said something regarding that, a certain dead Kage stood besides me. "Need a help? My brother can help the young Uzumaki there by himself."

"Thank you, sir. And if it turned out that Gai can't power up the stadium-"

"FOURTH GATE! YOOOSH!" soon I sensed that drastic energy rise, enough to be mistaken as someone readied for ninjutsu. As it turned out, Gai with Fourth Gate unleashed had enough speed to doubled his job to recover what was lost by my absence just fine.

"Well, seems like Orochimaru's underling needed that well-deserved beating after all! Ready to go, Senju-san?"

"For Konoha."

"For Kono-"

"Is that a voice of that blasted Hatake-DAMN IT, SENSEI! Can't you see I'm busy monologuing over my worst enemies? It's hard enough where your world spin like crazy!"

Man, I hope the Old Man can hold his stomach.

"BLEERGH!"

Oh, never mind.


	18. After the War

It was a sunny day in otherwise ruined village. A pottery store, untouched in the sea of debris and cinder, became a reminder of how the village used to be before the invasion. A crimson stoneware stood proudly in the middle of the display, as much as how all of us held our heads high with the Will of Fire. Nothing could stop us stopped believing in the Will of Fire, even with the invasion from two village that nearly annihilated us.

"Kakashi, Yamato, Anko, Gai! Where are you?!" an enraged monkey landed on the pottery display, ruined its current purpose within an instant. At least he didn't smash the pretty stoneware.

"Maa, and he's supposed to be the more level-headed summon?" I said while the rest of us hiding from the enraged expy of Sun-Go-Kong. We could see Tobirama catched up with him in place for The Third, who was still disoriented from his...little ride before. First Hokage himself was busy with infrastructure job using his release, which could be faster had Enma did not chasing the second Wood User as well.

"Yosh! This is the first time I feel so dishonored, and I did not find problem with the mutant baby eradication program-"

"Be quiet, you idiot! I get what you're saying, but we're dealing with summons here! There's almost no way to punish them for being unreasonable prick!" my babe admonished my rival; her even more bountiful chest than usual reminded me that she did not even have the time to get to her apartment and grabbed some clothes and new seal. Just three hours after the invasion ended, this crazy monkey king approached me with intent for homicide, and I was the last one he assaulted.

"This is all your fault, sempai!" Yamato spatted out of nowhere. The sheer hypocrisy made me snapped;

"My fault? You're the one who escalated everything! That Hell in a Cell match was a failure, and you still made stuffs based on it! I even had no absolute idea on the moving stadium!"

"Why you-!" both of us ended up having to be held by our friends; good thing I was held by Anko, because I could smelled Gai's unwashed odor from this place.

How did we get into this position in the first place?

* * *

"Kakashi Hatake and Tobirama Senju. It's a honor to fight with you two," Kabuto said as he looked at the giant wave that about to wash him away. As expected from someone with his skill, he did not flinch, nor had to drag his shoes away from the scenery.

The four-eyed man truly lived up to his potential, holding me to a stalemate. Tobirama himself ended with even worse result, thanks to his unholy resurrection could not convey his real power. Said man just recovered from his missing limb, and judged from where he stood, he decided that he's only useful with his long-range jutsu in spite of his Flying Thunder God technique. And judged from the large amount of water he created from thin air, it could give Kabuto a little problem.

And then, one miracle happened.

By accident, the wrecking ball of doom spat Orochimaru away from Konoha. Said snake man screamed freedom so loudly my eardrums, which already hundred of yards away, almost shattered. It really said something about his previous situation considering his velocity would create more than snapped ribs on the landing.

"MASTER OROCHIMARU!" Kabuto screamed in horror, forgotten about the tidal wave that about to wipe him out. He ended up being taken by the wave itself, away from us who just got blessed by the greatest and most bizarre luck of all.

Oh, well. At least there would be someone to patch the snake up.

"What now?" Tobirama asked, noticing that the ANBU squad already served their role as surprise second wave attack. At this point the attack would be repealed sooner or later.

"Well we can help Naruto now if you want to-"

"Hey, Sensei!"

"Yo, Tobirama! We got the One-Tail and fixed its problems already!" Hashirama waved at us, my little bro's rested in his back.

"They're done already. This is a rather...underwhelming battle. Ever face something like this?"

"Well, I once had to face an A-rank missing nin, but his C-rank subordinate poisoned him the night before..." I recalled a mission that ended up on a similar anti-climax. Before Sandaime could tell his own story my hands reached toward a flying object, and managed to stop it before it could do any damage to me.. My eyes widened when they recognized the object was none other than the current Hokage himself.

"Hrrgh...haaaahhh..."

"Hokage-sama?" I asked. He answered it first by pushed me away like he just touched a pestilence itself.

'DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU FIEND! AND YAMATO, FIVE MONTHS OF D-RANK MISSIONS!"

* * *

"Where's the Sound Four, anyway?" Anko's questioning stopped my thought from running more wild.

"Probably teleported as soon as the stadium stopped," Yamato offered his logic, which's the most basic and acceptable answer.

"Well, speaking about the Sound Four...I think I got one of them good with the jutsu that took Orochimaru's leg, so for now it's Sound Three with one possible replacement since one of them's a twin," I informed them.

"Brilliant job, my rival! With Orochimaru's best bodyguard gone, he will have to be more careful and-"

"Quiet, you!" Anko shoved my rival to the ground as I noticed The Second, soon King Enma entered my line of sight. He was still as red as ever.

"Enma, I'm angry at them as well since I expect ninja to control themselves better, but they still did their obligation to this village. I would even say they saved the day due to their stunt."

"No! I want them dead! Mostly the masked one and his crazy, infrastructure-obsessed friend-but their heads will roll!"

"Enma, aren't you supposed to be the level-headed one here compared to Hiruzen?"

"NOTHING ABOUT GETTING THAT SNAKE PUKED ON ME'S SANE!" I had to hold my barf after hearing the words. Orochimaru was a disgusting being, and to get him spilled his lunch on you...

"Guys, we need to get Jiraiya-san to talk Enma out of it. The toads have both the combatants and political figure to both suppress and talked him down."

"Unfortunately we need time to track Jiraiya-san, and with Enma hounding on us, it won't be easy," Yamato gave his thought on it, and I didn't find myself to disagree with him.

"YOSH! I'LL DISTRACT HIM! DYNAMIC ENTRYYYYY!" Gai, no!

"THERE YOU ARE! YOU'RE NOT THE CORE OF THE PROBLEM, BUT YOU'RE THE BIG REASON WHY THE LAST HOUR'S EVEN WORSE!"

I wept uncontrollably; your sacrifice shall not be forgotten, my good friend...

* * *

"Iruka-sensei, you need to go to the rice county? I thought teachers are exempted from missions outside the village?"

"Yes, Naruto. A quarter of our ninjas are hospitalized, and twenty five of them killed in combat. We need everyone to fill the job, and until the soldiers from other parts of Land of Fire arrive, the medics and teachers have to replace them."

"Ah, that's a shame. I didn't know we suffered so much; I thought we did a good job with repelling the invaders..." Naruto looked down to his feet as he realized the war's result was worse than he thought. It refuelled his anger toward Kabuto and the snake man; as far as he understood it, they attacked just to spat on Konoha. They managed to build a powerful village, so it's not matter of economy. They even fooled the Sand Village and killed their leader.

"Naruto, the surprise factor's not on our side; most of the kills probably happened in the first thirty minutes because even with the intelligence from Jiraiya-sama, we still unable to pinpoint every planned attacks. But enough of that, let's talk about how you become the hero of the day by defeating the One-Tail instead. I want to know every details of the battle, and get even more proud of you than I already is."

The blonde Jinchuuriki lightened up after he heard the praise. "It was awesome! And it feels good to be able to help Gaara! Did you know that he had not just one monster, but two of them?"

"Two? So Gaara had more than just the One-Tail?" Iruka's already high interest skyrocketed after he heard the revelation.

"Yeah. So basically..."

* * *

 **"Hahaha! I'm free!"** the demonic voice boasted. One horror was unleashed in Konoha, as its controller decided to do one thing he very rarely did: sleep. Ironically to satisfy his thirst and his duty in the invasion, the Jinchuuriki had to failed his own duty.

 **"Damn it! Now the real power of Ichibi's going to be unleashed. Brat, if we couldn't stop it quickly, Ichibi will get its own strength back and-"**

 **"Um, what's going on here?"** a second head popped out of the of the sand raccoon's rear buttock area, scarred everyone in the battle and probably some more unfortunate souls.

"Oh my god! Is it giving a birth?" Naruto yelled, which did not helped matter. Haku gagged in disgust, Uchiha Sasuke did the same, and their pink-haired teammate lost consciousness, the shock gave a final blow to her fatigued state.

 **"Damnit! You're not supposed to wake up!"**

 **"Hey, I remember you! You're the one that get sucked together with me! That crazy priest, right?"** the beast asked instead.

 **"That's right, and nothing you can do will stop me, you second head!"**

The real Ichibi soon realized that the priest was right, for he was not in control of his own body. He sighed before he turned into the direction of the young ninjas. **"Well this stink. Hey, I hate to look weak, but can you kids help me?"**

"What the fuck? You're way too laidback! I know history have said you always murder people since beginning of time!" Temari pointed out.

 **"No offense, but you human often really sucks, okay? We both blinded by hate, we see each others as monster, and it took me the Jinchuuriki before this kid to see that it's wrong. Even then, the kind old man was still treated like garbage; how the hell am I supposed to not hate, or at least fear you? And when I consider trying to be nice to at least the next Jinchuuriki, this asshole hijacked me, and forced me into unconscious state!"**

"You talked too much!" the priest forcibly sucked the beast back into his body. Ichibi could do nothing but beast trashed around with no success.

"It's...different..." the real Ichibi weakly muttered before he's assimilated fully.

"What does that means?"

 **"We're going with a different kind of Ichibi,"** Gamabunta answered to the blonde Genin. **"My experience here won't do as good considering things. He may even have his own tricks to fight us,"** a strong wind that was sent into Gamabunta as the answer to that inquiry; the giant toad could see the forest being cut into half in the blink of an eye. **"Dang it! I could sense so much chakra in that cutting wind! I need a freaking drink..."**

* * *

"And with First Hokage helping us, things got much easier! I defeated Gaara, and I proved my worth as a ninja!" said Naruto. After a while it became clear that the boy just finished his story.

"Uh, that's good Naruto, but I wish I know more about how you defeated Gaara."

Naruto looked at his teacher with squinty eyes while scratching his own jaw. Paradoxically, he thought his teacher did not understand his ending. "Isn't it clear that with First Hokage's help, I defeated him?"

Iruka slapped both his palms into his temple. "Sometimes I forgot how your mind work. Naruto, I need to know more details, like what jutsu you used, how Hokage-sama helped you, and whether Gaara took his defeat well or not."

"Eh, that seems like a chore-"

"JUST DO IT!" the reluctance of him going big-head no jutsu on Naruto was defeated by the rare event the blonde decided to slack on something. The boy had to relent and worked on his brain to make a coherent story once more.

* * *

 **"GYAHAHAHA! I am inevitable!"**

 **"Oh by Kami, his ego somehow surpassed the original Ichibi..."**

"Man, I hope Kakashi-sensei can finish that traitor's butt soon. This priest have too many tricks with him," the blonde summoner grumbled.

Indeed, both were unable to land a significant blow to the oversized raccoon. With combination of Ichibi's defense and the priest's own jutsu, fighting the mutated tailed beast ended up being much harder than even it already was. The combination was too much, and they found themselves, ironically, more on defensive instead.

"Hey ho! Am I late to the party?" someone arrived, and he made a great surprise to all.

 **"Hashirama! How did you return from death?"**

"Whoa! A kid using a toad this big?" as usual, the First Hokage ended up being distracted by something else.

"Yes sir! Uzumaki Naruto at your service here!"

"Uzumaki? My wife's an Uzumaki too! And there's no other way to explain how you have enough reserve to do this!" the undead Hokage cheerfully exclaimed before he noticed something off. "But I don't recall Uzumaki being blonde..."

 **"It could be explained by something as simply as the Uzumaki before him married someone with very strong hair genetics, and produced this idiot-"**

"HEI!"

 **"But that's enough for now. The situation's different than the usual, Hashirama. That kid somehow had a priest hijacked his seal and took over the beast; his strength's amplified too, so the priest's own power is at least near S-class."  
**

"Someone taking over a Tailed Beast's consciousness? Hmm...is Ichibi still on the hand of Sand Village?" Hashirama wondered.

 **"No change of the balance between village happened in recent years, as far as I know,"** said the toad chief for the inquiry.

"Duh. The Hokage's son is the one who controlled it," the blonde Jinchuuriki's lacks of respect to the First almost made him shed a tear, but he bounced back before he got overwhelmed to gave his explanations.

"That explains everything. They are not too good in sealing stuffs. Which means someone could easily tamper them without someone find it. Or even worse, did it under a facade of improving it."

 **"I guess Jiraiya's traveling school did little to educate people on this matter,"** grumbled Gamabunta, who already felt the journey was a fluke from the start. Or at least Hatake's fiasco in the Sand Village affected his time there.

"Uh, is it possible to kill a tailed beast? The priest keep bragged about how he's immortal now," Naruto asked.

"You'll never be able to kill it fully, but it's possible to subdue and disperse them temporarily if you're strong enough. I have done it myself before."

 **"First Hokage-sama, I know your legendary strength, and how you defeated the tailed beasts by yourself. With you on our side we will have no problem defeating this-"**

"I'd like to take him myself, Hokage-sama." the Jinchuuriki interjected.

 **"WHAT? ARE YOU INSANE? THIS BEAST IS MORE POWERFUL THAN US ALREADY! ONLY HASHIRAMA WITH HIS WOOD RELEASE THAT EVEN HAVE A GREAT CHANCE AGAINST HIM!"**

"Gama, he could be me. Without Iruka-sensei and Old Man Hokage, I would become just as hateful as him. If someone else but me defeated it, he won't understand that he can live without the fears; he can live without the pain of being so lonely."

"Good resolve, Naruto! I'll help you with the evil priest bit after you defeat it. The easiest way to defeat it, is by waking up Gaara and return Ichibi back to his consciousness."

 **"That's already our plan...** " Gamabunta almost wanted to planted his palm into his forehead.

"Well with me, this plan will work much smoother!"

"And in case we're unable to defeat it, we count on you to pick up the slack, Hokage-sama"

"Actually, since Orochimaru failed to read the fine print which made me summoned at much weaker state, I don't know if I'm even as strong as Gamabunta," Hashirama admitted to Naruto.

 **"...Why am I even bothered? Kid, we'll just use the same previous plan. This time Hashirama will restrain the priest's chakra, so we can do it."**

"Okay. Let's do it for Konoha and Gaara!"

It was easier said than done. While Hashirama Senju managed to restrain the chakra of the priest, his lucidity's still there.

When Naruto almost hit Gaara, the wall of sand once again protected the sand raccoon container, and a slight delayed reaction from him could've caused a leg separated by a sharp wind. The boy found his fall stopped by Gamakichi, who had his left leg by his hand

 **"HA! It turned out your dead Hokage's weak!"** Priest Ichibi boasted, only to have his humanoid soul once again constricted by the Wood Release. **"Curse you Hashirama Senju! Haven't you see your Mokuton's pointless?!"**

"Hurry up! I'll hold him tighter this time!"

 **"Gamakichi, what are you waiting for? Throw the brat to my head!"**

"H-here you go, dad!" the child used all his strength to throw his new friend up, and ended up having to return to Myouboku after wasted all his energy.

"Do not have to worry, chief! I have the perfect idea! Just follow me!"

 **"A stupid kid like you, and an idea? Hah! I'm going to laugh myself at the stupidity of it!"**

"Oh yeah? Let's see you defend yourself against this, wicked priest! First Hokage! If you can't last for a long time, then just limit his power! It's okay if you can't turn off his priest power completely!" Naruto ordered as he ran into the top of the head of Gamabunta again, while Hashirama obliged.

 **"So, you think you can overpower my own raw power, huh? Whatever, I am ready with whatever you'll pull, brat,"** the priest smirked. Unfortunately, he did not deliver his boast, **"Huh? A toad with very wide m** outh?" he squinted after Gamabunta shapeshifted into a generic-looking giant toad, but with mouth that resembled a circular horn.

 **"TROMBONE TOAD NO JUTSU!"** the priest's eyes widened just before the sound blasted through his eardrums, and soon he lost control over himself. Even the stoic ginger that contained him couldn't resist the glass-breaking noise.

* * *

"When Sasuke and Haku arrived at our location, instead of praising me, they berated me! Well Haku only said I could've used a better strategy, but Sasuke was really pissed off at me! And worst of all, when I defended myself, they said couldn't hear me, while they yelled at my face! Damn those hypocrites!"

"Uh, Naruto, I think they're angry precisely because your jutsu also affected them," Iruka tried to explain.

"What?"

"They almost became deaf from that attack too."

"Oh," the blonde Jinchuuriki then realized he might owned his friends some payments to audiologist in Konoha, "No wonder Gaara looked so dizzy."

"Oh yes, I still don't know if Gaara have repented or not."

"I think so. Thanks to Hokage-sama. He even taught us why Jinchuuriki exist," said Naruto before his tone became darker. "He also revealed a new mystery to me..."

* * *

"You guys okay?" Hashirama asked after Naruto finished his speech to Gaara.

"I cannot move. And Gaara, if you-"

"I-it's fine, I understood what you said, and I'll start with who used to close to me. I hope they'll forgive me."

"When I offered the rest of the tailed beasts," Hashirama suddenly started, "we agreed on one thing: the biju's there to act as a deterrent. They will only be fully unleashed when someone take it too far. It's what I thought as the final step of the unreasonable loss doctrine that me and my brother together wrote; when all sides have something that's able to flatten the whole region at instant, then at the very least, conflict will be kept at a smaller scale."

"W...why? Why must you created Jinchuuriki?" Gaara asked after they found the man behind concept of tailed beast container.

"That's right! D-do you know how lonely we are? Nobody want to be around me! I'm lonely for so many years, and I make friends despite of this monster inside me. A-and Kyuubi was relatively chill! How about Gaara, who had a more hateful tailed beast? How everyone else? What were you thinking, Hokage-sama?" Naruto lashed out.

"In my time, I see 6 year old kid's bodies floating in river every week from countless wars between clan. In Konoha, Suna, everywhere's the same. It got to the point that non-ninja regions actually progressed without even wanting us around, while we keep descended to the point we sometimes had to steal the mainland stuffs just to make through. I created the village to stop the madness, and everyone followed up. Everyone get what they wanted, and ninja clans finally able to do more than just preparing for war. But soon war broke off again, and I brokered a peace deal for the ongoing war by sending them the beasts that I captured. That's where they soon got an idea to seal the tailed beasts into people for their well-beings," Hashirama explained.

"That still doesn't explain why everyone must place the tailed beast inside people."

"People have been tinkering with bad power and jutsu way before that snake; my brother made some himself, including Edo Tensei," First Hokage admitted with a bitter feeling on his tongue.

"But does everyone need to know the identity of the Jinchuurikis?!" Naruto exploded.

"None of my citizen knew that my wife turned herself into a Jinchuuriki before you, young Uzumaki," the two young Jinchuuriki gasped, "That's the norm we all expected for the rest of the containers, for it was the best for their safety, and the least thing we could do to respect their sacrifice. But I see that sometimes after my death, everyone decided to spill the secret, before everybody ready to accept that the container's different than what they contain. And you kids suffered from it. If only they able to see you guys are still normal human beings..."

"People of Suna have a reason to hate me," Gaara suddenly spoke his experience."I have to stay awake every night, or else the Ichibi will take over. And slowly we became more irritable, more hateful. The containers of Ichibi are broken, and people are justified to fear us."

"Ah, the seal. That reminds me. Let me take a look, I learned a bit from my wife about the sealings," Hashirama said before Gaara showed the symbols around his abdomen area. "Hmm, yes. The seal's fine, but I always suspect Ichibi's mental ability is a tad stronger than the rest. I'll add this mental block seal, a warning seal in case Ichibi somehow able to break through-oh wait, I forgot about the priest."

 **"Here you go, sir!"** an image of Ichibi suddenly popped out of the seal, with an elderly priest on his grasp

 **"Ichibi, you fool! Do you have no idea what power I can bring to you?!"**

 **"I barely can tolerate humans; what do you think of someone who have hijacked me before?"**

"Well, this is unprecedented. But I appreciate your help, Ichibi," Hashirama proceeded to rip apart the priest's soul with a seal and his Mokuton, and the

The unprecedented then happened: the leftover chakra from that priest ended up being absorbed by the sand demon, who let out a loud chortle.

 **"Now that nine-tailed bastard won't be able to claim more tails is better. See you later, Uzumaki,"** the tailed beast boasted before he returned to its container.

"...Okay, that was just scary. You need to make sure that Ichibi's not going on his rampage anymore."

"As long as he keeps to his words..." First Hokage could do nothing but continued the sealing attempt.

"First Hokage?"

"Yes?"

"There's actually a law in Konoha that forbid everyone to spill the secret of the Jinchuuriki. Was the law already there since a long time ago?"

"I don't think so, unless my brother instructed it. And considering that my wife's secret is circulated in my close circle only, making that law codified would be pointless," Shodaime answered, and that made Naruto's brain worked into high gear, which made it the first time it worked at such load at a non-battlefield capacity.

Then his three friends, one slumped like a lifeless girl on her crush's shoulder, approached them. Two of the other container's family also landed on the aftermath of the confrontation.

* * *

"So I'm not that bright, but I feel like something's off! Sensei, do you remember who tell everyone my status as Jinchuuriki?"

"Oh. I...I was your age when Kyuubi attacked, Naruto. I was just an orphaned boy who heard about it on the street. I don't think I know who spilled it first," Iruka answered, feeling that something should've clicked on his head.

"Then how's everyone ended up knowing about it? Wasn't that you and Anko were just kids? I also know people who are younger than you that still hate me! That kind of information's dangerous in the hand of random citizen, and kids like me, and somehow everyone know!"

"That's a great question, Naruto," Iruka admitted. "Almost 100% of the older generation know about it, even those who were just kids when Kyuubi was unleashed into the village. And if I recall correctly, Kyuubi was defeated after Yondaime isolated him in a barrier, and citizens were evacuated into safe places. The one who know about it first would be Hokage's close circles and Anbu that accompanied him. Second hand knowledge would be leaders of each clans who had to know every sensitive materials about the village. And Hokage-sama just explained to me last month that when Jinchuuriki dies before the beast sealed into an object or another person, the tailed beasts will just rematerialize in the future at a random place, so they definitely know that if they finished the Jinchuuriki, it won't do any good, and even open up possibility of other village snatched the Kyuubi in the future. So yes, I agree that it smells fishy."

"Someone was making sure that everyone know." Naruto exclaimed in horror after the puzzle solved. The boy then exploded: "GAAAH! I'M MAD AS HELL!"

"Naru, calm down-"

"I CAN'T! SOMEONE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE! I COULD BE A JINCHUURIKI WITH ONLY FEW KNOW ABOUT IT! BUT NO! HE HAD TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE KNOW AND HATE ME BEFORE SANDAIME MAKE A LAW ABOUT IT!"

"Uh, did something happened here?"

"Kakashi-niisan!" Naruto glomped at his team leader. "I just found out that I could've lived as Jinchuuriki without so many people hating me, but someone had to spill the secret! Do you know who could do it?"

"Uh, I'm not really a sociable person, and I was even worse before. So sorry, I don't think I have any lead."

"Aww..."

"But I think I have an idea on who could do that," Naruto's face brightened from Kakashi's new information. "It should be people who thought they knew what to do better than the Kage, will do anything to do what they thought was right, and have virtually unlimited connections."

"Okay. Based on your suggestion, it could be Danzo the Grouch, Hyuuga elders, and Ino's mom. Okay, now I have a list of asses I need to kick!" Naruto's feet made several steps, but before he could truly get out of the apartment, Iruka twisted his ear.

"Are you crazy Naruto? You're going to assault an elder, whole council of great clan, and a civilian! And what the hell does Ino's mom have to do with this?"

"She's a gossip hen who once yelled at Jiji to force a Yamanaka-only discount..." Naruto cringed.

"Naruto, I think Konoha's current state require you to wait," the boy reluctantly relented. "After all, I'm also at a problem here. Hokage-sama's summon have been chasing me and my friends for that stadium fiasco."

"How am I supposed to help?"

"The toads will humble him," Kakashi explained.

"Oh yeah! I will call one of the toad to get here. Or at least the pervert Sannin."

"Thank you. Now Iruka, may I borrow Naruto for a while?"

"He's all yours."

* * *

"...You heard that, Gamakichi? Tell your wisest elders that King Enma's currently trying to murder four of Konoha's most elite ninja while jiji's being incapacitated, and someone needs to stop him! If they're busy, find Jiraiya the pervert sannin instead!"

"Sure, sure. And thanks for the snack too!" I'm pretty sure the toad will finish the snack first...

"Sensei! So while we wait for the toads and pervy sage, can we learn about something? Just take it as my price for helping you."

"Hmm, I don't know. The monkey could've detected me here..."

"Please?" Naruto, don't pull that-of course you'll pull that puppy eyes. And I couldn't resist! Oh, dear...

"Okay, Naruto. I think I'll teach you about a little more finesse. You can't keep relying on the surprise and nonsensical attacks."

"Well you told me I'm supposed to improve at what I'm good at, so is it the time for me to touch the stuffs I'm...not too amazing at?" haha, least you're able to suck your pride for a while.

"That's true, and perhaps it can accelerate the development of your shadow clone. So all you need, is to synchronize your stances with your clones," Naruto nodded vigorously, but it didn't took long before he looked lost. "What's the matter?"

"Eh, what kind of stances we're talking here?"

"Why don't we go with the academy basic first?"

"Okay! I think I still remember one or two of them," I sighed after the realization that this could take longer than expected...

* * *

"Naruto, your left foot's supposed to angled into 45 degrees. You look like you can barely hold your already wrong position too."

"I'm trying, nii-san! I'm-" Naruto never finished his words since he ended up stumbled into his own clone.

"I think we're going to improve you flexibility first. You need to do lots of stretching and all those gymnastics move," I talked before I gave him the book to guide him through it. As you could guess from a student who learn best from watching, he frowned.

"Sensei, this is a sexy aerobic book. Are you seriously want me to learn from it?"

"Oops, sorry. That was for Haku," I make sure that I reached the right book this time. "Now, as for the sexy one..."

"Nah, Haku's already too much of a pervert. I'm, uh, will hold it for a while. For his mind health, yeah!" oh Naruto, you little covertly pervert...

"KAKASHI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" I was taken back by the screaming: it was Gai, still in Dynamic Spin Entry with Enma tailed on him.

"I have the same question for you, man..." I muttered before both lunging figure forced me to side-stepped.

And ouch! Where did that steel post that ended between Gai's thighs came from?

* * *

"Okay! Now that man's out, you're next, Hatake!"

"Now, Mr. Enma. Why don't we make a deal?" Copy-cat nin offered in desperation.

While Kakashi tried to held back Enma with his pathetic pleas, his eternal rival weakly bit his thumb to bring a helping hand for him. The summoned help arrived in shock, with Gai writhed on the ground as his first sight.

"Ningame...help my youthful rival..." Gai said before he passed out from the shock of his groin.

"Gai...even with your manhood obliterated, you still have your comrade in the mind first..." Ningame shed a big trail of tears before he charged himself into Enma. No lacks of knowledge regarding the unfolding event will make him dishonored the great display of friendship by his summoner!

The Monkey King just make a simple leap away from the tortoise, who now got its head stuck into the tree.

"There's no price for vacating a revenge, Hatake..."

"Well, um, how about...oh look! Anko's trying to distract you by ripping her fishnet and breast reducer seal!"

"WHERE?!" not even had the time to notice his blonde Genin took the bait as well, Kakashi went to run for his life. Enma soon went for him, his desire for revenge raised by tenfold.

"Come back here and face justice, you masked freak!"

"Sorry, but we, ninja, are not that noble."

"Hey ho! This is The Great Gallant and his two elder toads! I heard something about insane monkey trying to murder Konoha's elites?"

Naruto only pointed at the chase between Kakashi and Enma, an unconscious Gai, and a summon tortoise with its head smashed into one of the tree.

"Uh...I think you two need to go after Enma first. I have some business with Naruto here," the two elders toad decided to went with Jiraiya's plan. "So Naruto. Do you want to meet the final member of a Sannin?"

"That would be pretty cool, I guess. But what for?"

"Sarutobi-sensei's thinking about retirement after the invasion, temporarily or permanent. The choice needs to be one of the best and strongest ninja in Konoha. And since they didn't see Danzo anywhere during the battle, the trust for him to do the right thing have been questioned."

"Not to mention he could barely walk, right?" the boy quipped, not noticed his godfather did not even curved his lips from the joke. "Well that means the guys who can have it could be people like Hyuuga Hiashi, Asuma-sensei himself...wait, Kakashi-sensei could be a new Hokage!"

"That's right, but with how he was beaten soundly by Orochimaru, they made Kakashi as their last resort only. Their first choices are the truly strongest of Konoha; people with raw power and great skills, which means The Sannin, such as me!"

Naruto started to hyperventilate, and sweated buckets. "YOU, AS HOKAGE?! NOOO! IT'LL BE THE END OF THE WORLD AND PRIVACY FOR EVERYONE!"

"Hey, I'm not that bad, kid!" Jiraiya said as he punched the kid. "And besides, I don't think it's really my style. I have network to maintain, books to be made, and...world's beauty for my materials. Now let's go! I have a time limit before they decided by themselves. Fukusaku and Shima will explain where we're going."

"Okay! As long as you help me in my new training!"

* * *

"Wow. How did you know the monkey won't look after me on this place?"

"Father once told me that Enma dislikes the smell of jasmine. And this restaurant's famous for its tea."

"It's also near the sweet shop you like so much."

"Ha! You heard that, Uchiha? One of the best summon in the world, afraid of a flower!"

Everybody gasped. "ITACHI!"

* * *

Lulz, so here's the new chapter! Kinda anticlimatic, I know. But let's just take it like one of your vacation where your friend got a much better experience in comparison, and not for lacks of effort.

Also just wanna say it: Itachi's character was a prove that Kishimoto often didn't plan shit. He was just a crazy Sith without a hint that he's doing shit in secret. It resulted in Itachi looked unnecessarily brutal against Kakashi and Sasuke in hindsight. It would've been funny if it turned out Itachi banked on Konoha medic still improved themselves after Tsunade's departure though.


End file.
